Restoration: Week 32.

This past weekend, my dad took us to dinner. I love the cheese grits at the restaurant. Oliver didn't behave well, but it was still a good visit.

We also had a nice visit from Mom and Shane. They took Oliver swimming, and Josh and I fell asleep.!

Mom had brought over dishes of chicken and vegetable pasta. She made a small dish without chicken--she's always sensitive to Josh's being a vegetarian. The next day, we had a good brunch at Cracker Barrel. Oliver ate a good bit. If we could take him to a different restaurant for every meal, he might not be such a little guy.

Mom asked who I'd play if I could play any Broadway role. I said Phantom. She didn't seem surprised. I've always identified more with Erik than Christine. I like when Mom and I exchange complex questions. I think such questions can restore or revive relationships.

I finished reading a book of poems by a poet I didn't know. I've been gathering new favorite poets lately. I read several short stories from Ursula K. Le Guin's selection. I'm picking up courage all around.

A Bold Reader: Week 32.

I spent some extra time with Standing Water by Eleanor Chai and finished it. I'm replacing it with Wedding in Hell, poems by Charles Simic. With all my reading trouble, I've stayed in a pretty good habit of reading poetry. It's just part of my night. And I think my reading aloud ability must be improving.

I've been working on The Unreal and the Real alongside Bruce. Several books await my resumed attention. I'm still deciding which volume of stories I'll tackle next. Alice Munro, Kelly Link, Jojo Moyes, and Neil Gaiman are on the list. I'll probably also try another E-book edition of Best Small Fictions. Those tiny tales are surprisingly satisfying, especially when I read a batch at once.

I only have about a month left for my short story summer, which was my first season focus before I named the other seasons. I've read 65 stories so far! I'll finish short story summer and go right into fall memoirs and diaries. I like working with a focus.

Restoration Week 31.

Reading a lot of poetry is restorative for me. It reminds me of the power of language: to express, to explore, to communicate, to enchant.

Josh went back to work this past week. But before that, we decided to try a trampoline park! We had a great time jumping on the trampolines and into the pits of foam. We had an hour, and we were pretty tired by that point. I got quite a workout. Jumping on a trampoline used to be so easy!

I watched The Hours with Bruce at last. The cast is packed with talent. It's based on a great book of the same name. Going back and watching old favorite movies restores me, especially when I can share them.

And I talked to my brother on the phone for an hour! That felt great. He told me about a book, a movie, and a video game I need to explore. I think we'll always exchange those kinds of coping strategies. Shared illness has given us another kind of bond, which we can restore often.

A Bold Reader: Week 31.

I finished Susan Ludvigson's New and Selected Poems. I'd been reading it poem by poem for a couple of months. I love the quiet revelations of her poems. I came across her when I was in grad school.

Next, I'm going to read Kay's Black Shawl. The idea of writing a book of poetry from one character's perspective intrigues me. I'm also reading Eleanor Chai's Standing Water and Horoscopes for the Dead by Billy Collins.

Bruce and I may finish The Unreal and the Read this coming week! We have two books in the queue for our tiny book club.

My brother sent me a manga book, which I intend to read. That will be new for me!

I want to replace idle moments with reading. According to GoodReads, I've read 630 books. Can I reach my goal of 1,000 total books by my 40th birthday? I'm certainly going to try.

Appetites.

Appetites is an unsettling word to title a story. I imagine people having no inhibitions. But do they act on their desires and impulses or just acknowledge them, admit to them? Some form of resistance must exist. 

It makes me think of the Purge movies, which I haven't seen. 

How hard will a person work to hide his or her secret wants and needs, even if they are innocent whims? And is getting caught a relief, a release, a justice? 

I want to sleep most of the time; it soothes my mind, healing as I rest. But the boys need me awake and ready to drive and to fill out paperwork and so on. And sometimes, I can't fulfill my wishes because I don't make an effort or I have difficulty, as with reading. I try not to smother my appetite for music, movies, and musical theatre. I need to engage more. 

What do your appetites do to you?

My Intangible Trousseau.

Isn't trousseau a lovely word? I like the thought of it as a bride's clothes and her household linens that go with her when she marries. That must have taken either a lot of sewing or a lot of shopping.

What did I bring into my marriage with Josh? I had a lot of house items (a Crockpot, a sheer pink canopy with rosettes, blue and white towels...) but not a lot of money. I had three sets of scrubs (blue, pale pink, and plum) that I wore to my job as a dermatologists' office along with a thick-knit pink cardigan. But much of my trousseau was emotional or mental.

• I brought mental illness,though I didn't know the extent of it. I knew something was wrong. This illness would deeply affect our marriage.
• I brought a lot of music. Josh and I shared a lot of favorites (Richard Marx, Hall & Oates, Steve Winwood, Journey...) and introduced each other to new favorites. At home, we watched a lot of VH-1 Classic.
• I brought a love of musical theatre. Josh already liked My Fair Lady. We went to Hello, Dolly! on campus and later saw Beauty and the Beast and Phantom.
• I brought a love of books--and a lot of books! We've exchanged some favorites.
• I brought a love of movies. Josh isn't a movie person, but he watched all of my (many) favorite movies to know me better.
• I brought a love of writing. We've supported each other's writing, whether it's Josh's play or my blog.
• I brought a lot of emotional issues from past relationships--not just partners. We didn't immediately know how to treat each other. We're better at it now.
• I brought a drive for academic success. I think this influenced Josh, especially in grad school.
• I brought a love of science fiction. I sort of introduced Josh to Next Gen, and he introduced me to Stargate: SG1.
• I brought a great hope.

Restoration: Week 30.

I'm hurting over the death of my mentor and friend, Kay. I had only read three of her six poetry collections, so I read another this past week, and that made me feel a little closer to her. I have the last two books waiting.

I finished an anthology of flash fiction, which felt nourishing. Short stories can have a certain kind of magic. I like the idea of writing a story every week--Ray Bradbury said something like after 52 stories, surely the writer will improve. Maybe next year!  I hope that reading stories will fill me with the desire and motivation to write stories.

Josh was home for part of the week, and I was grateful for that.

I started watching Girls, an HBO show created by the rather fascinating Lena Dunham. I checked out the show because Bruce is a fan of hers. I'm not going to recommend it, but I have enjoyed having a show to watch when I'm alone. I look forward to it. The first two seasons are free with Amazon Prime, and I started a seven-day free trial of an HBO subscription. So I have about six days to watch the remaining four seasons! Ha, we'll see how that goes.

I've also been enjoying my magazines. I have so many, and Oliver constantly wants something to shred, so I'm getting into the habit of reading a magazine in the evening. I'm enjoying that. And Oliver is so pleased when I give him a magazine. We've also continued to dance.