Week 1 as a Bold Reader.

I've been reading Dream Work, poems by Mary Oliver (Pulitzer!) aloud, mostly when I take a bath. Reading poetry aloud helps me stay with it and helps me experience the feeling and the sound without distraction. With poetry, comprehension is only part of the experience, and I believe one can enjoy poetry even without comprehension.

Though I love the style, I'm struggling with The Broken Way by Ann Voscamp. I can barely pick up the book. This makes me question myself--who am I if I can't read a good book?

Books in general look impossible. But they're not, just like journals are not impossible to fill. I know that. So how do I turn off this fear? I don't even know what the fear is.

But I can be a bold reader. I must be. It's part of how I stay alive. It's a huge part of how I stay me.

1,000 Joys: Part 32.

1. Necklaces that slip over my head
2. Leaning towers of books
3. Finding a missing book
4. Metallic scrapbook paper
5. Kind nurses who wear rhinestone glasses
6. Flutter sleeves
7. Painting my nails before bed
8. Sprinkling rain during a walk
9. The red nails on my Cinderella doll
10. Brief, light naps
11. Movie trailers
12. A smaller middle number on the scale
13. Coordinating clothes and makeup to the show I'm about to see
14. Reading about horror movies
15. Sparkly tulle
16. Velcro on Oliver's shoes
17. Beautiful mugs I use to sort pens by color
18. A tall glass of milk
19. Frosted Flakes
20. The black and white crown tray on my ottoman
21. Ishiguro's winning the Nobel
22. Revlon Color Stay foundation in Ivory
23. Tap water that tastes pretty good
24. An empty sink
25. Josh and my linking our pinkies like seahorse tails (Seahorses mate for life)

My Favorite Artists.

K. Y. Craft: The first journal I completed had Craft artwork on the cover. I think the journal was a gift from my parents. The image drew me in and encouraged me to write. Later, I found books she's illustrated: lovely Cinderella, stunning Sleeping Beauty, and magical Twelve Dancing Princesses, plus more that I don't own. Her work is intricate and luminous.

Bella Pillar: I first discovered her through greeting cards by Papyrus. With spindly limbs and huge eyes, her fashionable, glitter-enhanced girls are unforgettable. I've been lucky to find a couple of journals with her art. I'd love a book!

Tasha Tudor: She is certainly the sweetest of illustrators. So much darling detail! I found her first as the illustrator for A Little Princess and Secret Garden and as the creator of the delightful A is for Annabelle. Those images have been imprinted on me since childhood. Mom and I have been collecting Tudor's other books too.

Ruth Sanderson: I happened upon her illustrated Cinderella. Lovely. Apparently, she also has a Twelve Dancing Princesses I don't own!

Mary Engelbreit: I think I discovered ME because my grandmother had a magnet with ME's art. I think Nanna also introduced me to Home Companion, ME's magazine at the time. I've also bought cards, notepads, and notebooks at Michael's. And we now have our own ME magnets on the fridge.

Maxine Gadd: I discovered Gadd when, about 13 years ago, I saw her Elf Queen print in a shop in Paris. That picture had hung over my bed ever since. Now, I have a book of her art.

Susan Branch: I found SB though stickers and little illustrated gift books. She has gorgeous handwriting and loves sharing quotations and song lyrics along with her tiny watercolors. She also now has three illustrated memoirs; I devoured them.

Josephine Wall: This artist is incredible. I'm not sure how I found her (maybe at the Dancing Moon shop in Boone, NC), but I now have a book of her art and a few journals with her art. I even have one with golden seahorses on the spine! Her work is so detailed, so intricate and colorful. Tiny scenes happen within the overarching image. Her work seems so attentive and alive.

Amy Brown: I discovered her work at a gift shop in Astoria when I was a teenager. I immediately bought two prints. I was astounded by this fairy artist who also creates mermaids and dragons. She is so prolific! Her watercolor wings are gorgeous. On our first Christmas together, Josh gave me a book of her art.

Cicely Mary Barker: I believe my grandparents gave me a book of her fairy art and poems, and I was hooked forever. Barker hooked me on fairies. The fuchsia and willow fairies have always been my favorites. I really feel that I would be a different person without those fairies. I even have rubber stamps and miniature books. I've always assigned fairies to myself or other people. Right now, I think I'm the Rose Hip Fairy.

Sticky Flags.

My friend Bruce got me into sticky flags. I used to be terrible about folding the corners of my pages. I got some beautiful flags from Papaya!, and Bruce keeps me stocked, especially with literary character flags. Here are some of the ways I use my sticky flags:

• Precisely marking favorite passages and quotations from books. I go back later and write the words in a quotation notebook.
• Marking prompts in my journal, so I can go back and respond in the blank space.
• Marking responses I want to post on my blog.
• Marking journal passages that I may expand into blog posts.
• Marking important lists in my journal.

What reading and writing tools do you use?

Journaling Vacation.

I'd love to go on a journaling vacation, on which the primary purpose is to scribble and have experiences about which I can scribble.

A bed and breakfast maybe. I could describe all the common rooms, write down menus and book titles, and note any local animals or odd guests.

Could I stand being alone? Probably for a night or two.

Maybe I'd start something, a product, but that wouldn't be the goal. I would read by the hour too, check off a book or two.

I'd bring all my favorite pens and follow my whims in using them. Scented candles. Cozy clothes. Bubble bath. But always back to the lines, those I follow or those I make. I would capture the place. I would capture myself--understanding and expressing.

A hotel room would be fine too. I'd close the curtains and sleep as long as I wanted. I'd get cozy with my journal in the middle of a king-sized bed, books, magazines, and notebooks strewn around me. I'd bring my own provisions. I'd dive in.

1,000 Joys: Part 31.

1. A stocked picnic basket
2. Multiple baths in one day
3. Johnny Jump Up flowers
4. A wine bottle full of fairy lights from my mom-in-law
5. New creative journaling magazines
6. People who keep fairy lights on in their rooms
7. Memories of a blue glitter lamp
8. Stretch bracelets
9. Memories of improve classes
10. Glitter on my eyelashes
11. Glitter on my glasses
12. Our big living room--good space for Oliver
13. Shine-proof makeup primer
14. Sunlight on my journal pages
15. Google Calendar--keeps us on track
16. Cold whole green beans as a snack
17. Butter. Of course.
18. Hearing someone play the piano
19. Packages that actually come to the door
20. Disney T-shirts
21. Stories with velvety details
22. Other people's charm bracelets and charm stories
23. Front-row balcony seats
24. Black eyeliner with colorful glitter
25. Pink lines in a journal

1,000 Joys: Part 30.

1. Ballerina stickers
2. My green lampshades
3. Mixing chocolate pudding with Cool Whip
4. More Flower Fairies in my life
5. Devouring a good magazine in one sitting
6. Memories of fairy tales with Aunt Linda
7. Reading poems aloud in the bathtub
8. Good stepparents
9. Love letters and love E-mails
10. Soup To Go cups
11. Hugs from my brother
12. Instant forgiveness
13. Tree shadows
14. Love despite all that makes me unloveable
15. Pre-meal bread at restaurants
16. Metaphors that work decently well
17. An old notebook full of pictures and colorful scribbles
18. Josh's high school spiral notebooks, which I saved from the trash
19. Watching SNL with Bruce
20. Discovery of Bruce Hornsby after hearing "Mandolin Rain" in a coffee shop
21. Transplanting work from my journal to the blog
22. An unopened water bottle in my purse
23. Oliver's love of drinking water
24. PB&J--Josh makes it perfectly
25. The urge to climb trees

A New Page.

(I'm still working on those Joys lists!)

A fresh page always has a little excitement. Will I dare to scrawl my words over this pristine page? One can't think about that. One must believe that the words are worthy, that the paper is doing its great work by accepting the brilliance and nonsense that flow from mind to pen. If we don't believe that, how will we ever put down a word?

I hear people say that a journal is too beautiful to write in. But how else can we experience that beauty? Carrying it around, scribbling bad poems in it, crying on it, coming to it for solace and a kind of companionship--these actions make the beauty ours. And if it is sturdy, the journal will stay beautiful, even when we weigh it down with the unthinkable.

A Bold Reader.

(Don't worry; I'm still working on the "1,000 Joys" lists!)

I greatly admire my husband, particularly for the way he reads. While I'm floundering after only 18 books this year, he's reader 59 books so far. He's done that while working full-time plus extra. I haven't worked about from caring for Oliver, yet I can barely pick up a book. I don't know what strange fears are behind this, but I have certainly been a timid reader this year. I want to turn that around, now and for the rest of the year. I won't change my goal; I'll go ahead and fail, but I will get strong.

I don't think Josh has ever looked at a book and said, "I don't think I can handle that." Lately, I feel that way about most books, from huge diaries to slim volumes of poetry. Josh had a challenging masters program that made him a stronger reader, and he hasn't slowed down. My program challenged me as a reader too, but my reading muscles have atrophied. I want to tackle and savor any book (even magazines are difficult now!) that catches my attention.

I want to be a BOLD reader who says "Sure, I can read that," who stays with a book, and who stretches for more. An expansive, adventurous, and wild reader.

And next year, I'll set my goal for 50 books, and I'll reach it.

1,000 Joys: Part 29.

1. Crackling candles
2. Using a scrap of time to write
3. Lipsticks in metal casings
4. Holiday sets (already!) at Ulta
5. Earrings showing through my hair
6. Answering creative questions
7. A smooth new lock
8. Memories of the Mast Farm Inn
9. Rare stable energy
10. A light heart at bedtime
11. Book lights
12. Fantasizing about expensive Lollia bubble bath
13. Anything shaped like a cupcake
14. Having a good gift idea
15. Pretty postage stamps
16. Monochromatic outfits
17. Pink and silver together
18. Thick silver ink on black paper
19. Cherries at the bottom of my Shirley Temple
20. Miniature bubble bath bottles
21. A mini gold pen pouch
22. Wands with floating glitter--soothing!
23. Marbles
24. The moment of seeing a snowflake up close
25. Glowing stars on the ceiling

1,000 Joys: Part 28.

1. The decision to be a bold reader
2. Pink office supplies
3. Cutting out paper dolls
4. Lawn tickets and a thick blanket
5. White glitter
6. Following writing prompts
7. Madame Alexander's Rocker Bride doll
8. Pastel chalk on dark paper
9. Silver confetti--coaches and castles
10. Floating sparks from a bonfire
11. Spotify playlists
12. A little extra alone time
13. Tiny perfume bottles made of beads
14. Tiny wooden apples
15. American Girl doll accessories
16. Walking under stars with Bruce
17. Aquamarine--my favorite stone at the moment
18. A clean, plain white T-shirt
19. Memories of shopping at Levenger with Dad
20. Floating hearts glitter in my phone case
21. Testing nail polish on floor tiles
22. Snow Babies
23. People's remembering my seahorse obsession
24. My old collection of ballet slipper ornaments
25. Eyeshadow palettes that include brushes

1,000 Joys: Part 27.

1. Books about being French
2. Scottie dogs
3. Boiled eggs
4. Giving my mom a doll
5. Oliver's saying, "It's pretty."
6. Shimmery blush
7. Smooth glitter nail polish
8. An entire box of one color crayon
9. Native American Playmobile set
10. Finding a rare Dodie Smith novel at the library
11. Wearing too much eyeliner
12. Reading multiple books at once
13. Wearing too much glitter
14. Josh's touch, sometimes all that holds me
15. Hearing trains
16. Doctors who listen
17. When my glitter perplexes people
18. Anything with mermaids
19. Cleaning out my Amazon wish list
20. Reading a whole book of poems in a day
21. Using Amazon Smile and donating to IBDF
22. 4-ink pens
23. Blossoms on water
24. Wisteria tangled in woods by the road
25. Ink called Amethyst

1,000 Joys: Part 26.

1. Writing by candlelight
2. Lollia hand cream
3. GPS
4. Wearing pink
5. Wearing green
6. The word abundant
7. Walking through Anthropologie, imagining myself anew
8. Edwin McCain in concert
9. Kind doctor's office staff
10. Stickers for sale by the roll
11. Cinnamon mints
12. Being done with an appointment
13. Seeing Josh happy or content
14. Cinnamon toast when I'm sick
15. Blackberry ginger ale
16. Finding something Oliver will actually eat
17. Oliver's singing and muttering to his food
18. Curly hair
19. The Good Doctor TV show
20. Learning more about bipolar disorder
21. Looking forward to a musical
22. Brightly colored theatre tickets
23. Powdered wedding cookies
24. Free beauty samples
25. Beauty advent calendars! How can that be real??

1,000 Joys: Part 25.

1. Memories of flannel-lined jeans
2. Oliver's willingness and ability to take his medication
3. Memory of a locket with a mirror inside
4. Flowers pressed in books
5. Pencils with jewels instead of erasers
6. Carrot cake without raisins
7. Looking at Origami Owl catalogs
8. Levenger's range of ink colors
9. My sheer polka-dot curtains
10. Notebooks with spirals on the top
11. Listening to Elton John while driving at night
12. Having a whole box of a pen I love
13. A sudden story idea
14. Antique books with inscriptions
15. The charm necklace Mom made for me
16. Eating chocolate in the morning
17. Huge water bottles
18. Recognizing loved ones' handwriting
19. Memories of reading and writing in the school library during lunch
20. My mimi's black and gold purse
21. Releasing a poem
22. Two blue beads I always see on the sidewalk when I have my morning walk
23. Francesca's wooden quotation art
24. Publisher responses, even if they are rejections
25. Walking to get the mail

1,000 Joys: Part 24.

1. Remembering, recognizing, and discovering more joys
2. Love stamps
3. The carrot cake Mom made for my birthday
4. Druella, one of the best people I know
5. Magic Kingdom mosaics
6. Cherry Coke
7. Mini soda cans
8. Natalie Goldberg's books on writing
9. Brietta's telling me I look happy
10. Medication that gives me a chance of stability
11. Mascara that stays put
12. A 64 box of colored pencils
13. The huge Adventure Awaits canvas in Oliver's room
14. Seeing Peter Pan with Uncle Chris
15. Teal clothes hangers
16. Pretty labels on shoeboxes
17. Needle-point pens
18. Le Pens
19. Subscription boxes
20. Being brave enough to answer the door
21. Making a good new habit
22. Bates Motel, which I binged watched alone
23. Josh's vests
24. A Snow White nightgown
25. Hearing my name

1,000 Joys: Part 23.

1. Quarters
2. Gifts of bubble bath
3. Gifts of journals
4. Gifts of pens
5. Fleece
6. Unintentional but appropriate naps
7. Cracking walnuts
8. Walnuts in oatmeal
9. Forever stamps
10. A fairy dust bottle necklace from my dad
11. Knowing the truth
12. Soft bath robes
13. Language-learning tapes playing in restaurant bathrooms
14. Stretch bracelets
15. Just-brushed hair
16. The scent of hot tea
17. An old issue of YM Beauty
18. Bruce's willingness to watch any movie
19. The last unbroken dark blue glass
20. Fairy wings
21. Oliver's watercolor paintings
22. Oliver's working on a puzzle
23. Tuesday mornings with Josh
24. Oliver's plush meerkat
25. Cinnamon rolls

1,000 Joys: Part 22.

1. Starting a new list
2. Sharing books with a friend
3. Dark purple clematis
4. Yellow jasmine
5. Chandelier earrings
6. The chandelier in Phantom
7. Live-action Cinderella
8. Live-action Beauty and the Beast
9. Sealing wax
10. Painted nails
11. A gunmetal-sparkle wristlet
12. Plumeria body cream
13. Pink and white roses
14. Freshly dyed and trimmed long, black hair
15. A scarf in shades of green
16. Sleeping until 8!
17. Going to bed early
18. Audrey Hepburn
19. Key charms
20. Warm Vanilla Sugar bubble bath
21. Candles for Christmas
22. Josh's cleaning my shoe
23. Sunshine spreading on the carpet
24. Oliver's eating grapes
25. Switching up my rings

1,000 Joys: Part 21.

1. A beautiful pop-up snowflake Melissa made for me
2. Miniature mason jars
3. Glitter, beads, and water in a blue mason jar
4. My never having had a bad car accident
5. Many years of being comfortable with my body
6. Memories of lunch in Cinderella's castle
7. Artists who renew Disney princesses
8. Compedium inspirational books
9. Disney Golden Books
10. A battery-operated lantern
11. Tiny books
12. Big, firm pillows
13. Kissing
14. Glitter pens
15. Scented markers
16. Round soup spoons
17. Oliver's wearing light-up shoes
18. Josh's curls
19. Jonathan Bird's Blue World diving show
20. Key and Peele
21. Zipper teeth
22. Proverbs, my favorite book of the Bible
23. Snoopy Band-Aids
24. Fairy roses
25. Fuchsia

1,000 Joys: Part 20.

1. My tiny blue iPod from Dad
2. Feeling walks getting easier
3. My princess-y bed
4. Birthday-themed stickers (cakes and presents!)
5. Decorative faux-book boxes
6. Journal pages my aunt Brietta illustrated
7. Pink-lit jellyfish
8. Pinning reminders of hope over my bed
9. The slice of time after the day ends and before sleep
10. Finding a forest green tank top I'd forgotten
11. Yoga pants from NY&Co
12. Picnics at the Biltmore
13. Seeing Oliver eat well
14. Oliver's "Shark Water" Camelbak bottles
15. My lavender velvet pillow with icicle beading from Mom
16. Book lights
17. Tin foil ornaments
18. Pink ink
19. Writing at least two pages in my journal each day
20. Plumeria body cream
21. Tiny colored pencils
22. Lilac roller ball perfume
23. Empty laundry baskets
24. Botanical gardens
25. Prisms