I have a chart. This chart has over 50 habits (most of them small) that I'd like to follow each day, tasks that my ideal self would complete daily. Some of these are basic (Floss once) while some are more involved (Pick up House) or lofty (Do Art). I use a highlighter (often pink glitter) to mark the tasks I've completed for the day. I started the chart last year, and the highest number I got was 37. Not very impressive.
My mom is also working on some new habits. She read Atomic Habits, and she told me that the book suggested having a visual for each desired habit. Of course, I have the chart, but I liked Mom's idea: keeping a jar with her favorite buttons, one button per healthy choice or good habit. I decided to try that as an extra reinforcement, so I ordered a jar (plastic--not as cool but more Oliver-proof) and took out a great many rhinestones, little ones, in fuchsia, purple, pale pink, and pale green. I'm thinking I may use rhinestone stars for monthly or annual habits like staying within budget or reading the year's Best American volumes. Bruce told me that his word of the year is Habit, which fits nicely with my goals and Mom's goals as well as the word of the year Josh and I are sharing. Bruce wants to focus on holistic happiness.
I haven't burst into passionate productivity in the new year. This is partly because my medication manager halved my dose of Ritalin (a stimulant) without my input. Before Ritalin, I slept all day, often in a deep depression. I had no energy, drive, or focus. My doctor put me on 20mg of Ritalin twice a day, and my life changed. Suddenly, I could take showers. I could do a load of laundry. I could pick up my son from school. I could unpack the boxes from our move. Apart from Geodon (which keeps the hallucinations away), Ritalin has had the greatest impact on my quality of life. And now, I have only 10mg twice a day. So, I'm sleeping. A lot. Yesterday, I slept until 10:30 and took about five hours' worth of naps. It's unsustainable. Yes, I've had mono, but with mono, I felt too ill to sleep. Now, I'm too flattened to stay awake.
But enough complaining. New Year's Day was a great day. I didn't do as much as I'd hoped, but I had 32 highlights on my chart. I decided that for a good day, my minimum would be 30. I figure I should be able to follow more than half of the habits I want to maintain or build. But this week, that seems like a lot. My numbers have gone down almost every day, and the break is nearly over.
Nonetheless, I dropped 32 fuchsia rhinestones in the plastic, half-gallon jar last Monday night. I think we should celebrate the good days especially, so I'll tell you about January 1.
I woke up around 9 and stayed in bed for a few minutes. I had had a strange dream, but not a bad one. When I went downstairs, Josh told me to look in the fridge. I found a large McDonald's Dr. Pepper AND a Venti iced peppermint mocha, complete with chocolate shavings! Brilliant! I had ended the previous year and begun the current year wearing my black Strand hoodie. I started a new journal: Papier brand, blue with waves of stars. I wrote my morning pages (three pages, according to The Artist's Way) and kept going. I messaged an Irish Step Dance instructor about adult classes in Fayetteville. I don't really have the money or time for such an expensive, intense hobby, but it would be a fun way to exercise and be creative. I haven't heard anything from her.
I opened the #19 ink from my Diamine Inkvent calendar. This was Cinnabun, a standard brown. I like brown inks because they feel old fashioned, like original walnut-shell inks. Josh had actually cleaned my green TWSBI stub pen for me, remembering the lessons I gave him one night recently, telling him all about fountain pens in an attempt to bring him into my world and bond with him. I read a little of Victoria Holiday Bliss, a special magazine. I'm not done with Christmas yet, and reading a magazine article in the morning is one of my daily habits. I wrote until 11:30 and then took a shower with philosophy Morning Maple 3-in-1 shampoo and Twisted Peppermint body wash. I put on navy fleece-lined leggings, a sports bra (less itchy on my winter-dry skin), my red beaded Twinkle Twinkle tee, and the Out of Print Read Your Socks Off socks Josh gave me for Christmas. He gave me several pairs of bookish socks, and I've been wearing a new pair each day. I dusted silver glitter on my face, neck, and hair.
I was frustrated with myself because I forgot to eat breakfast on the first day of the year! Those fabulous beverages distracted me. But I went to Barnes and explored. I smelled a lovely candle called Dark Academia, but I'm not going to pay $28 for it. I didn't find any new magazines, so I bought a tomato caprise for lunch. I was so hungry by then that I ate half of it in the car. I only stayed at Barnes for 40 minutes or so, but it counted as my artist's date (also from The Artist's Way) for the week. I listened to The Electricity of Every Living Thing while I showered and while I drove.
When I got home, Josh had cleaned the whole house! I had cleaned up the study, putting away books and gifts and gathering all my current projects into tote bags (Josh calls them house purses, and they bug him less than clutter on the floor and the ottomans). Oliver was watching videos, but he wasn't tense, and he actually watched full videos instead of rapid cycling. When he rapid video cycles, he'll watch the same string of 30+ videos and stop each at the same point, usually 10-60 seconds in, and then start the cycle over in the same order. It's bizarre, but I guess it's not so strange for an autistic person. The good-natured video time didn't last, but I tried to focus on the candles. The Snowflakes and Citrus candle had burned out, so I replaced it with White Winter Woods.
Once the video cycling passed, we went back to the study. Josh gave me a shoulder rub before he got back to reading the poetry anthology What Saves Us. The Peppermint Sugar Cookie candle burned. I got up, turned on the audio book Gingerbread by Helen Oeyemi, opened a Wild Cherry Pepsi (I prefer Cherry Coke, but it's good in a pinch), and cooked corkscrew pasta with pesto, broccoli, and asparagus.
After dinner, I opened ink #20, Astral. It's a chameleon ink that is black with green-gold glittrer--roaring '20s gorgeous! I definitely want to buy a full-sized bottle of Astral when it comes out next year. It reminds me of my doll Lunette (technically a witch, but I think of her as a sassy wingless sprite). Josh started his first book of the new year: Going South to Teach, about a woman (1800s?) leaving New York to teach in Raleigh. He's only reading books by non-males this year; this will be his 200th book by a woman. I need to make him a stack of poetry books. I chose two other books I'd like us to read (reread for me) together: Happiness for Two by Alexandra Stoddard and The Hidden Writer by Alexandra Johnson. The latter goes with my 2024 focus on journals, diaries, and books on journaling. I'll also be reading memoirs by and biographies of poets.
I spent most of the first day of the year writing, which I think is a great way to welcome the new year. I rested with my heated blanket under me as my kidneys have been hurting and bleeding. I see my nephrologist on the 15th. I learned two new words for this winter:
Apricity: the warmth of sunlight in winter
Vellichor: the feeling of wistful romance one gets from the scent of old books
I finished the book Audrey by Megan Hess, my first book of the new year. And, honestly, it's the only book I've finished so far this year. Not a good start! But I read poems from Books and Libraries and wrote my word-of-the-year blog post. And I set my reading goal for the year: 100 books again.
The rest of the week was very sleepy but included some great times. I'll write about them soon.
No comments:
Post a Comment