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Friday, March 11, 2022

Stillness & Attention: Week 10.

Day 1: I can't believe this is already the 10th week of the year! I'm nine weeks into NoBuy and 26 books toward my goal.

We're about 110 pages into The Girl Who Drank the Moon. The metaphors about magic (and personality? mental health?) are intriguing. At what point are our truest selves harmful? At what point does self-censorship make us cease to be ourselves? One of the characters says a great line: simply, "Poetry will help." Poetry helps me with loneliness, writer's reluctance, and mental sluggishness. 

I've been reading Wildwood Whispers, which I'm having a little trouble getting into. I started Honor Moore's Red Shoes: Poems. Poetry begets poetry! I wrote a poem called "The Keeper," and I submitted my second poetry manuscript, Call Me Luna, to the Four Way Books competition. Tomorrow, I plan to do the same with my first poetry manuscript. Formatting for a particular competition or publisher takes some time.

Day 2: I finished Red Shoes yesterday. Today, I started The Thorn, poems by David Larsen--a quirky book. I spent most of the morning reading George by Alex Gino. The first book I read about a transgender person was Luna by Julie Anne Peters. I remember reading it during a trip to Washington. It got me to think about issues that had only vaguely crossed my mind. More recently, I read Too Bright to See by Kyle Lukoff, a young readers book about an eleven-year-old transgender boy. I saw George on a list of banned books, so I asked the library for it. This one is about a ten-year-old transgender girl. I would say that I can't imagine what it would be like to be a transgender kid, but after reading these books, maybe I can imagine it a little. I'm glad books like these exist, both for the people who identify with the characters and for everyone else who wants to be a compassionate human.

28 books! I'd like to finish The Thorn and Wildwood Whispers by tomorrow afternoon so I can return them on my way to pick up Oliver from school. But now, I'm going to read to the boys and drink wild strawberry water out of a DPAC cup through a rainbow metal straw.

I finished The Thorn in the bathtub. I listened to Corinne Bailey Rae's The Heart Speaks in Whispers and The Love E.P. while I showered and gave myself a silver pedicure. Then, I submitted my first poetry collection, Little Droughts and Hurricanes, to the same competition I entered yesterday. I'm counting the two entry fees as professional expenses. I really need to work on my website, which exists but doesn't have any content yet.

Day 3: I had the morning with Josh. While he napped, I updated my website (still under construction but coming along) and wrote a new poem called "Backing Up." I've started reading How to Fly (In Ten Thousand Easy Lessons): Poetry by Barbara Kingsolver. I've only read her Prodigal Summer, which I loved. I have Poisonwood Bible around here somewhere. I've been writing with a pink Outliner pen.

I didn't finish WW, but I did return four books to the library. Oliver and I had a quiet afternoon, and Josh got home early from his final night class. I'm excited that I'll have him home on Monday nights now.

Day 4: I finally finished Wildwood Whispers this morning. I liked it fine. That's book #30 for the year! I'm 12 books ahead of schedule. That makes me feel less worried about any reading slumps I may encounter. I'm now starting Ormeshadow by Priya Sharma. 

I usually have time with Josh on Tuesday and Wednesday mornings, but this week, he has long admin days. I'm encouraging myself to use the time well to read and to work on laundry...and maybe to clean up the space around my nightstand, which always gets cluttered. The sun is shining on the keyboard though I expected today to be cloudy. If I could easily sleep during the day, I'd take a sunshine nap.

I took Oliver to OT for the first time in months; his therapist just returned from maternity leave. I finished Ormeshadow, which I really liked. So now, I've read seven books this month. Getting to 10 books should be easy. I've been writing with a purple Outliner pen.

Day 5: Today, I've been writing in green. I drained a couple of pens and then opened a package of Pentel Slicci metallic pens. Sliccis are very fancy and usually very expensive. I got a few packs on sale last year. They feel special--slim and silvery.

I sent 10 poems to a contest today. I'm trying to rebuild the habit of submitting work, and lately, I've been entering contests. One of my 40 before 40 goals is to place in a writing contest. This isn't likely, but at least I'm trying. My poetry chapbooks came back, so I need to find another potential home for them. Most of my individual poems need to go out. I've started (barely) an Excel spreadsheet as a master list for all my pieces. 

I started reading Revelator last night. I don't remember why I placed a library hold on it, and I haven't read the jacket, so I don't know what to expect. It does have a fantasy sticker. If I like it, I'll have several more Daryl Gregory books to read. The cover is haunting. I'm also trying to finish How to Fly. 

I did catch up on some laundry. And I have gotten a few free treats. Philosophy is having a BOGO sale. I wanted to buy some products to keep as gifts for a family member, so I did that and got some free 3-in-1 gels for myself! I also ordered a Grande Paperblanks journal with Amazon points. I've been wanting that journal for a long time. I'll sticker it up when it gets here and write in it soon. I'll probably finish my current Novel Journal tomorrow.

Day 6: I finished my journal with a Gelly Roll Stardust Blue Star pen from the box Leah sent me. I'll always love Stardust pens. I remember going to Astoria, Oregon as a teenager. It was a family reunion at a convent-turned-B&B. While I was there, I wrote in a Flavia journal with a castle on it. I wrote on each page with a different Stardust pen. That was also the trip on which I discovered Amy Brown's fairy art.

I started my next journal, one I bought at Barnes about a year ago. It has shelves of books, 34 of them with titles. I've read 13 of them. I have a lot of reading to do.


For some of the day, I wrote with a Gelly Roll Gold Shadow pen in pink. It ghosts a lot, but it's very pretty. 


Today, I finished reading How to Fly (In Ten Thousand Easy Lessons), poems by Barbara Kingsolver. I ended up liking it a lot more than I expected! I wrote down a lot of lines in my Quotations and Magic Words composition book. I also started Hope in the Mail: Reflections on Writing and Life by Wendelin Van Draanen. I'm jumping around, trying to find a book I can sink into. I have several that are late, so it doesn't really matter which one I read first. I've read eight books this month though!

Day 7: Today, I get some time alone with Josh. He's been working a lot this week, so I've been looking forward to this. I was thinking yesterday about the loneliness I experience and how mild it is compared to the loneliness I felt with my first husband (I got married at 19). This loneliness is hopeful, reaching toward the next moment of intimacy and connection. That loneliness was hopeless, knowing none of that was coming. I'm grateful to be with Josh, who builds me up and creates safe spaces for me, who always wants me, and who strives for constant kindness. He is often better than I deserve. 

We're talking about going to Asheville in August so he can run a half marathon. We went on three trips last year (Southern Pines, Raleigh, and New York), and I didn't think we'd travel this year. But I'm looking at tiny houses we might rent for the weekend. Asheville won't be a fun during a NoBuy year, but we can just enjoy being alone together someplace where we can't work on laundry or dishes. We'll see if my mom and her husband are able to keep Oliver. We were looking at a run in June, but it's on a Sunday, which makes everything more complicated. 

I finished 30 days of my dress challenge! I'm just going to 40; the dress isn't going to handle many more washings. I've read some more of Hope in the Mail, and I'm getting back to Best American Poetry 2021. Now, I'll try to read some of The Girl Who Drank the Moon to the boys before I go to Bruce's to watch Locke & Key!

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