A Bold Reader: Week 30.

This past week was a big win! I finished three books! It just works out that way sometimes.

I finished Slice of Moon by Kim Dower. She's a new favorite; I found inexpensive copies of some of her other books. I finished Best Small Fictions 2017, which was awesome. 50+ pieces of flash fiction! That brought me far along with my goal to read one short story a day for the summer. I'll probably read another volume. And I finished Wildwood Flower by Kay (Kathryn Stripling Byer). I only have two more of her books to read. The remembering that she is gone is hard.

So I began Standing Water by Eleanor Chai. I don't remember how I got this book of poems. And I've started Billy Collins's Horoscopes for the Dead, which I plucked from Josh's office shelf. Billy Collins is almost always soothing to me, and I haven't read anything of his in a long time.

Bruce and I only have nine stories left in The Unreal and the Real by Ursula K. Le Guin. Just a handful!

I'm thinking about reading an Alice Munro story collection next--I think I've only read two. I'll surround myself with books this week.

Curious.

Here are some examples of what lights up my curiosity:

• What's in other people's makeup bags. What's cheap; what's a splurge? What's the organization, if any? What are the shades? What can I learn?
• Past writing tools. How could people write novels or even long letters with pen and ink? What did current pens become common?
• Ancient Egypt. What was education like? What were family relationships like?
• Other people's diaries. Luckily, plenty are published, so I needn't snoop. But I don't know if I know anyone who keeps a diary regularly. What kinds of concrete details are in the diary, and what do they reveal?
• Names of flowers and trees.
• Parasitic twins. Whoa.
• The relationship between books and the films based on them.
• The tea-time tradition. I've been to high tea twice, but I'd like to know more.
• Andrew Lloyd Webber. His memoir awaits me on one of the book stacks in my room.
• Other people's hallucinations. What do they reveal, if anything?
• What makes reading difficult for me.
• Fairy tales. I need to stuff myself with them. So many cultures! So many shades of fantasy!

The List.

Every week in my journal, I make a massive list of what I need or want to do. The current list has 123 items. I know it's neurotic and weird. But I call it my To-Do Wish List because I don't express to cross off every item. My informal goal is to accomplish half of those small goals. The list helps me shape my days and the landscape of my mind. It gives me motivation and a sense of accomplishment as if someone is taking notice of my efforts. So what's on the list?

• Reading at least one poem each in each of the three poetry books I'm reading. I check those off every night after my poetry-bubble bath.
• Responding to prompts in my journal, usually five per week. I make up prompts or find them anywhere and write them on a blank page (or more) to respond to later. Many of these become blog posts.
• Blogging five times a week.
• Working on a stack of books. I list the books I've begun and simply try to work on each a little. This doesn't often happen.
• Using my desk and my chaise lounge. I have these lovely pieces--a white secretary desk that holds notebooks, stationery, pens, ink...and a denim chaise that's good for reading and sticker play.
• Reading short stories. I'm trying to read one for every day of summer this year, so the numbers are one my list.
• Finishing books. I include the books I want to finish reading that week.
• Writing at least two pages a day in my journal, whether the current journal is massive or tiny.
• Exercise: three times walking, dancing, or swimming and three times floor work--small weights, yoga, ballet...I've not been very good with this.
• Reading magazines, so Oliver can tear them up (his current obsession/self-soothing activity). It gives me an excuse to sit still with a magazine.

...and much more. Do you keep crazy lists?

My Style.

I recently received a free trial from a clothing subscription. The style quizzes and comment boxes made me think about what my style is.

As a teenager, I wore tanks and flare jeans with trainers. Before that, I wore leggings and a Broadway show T-shirts or sweatshirts (my grandfather sent me plenty of shirts).

When I started teaching, I was clueless. I borrowed clothes from Mom, and she helped me put together a small work wardrobe. I remember my first purchases: gray dress pants, a black dress with ruffles at the neck, two black cardigans, and eventually, a statement necklace with faux pearls. I ended up building my style day by day.

Now, I don't wear a lot of my work clothes. Many pieces don't fit, but I try to use the ones that do. My style has shifted, and figuring out how to define that is a challenge. Here's how I tried to define or at least describe my style:

• I want to sparkle. Glitter, metallic thread, sequins, beading, rhinestones...Seriously, make me shimmer. Everything should glint or glimmer. It's an enchantment that helps me confirm and protect my sense of self.
• I'm a stay-at-home parent to a child with special needs. I drive a lot, so I have to be comfortable, but I'm also a mental health advocate for my son and myself, so I need to look competent. 
• I've gained a lot of weight on medication, so I'm building a small wardrobe to use until I lose the weight.
• I like swing dresses and dresses with empire waists. A-line and flare work for me.
• I don't wear open-toe shoes. Ever.
• My favorite colors are purple and green. I also like to wear grays, black, and blush.
• I go to the theatre about once a month, and I like to dress up for that. I have a fantasy of wearing a different dress to every show.
• I like Mary Janes.
• I love cardigans.
• In pants, I need a curvy, petite fit.
• I don't like to wear animal prints. 
• I like long necklaces with cluster pendants.
• I like statement necklaces (bib) that glitter.
• I like chandelier earrings. Sparkle!

A Bold Reader: Week 29.

Alas, I did not finish any books this past week. But I did read a lot of  poetry and some lengthy Ursula K. Le Guin stories. I'll finish a book or two this coming week.

I near the edge of a reading rut...or just a slump. I struggle to read when I'm with others, but even when I'm alone, reading is difficult every day. I know it will get easier if I stay dedicated; I've gone through the stages before. Reading, like writing, is a practice. Daily. Varied. Challenging.

I'm a little way into several books. I usually latch onto one and finish it. I wish I could read so many books; I'm already feeling the need to be more intentional about my reading choices. A life will only hold so many books.

Restoration: Week 29.

I want to expand my thoughts. I just started a DK Eyewitness book on ancient Egypt, a topic about which I'm curious. That was my favorite unit in my AP Art History class. Leaning something new may soothe my fevered mind or help to repair my brain.

Bruce and I have continued to watch Black Mirror. It's restoring the joy I've always had in science fiction, and it's helping to fill my need for new, strange stories.

I went swimming with the boys. I'm not as strong as I was, but I think I belong with the water.

Restoration is something I need to work toward daily. It's a practice. How can I restore my relationship with myself, my relationships with others, my sense of self?

Luxury.

I wonder how much people differ in how they define and experience luxury. Here's a sample of luxuries from my perspective:

• Leaning back in my chaise lounge while looking through an entire giant issue of InStyle from 2014.
• Wearing four or more rings at once.
• Sorting books by color.
• Writing with a pen that has extra cushion.
• Keeping one blue hydrangea in an Ariel cup on my dresser.
• Eating brie spread and pita chips.
• Having painted my nails (I hate the doing!).
• Wearing Mom's green silk button-down to my poetry reading or wearing her red, lacey cardigan to work at Barnes and Noble on Christmas Eve.
• Remembering that Mom gifted those two gorgeous pieces to me. 
• Using a long dessert spoon.
• Showering only to put on clean pajamas for the rest of the day.
• Using bath bombs that fill my bath with glitter.
• Cuddling with Oliver and breathing in his hot-sand scent.
• Having lunch at Cinderella's castle (done!).
• Eating Dippin' Dots ice cream.
• Wearing a light swing dress in a great color like royal blue.
• Enjoying a mild version of binge watching with Bruce (Currently: The Handmaid's Tale and Black Mirror).
• Spotting wild violets everywhere as I walk in grass.
• A big glass of 1% milk in the morning.
• Ordering room service.
• Reading for an hour or longer, completely absorbed.
• Staying up late (past 9:30 p.m.!) with Mom.
• Wearing a Betsey Johnson statement necklace that Josh gave me for our anniversary.
• Getting anything happy in the mail.
• Taking a nap with Josh while Oliver is at ABA.
• Writing a letter at my white desk.

What feels luxurious to you?