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Showing posts with label advice. Show all posts
Showing posts with label advice. Show all posts

Friday, July 1, 2016

No Saving.

I like this idea of not saving. It makes sense because anything could happen before a person gets to use or enjoy something he or she had been saving for some future event or feeling.

I do quite a bit of misguided saving. For tomorrow, for when I'm ready, for when conditions are perfect. I could lose my chance. But I'm also just depriving myself of joy when in fact, more joys will follow.

Some of these are especially silly.
  • Stickers. Sometimes, I find myself not using the prettiest ones. I buy stickers to use in my journals, so I should use them! I have plenty (though I'm always watching for more!).
  • Bubble bath and such. I save my favorite scents, but I should just jump in and enjoy them.
  • Journals. I save the best for some more appropriate time. Silly.
  • Books. I do this less often now, but I've almost unconsciously saved the most delicious-seeming books for some future self. 
My future self will find and create more joy and more beauty. 

Monday, January 9, 2012

What I've Learned as a New Mother (About Nursing).

*Nursing bras matter. I started with a regular bra, and pulling my arm out of one strap worked okay. But a regular bra also isn't very comfortable, and since I need nursing pads, I need to wear a bra all the time. I now have a sleep bra to wear at home and an underwire bra that I hope will be good for work and other outings. Note from later: the underwire doesn't get much mileage.

*Nursing bras don't have to cost much. I like my two $9 ones from Wal-mart, and I may buy extras to wear while those are drying from hand-washing. If they wear out, or I need more, it's no big deal. Note from later: Um, yeah. I have six or seven of these now. Even my patient, Woolite-brandishing husband can barely keep up with the rate of spit-up and leakage. 

*Nursing pads aren't all the same. I went straight for Medela since I have an M pump, but I like Lansinoh better. They are softer, and they have two sticky parts instead of one, so they don't just fall right out of the nursing bra.

*A double electric pump is worthwhile. My mom bought me the Medela Pump In Style. I'm so glad I specifically asked her for this big-ticket item. It's a contraption, and the first round was very painful and ineffective. But after a few tries, I was able to fill two 2.5-ounce tubes (one on each side) in under ten minutes. Note from later: ha! This dream didn't last. I'm not sure what magic I was using to make my milk come out that fast.

*The bustier for the pump isn't just awesome; it's essential. I tried once to pump while just holding the shields, and keeping a good seal was not working out for me. The bustier does that for me, and I don't have to hold anything. The whole mess is awkward enough as it is.

*Get the right shield size! My friend Melissa helped me figure this out. The pumping started to be more uncomfortable and didn't seem to working as well. I noticed serious suction rings, too. All this got better when I got bigger shields, which Medela sells (and I didn't really need to get bigger connectors). Note from later: And just make peace with the fact that you might have to get bigger ones again. And again.

*Lanolin isn't miraculous, but it is nice. It's a little soothing, but it mostly provides some lubrication. This seems to help especially with pumping. Note from later: meh. Hope for the placebo effect. But it does help prevent a true horror--scabs sticking to the nursing pad. I know.

*Engorgement isn't forever. On the fifth day, the day I left the hospital, I had boulders up to my collarbone. Ow. I thought, great, this is the next (hopefully) year or more of my life. I was back to relative normal after a few days, though, and milder engorgement only happens occasionally.

*The football hold and the going to the revival may be essential. Early on, Oliver could barely nurse because he would fall fast asleep almost as soon as I held him close. Mom helped me figure out the football hold (which is less snuggly), and what I call going to the revival, which is holding him flat and lifting him up and down. Yes, he startled a little, but he woke up long enough to get some sustenance. Note from later: This got better once he was a little bigger and more used to being with me.

*Nursing pain from hell isn't forever. We had a few good weeks. Then, suddenly, the first moments of nursing became excruciating. As my grandmother described it, it was like razor blades. I could barely keep myself from yelling or making sudden movements. Sometimes, I cried during or even in anticipation of nursing. Josh was mortified, and I felt terrified (more pain? regularly??) and inadequate. We considered exclusive pumping. I would exclusively pump for twelve hours or so. Then, I'd feed Oliver a little milk from a bottle before nursing him so that he would be less hungry and vigorous. Finally, I'd get back to nursing. I did this cycle two or three times. I bought a nipple shield, which helped somewhat. I had blisters, cracks, bleeding, and oozing. Yep. It was horrific. But then, just as suddenly as it appeared, the nursing pain from hell was gone. I'm glad I didn't give up (I was close!). For some women, it doesn't get better. But one to two weeks seems typical (from what I've read and the women I've talked to). It's awful, but it's not forever. Mothers dealing with it shouldn't feel bad about pumping or doing whatever they need to do to survive it. Note from later: it still hurts sometimes, but not like that.

*Pumping is hard. I expected to fill bottles like it ain't no thang. This has never happened (okay, maybe it's happened a couple of times). The first time I tried to pump, I painfully eeked out about an ounce in over half an hour. This still happens to me. Occasionally, if I've been at work for hours, I'll get eight or nine ounces. But I pump four times a day to get enough milk for Oliver to have while I'm at work, and even that's a stretch. That's with the best available pump and all the breast compression and yadayada I can muster. My body knows that yippy thing isn't my baby. And if I take a break from pumping, my body seems to have no interest whatsoever in cooperating. It's like a part-time job. Pumping plus nursing is probably a full-time job. I think it's worth it, but it's a B word. Note from later: I have good times and awful times. I try not to count too much on either.

Friday, August 26, 2011

How to Read More.


*Have books around. They're tempting, and they will make you feel like a reader. Get used to them. Treat them as friends. You don't have to read every one. This, from Sarah Addison Allen's Sugar Queen, is one of my favorite quotations: "Sometimes it's a comfort just to have a book around. Many of these books haven't even had their spines cracked. 'Why do you buy books you don't even read?' our daughter asks us. That's like asking someone who lives alone why they bought a cat. For company, of course." 

*Keep lists. Write down the books you want to read and the books you have read. You'll forget titles of both, and you want to keep track of your accomplishments even if you only manage one book a month.

*Make goals that are reasonable now. I've had a time in my life when my goal was six books a month and a time when I wanted to finish a book just about every day. One book a week is frequently my goal. When life is really crazy, I may just hope to read one or two a month. Goals help but only if you're realistic about what's going on in your life.


*Ease your way out of a rut. Keep some easy or just yummy books around. No one can read fat classics or dense poetry all the time. If I've fallen out of the reading habit, even contemporary novels can be difficult for me. I keep light lifestyle non-fiction (love those French girl books) and YA novels mixed in with those this-has-been-on-my-list-forever books. They help me get used to reading again without overwhelming me.

*Get your tools.  If you think those gorgeous bookmarks or that mac-daddy booklight will help, go for it. Why not?

*Keep a book in the bathroom. Don't blush. This works best with really difficult books or with sweet sentimental books. Both are probably books you can benefit from reading just a little at a time. Josh makes comments when a book moves out of (or into) the bathroom.


*Subscribe to magazines. If you find a magazine (or literary journal) you love, just subscribe. It's cheaper, you won't miss any issues, and you get the added excitement of mail. I subscribed to Real Simple and Oprah just before we moved, and they have been great treats in the new mailbox. Reading is reading, and lots of magazines have reviews that can lead you great books.

*Call yourself a reader. Make books part of your identity. You don't lose that identity because of a rut or because you only read romance novels for six months.

*Try festivals. Maybe you need six months of romance novels. I go through periods of reading poetry, YA, journals, memoirs, or children's lit almost exclusively. This is also fun if you fall in love with an author (be careful, though, to avoid the grief of running out of his or her books) or a series. If you're crazy about something in literature right now, indulge it. Why not? You'll only get more reading practice and be more ready to conquer the rest of the book world.


*Keep a book with you. Unexpected reading opportunities pop up while you're waiting at the doctor's office or when you suddenly decide to sit at the park for a while. Be prepared with a book in your car, purse, or computer bag. This doesn't have to be your "main" book that stays at your bedside. Give your books stations and rotate them if necessary.

*Try reading aloud. This can be a good way to bond with a child or partner. It can also help you get through a difficult passage or really savor a delicious one. I often read poetry aloud to help me stay focused and feel the elements of it.

*Give yourself a book allowance and diversify. Whether weekly, monthly, or occasionally, allow yourself to buy books. Amazon can be great fun (you get a package!), but be sure to spend some of that at used bookstores and regular bookstores. Get yourself excited about reading. If you have had too many negative experiences with books (at school, perhaps), you'll have to be really diligent about making yourself see the joy.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Tools for Reluctant Housewives and Househusbands.


My friend Sarah recently posted a list of registry essentials on her blog, The Making of a Mrs. Read it here. Here is a list of items that make cleaning and home life easier for Josh and me. I am a particularly reluctant cleaner.

~Swifer WetJet. It has a trigger to spray cleaner (you can buy various types) on the floor, and the pads really pull up crud.

~Swifer extending duster. This is great for ceiling fans, door frames, and the tops of tall furniture.

~Scrubbin' Bubbles Automatic Shower Cleaner. Push a button and close the shower curtain or door, and this sprays cleaner all around the shower. If you remember to use it once a day, you really don't need to clean the tub/shower very often.

~Scrubbin' Bubbles Bathroom Cleaner. When you do clean the tub and when you clean the sink, this is good stuff. It makes a thick foam that does most of the work on its own and rinses away easily.

~Bona Hardwood Floor Mop. This is totally necessary if you have old or delicate hardwood. The mop is like the Swifer WetJet with Velcro on the head and a trigger for special Bona hardwood floor cleaner. The head can take a Bona duster pad, which you use dry to pick up dust after sweeping (believe me, it's amazing what you'll pick up) or a wet Bona pad, which you'll use with the cleaner. Sweep, duster pad, wet pad. And the pads are washable. Just don't dry them with fabric softener or dryer sheets as they'll lose their static cling.

~Bleach wipes. We've been using cheaper bleach and paper towels for a while, but when Oliver comes, we'll probably go back to wipes. They're so easy for quick clean-ups, the bathroom, and the kitchen counter.

~A big skillet. I had a medium-sized skillet from a set, but I was reluctant to spend money on a bigger skillet with a lid. When I discovered frozen skillet meals and started making fried rice, this became kind of ridiculous. The skillet I had was overflowing, and I had to use a plate for simmering. The $20 or $30 I spent on a big, high-edged skillet with a glass lid has been totally worth it and made cooking so much easier.

~A claw (preferably multiple claws). I don't know what these are really called, but people use them for spaghetti. I use them for just about anything I cook. I really should have more than one for when mine is dirty. It's easy to wield and drains anything from Ramen to rice to pasta.

~Clothespins. I didn't discover this until I met Josh. His family uses clothespins to close chip bags, cereal bags, etc. They're cheaper and smaller (for storage) than chip clips, and I think they also hold on better. Buy a bag for newlyweds and college students.

~A baby bottle cleaner. We've used one for years, and we're not washing bottles yet. This is the best way to clean cups and glasses if you don't have a dishwasher. No more stuffing a rag or sponge down in there. And even if you have a dishwasher, the bottle cleaner is great for delicate wine glasses.

~Dawn Hand Renewal with Olay dish soap. I like the Tropical Shea Butter scent (the white one). It smells nice, works great, and doesn't tear up your hands.

~Tin foil. This extends the life of your pots and pans--by which I mean you don't have to wash them quite as much. If you're just heating up a pizza, put foil down on the pan. Again, this is a bigger deal if you don't have a dishwasher, and sink space is limited.

For cat people:

~Citrus Magic Litter Box Odor Eliminator. This is the best we've found. It goes in a layer on the bottom of the box and then mixes into the litter. It just smells citrus-y, and it keeps everything under control.

~Arm & Hammer Litter. This is the best I've tried. We use the multi-cat version.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

How to Start (and Keep) a Journal.

*Call it whatever you want. Journal. Diary. Scrapbook. Art book. Notebook. Scribble pad.

*Find tools you love, but don't limit yourself. Don't worry about "messing up" a pretty journal if that's what draws you. Don't feel silly if all you want is a composition book or a tiny spiral. Pick pens (pencils, markers, whatever) that write easily and that you enjoy using. I love Sakura Gelly Rolls. I also love fountain pens with colored inks, colorful ballpoints, scented markers...I choose my writing utensils based on my mood and on what the journal I'm using can handle (some have thin pages and can only take a ballpoint).

*Loosen up your idea of what a journal is. You don't have to write in it every day. You don't have to write down exactly what you did every day. You don't have to want to some divine, philosophical breakthrough. You don't have to entertain anyone but yourself. You don't have to fill every line. You don't have to use a certain kind of book or pen or color or organization. You don't even have to date everything. You don't have to name names. You don't have to limit yourself to happiness or sadness or deepest emotions. You don't have to write in cursive or print or in any consistent manner. You don't have to write at all if you'd rather make a collage, draw something, use stickers.... You don't have to write in paragraphs. Like my blog, my journal often contains lists. You don't have to write a certain amount. When I was a teenager, I often had entries that were thirty pages long. Now, I sometimes have entries that are one sentence, but I also have longer entries. It's inconsistent.


*When possible, be specific. When I read my old journals, it's not the soul-searching, deep exploration entries that fascinate me. It's the daily details, the descriptions, the meals, the clothes, the conversations and bits of dialogue, the shopping, the chores, the groceries, the momentary wishes, the bits that tell me who I was then.

*Find inspiration anywhere. If prompts help you, get a book or look them up online. I like SARK's Journal and Playbook and Judy Reeve's The Daily Writer. Recycle prompts. Just as you'll never read a book the same way twice, you'll never write on an idea in the same manner. I have a couple of notebooks just with ideas of writing topics--sometimes just a word or phrase. When you read a book or look at a magazine, have your journal and pause to write a sentence or two (or several pages; it doesn't matter) when something grabs you. Write after you watch a movie--not necessarily about the movie itself but about whatever the movie made you ponder. I have a scrapbook of images and words from magazines, and flipping through it can make me feel calm and help me write.

*Write on location. The most interesting way to write, which produces the most interesting entries to re-read, is to go somewhere. Bring your journal with you when you can. Write in the car (when someone else is driving) on your way somewhere. Write in waiting rooms, in libraries, at museums, at other people's houses, at parks, in gardens, on airplanes, in coffee shops, in restaurants. You'll find yourself pouring out expectations details, descriptions, observations, and passing dialogue. Writing on location has a magic and energy I can't explain.


*Make it special sometimes. Writing on location can do this. Journaling can be very restorative even if you only have half an hour. When I was working two jobs (waiting tables and retail--gah) and going to school full-time, I spent some time in the evening out on my patio, writing at my bistro table with a candle. Silky paper can do this. A new pen can do this. Writing in a bubble bath (though a little tricky) can do this. Make it a treat rather than a chore.

*Consume. In order to write, you need material. Watch movies, listen to music, visit people, go to shops, travel, read books, look at art books, have meaningful conversations. When you get that feeling of being full or itchy, write.

*Let topics merge. Write about work, your wishes, your family, your irritations, your gratitude, your aspirations, your creative work, your travels, your story ideas (or stories), your finances, your fears, your relationships...let it all come together just as it does in your daily life.

*Don't abandon it. You've probably read that one piece of cake isn't going to wreck your diet and doesn't mean you should give up. The same is true of journaling. Missing a day, week, month, or year is okay. Pick up the same book. I've done this after months without writing. One journal shifts completely as my life had done during that absence. It's interesting to look back on, and it keeps me from having stacks of notebooks with only a few pages filled.