I never could have imagined myself in the third trimester of a pregnancy. Now, I wonder if this is the only time I'll experience it. Josh and I are both leaning toward having one child, but I wonder if either of us will be able to stick to that plan.
I now have a month and a half to go. I keep adding pillows to the "nest" Josh arranges for me each night. I have the body pillow, the heart pillow that goes under my head, the Panthers pillow under my belly, the Cinderella pillow that either goes against my lower back or between my knees, the regular pillow, and another pillow to go under my hip. I've started having pain in whichever hip I'm putting weight on when I lie on my side.
I expected to have to pee constantly, but it has become impossible to empty my bladder. This means that I go to the bathroom, lie down, and get up again minutes later. This is the worst when I'm trying to go to sleep and can't distract myself from the sudden I'm going to wet the bed sensation. I can only guess that Oliver is squashing my bladder into compartments, and only when he moves does another compartment become suddenly and painfully accessible.
The belly button is sometimes visible through my clothes. When I'm in the shower, I just stare at it bemused. My belly button has been through a lot. I thought I wouldn't have one anymore after my laparoscopy for endometriosis a few years ago. I'm sure it will recover from this mortification as well.
I wish I could describe the sensation of hands pressing my hip bones and toes tickling my ribs from the inside. Sometimes, I nearly jump or laugh out loud in meetings. It's so strange. I'm still not used to the side kicks either, even though I've had plenty of those since Oliver was transverse for weeks. Now, he likes to press something into my palm as hard as he can--I'm guessing it's a knee. Sometimes, he just shivers or gives rapid taps. And the hiccups continue. I feel so bad for him with those hiccups.
I snore now. Josh says it doesn't bother him. The other night, he had his hand on my belly as I fell asleep, and he said that once I started snoring, Oliver went wild. Mama's asleep--party time! My nose must be swollen too because even during the day, I tend to whistle when I breathe.
The swelling in my feet is very weird. When I walk, I have this floppy feeling like I have big cartoon feet. Sometimes, they look puffy and pitiful in my flats at work.
Though the condition of my back has worsened or stayed the same, and I can't wait to get to a dermatologist after Oliver is born, my skin is behaving well otherwise. I really only had major breakouts in the first trimester. I have had a lot of dry skin though, which is odd in the summer.
The heat hasn't been bothering me. I have great AC at home, at work, and in the car, so I'm lucky. The swelling is probably worse because of the heat though. My face is a little puffy. My hands ache, but it's more after lying down than after typing.
I've been having sudden chocolate cravings a few times a week. Maybe that's my body's attempt to fatten up the munchkin. I don't know what my weight is doing. If I can stay under a total gain of 35 pounds, I'll feel fine. I thought 25 initially, but I'm already there, so that's not realistic.
I've had some awful headaches and some stomach cramps. My digestive system is definitely slowing down. My lower back bothers me most of the time. Having a heating pad in my chair at work is nice. My tailbone area also aches...I guess it's dealing with a lot of weight.
My nails look thick and healthy, but my hair has not taken the benefit. Oh well. I'm looking forward to dying it after delivery, and I'll probably ask my mom to trim it while we're in Charlotte for my shower. I had thought about getting it cut in a bob before classes began, but the front still isn't quite long enough.
Emotionally, I feel calm about how soon he is coming. I don't really think about the process. I've seen the hospital...anything else probably won't help me. Josh will be there. He's used to seeing me with needles, tubes, blood...of course, this will be far more major, but I know he isn't going to freak out. I love his calmness. When I said, "Do you think you could deliver him?" he said, "Yes, I'm sure I could." I doubt we'll have trouble getting to the hospital on time, but how many men are relaxed and confident like that?
I feel good about the way I look most of the time, but I have been a bit needy and clingy. Josh always has sweet things to say. He brought home a sassy little card for me. And we've been going out on some dates. All our appointments have been nice.
I'm looked at pictures of babies born at this point. They are totally babies, just a little thin. I can't really believe that such a being is curled up inside me. I can't really believe that he's going to come out and look at us. I must not be the only one...this disconnect is clear in the way people say, "When he gets here," when he's already here. And I can't really believe that anyone else has ever done this. I may still not believe all that when he arrives. But I know I will know him. I think often about speaking to him and seeing him recognize my voice. I think about touching his suede-soft skin and looking at his hair, belly, hands, and toes. I think of rubbing his knee and putting my nose against his forehead. I think something wiser than my mind (body? soul?) will know what to do from the first big contraction onward. The three of us will just have to trust each other.
(Image: http://tahti.tumblr.com/)
beautiful post Becky!
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