My Princesses.

Plenty of quizzes will tell you which Disney Princess you are. I can't decide which I am.

Moana: People tell me I'm brave. I don't take a lot of crap, not anymore.  Many of the lyrics from Moana resonate with me.  "They have stolen the heart from inside you/But this does not define you:" I've tried not to let the worst in my life turn me to ash, and if I see a piece of my heart glinting in the distance, I try to move toward it, even if I can only crawl. But I also feel proud of what I've survived and of the small family that I have, in at least one literal way, saved: "I've delivered us to where we are/I have journeyed farther/I am everything I've learned and more."

Merida: Well, I'm not nearly as angsty, rebellious, or reckless as Merida. But if you look at me at seventeen...yeah, all of that. And I even had semi-wild curly hair. I also have a close relationship with my mother that was hard-won.

Rapunzel: I feel more like her right now, having barely left my tower in weeks. I feel terrible for her because she only had a few books--definitely not one of my problems. But she was able to entertain herself, even enrich herself, and I can usually do that too. I have no visually artistic ability. I do have a lot of hair.

Tiana: I love how she went after her dreams and found love along the way. I've usually done the opposite. But Josh and I did meet because we had the same poetry and drama classes. I am no cook. But I do look good in green.

Mulan: I'm not nearly as courageous or self-sacrificing as Mulan. But I definitely remember feeling (and maybe still feel now and then) that I could "never pass for a perfect bride/Or a perfect daughter."

Pocahontas: Oh dear. I don't really feel qualified to comment on this, what with the historical inaccuracies and how long it's been since I saw the movie, but I'll try. I'm not a great peacemaker, activist, or conservationist. I do believe that I tend to make people think differently.

Jasmine: Aladdin was never one of my favorites, but Jasmine's pretty great. She's a firecracker. I have some of her sass. I tend to believe boys I love are capable of great things...and they get there. I can be more forgiving than I expect or even like.

Belle: She is the most obvious choice. She's a brunette, and she loves books! Unlike Belle, I don't really yearn for adventure. Like Jo March, I confine my adventures to the page, reading it or writing it. Belle is also self-sacrificing, and I don't have a ton of that in me. She and I don't have a lot of patience for blustering men. I do not look good in yellow. I have a lot of clothes, and Belle gets the most extensive wardrobe of any Disney princess in my memory. The blue and white outfit, the yellow gown, the green dress, the pink dress, the deep-rose cape... Usually, they just get a "peasant" dress and a princess dress, and maybe a wedding gown.

Ariel: She's pretty selfish (shellfish?), and I am too. I'm definitely a collector like Ariel--books, journals, fairy tales, makeup. I'm determined and single-minded in love, and I pretty much overturned my world to be with Josh. I'm not the best swimmer, and I have no official swimming skills, but I can tread water for a long time.

Aurora: I have been enormously sleepy lately. But people tend to forget who Aurora was before the *prick.* Nature does not adore me, and I don't adore it. I do sing a lot, though again, birds don't envy me. I don't often go barefoot because there's goose poop outside and Oliver's magazine shreds inside.  I fantasize constantly, and then, reality makes me nervous, like that perfect prince in the woods. Aurora grieved the loss of him, but he was her betrothed! I do believe I ended up with the person I was meant to be with all along.

Cinderella: Cinderella has always been my favorite. I'm not even sure why. The soft animation with so much white and blue and pink...the dreamy opening song ("You wear an air of queenly grace...If you give your heart a chance/It will lead you to the kingdom of romance...The sweetest story ever told..."), the illustrated story book ("Peaceful, prosperous, and rich in romance and tradition..."), the glimpse of her father, the willowy ice blue castle, the white coach.... Anyway, Cinderella and I have little in common. She is kind, patient, and hard-working. I'm not nearly so much. I would have despaired or run away in her situation. And I don't care for parties. But she does embrace her feelings (betrayal, heartbreak, enchantment, love), which I hope I would try to do even if it were more optional for me.

Snow White: I dyed my hair black to be a not-so-Disney version of Snow White. We certainly share a fair complexion. I love a good red lip stain. When I was little, I would ask older boys to "pick me up like Snow White!" Again, I'm not deeply connected with nature and don't know how to get animals to help me clean. I would not volunteer for a situation that required me to handle all the cooking and cleaning (back to that never passing for a perfect bride bit). I can barely handle having seven people in my life; I can't imagine seven small men. But I am a dreamer and a wisher.

So, what do you think?

Restoration: Week 21.

As I often do during or after a crisis, I've lost a lot of my ability to read this week. It's heartbreak into heartbreak. I feel brain-sore and unstitched. But I did finish one book of poems. Poems show up, some of the best are bite-sized, and they give me a little hope, a little mind-healing.

Restoration seems nearly impossible, but I've got to seek it on a small scale. Coming home, I took comfort in the familiar, in my own space. My armchair, my books, my mirror, my pajamas, my purple silk rose hiding in a glass Dr. Pepper bottle on top of the fridge.

Trauma can displace us and rip away our stories. We have to hold right to our stories and the stories of others, professional storytellers or not. Stories are one of the only treatments for just about anything, whether we tell or listen and whether we write or read. Without stories, I think I would burst with salt water.

I have had two good, unexpected phone calls, Those restored me a bit.

Some of the goslings by the pone are still cute. A cushion in supporting my sore upper back. I've been think about past and future gifts.

Stories.

I believe that stories save me. Stories can come in so many forms: books, shared recollections, therapy sessions, blog posts, E-mails, letters, funny shared memories, poems, songs, good TV shows, conversations, details of love, aspects of friendship. Some stories are tiny; some are epic. We can listen to stories, read them, tell them, share them, remember them, make them.

People often don't think of their memories as stories. But we need to honor our stories, whatever they are, and we keep each other alive by telling those stories and by making new stories together. Stories are nourishing and nurturing. They are essential. Even painful stories bring growth. The fantasy stories, like some daydreams, stretch the imagination and teach empathy.

We buy stories--movies, magazine articles, books. We trade stories with those we love. I find them I always have some little stories to tell Josh even though we've been together for 12 years, and I've talked a lot in that time.

Think about your relationship with stories. I'd love to read about it.