Nourish/Challenge: Week 21.

This past week has been a little chaotic. I had an internal ultrasound because of something the doctor encountered during an exam. I was anxious and rightly so: it hurt. But everything came back normal; the PA called to tell me the next day. I'm still waiting on another set of test results, but I feel like I can shape my days without thinking about it. It's a challenge.

I've been sick on and off, as if I'm constantly fighting something. More disturbing is my continued struggles with reading and writing. I've neglected my blogs as well. I'm trying to get back into my practices. They are vital to my health and to my sense of myself.

I decided to give tea another chance after my experience at the Biltmore. I found apple cinnamon spice. It's pretty good! It makes me feel writerly. Maybe that's what I need--feeling like a writer makes the practice smoother.

On Sunday, I returned to my bathtub-side poetry books. I want to revive that practice.

I hate doing it, but I cut my nails short and painted them glitter pink. I feel happy when I notice.

On Facebook, I copied a call for kind words. My brother said that I'm beautiful, wise, and funny and that I have good taste. What great compliments! I'd tack it on the wall if Oliver wouldn't immediately tear it down. I'm happy to know how James sees me.

Bruce and I went to the penultimate show of the season: Hello, Dolly. It was great fun as I expected. A group of older women came up to us (this was the third time) to appreciate my outfit and tell me I look gorgeous. A surplus of compliments! Normally, I run pretty well on daily compliments from Josh and Bruce. I'll try to keep all the kind words close to my heart. They nourish me. They also challenge me to live up to what the best people think of me.

Nourish/Challenge: Week 20.

I've kept a regular journal (with some gaps--unhealthy times) for almost 20 years. It is a safe place, a nourishing place. Even my racing thoughts slow down for my pen (at least a little). But I had a hard time with my journal during the week before last. I missed days and made tiny entries (better than nothing). I hadn't missed a day in a long time. I hope to get back on track. 10 pages per week is my goal.

Bruce and I have been watching The Act, a true-crime anthology series. The acting impresses me. We also watched Almost Friends--Freddie Highmore! I'll probably watch just about anything he's done.

I've watched some more Alter short horror films. I've been most impressed with "Latched." I also watched a couple of short sci-fi films that DUST presented. I love the bite-sized morsels of film. They keep me thinking.

And Bruce and I have been pushing through The Shape of Water...happily!

I'm three books behind on my annual reading goal. I will catch up.

Little WIshes.

I call these wishes little because they aren't like curing cancer, buying houses and cars, world peace, or traveling everywhere. These are my smaller wishes.

• Wild violets all year.
• Wisteria all year.
• Fuchsia thriving everywhere.
• More varied taste in fruits and vegetables.
• A better appetite for Oliver.
• A return of Gelly Rolls Dark Stardust pens.
• Someone else to paint my nails (I hate it, and I'm terrible at it).
• Quicker and more accurate typing.
• The ability to keep plants from dying.
• Long dessert spoons.
• Round soup spoons.
• Spanish fluency. 
• Time to look at all the magazines.
• A painless tattoo of a Carl Sagan quotation.
• A tiny painless nose stud like the kiss of a fairy.
• The motivation and energy for product writing and submissions.
• The energy to keep the house just right.
• A nearer mailbox.
• The energy and motivation to swim every day.
• Always to have season tickets to a theatre.

Nourish/Challenge: Week 19.

Tiny baby ducks are swimming gracefully behind their parents. I'm glad we get to see some wildlife from our balcony door. We see geese (they're jerks), goslings (they're cute at first, but as it is for many of us, adolescence just doesn't look good), turtles, an occasional sleek muskrat or terrifying giant snapping turtle, massive white fish in the pond, and pretty pairs of cardinals.

Bruce and I have started reading the novelization of The Shape of Water. I'm excited. It will be our 24th book together. We motivate each other to read, which is so important to us but easy to set aside. We don't talk at length about most of the books we read, but the bond of shared stories is still obvious. We're also back in the habit of walking on Monday mornings, which gives me a chance to talk too much.

On Mother's Day, Josh brought me some beverages (including cherry Sprite from Sonic) and a great Dr. Grip pen--I love them but haven't had one in years.

I've been watching Alter short horror films. That's probably not especially nourishing or challenging, but I find myself thinking about flash fiction and how it compares, especially in terms of character development. I'm learning. For practice, I could write the story of one of the shorts. I wonder how long the result would be.

Oliver has continued to sing and dance. He loves music, and he is determined to be happy. Maybe I can learn from him.

Nourish/Challenge: Week 18.

I'm behind on just about anything. I'm trying to get back on track.

Oliver has been singing along to bits of songs in the car. It's adorable. Some of it may be because I'm singing more. It's soothing and kind of cleansing. I found great videos with a guy singing the male role in various showtune duets. I like singing as a practice. Maybe I can get better at it.

I finally wrote my girls' trip blog post. I've been loving my glittery purse. It can hold a whole change of clothes for Oliver and plenty more.

Oliver has Stitch Fix now. Follow this link if you want to try Stitch Fix--we'll each get a $25 credit. I enjoy my Stitch Fix, but Oliver's is so practical. SF sends about ten items and month; We choose what we want (lots of athletic shorts and graphic tees right now) and just send back to rest in a big pre-labeled bag. It's much easier than searching for his size. He'll be ready for these summery days.

I'm on my third young adult novel for the spring. I still plan to tackle Libba Bray's YA series (three books) now that I have all the books. Bruce and I finished A House at the Bottom of a Lake. We plan to read more Josh Malerman. Why can't I read everything at once?

I saw my psychiatrist, and he made a couple of meds changes that I hope will help.

Bruce and I caught up a little on The Good Doctor. It's so good! We also watched one of my favorite teen movies, Get Over It. Everyone is in that movie, and it's just as fun as I remembered. I love sharing old favorites with Bruce. He always seem ready for anything.

I also set up a new health challenge for myself: I've given up cheese. Now, I love cheese and find it a good snack and a good addition to almost any dish. But my doctor called to tell me that my cholesterol was a little high, and he wants to test it again in a few weeks. We'll see if this helps.

Josh and I are being more affectionate When he walks by me, I now wait for the moment of his hand on my head or shoulder. And we have something just for us coming up.

Almost everything that happens seems to demand my attention and often my action. I put almost everything here on this blog (or the companion blog) and in my journal. Maybe I'll be stronger next week.

Girls' Trip 2019: Asheville, NC.

I've been to the Biltmore Estate many times with my family, but that was many years ago. When I realized that Josh and Oliver had the same spring break, Mom and I decided to go somewhere, just us.

I managed the drive to Charlotte pretty well. I had not been looking forward to this part of the trip. I drove in a worn blue-gray dress. I wore a pink cardigan. I was excited that the weather was warm enough that I didn't need tights.

Checking into the Village Inn (the less fancy option on the property) went smoothly. We were excited about the window seat. I was a little overwrought, so Mom told me to take a rest while she explored.

We went to a dinner-and-show-style place, Isis. The band was singing Paul Simon and The Beatles. It was pretty good. I drank water deeply from a clean liquor bottle. We left early because I was getting tired--physically, emotionally, and mentally. Mom was clearly looking out for me with her awareness of and patience with me.

I overpacked, but I had what I needed. Warm fleece heart pajamas. Dresses I didn't end up wearing. My Too Faced Glitter Bomb palette. My swimsuit, because who knows? I filled my antique blue train case (from Mom some years ago), which holds jewelry, a pink and gunmetal sparkle makeup bag, medication organizer, and Neutrogena's Clear Face sunscreen. I managed to bring only three pairs of shoes: light blue New Balance trainers, gold glitter slip-ons, and a nearly identical gold-glitter pair but with some heel.

I wore my pajamas to search vending machines for Cherry Coke. The machines kept giving me Coke Zero.

Mom and I went to the fancier Inn and had high tea. We both wore dresses. Mine was lilac with a Queen Anne neckline (which I like best). I ordered a pot of apple strudel as Mom suggested, and with some sugar, it was good! Maybe I'll try tea again. I drank three or four cups. I'd love to like tea.

We walked through the village area. A few small mermaid items, along with a big teal velvet shell-shaped chair, caught my attention, but not like the bag that caught light on a table. Its fellow bags had a similar look but no real appeal. But the one I walked toward was a large satchel-size purse with a removable shoulder strap. The base material was black. The whole bag was covered with shapes (mostly parallelograms) which seemed like dark mermaid scales. The scales were gunmetal gray with wild glitter. The lining was silky plum. I told Mom, "If this bag were $50, I would buy it." It was $92. I left the bag but came back in the evening. Mom said she'd planned to spend a little more on my birthday, and she had a coupon from the hotel--25% off. I got the purse for $37! Incredible. I think I'll use it for a long time, along with some of the other great purses I have. I can fit the usual items plus a book, a journal, and a water bottle!

For dinner on Monday, we had she crab soup, an abundance of mussels for Mom, and an abundance of grilled asparagus for me. That asparagus was so good.

Mom had brought bottled water and tiny bottles of apple juice. We soon learned that the water bottles wouldn't last through the second day.

On Tuesday, we went to the Biltmore. I hadn't been there in some thirteen years. The house was gorgeous as always, and as always, I barely made it up the stone spiral staircase. An exhibit showed mannequins (not scary) in costumes created from period photographs. Mom and I kept choosing and changing our favorites. One cream lace dress was covered with gold polka dots. A servant mannequin held a dress that was black with rose embroidery. Another favorite was an off-the-shoulder, black velvet gown (for a ball?) and a stunning brooch dripping with rubies.

I still want to swim in that pool. But probably not by myself.

We explored the little shops. In the Christmas one, I loved a figure of Mary, Joseph, and Jesus, all beautiful and affectionate in a way I've never seen in a nativity scene. It was $50, so I didn't buy it, but I wondered where I could put it. It seems so like a reminder...that Jesus brought and was love and joy? That Mary and Joseph loved each other even after so much hardship. I think I'd like the piece even if I weren't a believer.

Mom kept buying water bottles. I drank them and refilled them with tap water. My thirst is almost like another entity in my life.

We went to The Lobster Trap for our last dinner. We split a giant Caesar salad and each ordered the Alaskan King Crab with potatoes and corn on the cob. It was pretty much perfect.

Back at the hotel, I wanted to read or write, but I was so sleepy. We watched some of October Sky.

On Wednesday morning, Mom trimmed my hair. The ends look much better now.

We went to a sort of petting zoo area that Mom had found. We saw two little brown goats named Cinder and Ella. Of course.

As we left the property, we decided to stop at a little gift shop. I saw many lovely objects. But I saw a silver, slim rectangular pair of earrings that sparkled blue, pink, and lavender. I bought them and wore them two days in a row.

The ride back to Charlotte was smooth and quick...probably because I would keep my mouth shut. The trip to Fayetteville wasn't fun, but I was glad to be home. Apparently, the boys didn't miss me much...so I can go on these trips! Big thanks to all the menfolk who encouraged us to go.

Every time I wear the earrings or go out with the purse, I think about our wonderful days and evenings in Asheville.