Search This Blog

Friday, March 25, 2022

Stillness & Attention: Week 12.

Day 1: Saturday. Yesterday, Josh bought me Robin McKinley's Outlaws of Sherwood from a book sale the college library was having. This morning, I finished reading The Girl Who Drank the Moon to the boys! It was so good. That's my fourth book for the week, 13th book for the month, 37th book of the year. And 875 books total. How have I not read 1,000 books yet? What have I been doing all this time? Well, much of the time, I have been reading. But at this point in my life, I can read a lot more. I should have little trouble getting to 1,000 books by my 40th birthday. This book is also the 15th long book I've read to Oliver.

My favorite author, Francesca Lia Block, has started a new class on LitReactor: The New Myth. I was very tempted to take it, but I told myself I wouldn't spend money on classes this year. Hopefully, she'll offer it again. I need to get better acquainted with Greek mythology in preparation. 

I finished Wounds! That book is not for the sensitive of spirit, mind, or stomach. Nope. 

Day 2: I started reading Writing Radar last night. It's pretty fun. I'll try to finish it today. I have more books that are about to be late. Hrrmm. I've suspended all my holds until I can catch up. I won't be going to the library today because Oliver has the day off school. But I'll try to return at least a few books on Tuesday.

I'm itching to spend money today. Our Facebook fast has ended, and I immediately saw an ad for gorgeous linen journals. And look at these darling star pajamas! And what about these star pajamas? But I'm not spending. I am stronger than my cravings. To underscore that, I've started reading Soulful Simplicity by Courtney Carver. 

I finished Writing Radar. Then, Oliver had a meltdown, not understanding that we couldn't find the video he wanted. It was so loud and awful. After medication calmed him down some 45 minutes later, we went to the backyard. I saw so many wild violets in the yard. I wrote a poem called "The Poem I Remember," about the afters. Every pain can be a poem. It's not worth it. But it's something to do.

Today marks the end of winter. I've only read five or six children's books this season, which isn't great. But I did read important books (George) and books I've meant to read for a long time (Peter Pan and Wendy, The Girl Who Drank the Moon). Spring is beginning, and I'll shift my focus to YA literature. Honestly, though, I probably won't get to much YA for a while. More books are due! But once I catch up, I'll explore the YA section at the library and see what I find.

Day 3: Oliver doesn't have school today. Josh will be busy most of the day with work and a Moderna trial appointment. I'm hoping I won't see a reprise of what happened yesterday. The meltdowns are harder when I'm alone. But Oliver seems relaxed today, relaxing on his crash pad and on the huge fairy and mermaid pillow I brought downstairs.

Last night and this morning, I read some of Madeleine L'Engle's Many Waters to the boys. I haven't liked any of the Time books as much as Wrinkle, but finishing the series is one of my 40 before 40 goals. Two books left!

I've read Claire Keegan's novella Small Things Like These today. It's subtle, short, and frightening. I've written two poems today, "March" and "Concrete Stroll," and I applied for a writing fellowship. That's my writing work for the day! I'm writing with a Stardust Gelly Roll Red Star pen. I'm down to the last couple of pens my friends have sent me!

Day 4: Two new poems: "Contrary" and "Pilgrimage." I read a lot of Together in a Sudden Strangeness last night. Josh showed some interest in reading it, and I want him to be able to read it at his own pace, so I ordered him a copy. It also just seems like a book we should have at home.

I finished the book today. 

Day 5: I spent a chunk of the day at the dentist, trying to keep my mouth wide open and breathe through my nose while I felt like I was drowning. Now, my jaw aches. I'm about to take ibuprofen p.m. I ordered a new toothbrush because mine died. I forgot to ask for the prescription toothpaste I'm supposed to use, so I'll have to go back.

A spark: Moon Cheese. Crunchy cheese in a pouch at the Food Lion registers. 

Another spark: Josh said he had a certain amount of clinical trial money, which we can't really use for anything practical. "This money exists outside space and time," he said. "Is there anything you want?" There was. A necklace, within $3 of that liminal amount with tax and shipping. It will arrive on the 30th.

I've read from five books today. I started reading Reasons to Stay Alive aloud to Josh. I also read aloud two chapters of Many Waters to the boys. I read more of Soulful Simplicity. I started The Beauts, a chapbook (for the daily goal read poems) and Snow White and Rose Red (for the daily goals read in focus [YA] and read a fairy tale). 

Because my dress challenge ended on Monday, I've worn jeans for two days. Jeans and pink. It feels great. For the next four days, I don't have to go anywhere, drive anywhere, or even put on real clothes. I can be exactly what I am, whatever that may be.

Day 6: I finished Soulful Simplicity and wrote down a lot of little quotations. One of my favorite terms Carver used was joyful discipline. Hmm. I may have to revisit that. 

I've continued to read Many Waters to the boys. It's going to be a strange one. I'd like to finish it this month, so we'll see how much of it I can manage this weekend. I also read a little of Reasons to Stay Alive to Josh, which I plan to do whenever we have some time together. And I continued with The Beauts and Snow White and Rose Red

Terri McCord, who wrote The Beauts and went to the MFA program I attended, has won several awards, a fellowship, and nominations for a Pushcart and Best of the Net! Life goals. I hoped I'd write a poem today, but I didn't. I haven't been doing enough writing work. I've been editing my story "Ruby" to send to an online journal. It's so old that I put two spaces between sentences! "Ruby" made it to the final round with another magazine, so I feel confident that it's good. I've only published a couple of stories, and I haven't written very many. I'm hoping that during my Short Story Summer, I'll get back into writing short fiction. As a grad student, I forced myself to write a short story every Wednesday. It was a total chore, and I had no idea what I was doing. But I forced myself to sit with my computer and start. Stillness and attention! Poems sometimes just come, but showing up and being brave is always necessary. I need to show up more.

I began reading Neverland by Piers Dudgeon. It's about the connection between Daphne du Maurier and J. M. Barrie--I didn't know there was a connection. I thought the book would be dry, but it's quite absorbing. I think it's also going to be disturbing, but after having read Rebecca and two books of du Maurier's short stories (and after finally having read Peter Pan and Wendy), I'm eager to learn more. Du Maurier's stories are among my favorites, there with Shirley Jackson, Kelly Link, Angela Carter, and Karen Russell.

Day 7: I sent five poems to a literary magazine and reformatted some other pieces for later submission. I'm trying to do some writing work each day, including at least three more submissions this month. I found a story I had completely forgotten.

Josh and I had a little time together this morning, and I read more of Reasons to Stay Alive to him. So far, some of it seems closer to my experience than Josh's because Haig dealt with a lot of anxiety. 

I finished the poetry chapbook The Beauts. That brings me to 880 total books. Next, I'm going to read Dorianne Laux's Facts about the Moon. 

I drained all the pens I've received from supportive friends! All await recycling through the Bic stationery program. Leah, one of my core friends from childhood, asked me for another pen wish list. I'm astonished at how my friends have encouraged me in my writing. Some of my favorite pens are on amazing sale, 30-40% off, and if this weren't a NoBuy year (and we had money), I'd buy several of each set. But I will use what I have and trust that I will have enough of everything I need. 

No comments:

Post a Comment