Restoration: Week 28.

I've been missing Kay, so I've started reading the books of hers that I've not yet read--about half of them. She's there in her words. I'm not very good at grieving, but this seems healthy, restorative.

Poetry baths continue to restore me. I've tried all the bath products I got for my birthday.

My mom came to visit! She made delicious vegetables and teriyaki chicken (and "chicken crumbles" for Josh) in jasmine rice. She and I stayed up and watched Passengers, one of my favorite movies. And she liked it! I love going watching movies and going to see movies with her.

I cleaned the guest bedroom! My mom's visit gave me the motivation to clean and improve that room for four hours. I still have plenty to do, but I think it looks great. I'm going to spend more time there. My chaise is clear, and Josh moved in my white secretary desk. I sat at it in my cream and green desk chair and wrote a note to my brother. A restorative moment!

Restoration: Week 20.

I'll never see dark blue glass the same way again.

This week has been rough. A family tragedy kept Mom and I from going on a trip to Nashville, where I would see my dearest friend, Keely. I managed to stay mostly calm. I wanted to be brave for everyone. But finally, when my dad's wife arrived, I hugged her and cried. I guess I didn't feel like I had to take care of her, so for a few minutes, I wasn't strong. Later, I had a few minutes of having no idea where I was. But it passed.

Before that, I read two books of poetry. Poetry has been filling some need in me beyond reading in general. I'm going to read up all the poetry in the house!

Our trip to Charlotte began well. We had brunch with my dad on Saturday. I ate pecan pancakes for the second time in two days. I'm not sorry. Michelle stopped by briefly, so I could give her a present (makeup!). I love giving people gifts.

And I received a gift from Mom: a short-sleeved light gray top with silver all over and interesting layered, gathered sleeves. I was so excited to get another top that fits, and I love the shimmer. I also gave Mom a Mother's Day gift (makeup and magazines, including a lipstick she once complimented on me). I gave Shane a late birthday gift of a framed print of Oliver's recent school picture and a lot of caramel chocolates.

Mom and I played beauty shop! She dyed my hair "soft black" (I pick the correct box only because I recognize the model), trimmed my hair, and cleaned up my eyebrows. I'd already painted my nails, so I felt pretty good.

When I found out what was happening, I decided to take the time to shower, brush my hair, put on makeup, and put on regular clothes. I think this helped me--I sort of looked brave.

So in spite of everything, I think I restored my courage and renewed my confidence in that courage. I made connections with family. I restored my sense of beauty--I love Snow White hair!

Despite the fear, nausea, and confusion, I did experience some restoration.