On December 15, I finished my grading and turned in my grades. I finished my first semester back in teaching. I did it. Despite enormous personal and medical obstacles, I made it. But I didn't really celebrate that day or that weekend because the boys weren't done yet.
On December 17, Sunday, I finally saw Bruce. We hadn't seen each other in over a month because I'd been so sick. But that afternoon, we met at Barnes, where he found me in among the journals. Bruce bought me a peppermint mocha frap; I hadn't had one in years. We talked for a long time in the cafe and then walked around. I had decided to buy magazines. I bought five, two of them Christmas themed. I planned to read a lot of magazines during the break. I also bought a tiny Penguin Modern book, Create Dangerously by Albert Camus. I thought Josh and I could read it, and then, I could keep it in my purse. My pocket copy of Writing Down the Bones doesn't fit in my current purse. I also spilled Shirley Temple on it, but that's okay. We found a couple of great-looking horror books that I wanted us to read together, and I tried to remember their titles. I ended up buying another slim book called The Art of Frugal Hedonism. It has no price mark. But spending less and enjoying everything more sounded good. I just figured I'd skip over the inevitable sections on marijuana. We inhaled the candles, so lovely and so expensive. And I pined for a $20 Paper Source silver and gold star garland, but I didn't buy it. I did buy a pair of holiday book socks because how could I not? I'd seen them online, and I looked for them specifically.
On December 19, I picked Oliver up just after noon. I had, just that morning, packed Christmas cards and $20 bills in Oliver's backpack for his teachers. I figured that they'd probably just want cash for gas or whatever more than any silly gift I could choose. Oliver was in good spirits, but I worried, knowing it would be a long time before he went back to school. We went home and hung out for a few hours, hoping Josh would get off early. I finished listening to Wintering by Katherine May, a book I discovered when I was very depressed in the winter of early 2021. I read it as an E-book and later bought the hardcover because it became one of my favorite books. I had recently used an Audible credit for the audio book as well, thinking I might enjoy rereading by listening. Josh had begun the E-book as we've finally figured out how to share our Kindle libraries. He's actually found several books to read among my books.
Josh did not get off early. We went to pick him up at 4. I had asked if we could go to Kohl's, where I had an order waiting: a set of pink and gray velour star pajamas. My grandmother used to buy me Christmas Eve pajamas every year when I was a child, and it became one of my favorite holiday traditions along with complicated gifts in stockings (no candy canes for our family). Josh ran in and grabbed my PJs, and then, we went to Barnes. I was glad to be back so soon. Josh got me an iced peppermint mocha, got Oliver a giant chocolate chip cookie, and got himself a Diet Coke. While he was doing that, I went back to the gift displays. I was delighted to find that much of the holiday decor (alas, none of the pretty Christmas books) was on sale, 50% off! I picked up the now-$10 star garland and a now-$7 mini tin Woodfire candle. I brought these back to the table along with a running book for Josh to peruse. I found that he had gotten me a slice of cheesecake as well! So, we had a little party there in the cafe, and I decided that I really must get to bookstores much more often. That evening, Josh pinned the star garland above my Cinderella display. It will stay up all year. I decided that day that I would have an iced peppermint mocha every day until Christmas.
Just two days later came the winter solstice. A whole chapter of Wintering is devoted to the winter solstice, primarily to pagan rituals and celebrations. May actually went to Stonehenge to see the sun rise! I am not a pagan, but the frequent Druid festivals do appeal to me. So, what did I do? First of all, Josh made his excellent banana walnut chocolate chip muffins. At some point, I had my iced peppermint mocha. The best places add chocolate shavings to the whipped cream.
I set aside my Diamine Inkvent calendar (one of the coolest creations ever) and fountain pens after I finished my Italian celestial journal. I found a journal that I stickered perhaps two years ago as a special Christmas journal...lots of snowflakes, trees, presents, and even Christmas fairies inside. I forgot to use it last year. But I started it on the solstice, a Compoco journal in deep blues and gold with an hour glass, a tiny sail boat moving toward a rising sun, and the words Time to Wander. I thought it was a perfect journal for the end of the year. I started it with a Pentel Hybrid Dual Metallic pen, silver with light green glitter. It made me think of icecaps.
I wore my purple hoodie and my favorite black star coatigan, which was extra soft as I'd just washed it. It's a little ratty already (I got it last year), but I love it anyway. Josh took Oliver to the trampoline park, and while they were out, I watched Little Women, another Christmas tradition I have decided to establish. This year, it was the Greta Gerwig version, in part because Bruce was going to take me to see Wonka. I automatically loved Timothee Chalamet because he was Laurie! That version is not linear, so it doesn't have as much of a Christmas feeling as the Winona Ryder or BBC films do. Still, I was happy to rewatch it. I think Mom and I saw it on Christmas Day the year it came out. I'm always happy to rewatch a Little Women or a Jane Eyre. In fact, I asked Bruce to watch the BBC's Little Women earlier this year.
The Pumpkin Vanilla Creme candle in the living room burned out, so I replaced it with a 'Tis the Season candle, which has a good bit of cinnamon scent, my favorite. The candle in the study burned out too (Merry Cookie), so I replaced it with a Holiday candle, which has an even stronger cinnamon scent. The Vanilla Bean Noel candle continued to burn in the foyer.
When the boys got home, we drove to Arnette Park to see the Christmas Town light display. The whole enterprise took over an hour, and it's something I'm satisfied to do just once. But it was pretty impressive, massive arches of lights, twinkling trees, and so many animated characters. We listened to our Christmas playlist, which includes each of our favorites (Aaron Neville and Michael Crawford for me) and the James Taylor album we discovered together. Oliver didn't seem to mind the outing, but he was very sleepy when we got home.
When the boys went to bed, I chose and decorated my Christmas journal for next year! It is a purple Papier journal (fountain pen friendly) with stars, my name, and Stardust Wishes on the cover. Papier journals are expensive (about $30), but they're personalized. I try to buy a few each year if I can.
After that, I took a hot Twisted Peppermint bubble bath (yes, I have kept Bath & Body Works in business). It wasn't a perfect day. I felt enormous sadness at one point, and I cried more than I ever have in front of Josh. But unlike my recent mixed episode (see the sister blog, Water in a Wineglass), my emotions that day felt like a variety of healthy, genuine feelings. That was refreshing. I stayed up late writing, but it wasn't compulsive...I just felt like writing into the night.
The next day, Bruce and Corey took me to see Wonka. It was pretty great. I had popcorn with far too much butter (the employee really lay on the dispenser). I had an unpleasant moment when a man ran into me and groped me, and that shook me. But I was determined not to let it ruin touch, public spaces, or crowds for me. So, I hugged the guys goodbye, and instead of going home, I drove to Barnes. Yes, again. I got myself coffee and a caprese sandwich, which I brought home. But I made myself look at the journals again before I left, just to ground myself in what I love.
I had expected that we wouldn't be able to see family for Christmas because of my continued illness, but we went to Charlotte anyway. And though I caught another cold (I was just getting over one), it was a good time. And Josh got me an iced peppermint mocha on Christmas Eve, right before the Starbucks closed.
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