Stories.

I believe that stories save me. Stories can come in so many forms: books, shared recollections, therapy sessions, blog posts, E-mails, letters, funny shared memories, poems, songs, good TV shows, conversations, details of love, aspects of friendship. Some stories are tiny; some are epic. We can listen to stories, read them, tell them, share them, remember them, make them.

People often don't think of their memories as stories. But we need to honor our stories, whatever they are, and we keep each other alive by telling those stories and by making new stories together. Stories are nourishing and nurturing. They are essential. Even painful stories bring growth. The fantasy stories, like some daydreams, stretch the imagination and teach empathy.

We buy stories--movies, magazine articles, books. We trade stories with those we love. I find them I always have some little stories to tell Josh even though we've been together for 12 years, and I've talked a lot in that time.

Think about your relationship with stories. I'd love to read about it.

Using Energy for Joy.

I've known some people who are or once were full of casual hate. They complained; fed off each other's dissatisfaction; and searched for reasons to disdain people, music, movies, and ideas. This made me feel ill.

Hate, even if it's for a CD, requires a lot of energy. It can also curtail or destroy someone else's joy. Not everyone is this way, but when I hear someone trashing, say, a movie I love, it makes me sad and uncertain. I try hard to avoid negative comments when I'm with others. If they take joy in something I don't care for, why should I steal that joy. Indulging hate, even for a movie, poisons a person.

So instead of feeding hate, I try to feed love and appreciation. Even if I wasn't crazy about a movie, I can take joy in, perhaps, the costumes. I can focus on the good qualities in a person. I can think of a good use for a gift. I can encouraging others' joy in what they love. I can find color, shine, or comfort in an object that doesn't automatically appeal to me.

I want to be ever on the lookout for people, places, and objects to love and enjoy.

Restoration: Week 12.

This past week, I finished four books! Now, I'm eight books ahead of schedule with my goal for the year. I also caught up with my Bible reading. Reading feels great. I also wrapped up my children's lit focus for the winter, so I'm going to start young adult books for the spring. I'd like to read at least 5 YA books this season. Bruce and I finished another book together. I wonder how many books we've read together.

I posted on Facebook to request some Stephen King horror suggestions. I got several responses. Then, my brother, James, called me. We talked about books, and it made my day.

Bruce and I started watching two new shows: Electric Dreams (based on Philip K. Dick short stories) and Lore (based on a podcast, it seems to be focused on the emergence of horror myths), and we like both! They seem likely to restore my sense of wonder or awe, and they inspire my curiosity. I don't have a TV at home, so watching TV with Bruce is extra fun.

I listened to Phantom in the car all week! I want to start a book I have that discusses the story from book to movies to the show. It's another book I should have read long ago.

The coming week is full of books and love, and I'm ready.

A Bold Reader: Week 12.

This has been a wild reading week! I finished four books! I'd been reading them for weeks, bit by bit; I just happened to finish them all at once! I finished Flowers in the Attic (absorbing, sad, and strange. I liked it, but I'm not sure if I'll continue with the series), The Complete Book of Flower Fairies (I should have read all the poems years--decades!--ago. This book wrapped up my children's lit focus for the winter), New Southern Poets (I wrote down names of poets to pursue), and Stephen King's Sleeping Beauties (my pick for the tiny book club that is Bruce and me. I didn't love it).

I was terribly behind on my Bible reading, so I decided not to read anything else (except on the treadmill) until I caught up. Now, I've caught up!

Next, Bruce and I are going to read George Saunders's short story collection The Tenth of December. I look forward to reading some short fiction. I'm sure I'll find plenty for summer. I also plan to catch up on my other books and perhaps to read some actual Stephen King horror. Spring has begun, so I also need to get going on some young adult lit! I'm excited about variety.

Acting Like I Have a Soul.

Amy Gerstler, Best American Poetry 2010 Intro

This came from my favorite poet. It caught my attention. I believe that I have a soul, but do I act like it? What constitutes acting like I have a soul?

Now:

• Prayer is woven through my days.
• I'm reading the sacred text of my faith.
• Musical theatre brings me awe and lifts my spirit.
• Inspired reading opens my mind, heart, and soul.
• Shared intense laughter feels like a connection of souls.
• Making eye contact with Oliver as we dance makes me soar.
• When I scribble, I feel closer to my essential self.
• Reading good children's literature, especially fantasy-based, restores my wonder, and I think wonder comes from the soul.

More I could do:

• Communing with nature--the local botanical gardens, the local rose garden, and park trails may make my soul glow.
• Encouraging others can engage my soul.
• Making more eye contact with loved ones can show how I feel about them, soul-deep.
• Writing more pieces could express less familiar aspects of myself.

Do you act like you have a soul?

Wearing Out My Dance Slippers.

My favorite Disney movie is Cinderella, but my favorite fairy tale is "The Twelve Dancing Princesses." I love the enchanted forest and the row of silky dance slippers worn to ribbons. I love how the girls (though cursed in some versions) are able to dance all night. Think of the poor cobbler!

So I'm thinking of worn-out dance slippers as a metaphor for living life fully, passionately, and bravely...though apparently limitations and beyond, and for seizing joy. The worn-out slippers also represent putting caution aside and not saving anything for some other dance in the future.

I'm trying to use what I have when I have it, using my favorites without hesitation. I tend to save my favorites, thinking I'll need them more later or thinking I don't have the right to use them yet. But those princesses didn't worry about saving their slippers for the next night. I try to read what I want to read when I want to read it, to wear my favorite clothes or accessories without hesitation, and simply to indulge in what is already mine.

Once at an antique store, I saw a gorgeous pair of lilac ballet slippers. I'll hold that image in my mind.

The Fairy Nightstand.

When I was 12 or 13, I had an idea for my little nightstand. I took an old Cicely Mary Barker calendar and cut out illustrations. I filled a pan with water and glue and took the nightstand to the backyard. I sort of decoupaged the fairies onto the nightstand, using background flowers and leaves to fill in the gaps. It was beautiful. It was hard to clean, but it held up for years. I had had it until several years ago when Josh and I bought matching nightstands.

I think of other creative work I did as a child and teenager, and I want to honor that (Honor would be another great word of the year!). When I was younger than 12, I organized and directed plays to perform with my friends. I was a bit of a tyrant, but those are some of my favorite memories.

I began writing poems in earnest at 14. I was expressing a broken heart, but that bought me into the world of poetry.

As a teenager, I started making collages. Heavy watercolor paper, paint, patterned paper, stickers, magazine images, glitter, charms. I should make one again.

I cherish these memories, and I want to make more.

Restoration: Week 11.

I continued reading pretty well this past week. I finished two more books, and I'm five books ahead of my reading goal on GoodReads! That's amazing compared to last year. I'm beyond grateful that my reading ability is restored.

Stories would be another cool word of the year: reading, telling, and listening. Stories are restoring me.

I'm still floating because of Phantom. I've listened to the soundtrack three times in a row in the car. Oliver is usually content to list while my heart soars.

I saw my therapist, and I have goodness to share, especially about Phantom. She was eager to listen as always, even when I steered us (like this blog post) back to Phantom!

I began writing in the pink, blue, and bream marble journal (made in Italy!) that Josh gave me for Christmas. So far, it's friendly with all pens. It's restoring the joy I got as a child from old-fashioned writing tools: quills, ink, slates, slate pencils, handmade notebooks...

A Bold Reader: Week 11.

I finished two books this past week: Underwater City, poems by Kelle Groom; and Gwendy's Cutton Box, a novella by Stephen King and a friend. I may seek out more books of Groom's poetry. And I'm finally reading Stephen King! I read On Writing many years ago, and now, Bruce and I are almost done reading Sleeping Beauties. 

I began reading Flowers in the Attic. I watched the movie because Emma Donahue (Room) mentioned the book in an interview. The book is good so far, and if I end up loving it, I can read 3 or 4 more books in the series.

I'm' back to reading Thrall, poems by Natasha Tretheway. I lost track of it at some point, so I've started over. I may finish New Southern Poets this coming week!

I'm ahead on my reading goal for the year! Amazing! It makes me happy.

My children's lit focus hasn't gone as well as I'd hoped. I read Tiger Eyes, Ozma of Oz, and Rollerskates. I plan to finish The Complete Book of Flower Fairies by Tuesday, when winter ends. Then, I'll switch to young adult lit for the spring.

Some Wishes.

• More focus and determination
• More Mary-Jane-style shoes
• Finished taxes
• To watch a movie every day
• Too Faced Festival eyeshadow palette
• Too Faced rainbow highlighter
• A stay in a cabin with Mom, Keely, and Vicki
• Calorie-free Reese Pieces
• Mash House cheese grits every day
• More Phantom, somehow!
• Gorgeous handwriting
• An end to breakouts
• More courage
• Ability to play the piano
• A class on ancient Egypt
• An in-home rollerskating rink--and my own skates
• More books by my favorite authors
• An online class with Francesca Lia Block
• Hanging pots of hardy fuchsia
• To take Oliver to a show and for it to go well
• To have all my pictures and art back on the walls, safe from Oliver
• More Italian journals
• More kissing
• An aquarium in my city
• A quilt made of my old T-shirts
• To see Sunset Boulevard again

Restoration: Week 10.

This past weekend, we visited my family. I needed some Mama attention, and it was restorative. I also got to talk and laugh with my brother and restore connections with my other family members.

Mom and I went to see A Wrinkle in Time. The costumes, makeup, and acting restored my sense of wonder. Calvin inspired me especially: broken but so willing to take risks, embrace adventure, and soak up beauty.

I finished two books this past week. I'm still ahead on my goal!

In the Bible, I'm reading about Joshua. God's encouragement to Joshua caught my attention when I was a child, and the words restore my courage now.

As my therapist observed, I'm still "floating" because of my Phantom experience. I'm so grateful that it happened. I feel so extra-blessed. And everyone has been happy for me about it, and that restores those connections.

I cherish my restoration as a reader, and I pray nothing will take that from me.

A Bold Reader: Week 10.

I finished two books this past week: The Cozy Life and Room. The former gave me a general idea of hygge, and I doubt I'll explore it further. I read Room on my phone, mostly on the treadmill. The perspective was impressive. Could I write as a five-year-old boy? I expected the book to be difficult, but after seeing the movie, I decided to give the book a chance. The aspect that actually bothered me most was Jack's skills. Even in captivity, he was years ahead of Oliver. That was a little heartbreaking.

I've been reading aloud poems from The Complete Book of Flower Fairies. I love reconnecting through the pictures. I loved those fairies almost like real friends when I was little. I want to honor my childhood self whenever I can.

I began another ebook: Gwendy's Button Box, a novella by Stephen King and one of his friends. I like Gwendy already.

I'm behind on Sleeping Beauties and a bit behind on the Bible. I'll catch up this week.

Books are anchoring me to Earth.

Trespassing.

I saw old houses on our drive home from Charlotte yesterday. I wrote this:

I feel like exploring a big, empty old house. The old fireplaces that still hold ashes. Evidence of squatters (empty baked bean cans and an empty box of matches). Light fixtures and naked bulbs swinging. Creaking, cracking stairs. White sheets over strange shapes. Peeling paint and wallpaper. Strange little rooms. Crumpled paper. Rusty jacks and worn-down bears. A moth-eaten bridal veil. Candle wax on tables. Wavy windows. Dust a half-inch thick. A child's button-up shoe. Mice in every corner, too bold to hide and too stupid to fear me. Fear like a swallowed golf ball in my throat, my hand slick around a small flashlight.

Slumber Party.

If I had wishes to spare, I would wish for a sleepover with my best childhood friends.

We'd go to someone's house or to a hotel with a lot of space. We'd all have sleeping bags. And we would

• Eat sunflower seeds while telling secrets
• Play Murder in the Dark and the Killer card game
• Exchange photos and pose for new ones (one of our moms would be around)
• Watch Romeo and Juliet or a slightly scary movie
• Give each other back rubs
• Discuss color psychology and analyze each other's handwriting
• Each bring party favors...mine would be pens of course
• Whine about our bodies and complain to each other
• Write to each other in autograph books or journals
• Dig up our dreams and share them

What a wonder that would be!

Restoration: Week 9.

This past week, I've been learning more about hygge by reading The Cozy Life. I nearly finished the book.

I have a list of items about which I'm curious; I want to read about more of those. I'd like a DK book on ancient Egypt. I want to pursue learning. Life-long learning is awesome because the learner can choose the topics. But unlike learning in school, the learner has to rely solely on self-discipline.

I finished a book on capsule wardrobes. I'm grateful to have reading restored to me.

One of the most wonderful experiences of my life occurred on Saturday. I saw The Phantom of the Opera from the front row. The fire was hot, the chandelier fell from above us (farther than I thought it would fall!), and I could see Christine's lipstick and Carlotta's eye makeup. The costumes glittered. The voices were strong. The conductor was passionate. I bought the tickets last year and felt I'd have to wait forever. I knew it was probably a once-in-a-lifetime chance. I think I was grinning or my mouth was open the whole show. I went with Bruce, who was quite excited too. It was magnificent--that's the best word I can come up with for it. My soul feels a bit mended, and the colors in my mind are brighter.

A Bold Reader: Week 9.

This past week, I finished another book on capsule wardrobes, this one by Sophie Claire, on my phone. The book was a little better than the other I read on capsule wardrobes. I haven't read many ebooks, but I love the ease of reading on my phone while I'm on the treadmill, in a waiting room, or just stuck somewhere without a book.

GoodReads sends me notices when a book on my to-read list is on sale. I bought two ebooks for $1.99 each.

I caught up on my Daily Bible! Now, I just need to keep up.

I'm still reading aloud three books of poetry. Josh is a fan of Rita Dove too, so he may want to read her Selected Poems when I finish it. I like it when we have read the same books.

I need to do better with my children's literature focus. I only have a few weeks left. Of course, I can continue with those books as I start young adult literature in the spring. Maybe this week I can finish the American Girl Felicity story collection. I don't want to save any books for another season; I can always find more.

Reading is like moving slowly through cool water with the sun shimmering on it.

I'm so thankful for books.