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Sunday, December 31, 2017

Word-of-the-Year in Review: 2017.

What did I do with my 2017 word of the year? I've having a hard time thinking of all I have done. Maybe depression made delight rather rare. But I think I tried to honor the word. Here are some little related efforts and blessings in no particular order:
  • I've read some great books, including French lifestyle books (which I can't help but love).
  • I made a list of 1,000 joys, which helped me pay more attention to potential delight.
  • I've purchased issues of Bella Grace, a gorgeous and inspirational quarterly magazine.
  • I've kept a happy schedule of outings with Bruce.
  • I've color-coordinated my journals and inks.
  • I've gone swimming.
  • I've listened to the first half of a favorite book.
  • I've played with stickers.
  • I've worn more rings at once.
  • I've worn more makeup again.
  • I've showered to show tunes.
  • I've gone on walks alone and with Bruce.
  • I've received joyous back tickles from Josh.
  • I've cherished words.
  • I've laughed in therapy.
  • I've exchanged happy E-mails.
  • I've laughed wildly on the phone.
  • I've taken perfect naps.
  • I've received the gift of brief cuddles with Oliver.
  • I've enjoyed cold water.
  • I've received help I desperately needed.
  • I've gone to several shows, including The Little Mermaid and Love Never Dies.
  • I've lost weight.
  • I've discovered flavored water--lemon and strawberry Fruit2O--that I actually like.
  • I've sung to show tunes with James and with Bruce.
  • I've returned to poetry (reading, that is, for now).

Saturday, December 30, 2017

Delightful Tasks.

Delight has been my word for 2017. I've been more careful to find delight in the everyday. For example,
  • Getting the mail. Often, it's junk, but sometimes a card, catalog, or package comes. The surprise is a delight.
  • Sorting my pens. I have several pretty pen pouches, and I have color-sorted mugs. When I start a new journal and choose the colors for it, I put the pens in a small gold pouch. Seeing anything organized by color delights me.
  • Putting on makeup. For two days, I used the green eyeliner Mom put in my Christmas stocking. I enjoy matching my makeup to my outfit (colors again!). I try to incorporate as much glitter as I can. There's delight!
  • Stickering journals. When I get a new journal, I decorate the interior with stickers. That way, I have surprises--pretty little images--as I write. It motivates me to turn the pages.
  • Getting dressed. This used to be one of my favorite tasks for my ob. Now, I've started to think through outfits and accessories in a similar way. .I incorporate sparkle and my favorite colors. I'm overweight right now, but I'm not letting that ruin the delightful ritual of getting dressed.

The Princess, the Fairy, and the Mermaid.

How can one choose among such wondrous fantasy creatures? When I was little, I was astonished to find that princesses were real. I saw silks and royal blue and purple brocade. I saw Aurora disguised as a peasant, captivating Prince Philip nonetheless. Now, I love stickers of tiaras and castles, keeping my fascination alive in my journals.

Someone, probably my grandmother, gave me a book of gorgeous flower fairy paintings and poems by Cicely Mary Barker. Tiny creatures with wings? I was hooked. I looked for myself in the pages. I dressed up as one of the fairies and recited her poem to my parents and grandparents. Once, in high school, I saw a fairy. She hovered right over my desk in a kind of pink cloud. I just gazed until the vision faded. Her face was so tiny.

I've always liked mermaids, but I've been more attached to them lately, partly because trends have made the idea of mermaids more available. I like that mermaids are regal and fantastic but also have an edge. They thrive in another realm where humans can't survive. Mermaids are wild. Of course, princesses and fairies can be wild and fierce too.

I love all three. Some of my identity is rooted with these creations.

Friday, December 29, 2017

Delightful Progress.

The year is nearly over, and I have chosen my word of the year for 2018. But before I think about that, I want to think about ways I've touched 2017's word, Delight.

Yesterday, I went to 2nd and Charles with Bruce and sorted through used books of poetry. I've gone through a fair amount of poetry lately, reading all of it aloud. Reading it aloud helps me focus and really experience the poem (even if I don't "get" it). I think that is what warmed me out of a reading freeze. I'm still struggling, but I am making progress.

Bruce bought me a bipolar-disorder-related memoir; now, we're reading it together. I want to be a serious and joyful reader. I've challenged myself to be a bold reader.

I came nowhere near my annual goal to read 52 books. But I did make it half way, 26, despite months of reading trouble. I call that progress. Reading is a delight.

I had trouble with writing too but not as much. I started a new journal on Christmas day. I'm writing in black, gold, and pink. Choosing specific colors for a journal is a delight and a motivator.

I've kept detailed "To-Do Wish Lists" (so called because I don't expect to accomplish everything on the list) to help me focus. Crossing off an item with a pen in that day's color is a delight.

This year, I think my heart has softened. I feel more loving, which is powerfully frightening and delightful. I hope that excess love has delighted someone.

Wednesday, December 27, 2017

Curiosity.

My husband is an endlessly curious person, and it's one of my favorite qualities of his. Am I curious enough? I'm curious about
  • Ancient Egypt
  • Design for home goods catalogs (especially PB Teen)
  • Native Americans
  • Calligraphy and lettering
  • Francesca Lia Block's life and writing
  • Lives, spaces, and work of my favorite artists
  • People's libraries
  • The evolution of pens
  • The history of public libraries
  • Diaries of my favorite writers
  • The history of journaling
  • Twins
  • Lifestyle blogs
  • What my blog readers want to read
  • Gifts
  • The history of makeup
  • Bipolar disorder
  • Autism
  • My maternal grandmother who died when I was little
  • Beautiful street names
  • Other people who journal as I do
  • Mermaids

Thursday, December 21, 2017

The Many Uses of Notebooks.

For me, a notebook is a vital and magical object. I'm always happy to receive a notebook as a gift or to buy one for myself. When I say notebook, I mean any form of bound paper--journals, notepads, composition books, spiral notebooks, and so on. Here are some of the ways I have used or could use my notebooks.
  • Using it as an overall life journal or as a journal on a specific topic such as gardening or reading.
  • Taking class notes. I have notebooks full of gems from my MFA program.
  • Trying it as a grounding or calming tool. When my students wrote in class, I wrote in what I called my "work journal." I poured out my fears and stress and was able to settle myself somewhat.
  • Making grocery lists. I love top-spiral notebooks for this.
  • Making packing lists.
  • Writing down overheard conversations and observations.
  • Recording ideas for stories.
  • Recording lines or images for poems.
  • Scribbling down quotations.
  • Writing down quotations neatly in multiple colors.
  • Working on budgeting and bill reminders.
  • Writing poem drafts.
  • Writing down wishes.

What kinds of notebooks do you use? How do you use your notebooks?

Wednesday, December 20, 2017

Makeup Memories.

I have many early memories of makeup, one because I was involved with plays. Mom made me up beautifully to play the princess in Aladdin. I looked so much like Mom! She did the makeup for other actors too, which I found fascinating.

At one point, I asked her about eyeliner, and she said she sometimes wore purple or green. I was excited about this: makeup could be colorful and expressive! It wasn't only a tool.

But makeup became an important tool for me when I was 12. I addition to being an awkward preteen, I had terrible, painful acne. I cried about it sometimes. I had a crush on a boy I saw a few times a week through church and homeschool groups. Mom took pity on me and put foundation and concealer on me when I was going to see him. Of course, that washed me out, so she gave me a little color too. I was grateful.

Makeup became fun again when I was 16. My acne wasn't as bad, and I discovered Sephora. Mom gave me a sleek black cosmetic bag from Sephora for my birthday. I remember going on church trips and bringing my makeup bag with me, full of tiny Hard Candy eyeshadow palettes; I felt more confident with lovely eye makeup.

So for half my life, I've been in love with makeup--especially fancy brands with lots of color and glitter. It's like an art project every day, and I won't get too old to sparkle.

Saturday, December 16, 2017

Word of the Year 2018 Contenders.

I won't reveal my word of the year until New Year's Day, but I want to share with you some of the words I've considered and may well use for future years. Maybe you'll find the word you need in this list! Feel free to take one.
  • Bold
  • Whimsy
  • Celebrate
  • Grace
  • Cozy
  • Sparkle
  • Grow
  • Reach
  • Gratitude
  • Magical
  • Brilliant
  • Learn
  • Passion
  • Rest

Friday, December 15, 2017

Words I Should Use Less Often.

  • Eventually
  • Have to
  • Can't
  • Should
  • We'll see
  • Gonna
  • I
  • Tired
  • Sleepy
  • Someday
  • Miss
  • Broken
  • If
  • I don't know
I want to fill my words and my days with empowerment, determination, planning, confidence, energy, love, faith, hope, and joy.

Thursday, December 14, 2017

Adjectives I Wish People Could Use to Describe Me.

  • Kind
  • Creative
  • Talented
  • Serene
  • Wild
  • Bright
  • Brilliant
  • Poised
  • Gentle
  • Intense
  • Inspiring
  • Beautiful
  • Funny
  • Entertaining
  • Loving
  • Stunning
  • Aware
  • Sparkling
  • Precious
  • Brave
  • Strong
  • Thoughtful
  • Determined
  • Calm
  • Passionate
  • Charming
  • Graceful
  • Unique
  • Genuine
  • Studious
  • Mysterious
  • Attentive
  • Competent
  • Deep
  • Delightful
  • Energetic
  • Enchanting
  • Eccentric
  • Clever
  • Sweet
  • Fierce
  • Generous
  • Slender
  • Quiet
  • Careful
  • Warm
  • Comforting
  • Dazzling

Wednesday, December 13, 2017

Anything.

If I could do anything, without limits of time, money, responsibility, or talent, these would probably top my list:
  • Follow The Phantom of the Opera across the state (if not farther).
  • Sing in a rock band.
  • Perform one night as Christine.
  • Buy a house and build a savings account for repairs, lawn care, and housekeeping. The house would have a fenced-in backyard, a huge bathtub, and space for a playroom.
  • Play the piano.
  • Pay everything off.
  • Read all the Best American Poetry volumes over a year (30+, I think).
  • Build a book of poetry and try to publish it.
  • Write a book of short stories and try to publish it.
  • Write a novel and try to publish it.
  • Send Josh and his mom to football and basketball games.
  • Take Oliver to outdoor concerts, partly to prepare him for theatre.
  • Lose all my extra weight.
  • Read all my waiting magazines.
  • Walk into Barnes and buy everything I want.
  • Walk into Sephora and buy everything I want.
  • Stay at the Mast Farm Inn by myself for two nights.
  • Use up my stationery on special letters.

Monday, December 11, 2017

Weeks 6 & 7 as a Bold Reader.

I'm still reading Lorca in the tub. I read the poem aloud in Spanish first, which takes a while. I get bits of meaning and high school vocabulary. Then, I read the English (also aloud) and see which images were correct. I'm about a quarter of the way through the book.

I'm about two-thirds through Donald Hall's Selected Poems.

I read Amy Gerstler's new-to-me Scattered at Sea. Gerstler is my favorite poet. I discovered her in a volume of Best American Poetry, so I was excited to remember that I have BAP 2010, which she edited! I've read the front matter (interesting to see her prose!), and I'm ready to start the poems today and see how well Gerstler's tastes align with mine. I'm starting to feel the rhythm of poetry like an extra heartbeat. I'm not sure I've felt that since I was in grad school, reading stacks of poetry books.

I've reader two Christmas magazines! Both are O; one of them has been waiting on my shelf for years. I want to get into the Christmas spirit as much as possible, and magazines intimidate me less now.

All the other books I'm reading (except Ozma) are non-fiction, and I'm hungry for more fiction. I need to start reading a novel soon. But I'm just glad to be reading again.

Thursday, December 7, 2017

On Adventure.

In O Magazine, Oprah's most recent question for her readers was about this year's adventures. I started thinking about my adventures this year. I'm not someone who desires or seeks adventure actively, but I've still encountered that wild mix of fear, risk, and elation.

I've seen perhaps eight shows at the Durham Performing Arts Center this year. Truly, each show is an adventure. Tension and amazement. Lights, smoke, illusion, and stunning talent. How can we train our voices and bodies to work in such wondrous ways? I also get to enjoy Bruce's wonder.

I've been brave seeing scary movies at the theater, and I saw Bladerunner at the IMAX. Whoa.

Recently, I've read a lot of poetry. Poetry is rarely an easy read, and it requires my full engagement. Sometimes, a scintillating string of words will astonish me. Reading is almost always an adventure.

This turned out to be an adventure: my determination to think kind thoughts...and sometimes speak them, even to strangers. "You have gorgeous eyes," I told an occupational therapist in training. "Your hair is beautiful," I told Oliver's ABA tech. "I know you must be stressed, but you look great," I told a cashier at a busy Bath and Body Works. Talking to strangers is not something I do often. But it's been worth that momentary light in the other person's eyes.

And I wrote down 1,000 joys! This goal push me to examine my life and see where the wind-swept petals of joy sweeten my path.

What adventures have you had this year?

Friday, December 1, 2017

1,000 Joys: Part 40.

  1. Journals as gifts
  2. Oliver's playing dress-up with hats
  3. Watching The Good Doctor with Bruce
  4. Showing Josh a funny video
  5. Seeing other people reading at the airport
  6. Seeing a good number of people at the library
  7. Almost all memories of roller skating
  8. Buying violet perfume in Asheville
  9. Meerkats
  10. Hummingbirds
  11. Charms. I'd love to sort through a bucket of them
  12. Oliver in the snow
  13. Exhibits on ancient Egypt
  14. Oliver, fresh from his bath
  15. Wet erase markers
  16. Oliver's pacing and singing when he gets home
  17. Tiny white hairs on Oliver's ears
  18. Memories of a plush seal my uncle Chris gave me
  19. My uncle Ross's sly smile
  20. Taxes help from Uncle Jason
  21. Watching a scary movie in the theater with a vocal audience
  22. Memories of traveling in Europe almost 20 years ago with my grandparents
  23. Being open about my obsessions
  24. Wearing green
  25. My silver Tinkerbell ring, a perfect reminder of our fairy-tale honeymoon
Done!