Nourish/Challenge: Week 41.

This weeks are running together for me, and my dates may be off.

Oliver had OT with Miss S (beloved Miss K is on maternity leave), and that seemed to go fine. And he finally got back with Miss H for speech! He was unsure, so I went with them that first time. I was amazed at how he handled picture cards and what questions. I'm so glad that is back in place. He warmed up, so I hope he won't need me there for his next appointment.

The week was kind of quiet otherwise.

I missed one full day of scribbling. That's never good. It's not good for me and it's not a good sign.

I've been reading a big book about the film Crimson Peak. I love all the behind-the-scenes explanations, concept art or story boards, and gorgeous photos.

I wore a sweater with seahorses on it. I can be happy about that!

Bruce and I are still reading Joe Hill's 20th Century Ghosts. We'll finish it soon. The tales are strange and absorbing. Amazon is cool because if I find a book I want for our tiny book club, I can buy the ebook for myself and then send another "copy" as a gift to Bruce.

I have many little objects and actions that keep me going.

Story Snippet: Masquerade.

Oliver and I were picking Josh up from work, and I had the Phantom soundtrack playing. Oliver usually listens quietly to music in the car. Josh opened the door and said hi to Oliver. Oliver answered, "Mackerade!"

Such a moment of joy! I felt that I was doing something right. He will know the joy of musical theatre. That's something I can give him. I want to give him the coping strategies I've learned and the joys that can penetrate darkness.

Bright, Whole, and Engaged.

These words came to me somehow, maybe through a book or maybe just something that my mind had been churning like sea glass.

Bright, Whole, Engaged. This is how I want to approach the world, my close relationships, my creative work, and myself.

I know that when I'm overwhelmed, overstimulated, or just fried, my lights dim. I'm looking out through a fog. Or I'm trapped in the fog. But I want to be bright--alert, clever, attentive.

Often, though less so lately, I don't feel whole. It's as if some experiences have burned, hacked, or drowned away some of me. But I heal continuously. I'm on the way to whole.

Engaging is something I often avoid. But maybe a little more engagement would help me be whole, bright.

These are words to keep in my pocket and discover over and over.

Stories about Hair.

My hair has been every length, from all the way down my back to a pixie cut. It's been natural brown and reddish brown and dyed red and black.

My pixie cut and dark dye were my most extreme change. I was 23. Terrible things had happened. I'd said I'd never dye my hair, but the world was different. I needed to be different. I'd always wondered if I could pull off a pixie anyway.

Cutting hair in response to experiences wasn't new. I cut my hair shoulder-length when I was 18 over a break-up. But it was more than just some break-up, and I knew I had to be a new person to live past it. My lovely Melissa was there, encouraging me both about the hair and the life.

I cut my hair into a bob before Josh retruned from the army with a medical discharge. Our lives were not going to be what I'd imagined and accepted. I wanted Josh to see I'd changed, that I was changing with him.

But I actually feel most like myself with long hair, even if it's frizzy or unhealthy. I've had a few perms, and I do love curls, so that may happen again someday.