Self-Care for Difficult Months.

 March is a tough month for me. I didn't even recognize it this year until I had five panic attacks in three weeks. Bewildered, I finally remembered that March is full of difficult anniversaries for me. My mind hadn't remembered, but my body certainly had. Now, I'm through March, but May is another painful month. So, I started thinking, how can I prepare for and get through a difficult month?

• Stay aware. I don't need to dread March or May, but I should be conscious of them in case my body or moods have strange reactions.
• Light candles downstairs.
• Light a candle in our bedroom.
• Eat fruit.
• Eat vegetables.
• Capture morning sunshine, opening the shutters in my bedroom or sitting out on the front porch.
• Go for walks. Notice flowers.
• Do yoga with a soothing audio book (right now, I'm listening to Madeleine L'Engle's The Irrational Season).
• Ask for wing rubs. I've been storing a lot of stress in my upper back between each shoulder blade and my spine. That is where I figure my wings would sprout.
• Listen to a soothing book and do nothing. Don't worry about drifting off...I can always hit the 30-second rewind until I get to a passage I recognize.
• Go to bed early. It's okay to put a day, with all its frustrations and inadequate accomplishments, to rest.
• Shower early in the day. I'm terrible about waiting until afternoon or night; it's better to feel fresh longer.
• Look at art with Josh.
• Sit with Josh on the couch or love seat instead of alone in my armchair.
• Take a nap, bundled up or spread out.
• Take pain medication for persistent tension.
• Watch a favorite movie. I did this around Christmas (Little Women--the version doesn't matter), and it felt wonderful.
• Read Alexandra Stoddard, my favorite interior-designer-cum-philosopher.
• Allow myself to do nothing (not even listen to a book).
• Redirect sad or fearful thoughts. I'm working on that one.
• Give myself time to rest and heal, communicating with someone I trust or with a therapist.
• Tell Josh how I feel. It's not so hard. "I'm feeling...."
• Cut pretty images out of magazines.
• Get lost in a novel. I'm almost afraid to do this in the same way I used to be afraid of listening to Broadway showtunes--fearful of feeling too much or becoming too engaged. But why shouldn't I feel and engage?
• Look at my library. It's pretty great, full of potential, and some of it is in rainbow order.
• Take deep breaths. This sounds obvious, but it real does help me.
• Drink extra water.
• Take bubble baths and read, preferably an "easy" book.
• Pray.
• Have a conversation with a close friend, whether or not we discuss what's bothering me directly.
• Work on notes for what I can discuss in therapy.
• Put stickers in a journal, admiring my collections.
• Flip through magazines, just to see the pictures. I can read everything later.
• Wear bathrobes for simplicity and warmth.
• Work under my heated throw. Heat calms me.
• Show Josh my tickle itches (I'm addicted to soft, tickling touches, and I often want them in a specific place, like a spot on my back that I can't reach).
• Put on perfume. I so often forget this.
• Respond to writing prompts. Bella Grace Field Guide to Everyday Magic is a great source.
• Make lists. It comforts me (clearly).
• Read an inspriational gift book--just color and quotations or affirmations. Compendium makes the best ones.
• Work for at least thirty minutes. That way, I feel like I've done something even if I can't tackle all my tasks at once.
• Loosen jaw. I'm a terrible clencher.
• Eat a turkey, gouda, tomato, and pesto sandwich.
• Talk about what I'm reading (or about what I'm reading with Josh or Bruce).
• Transfer wish lists from my journal (usually the back page) to Amazon or GoodReads.
• Eat comfort carbs.
• Drink less caffeine.
• Concentrate on how many months or years have passed since the trauma.
• Boil eggs for breakfast, easy and filling.
• Concentrate on loving thoughts.
• Identify planks in the bridges of relationships I'm trying to repair.
• Sleep on fresh sheets.
• Learn an interesting new word, maybe in another language.
• Go to Barnes.
• Plan budgets for peace of mind.
• Look at blank journals (in boxes under my bed, in the linen closet, in the wardrobe...). I have so many beautiful ones just waiting.
• Read Somerset magazines (Bella Grace, In Her Studio, Art Journaling).
• Read Enchanted Living, especially the new book-lovers issue.
• Adjust air/heat, blankets, and clothes until I feel perfectly comfortable with the termperature.
• Wash dishes with warm water.
• Eat rock candy (a good distraction).
• Trim nails so snags or rough edges don't annoy me.
• Be naked whenever possible (those sweet hours between when Oliver goes to sleep and when he wakes up in the middle of the night).
• Take two Xanax and insist on going to sleep when panicked.
• Ask for deep kisses.
• Don't exhaust myself in the mornings. It's okay to take it slow.
• Don't focus too much on the chart (my list of goals I'd ideally reach every day). Track but don't count.
• Share something with Josh: an idea, an artwork, a song, a memory.
• Read poetry: really get into it.
• Read poems aloud to Josh, even if he falls asleep. Taste the words.
• Do one little task. Put away one object.
• Focus on making a single healthy or happy choice.
• Type my poems, which are languishing in my journals).
• Sit in the sun or turn on my SAD lamp.
• Wear my beloved star coatigan.
• Don't let a headache go on.  Take something.
• Ask for specific rubs. I'm sometimes tense in my lower back, in my wings, or in my neck.
• Listen to my body. Hunger, thirst, anxiety, fatigue...
• Turn of fans if the noise or cold bothers me.
• Focus on what IS real or genuine.
• Turn on more lights.
• Stretch ankles.
• Sleep in.
• Eat soup.
• Work in bed.
• Keep glasses on and up to avoid headaches.
• Listen to the wood-wick candle.
• Play a fireplace video, if only for the crackling.
• Ask for deep kisses.
• Choose to believe.
• Listen to a book or have a conversation during a shower (often a difficult task for me).
• Drink juice.
• Read love letters.
• Look at wild violets.
• Stand still in a hot shower.
• Write love notes.
• Look at photos of flowers (I have a few books, such as New York in Bloom). 
• Look at monochromatic or rainbow art. Grouped colors soothe me.
• Notice all the pink in a room.
• Drink from a wine glass.
• Request all-over tickles.
• Speak my truth.
• Give myself credit for the good I've done.
• Focus on good anniversaries and celebrations.
• Read my quotation books.
• Have and show self-compassion.
• Read something comforting, like one of those little novels about a bookshop.
• Make tea just to breathe in its steam.