Nourish/Challenge: Week 52.

This tiny week held the last days of 2019, and the other days scattered somewhere along the year's path. But I had the boys with me, which filled my heart. I skimmed old magazines from my collection, so Oliver could blithely shred them, and Josh could not-so-happily clean up the scraps.

I challenged myself again, in those two days, to read as much as possible. I finished two books: poems by Louise Gluck and a slightly fascinating memoir-through-object-memory by Dawn Raffel (new to me). I'd like to write that kind of memoir. Maybe I will.

Bruce took me to see Cats, which we both enjoyed despite the general negative reception. Cherry Coke+musical+cats+best friend+great nourishment...a great way to finish the year.

Nourish/Challenge: Week 51.

This outing is actually from the week before, but I'll tell you about it now anyway!

The boys and I went to Chilis--we almost never go out to eat, but with the semester ending, I wanted to try to celebrate. I had a burger so good that I barely touched my fries. Oliver ate like a champ--pizza, fries, grilled chicken. He was so well-behaved! He became alarmed when I went to the restroom, and he leaned into me when I came back. He said he wanted to go home, but we got him to wait for the wondrous Paradise Pie. He used a spoon easily (a skill that emerges only when ice cream is involved).  We had a great time. Our team at ABA was so excited about our successful outing.

Christmas was delightful, and I'll write all about it soon!

This last full week of the year, I read many books, I read poetry, short stories, and creative nonfiction, trying to reach my reach my reading my goal for the year.

I finished Heart-Shaped Box for the Tiny Book Club. I read SARK's book on naps, my first book by Thich Nhat Hanh, a volume of short stories, and an illustrated book about New York City fashion. I challenged myself to read as much as I could--it's not easy during the holidays!

And of course, the books and the family cheered and nourished me as we sped toward the new year.

Nourish/Challenge: Week 48.

I've started to have Christmas thoughts. Josh officially started the season with the first song (starting with three chimes) on Aaron Neville's Soulful Christmas album. The music is a tradition from my family. Perfect. We need to play it more, along with James Taylor's Christmas album, which Josh and I discovered together.

I've been feeling separate from poetry and not just because I'm not writing it. I'm trying to read it silently again. I did finish Joseph Bathanti's Restoring Sacred Art and give it 5 stars on GoodReads.

Oliver had a week of good drop-offs at school. Crowds and rain kept me from getting a report after the last couple days of last week.

I finished Mark Vonnegut's (yes, his son) memoir. It seemed to be about mental illness, but it didn't stay there.

Bruce took me to see Frozen II, which I liked a lot. It was a bit dark. I liked some of the new songs. I think that I like Anna best more and more, but I'm more and more like Elsa. That could be its own post.

I've been enjoying books for our tiny book club. I have a few waiting. Bruce says he doesn't mind my choosing the books for now. We love discovering movies, shows, and books together.

It was mostly a nourishing week. I am challenging myself to stay with poetry and to read as much of it as possible before the year ends.

Nourish/Challenge: Week 47.

I had a wonderful, nourishing moment while I was lying down: I had a whole hour ahead in which to read. I was able to get lost in the book. If felt like a luxury, but I know it was also healthy for me.

Bruce and I finished Athena's Choice. It was surprisingly unique and thought-provoking. And we've begun Heart-Shaped Box, a novel that my brother, James, recommended to me. This will be Tiny Book Club pick #28. I've received a lot of nourishment and many challenges from those books, and I love having my best friend to walk though them with me.

Bruce told me a new Little Women movie is coming out on Christmas! The trailer looks good. I'm impressed with some of the cast. Mom said we'll sneak away on Christmas to see the movie. I can't wait! I adore the Winona Ryder version, and I think I may have seen it on Christmas too.

One evening, Bruce and I didn't watch shows or a movie. We watched a few Honest Trailers and just talked, catching up. That fills me.

I began reading IT. Somehow, the length doesn't seem so overwhelming on my phone as it does in physical book form. I think it's going to draw me in, challenging me turn by turn. I stayed up late reading--when did I last do that?

Nourish/Challenge: Week 46.

Time is confusing me. I look at my Google calendar and at the sticky notes in my journal many times a day. Maybe I can start the new year better-oriented.

Thanksgiving was lovely. Josh kept watch over Oliver, so I could talk and listen. James came over and made me laugh as usual. We sat with Mom and Shane around an outdoor fire. I enjoyed the food but didn't overeat--a delicate skill.

At home, I tried to read poetry for an hour. It should have been easier than it was. I'll keep trying.

While Oliver is in the bathroom, I now do wall push-ups, squats, and side bends. I need the exercise, and I want to use the time.

I took a morning bath and loved it. Sometimes just moving an indulgence a bit renews the luxury.

I challenged myself, but nourishment was right there on my path too.

Nourish/Challenge: Week 45.

This past week, I was responsible and got a flu shot. The next day, I felt horrible. The air touching me hurt. I stayed in bed. I couldn't even read. But avoiding the full-on flu is worth that.

I finally received my pre-ordered copy of Strange Planet by Nathan Pyle. It made me laugh out loud many times. I finished it over two days. Count it!

I've also been reading Restoring Sacred Art by our dear friend Joseph Bathanti. I read the poems aloud, some of which I've heard at his readings, and I can almost hear him. Poems, even the tough ones, almost always nourish me.

So I wonder, when will I write another poem?

Nourish/Challenge: Week 38.

I finished gobbling a big book about one of my new favorite movies. I loved the concept art and story boards.

I had a great meeting with Oliver's BCBA (Board Certified Behavior Analyst). We laugh and swap Oliver stories. I feel so blessed that we have such a good team right now. Knowing that fills me.

We had a parent-teacher conference; I anticipated a challenge. But it wasn't as stressful as I expected. But the news was hard to hear, and I worry about Oliver's progress. His teacher told us not to add any stress for Oliver since he has school and so much therapy. Still, we told stories and laughed.

My ankle and foot are still swollen and still hurt. My goal is to walk around the apartment complex at least once and see what I can do without hurting myself. I'll build up the challenge from there.

I finished watching The Politician with the guys. I just love Ben Platt. And more is due in summer! I'll have to obsess over something else until then!

Nourish/Challenge: Week 37.

This past week, Oliver turned eight! That seems crazy. Sometimes, I feel stunned because he is so perfect. I never get sad about this challenges (and the resulting challenges for Josh and me) for long because Oliver is just so happy. He smiles, giggles, sings, and jumps.

The first time I held him, he looked at me as if to say, "Don't worry, Mama. I'm okay, and you'll be okay."

We've used my dad's old backpack as a diaper bag of sorts for years. It's been on many adventures...it just needed some staples. But Dad sent us another! The pockets were stuffed with cards and little gifts for Oliver's birthday. I wonder what this new backpack will see.

I got sick (flu? depression?) and slept through most of Thursday. Sometimes, I have to let sleep nourish me, seeing it as a necessary tool rather than something lazy and selfish.

We saw the surgeon. You can read about the all that here and here. But the overview is that we're done with the surgeon and the stretches. I'll keep doing scar massages when it makes sense for my family. No more pulling him out of class, waking him in the middle of the night, or rushing through a session in the parked car. So that was a gigantic challenge to overcome.

I got so excited about The Politician, a new Netflix show starring the wonderful Ben Platt. I've watched three episodes with Bruce and Corey; I can't wait for more.

And on Saturday, the new Broadway season began at our theatre with Aladdin! I loved the sparkling costumes, the choreography (Disney seems to like throwing in a little tap dancing), and several new songs. Bruce had already seen it--on Broadway!

My dearest friend is facing something terrible with her mother, who is also my mother's best friend. We're all tied up together in this, hurting for each other and hurting alone. Pour out your prayers and love--whenever good you've got.

Nourish/Challenge: Week 35.

I have a Decomposition spiral notebook with mermaids on it. I'm using it for random notes that I don't initially put in my journal or on one of the blogs. I've started a to-do wish list for the month. It's all spread out, so I can see where I'm trying to go, but I don't have to do it all in a day or a week. The list harnesses some of my challenges.

I lost 3 pounds! That's 16 pounds total in maybe six weeks. I'm excited and grateful even though my pants are starting to feel too big. I'm stepping up to the challenge to lose more.

I finally saw my therapist for the first time in weeks. She's been travelling or something. Our appointments mostly focus on catching up.

We saw Cynthia again. She said that the wound is healed, and though she can see where the reattachment happened, it's not attached anymore! So after that hellish week...it worked. I fixed it! It's now one of the accomplishments of which I'm most proud. We have to continue with a 3-6-hour schedule to massage the scar and keep it from getting too thick or stiff. I think he's starting to realize that though they're unpleasant, the scar massages don't hurt like the stretches did. More appointments are coming up. But Oliver is eating more! When I pull him out of class, he usually does okay, and he'll sometimes accept a sticker (a shark today!) and a Tylenol.

I didn't seek enough nourishment for my soul this past week. I've been consumed with Oliver's current needs. But a new week is another chance to try.

Nourish/Challenge: Week 34.

I limped along this past week in more ways than one. I started trying to wear my boot only out of the house and go without at home. But I went to a watch a movie in regular shoes, and the pain was bearable.

But a much bigger challenge was our follow-up with Dr. M. Mom came to be there with me (nourishment), and Josh came during a lull at work.

Dr. M told us that the tissue was reattaching. She did a stretch on Oliver, and she called me over to see his wound under the the bright light and to see the blood pooling under his tongue. She said I have to use the bite blocker no matter how much he struggles against it. Dr. M talked a lot and seemed to thrive on our distress. I did not let myself cry, but I felt like a failure. I could barely talk afterward.

Mom talked me into going out for groceries--we were out of almost everything. The shopping calmed me a little. Mom picked out items for dinner--Caesar salad and huge shrimp with cocktail sauce. A good meal helped too (nourishment!).

I was sick at the thought of making Oliver bleed, of that begin a goal.

I told Mom, "I can't do it."
She said, "You can."

She was not happy with that doctor. Mom was about ready for us to quit. But we had another appointment with Cynthia for the coming week. I hope she can give us some guidance. Why were the reports so different?

I can't wait until we can just be done with this. But I want to make, continue to make, my best effort and end this peacefully.

Nourish/Challenge: Week 25.

The week was kind of quiet. It's summer, and Josh is only teaching two classes. It isn't much of a rest for him, but it's something. He's also involved with a local humanitarian group project he co-founded. Wow. He seems to be choosing activities that are both challenging and nourishing. And he's still running. I'm impressed.

Josh has kindly driven Oliver to and from appointments whenever possible, just so I can rest. I probably need more rest than I know or acknowledge.

I haven't done much regular journaling, but I've been responding to prompts and posting some of that content on the the blogs. So I have been writing--always nourishing and a challenge.

We met with Oliver's new therapy supervisor. She is thorough and seems competent and in-tune with Oliver. I feel much better about the whole program. Oliver is totally fine, his usual happy self. Getting this therapy going originally took me a year. I don't want to throw that away, and I'm starting to think won't have to.

Bruce went to visit his family. I got to spend some time with his cats; beginning around calm animals can be nourishing. One cat claimed me thoroughly by rubbing my face. I would have spent a while in Bruce's little reading nook if I'd had time. Maybe I'll do hat next time Bruce travels. Reading and writing can bring magic to a room.

I'm still quite behind on my annual reading goal. Somehow, I will remedy that.

Nourish/Challenge: Week 20.

I've kept a regular journal (with some gaps--unhealthy times) for almost 20 years. It is a safe place, a nourishing place. Even my racing thoughts slow down for my pen (at least a little). But I had a hard time with my journal during the week before last. I missed days and made tiny entries (better than nothing). I hadn't missed a day in a long time. I hope to get back on track. 10 pages per week is my goal.

Bruce and I have been watching The Act, a true-crime anthology series. The acting impresses me. We also watched Almost Friends--Freddie Highmore! I'll probably watch just about anything he's done.

I've watched some more Alter short horror films. I've been most impressed with "Latched." I also watched a couple of short sci-fi films that DUST presented. I love the bite-sized morsels of film. They keep me thinking.

And Bruce and I have been pushing through The Shape of Water...happily!

I'm three books behind on my annual reading goal. I will catch up.

Nourish/Challenge: Week 19.

Tiny baby ducks are swimming gracefully behind their parents. I'm glad we get to see some wildlife from our balcony door. We see geese (they're jerks), goslings (they're cute at first, but as it is for many of us, adolescence just doesn't look good), turtles, an occasional sleek muskrat or terrifying giant snapping turtle, massive white fish in the pond, and pretty pairs of cardinals.

Bruce and I have started reading the novelization of The Shape of Water. I'm excited. It will be our 24th book together. We motivate each other to read, which is so important to us but easy to set aside. We don't talk at length about most of the books we read, but the bond of shared stories is still obvious. We're also back in the habit of walking on Monday mornings, which gives me a chance to talk too much.

On Mother's Day, Josh brought me some beverages (including cherry Sprite from Sonic) and a great Dr. Grip pen--I love them but haven't had one in years.

I've been watching Alter short horror films. That's probably not especially nourishing or challenging, but I find myself thinking about flash fiction and how it compares, especially in terms of character development. I'm learning. For practice, I could write the story of one of the shorts. I wonder how long the result would be.

Oliver has continued to sing and dance. He loves music, and he is determined to be happy. Maybe I can learn from him.

Nourish/Challenge: Week 18.

I'm behind on just about anything. I'm trying to get back on track.

Oliver has been singing along to bits of songs in the car. It's adorable. Some of it may be because I'm singing more. It's soothing and kind of cleansing. I found great videos with a guy singing the male role in various showtune duets. I like singing as a practice. Maybe I can get better at it.

I finally wrote my girls' trip blog post. I've been loving my glittery purse. It can hold a whole change of clothes for Oliver and plenty more.

Oliver has Stitch Fix now. Follow this link if you want to try Stitch Fix--we'll each get a $25 credit. I enjoy my Stitch Fix, but Oliver's is so practical. SF sends about ten items and month; We choose what we want (lots of athletic shorts and graphic tees right now) and just send back to rest in a big pre-labeled bag. It's much easier than searching for his size. He'll be ready for these summery days.

I'm on my third young adult novel for the spring. I still plan to tackle Libba Bray's YA series (three books) now that I have all the books. Bruce and I finished A House at the Bottom of a Lake. We plan to read more Josh Malerman. Why can't I read everything at once?

I saw my psychiatrist, and he made a couple of meds changes that I hope will help.

Bruce and I caught up a little on The Good Doctor. It's so good! We also watched one of my favorite teen movies, Get Over It. Everyone is in that movie, and it's just as fun as I remembered. I love sharing old favorites with Bruce. He always seem ready for anything.

I also set up a new health challenge for myself: I've given up cheese. Now, I love cheese and find it a good snack and a good addition to almost any dish. But my doctor called to tell me that my cholesterol was a little high, and he wants to test it again in a few weeks. We'll see if this helps.

Josh and I are being more affectionate When he walks by me, I now wait for the moment of his hand on my head or shoulder. And we have something just for us coming up.

Almost everything that happens seems to demand my attention and often my action. I put almost everything here on this blog (or the companion blog) and in my journal. Maybe I'll be stronger next week.

Nourish/Challenge: Week 16.

Last week, Bruce and I went for a morning walk on Monday after I dropped off Oliver at school. It's our new routine. The movement and the talking are good.

I ordered Ben Platt's solo album, Sing to Me Instead. I'm liking it more and more. Trying to connect with each song on an album is difficult, but I'm getting there. Most of the songs are soothing.

Miss K (Oliver's OT) told us that she is pregnant! She assured us that she would be back. I was so happy for her that I said, "Can I give you a hug?" So we hugged. Overwhelming happiness like that does not come to me often. And when it does, it usually flies in on mania. Not this time.

I've been singing so much lately, and Oliver has started singing too! I don't know how he remembers bits of lyrics, but it's adorable, and I'm sure it's good for him.

I've decided to start more manageable daily to-do wish lists instead of giant weekly lists.

I was brave when I agreed to pick up pizza for Oliver's classroom pre-spring-break party. I struggle with tasks like that.

I was also brave when I drove to Charlotte. Then, we went to Asheville in Mom's truck. Before I left, Oliver had leaned into my hug as though he knew. I'll write another post about the girls' trip. Spoiler: we had a great time.

I found this in my journal: I like a degree of challenge, a chance to be more myself, to change the story.

Nourish/Challenge: Week 14.

This past week, Bruce and I finished our 21st tiny book club pick, The Memory of Light. That's my first young adult book for my spring focus. Reading fiction about mental illness is interesting and strange, as if my story were open to everyone. I guess it is if people take notice.

Bruce and I also had our first early-Monday-morning walk. It was easy, and I loved talking to my friend for an hour. We inspected bugs and flowers.

I had major trouble with reading and writing. I'm trying to get back to daily practice of literacy--one of the greatest gifts I've ever received. But I have to keep giving it to myself.

Josh and I snuggled a lot since he had a few early mornings free.

Bruce took me to see Pet Sematary, which was more daring than I expected.

And Bruce and I began to read the novelization of Dear Evan Hansen. I love it so far.

I also bought Ben Platt's (the original Broadway Evan) newish CD. I'm listening to it song by song in the car. What a talented guy.

And I watched a concert version of the Secret Garden musical, which stars Ramin Karimloo, Sierra Boggess, and Ben Platt! Amazing! I'm hoping for a revival.

My week was mostly full of nourishment. I'll try to challenge myself more this week.

Nourish/Challenge: Week 11.

This past week, Bruce and I finished Vox. It was an excellent novel. It's less severe but similar to The Handmaid's Tale. I gave it four stars on GoodReads. 11 books so far this year!

I fantasized about going to Carrabbas, either with Josh or by myself. But I didn't actually do it. I really miss that bread with herby oil and the almost-sweet Mezzaluna. Maybe it will happen soon.

Bruce and I went to Barnes for the first time in a long time. We like to check each bay in a section and check table displays to see how many of the books we've read. It would be an interesting competition with other pairs. We almost always find at least one book that one of us has read. Often, we find several. I think it challenges us--look at all these books waiting! I love the many ways we bond over books. That bond builds me up.

Josh took me to Sephora, where I covered my wrists in glitter. Later, Bruce asked if the remaining color splotches were bruises. No, just eyeshadow! Sephora (and Ulta too) makes me feel excited and free. One sparkly eyeliner can change a day.

Bruce and I finished what is available of American Horror Story and got back to The Good Doctor and SNL. It's a good mix of the sweet and the ridiculous, leaving me in a good mood.

It's nearly spring! I want to fill it with joy.

Nourish/Challenge: Week 10.

This past week, I met my goal to fill 15 journal pages. I also posted to my blogs five times, two of them in WWG. I began reading The 13th Sunday after Pentecost, poetry by Joseph Bathanti, who taught us at ASU and became a friend. I finished reading Mary Oliver's Blue Horses and replaced it with Kim Dower's Last Train to the Missing Planet. Oliver and Dower have become two of my favorite poets. I think this is the last Dower book, and I don't have any more Oliver poetry though I do have a book of her essays that I intend to read.

I've read 10 books so far his year--on track! But I'd rather be ahead. My total books-read is 658. My goal is to reach 1,000 total books by the time I'm 40. It won't be easy, but I think I can rise to the challenge.

Reading is almost always both nourishment and challenge for me. Every finished book is cause for celebration. Writing is the same way.

I think my new medication is helping me. I sleep better, and reading is easier. Two of the best kinds of nourishment!

On a silly nourishment note, I've been craving PB&J. Josh makes a perfect sandwich--the right ratio of PB and J. I'm glad I'm craving something on hand and relatively cheap.

Oliver allowed me to read aloud from Felicity's Story Collection! I so want to read to him. It's a challenge, and I think it's good for both of us. I try to sneak it in. Maybe I'll try poetry next.

Nourish/Challenge: Week 9.

I struggled with my pages this past week. I wrote little. I don't know why. Maybe more reading (perhaps concerning writing practice?) with nourish me enough that I can meet my weekly 15 pages (not counting prompt responses) challenge.

I did keep up with my blogs! I'm challenging myself to write weekly in WWG. 

I finished Louise Gluck's book of poetry House on Marshland. Those bath times with poetry bring renewal. I began Cluck's next book of poetry, Descending Figure.

Bruce and I started Vox, a novel in part about a time in which women may only speak 100 words a day. It's scary in the way Handmaid's Tale is scary, just not as bad (yet). We're flying through it, adding chapters to the number we've set for our next visit together. So the book is both challenging and nourishing in that it makes me think in new ways, and it makes me feel like a more capable reader.

For my movie of the week, I watched Lobster with Collin Farrell and Rachel Weisz. The cast caught my attention. The premise and content are bizarre. I don't know if I'd actually recommend it, but I'm glad I watched it.

The craving for Caesar salad continues. I went to Food Lion and bought a ready-made salad and a salad kit bag. That got me through a couple of days. Physical nourishment is a challenge for me right now, so I have to follow my cravings.

A piece of good news: I subscribed to Curology months ago, but I've been awful about remembering to use it...until this past week! And already, I have a more even skin tone, and my skin is clearer. I just have to keep up with the challenge of remembering to use it.

In so many ways, keeping up is one of my biggest challenges.

Nourish/Challenge: Week 4.

This past week was not my best. I didn't finish any books, and I came nowhere near my halfway point on my list. But the week was still interesting.

Josh turned 34, and I'm not far behind him. We went grocery shopping together, which I always enjoy. We ponder over which foods Oliver will actually eat. Josh and I also took a nap, holding hands. Holding hands is the greatest.

Our heat stopped working. The people at the office know me by my voice. The maintenance guy came quickly and stayed a long time. I was here alone, so it was a challenge.

I found (for 50% off) a beautiful trunk-shape decorative box with pink hydrangea on it! My tank top box is falling apart, so maybe I'll use the new box for tanks. Or for journals I want to use soon. The sight of those flowers gives me sustenance like pure sunlight.

I worked on organizing my jewelry. I have a lot of it, and almost none of it is real. I have so much fun with it. I feel happy when I see the pretty trinkets. I sometimes build outfits based on a necklace or pair of earrings.

Whimsical. I love the word and its meaning. I like whimsy in my life. I feel whimsical when I wear cute jewelry or use the Winky Lux Mer Kitten Eyeshadow Palette.

At Michaels, I bought a few cards of adhesive rhinestones. I stuck a green one by the corner of my right eye. I hoped Josh would like it. He did. Now where did I put those rhinestones?

Bruce and I went to see our third show of the season: Miss Saigon. I knew the plot but not the songs. We had an excellent cast and a massive ensemble. Our Chris had an astonishing voice. I need to see if he has an album. I'd love to hear him sing other showtunes. But the story is dark. Raunchy. Painful. Still--musical theatre tends to pry open my heart.