Nourish/Challenge: Week 12.

Spring began this past week. I didn't do well with my winter focus on children's books. I did finished Felicity's Story Collection, which made me feel old and young at once. My spring focus is young adult lit, and I hope to do better with that. Bruce and I have been reading a YA novel, The Memory of Light.

I had a scary night. I was putting Oliver to bed, and he had just fallen asleep. The door was locked (he tries to escape from us at bedtime sometimes), and it began to rattle as if someone were testing the door and getting frustrated. I texted Josh to ask if he had gotten home. He was ready to call the police. He called Bruce, who came right to me. He stayed with me until Josh got home. I felt so lucky to have such a close friend so nearby and so quick to come when I needed him.

I wondered if I could be hallucinating. I said that the people upstairs were being loud. Josh said that they sometimes make our doors rattle, so we concluded that that's what happened. The experience challenged me, and I was able to keep calm for the most part. Every time something scary happens to me, I get stronger and hopefully not more cynical.

I needed the nourishment of some good childhood memories, so I found the soundtrack to the original Charlotte's Web on Spotify. Lyrics came right back to me, and I felt light.

I'm still trying to watch a movie each week. I've been enjoying the soft sci-fi show Maniac with Jonah Hill and Emma Stone. Bruce took me to see Us. Every scary movie challenges me. I've gotten better at handling them without going numb. Before Bruce, movie theaters weren't really a part of my life, but he's changed that.

Somehow, I failed to write about Dear Evan Hansen last week. But it will get its own post. The show gave me a kind of surge of energy I've not felt in a very long time.

Some Favorites Right Now: Early Spring 2019.

I got these questions from various sources including Martha Stewart Living March 2014 (yep, I'm behind).

Indulgence: Jewelry bath bombs. They transform bath time. I love the scents and colorful foam, and the rings are a delightful surprise. I pass duplicates off to my best friend's sister. I mainly buy Fragrant Jewels, but I've bought from Charmed Aroma and Scented Treasures. I didn't know that I love black-gold tone.

Life-Changing Product: One is Revlon Colorstay foundation in Ivory. It's the palest shade, and I've been wearing it for over 20 years. It matches me and stay in place. When I was a tween and teen, I had terrible acne. Mom had pity on me and let me wear foundation (a shade lighter than hers). I then felt like I could leave the house and talk to my crush. It's still vital to my feeling safe in the world and courteous to the people who have to look at me. I once read that a celebrity said she covered her zits "to be polite." I love that.

Cheese: President brie. Sometimes, I eat it with crackers or tiny toasts. Sometimes, I just eat it. I also like mini Babybel Lite.

Wardrobe Staple: A stretchy, long black tank top. I often wear one under my clothes. It takes care of tops that are too sheer, too high in the back, or two low in the front. Not exciting, but useful.

Shoes: For a long while, I've been wild about glittery top-siders (Keds, Keds & Kate Spade, Big Buddha). I totally love them still, but I've also fallen for a reincarnation of jellies flats--pink, black, and gold with glitter. They are so comfortable and only $15!

Lip Color: My current favorite is Urban Decay's Ready? metallized lipstick. I don't even feel the need to hunt for more lip products. But I also love Fresh Sugar tinted balm. I'm not sure if I like Rose or Ruby more.

Go-To Gift: Probably candles, especially in scents like vanilla and peppermint.

Tech Gadget: My computer from my dad! I can watch movies on it, and I can actually unplug it and use the battery.

Dessert: Carrot Cake (no raisins, extra walnuts), plain cheesecake, German chocolate cake.

Hopes for Oliver.

Our son, Oliver, is seven years old. But in many ways, he's three or four. He has autism. And even though he's high-functioning in some ways, his disorder is a massive challenge for all of us. He has seen many doctors (a psychiatrist, a neurologist, his pediatrician), teachers, counselors, and therapists. He's in a classroom specifically for children with autism. He has both in-school and private therapy. He see several professionals on a weekly or monthly basis. He heart is full of love, and his spirit is a happy one. But communication is broken at best, and all three of us grieve in our ways.

These are some of the hopes I have for Oliver. I hope

• Oliver's 2nd/3rd (combined in an autism classroom) will be as kind and attentive as his K and 1st teacher has been. I hope Oliver will respond well to his first male teacher.
• Oliver will learn to express his feelings and needs in general. Now, he can tell us he's sad, but he can't explain. We can tell when he's sick, but he can't tell us what hurts.
• Oliver will be able to self-manage enough to go see musicals, ballets, and concerts. I think they would enrich his life.
• We will be able to share what we love with Oliver, and he would find value in that.
• Oliver will love and explore music. I hope we can communicate with each other through songs, maybe listening to each other's playlist.
• Oliver will find a kind, intelligent, and understanding partner.
• Oliver will be able to be a loving partner.
• Oliver will be able to have children if he wants to.
• Oliver will learn about his disorder and use tools and rituals to keep autism from owning him.
• Oliver will continue to develop a sense of humor.
• Oliver will learn to handle activities of daily living.
• Oliver will learn to self-soothe but also ask for what he needs (and learn what that is). 

Nourish/Challenge: Week 11.

This past week, Bruce and I finished Vox. It was an excellent novel. It's less severe but similar to The Handmaid's Tale. I gave it four stars on GoodReads. 11 books so far this year!

I fantasized about going to Carrabbas, either with Josh or by myself. But I didn't actually do it. I really miss that bread with herby oil and the almost-sweet Mezzaluna. Maybe it will happen soon.

Bruce and I went to Barnes for the first time in a long time. We like to check each bay in a section and check table displays to see how many of the books we've read. It would be an interesting competition with other pairs. We almost always find at least one book that one of us has read. Often, we find several. I think it challenges us--look at all these books waiting! I love the many ways we bond over books. That bond builds me up.

Josh took me to Sephora, where I covered my wrists in glitter. Later, Bruce asked if the remaining color splotches were bruises. No, just eyeshadow! Sephora (and Ulta too) makes me feel excited and free. One sparkly eyeliner can change a day.

Bruce and I finished what is available of American Horror Story and got back to The Good Doctor and SNL. It's a good mix of the sweet and the ridiculous, leaving me in a good mood.

It's nearly spring! I want to fill it with joy.

My Addictions.

• Mail! I wish I got good mail every day!
• Certain Jimmy Fallon videos. I watch them whenever I need a boost. I start laughing before the video even starts.
• Grilled asparagus and cheese grits from Mash House.
• Tickles and massages from Josh. They often anchor me to the earth, and the sensory distraction can be vital.
• Watching TV shows and movies with Bruce. It's another escape in which I feel totally safe.
• Paper. It's the most wondrous substance, whether I'm reading words on it or adding my own words to blank pages. I don't know what I would do without paper.
• Ink. I like it in all functional forms from cheap ballpoint to cut-glass bottle.
• Seeing movies, at home or at the theater, with Mom. We really enjoy that, especially when food is involved.
• Everything mermaid, fairy, seahorse, and snowflake.
• My favorite blankets, especially my baby blanket and mint green Cookie Monster.
• Cozy pajamas and the dream of wearing them all day.
• Scents such as cinnamon, vanilla, lilac, rose...
• Bath bombs with rings inside, such as Fragrant Jewels. I want one every day! Bath product and jewelry all at once? Amazing.
• My favorite makeup and beauty products, such as Healthy Sexy Hair leave-in condition, Cover FX glitter drops, and a custom four-piece palette of Urban Decay eye shadow in purples.
• Gel pencil eyeliners--the best formula I've used.
• E-mailed love notes when I'm struggling. I just ask.
• Serious hugs.
• Napping in sunshine.

Nourish/Challenge: Week 10.

This past week, I met my goal to fill 15 journal pages. I also posted to my blogs five times, two of them in WWG. I began reading The 13th Sunday after Pentecost, poetry by Joseph Bathanti, who taught us at ASU and became a friend. I finished reading Mary Oliver's Blue Horses and replaced it with Kim Dower's Last Train to the Missing Planet. Oliver and Dower have become two of my favorite poets. I think this is the last Dower book, and I don't have any more Oliver poetry though I do have a book of her essays that I intend to read.

I've read 10 books so far his year--on track! But I'd rather be ahead. My total books-read is 658. My goal is to reach 1,000 total books by the time I'm 40. It won't be easy, but I think I can rise to the challenge.

Reading is almost always both nourishment and challenge for me. Every finished book is cause for celebration. Writing is the same way.

I think my new medication is helping me. I sleep better, and reading is easier. Two of the best kinds of nourishment!

On a silly nourishment note, I've been craving PB&J. Josh makes a perfect sandwich--the right ratio of PB and J. I'm glad I'm craving something on hand and relatively cheap.

Oliver allowed me to read aloud from Felicity's Story Collection! I so want to read to him. It's a challenge, and I think it's good for both of us. I try to sneak it in. Maybe I'll try poetry next.

Tiny Treasures.

I have always been so fascinated with tiny items--Mom's fairy roses, a tiny set of blue speckled dishes (bowls the size of my thumbnail), and miniature M&Ms.

I remember having three tiny porcelain animals from a glass case at Hallmark. I have a fawn, a tiny duckling, ...and maybe a Siamese kitten (I'm not sure). I rubbed the fawns smooth ear to calm down. The fawn wasn't much bigger than a quarter.

I love tiny beads, sequins, and rhinestones. Star rhinestones are my favorite since Mom sent me to school witha blue one and the hope that a fairy lived in the star, so I wouldn't feel alone at school.

Sticky flags are satisfying in their smallness, especially if they come from Girl of All Work.

I love charms, especially interactive ones, like purses that open. I like wearing tiny earrings (when I'm not wearing dangly ones), especially seahorse ones.

I love tiny gel pens. When I was small, I went wild over a set of tiny colored pencils from Sanrio Surprise. The whole set was about the size of a book of matches.

I get especially excited when makeup samples look just like the full-size versions, just tiny. Benefit does this with Porefessional primers. Fresh does it with Sugar lip treatment. Urban Decay does it with eyeshadow primers. The reality is probably just that I want to play with dolls!

Have you had petite fours? They are tiny, frosted cakes. Harris Teeter made some for one of my birthdays at home.

I have a set a shot glasses that look like mason jar mugs. I don't know exactly why since I don't drink...I guess they were just so cute.

Doll clothes and accessories are just exhilarating. Tiny snaps on tiny faux suede shoes. A plaid green coat with hat and mittens. A nib pen smaller than a match.

I don't know why I continue to love tiny objects so much. But I think I will always love them.

Nourish/Challenge: Week 9.

I struggled with my pages this past week. I wrote little. I don't know why. Maybe more reading (perhaps concerning writing practice?) with nourish me enough that I can meet my weekly 15 pages (not counting prompt responses) challenge.

I did keep up with my blogs! I'm challenging myself to write weekly in WWG. 

I finished Louise Gluck's book of poetry House on Marshland. Those bath times with poetry bring renewal. I began Cluck's next book of poetry, Descending Figure.

Bruce and I started Vox, a novel in part about a time in which women may only speak 100 words a day. It's scary in the way Handmaid's Tale is scary, just not as bad (yet). We're flying through it, adding chapters to the number we've set for our next visit together. So the book is both challenging and nourishing in that it makes me think in new ways, and it makes me feel like a more capable reader.

For my movie of the week, I watched Lobster with Collin Farrell and Rachel Weisz. The cast caught my attention. The premise and content are bizarre. I don't know if I'd actually recommend it, but I'm glad I watched it.

The craving for Caesar salad continues. I went to Food Lion and bought a ready-made salad and a salad kit bag. That got me through a couple of days. Physical nourishment is a challenge for me right now, so I have to follow my cravings.

A piece of good news: I subscribed to Curology months ago, but I've been awful about remembering to use it...until this past week! And already, I have a more even skin tone, and my skin is clearer. I just have to keep up with the challenge of remembering to use it.

In so many ways, keeping up is one of my biggest challenges.

Best Compliments.

• When I was a child, I told my grandfather that kids had been teasing me about my long neck. He said that my neck was like Audrey Hepburn's.
• Josh said that I show little girls that they can still love glitter and mermaids when they grow up. 
• After much singing together in the car, Bruce said I have a beautiful voice. That's a big one.
• My mom tells me that my blogs, especially Water in a Wine Glass: Learning to Live with Bipolar Disorder, help others deal with their illness.
• Druella, my mom's angel of a friend, said that WWG helps her understand others with mental illness.
• My mom once asked me how I got my hair so shiny.
• A former apartment complex staff member referred to us as "the couple with the cool apartment."
• After Oliver was born, my OB said that she had rarely seen such heart and courage.
• An employee at Ulta called me a makeup ninja.
• My former office mate told me that I was a great storyteller. I've thought about it far too much since.
• My nanna says that Josh and I have a special love.
• After seeing Josh and me together, my dear aunt Brietta said, "You look happy." It came from a place of kindness, acceptance, and grace.
• Bruce says that I have great taste.
• Bruce also told me that I have "storybook hands."
• Josh has called me magic.
• When James was tiny, he said I was "prettier than a duck with a blue bow." I'll cherish that forever.

A Tiny Bookclub.

When Oliver was a baby, I read Never Let Me Go, which became one of my favorite books. I lent Mom my copy. She loved it too, and talking to her about the book was awesome, even though we hadn't read it at the same time.

A book club doesn't have to have five+ members and a weekly tea-time discussion.

Bruce and I began our tiny book club (just the two of us!) five years ago, and we have finished 19 books together in that time. We chose the first, Every Day, from a catalog we were flipping through at work during our lunch time.

A tiny book club is nice because if I fall behind, I'm not letting down a whole group. We also sometimes decide to read more than we originally said; Bruce and I can be flexible. We also don't have to find a book that pleases a whole group. Bruce and I usually take turns choosing the next book. We've read a sci-fi trilogy, a huge collection of short stories (LeGuin), several non-fiction books on mental illness (we've learned so much!), young adult hits, smaller short story collections, and more.

It's been so fun, and it provides some structure to get me reading. And I think we get closer with each book we read together. It's a great way to strengthen a friendship.

My Most Inspiring Places.

Botanical gardens inspire me. I'd like to sit in one on a cool day and write. I used to do that as a child; my mom loved Cheekwood in TN. I've been to the gardens in my city two or three times. Maybe I should try going by myself.

At the Opera House in Paris, I learned that "weak-in-the-knees" was real. The place felt like one gilded and tiled masterpiece. I'd love to sit in the center of a mosaic there and write poems.

Any good library makes me want to take down coffee table books and write down my reactions to every page.

Water changes me. When I'm swimming, especially in a warm lake, my mind clears, and my body relaxes even as I tread water. I feel strong and capable as I stay afloat. But even a bath (preferably with a ring-toting bath bomb) calms me down and warms me up. Access to a hot tub would be amazing.

Our guest room changes my mood. I can feel diligent or whimsical. I have furniture I love. I write letters to my brother at my antique desk. I play with stickers in journals on my chaise. It seems quiet and somehow apart from the rest of the house.

My armchair in the living room holds me while I read or scribble.

Barnes and Noble inspires me to read wildly. Michaels nudges me to find or create beauty wherever I go.

What places inspire you?