Nourish/Challenge: Week 27.

Last week, Grandmom, Josh's wonderful and sassy grandmother, died rather suddenly of cancer. She had decided against treatment, which I think most everyone understood. My mom came to our house to take care of Oliver during the memorial service. Even now, I can't believe Grandmom has left. She always made me feel that I was doing my best. At Zach and Cherylanne's wedding reception, Grandmom took my hand, and I just held on. She seemed to know that the socializing was hard for me even though I was happy to be there. She was a blessing.

Bruce and I finished The Shape of Water, our 24th book. We liked it, and we got a lot more out of the characters than would fit in the film. We're starting another book soon.

Bruce has been at the beach, so I've been checking in on his cats. I like hanging out with kitlets. One cat could take or leave me; the other adores me but won't let anyone else know.

I'm still having trouble reading and writing. It's a sickness. How can I cure it before it gets worse?

Mom challenged me to exercise for 20 minutes on most days. And I've been doing it though not quite as often as I should. I text her nightly about my exercise. Maybe I'll eventually see some results. Going back to bits of ballet and Irish step dancing bring up memories--the ballet class during my last semester of undergrad and my Irish step dancing at ages 12-15.

I got to meet Bruce's mama, sister, aunt, and cousin! I'm so glad. Check that off my wish list.

Floor Plans.

At some point, I went wild for floor plans. I think of the placement of closets, bathrooms, pantries, and linen closets.

Every since I started thinking of getting an apartment, perhaps with Melissa, I could look at floor plans for hours.

When I see a sign for a new apartment complex, I try to remember the name, so I can examine the floor plans later.

I imagine myself in that space. Could I live there? How would living  be different, and how would I be different there?

My favorite floor plans now are Rosewood Condos. The building looks like a castle. I'd like to dress rich and tour some of those condos. I'd like to survey while holding the floor plans.

Spatial awareness is difficult for me, and trying to visualize a home, a life, based on a floor plan probably wakes up something in my mind. Maybe I should have taken interior design or even architecture class.

Nourish/Challenge: Week 26.

I'm behind on my weekly posts, but I'll catch up.

This week, 26, was a difficult one. I struggled. Anxiety, sadness, confusion.

We had a four-day weekend, which I barely remember. But I remember going back to everyday life a little empty.

Mom and I have decided to start brightening up each other's mailboxes. She mailed a beautiful piece of embroidery: a girl with short black hair and white wings. She has wild violets at her feet and in her hair and a hydrangea in her hand. Two of my favorite flowers! I sent her a flower fairy postcard. I could certainly use more encouragement, and mail is just wonderful.

I went over to Bruce's one day. I was telling him and Corey that I'd really been wanting to watch Jurassic Park. It was so astounding when it was in theaters. And then Bruce and Corey said we could watch it right then! I think they're both kind of in-tune with me. And the movie? Better than I expected. Still pretty astounding.

Nourish/Challenge: Week 25.

The week was kind of quiet. It's summer, and Josh is only teaching two classes. It isn't much of a rest for him, but it's something. He's also involved with a local humanitarian group project he co-founded. Wow. He seems to be choosing activities that are both challenging and nourishing. And he's still running. I'm impressed.

Josh has kindly driven Oliver to and from appointments whenever possible, just so I can rest. I probably need more rest than I know or acknowledge.

I haven't done much regular journaling, but I've been responding to prompts and posting some of that content on the the blogs. So I have been writing--always nourishing and a challenge.

We met with Oliver's new therapy supervisor. She is thorough and seems competent and in-tune with Oliver. I feel much better about the whole program. Oliver is totally fine, his usual happy self. Getting this therapy going originally took me a year. I don't want to throw that away, and I'm starting to think won't have to.

Bruce went to visit his family. I got to spend some time with his cats; beginning around calm animals can be nourishing. One cat claimed me thoroughly by rubbing my face. I would have spent a while in Bruce's little reading nook if I'd had time. Maybe I'll do hat next time Bruce travels. Reading and writing can bring magic to a room.

I'm still quite behind on my annual reading goal. Somehow, I will remedy that.

Touch.

Josh's touch, simple as a hand squeeze or complex as a massage, has a tremendous impact on me. So I'll write this to him.

Josh, your touch

• is water running down my arms.
• is pansies in winter.
• reminds me of my bold childhood curiosity about bugs, frogs, and tiny blue-tail lizards.
• is like a wrapped journal that I stealthily open at Barnes to check the quality of the paper--and I find it perfect.
• is more addictive than Whisps, the cheese-turned-cracker I'm currently crazy about.
• is all the blankets in the house.
• is all the unlit candles we own--alight. 
• is every time you make me laugh. And every time we go back and forth like a comedy duo.
• is someone loving a movie I love.
• is lace that doesn't itch.
• is purple paper that can become anything.
• keeps me alive.
• is the moment when a tornado warning is canceled. 
• is multiple sets of matching pajamas.
• is the release date for a book I pre-ordered.
• is a black moto jacket with a scatter of white stars.
• is the cinnamon tea that lights up our cabinets with its scent.
• calls me by my secret names, including some I don't know.
• is the Secret Garden to my sickly Colin. 
• is my hair turning red.
• is a tiny light-up Christmas village.
• is glasses without smudges--clear and sharp.
• is the heating pad that comforts me enough, so I can fall asleep.
• is black metal and rhinestone jewelry. 
• is you, belonging to me.