Word of the Year: 2020.

I chose this word months ago and knew I wanted to spend a year with it. The word has several, slightly different meanings. I can refer to trying something over and over to get better at it. It can refer to the set-up of a doctor's clinic and work. It can mean someone's dedication to something like meditation. It can refer to devoting time to a vital activity with no expectations of any kind of success (though the repetition becomes its own success) or reward (though rewards of a kind do come).

My word of 2020 is Practice. 

I think I will grow into this rich, multi-faceted word. I will practice journaling, reading, blogging (it could matter to someone), and loving (a massive goal I can approach in tiny steps). Even getting ready each day can be a practice if I pay attention and put in effort for the sake of myself and others I see that day.

I'm not going to post about my word weekly as I did last year. I'll just post I have something to share about my word, which may be more or less often. And I'll blog about whatever else is on my mind.

Today, I've been practicing blogging! I had a lot of catching up to do. A practice can be exhilarating but is more often (for me) a comforting weight, like Oliver's weighted vest.

When I think of practice, I think of going through my thesis yet again at a bistro table, dancing hard shoe in the garage, and reading Phantom all afternoon. I need recent memories!

Restoration: Week 44.

This past week, I haven't done much general scribbling in my journal, but I've responded to many of my prompts in pink ink. Many of those responses (including this one!) morph into blog posts. The process restores me.

I finished reading Mary Oliver's House of Light. I love her poems. I wish I could always have a book of hers waiting for me.

Bruce and I watched two episodes of American Horror Story, and we are hooked. I jitter with anticipation for the next episode. The show is so unique and layered, and the cast is stellar. Who knows when we'll catch up? I have so many great memories of watching TV shows with people I love, and I think they revive our relationships. That may be a future blog post.

I've been thinking about Christmas for a while already. I've done all my shopping for four key family members. The others will be tougher, but I do have some ideas. Giving gifts or prizes (small gifts for no reason) to others renews something in my heart.

Who Am I Now?

Who am I going to be? I still feel a chunk of myself gone since I'm not teaching. That had become a big part of my identity. I miss the sometimes-subtle theatrical aspects of teaching. I try to fill that and use that energy for storytelling with my friends and family.

I push the writing and reading hard to preserve and cultivate those major parts of me. Who would I be with books? I can't imagine surviving. New purpose comes through all the meetings an paperwork I do to get Oliver what he needs. So I'm an advocate for him. I also have to advocate for myself.

The blog also helps me feel I have a purpose. If anyone enjoys or learns from a post, I've done something worthwhile for others. The blog is also fun--it's almost a playground.

I'm a mother and a wife, and usually, these all bit together and complement each other. Even pain gives me something to write. Every experience gives me some thing to write, whether it stays in my journal or I try to publish it.

Restoration: Week 14.

This past week was spring break for both of my boys, so we spend a lot of time together. Oliver started asking us to read to him again (he hasn't let us read to him for months). He and I danced to songs from The Greatest Showman. I 'd love to put Oliver in some kind of dance class eventually. I want to give him as many coping methods and as many joys as possible--dance, theatre, music, books. Josh can also offer sports, science, philosophy.

I read a lot of fantasy this past week. YA fantasy seems to restore some parts of me--imagination, thrill. It's been lighting a little spark of wanting to write fiction.

I worked on my blog, and that helps me connect parts of myself and express myself in ways I usually wouldn't. I think it also restores readers' sense of connection to me.

Bruce and I went to see The Color Purple musical. It wasn't nearly as rough as I expected; Bruce said it toned down a lot of the book. The talent was impressive. Bruce and I sang show tunes all the way home. Joy.

The Journal and the Blog.

While the blog and the journal are separate, they do intersect, sometimes in ways that surprise me. I've been serious about journaling since I was 15. I've had blogs through Live Journal and Myspace, but I began this blog, with its specific purpose, when I was pregnant with Oliver almost 7 years ago. Sometimes, a blog post will emerge from regular scribbles. I've also done a few page-from-my-journal posts.

A couple of years ago, I started the practice of giving myself writing prompts in my journal. Prompts come from questions, questions I have while reading, or just fleeting images.  To keep them distinct from my scribbles, I started writing the prompt at the top of the page and leaving the page blank. Sometimes, I would immediately address the prompt. More often, I would leave a sticky flag on the side of the page and come back to the prompt later. This means I usually can't put my journals away when I finish them because, technically, I haven't finished them: some still have a fringe of sticky flags. Sometimes, I'm not able to respond to one prompt, so I try another. Something usually pops.

Eventually, I realized that many of these prompt responses were just right for blog posts--short and focused on a topic or question. So when I respond to a prompt, I move the flag from the side of the page to the top, so I know it's ready for typing and revision.

I think the blog is a sort of condensed manifestation of my journal. My scribbles are full of boring nonsense, but I try to make the blog clear and bright.

A Page from My Journal : July 6, 2011.

Right now, I'm thinking about the peaceful yet creatively buzzing happiness of the residencies at Queens. I'm remembering the brilliant green of the quad and eating McAlisters food with Josh during a break. The black and gold auditorium. The big chairs and fireplace in the tiny student center.

I love how Bloglovin' corrals new posts for me. It's so easy, and I almost always have something new to read.

I've discovered a great new blog--Your Wishcake. The writer is serene, appreciative, and pregnant, and I've loved every post so far.

My blog is a month old today. I can't believe how fun it has been or how many friends and family members have told me they love it. I also never knew what a rich blogging community exists.

A wild storm is here. The world got suddenly dark after Josh mowed the lawn. The windows have been flashing. The lights have flickered and failed. The thunder is rumbling, and the rain sounds like someone is pouring out jars of false pearls. I feel cozy, safe, and lazy.

In the living room, only one row of boxes remains against the door to the side porch. I may try to clear those out today. The dining room is still stuffed with boxes, and the bedrooms are still messy. As Josh said, though, we've moved into this house far more than we ever moved into the Christmas Love Palace, which, to me, never really felt like ours.

 (When I was little, I got in trouble for holding my pen correctly. Oh well.)

I have grading to do tonight, but I've already editing the reports for tomorrow's editing team meeting. The editing can be tedious, but I like having real experience in it, and I do think it's something I could do for a living.

I have a Real Simple to finish and an Oprah to start. I love that I subscribed to those before we moved. The last magazines to which I subscribed were Lucky, Self, and Health. My subscriptions have definitely gotten more...well, like what a mother would read. In most ways, I don't plan on thinking of myself as "a mom." It will be one of my roles, one that I love and take seriously, but it won't be my identity. I'm remembering a line from Center Stage, my first DVD: "Girl, you are too many things!" That's what I want to be.

I can't believe our poor notebook languished in a box for seven months. We've both written in it just now--our lives have changed so much since the last entry! I love the ballerina I pasted in from a Chapel Hill bookstore flier. Maybe we'll go back in the spring and stroll with Oliver on campus. I'd like to walk with him on various campuses and let him feel the serenity and energy of them.

We also have Lost in Austen from Netflix--three hours British literary goodness. I see some of that, a crabby wrap, and cherries in my future. I think I'll make Josh a wrap with mini sweet peppers, cheese, chickpeas, and spicy French dressing.

After work tomorrow, we have a doctor's appointment. After this, we should start going every two weeks! I wonder how Oliver will react to the glucose test syrup. I need to remember to bring a book for the test wait.

I unpacked that art nouveau piece and put it up in front of my antique mirror on my favorite books cabinet. I don't know why I thought it was a shell--it's definitely a fan.

One Month Old.

 (Image: http://worryingkills.tumblr.com/)

This blog has existed for a month today. I never thought I'd enjoy it so much or that more than a couple of people would like it. I think it's made me more aware of details and more committed to gratitude. I've also loved reading blogs--something I haven't really done before. I'm excited to think that my typing may have inspired a few people. Other writers here have certainly inspired me. Now, that is a good use of this effervescent "Web."

More Shimmer Clicks.

Butterflies and Roses Zoe is 20, married, and an English Lit student in England. She writes about her art projects, her books, and her plans for the future.

The Quiet Life of Violet Violet is 26, married, and very close to having her first baby. She has overcome incredible challenges and is living a gorgeous, artsy life.

Bloglovin' I think Bloglovin' is pretty cool because you can collect all the blogs you read in one place. You can follow blogs without having to sign up for accounts on different hosting sites.

Humdrum Star This is Josh's new tumblr page, so of course, I think you should check it out.

Soul Food Cafe You can get lost here for hours.

Pansy Lane  Hope's travels, crafts, adorable outfits, and pixie prettiness.

Whatever happens, don't say 'Awwww' Just in case you need to remember that the world has sweetness.

(Image: http://wearethewastedchildren.tumblr.com/post/5048860622)

Shimmer Clicks.

Sofia's Journal Sofia is English and almost exactly my age. Her blog, full of fascinating lists, decorating ideas, and fashion and beauty reviews, inspired me to start this blog.

The White Library Beautiful ideas for events, recipes, and decorating. I haven't read much because I've been too busy looking at the photos.

We Heart It This is a fun, inspiring, and addictive website. It's full of gorgeous images from all over the web, and you can form your "Heart," a kind of collage of images that speak to you. Josh calls it online scrapbooking. I've found many of the images you'll see here on We Heart It.

The Making of a Mrs. Sarah is another English girl who has been living in the US and is learning about what it means to be a wife. Be ready for insight and humor.


Minnie's Cakes If, like me, you've ever found yourself thinking about beautiful cakes (or if, unlike me, you've ever thought about making them), check out this gorgeous blog.

Le Re Nua Leah is getting started on a blog about love and healing. If you have Irish blood or an Irish spirit, you'll enjoy this.

(Image: http://favim.com/image/67560/)

First Spark.

I've toyed with the idea of a blog for years, and I've actually had a few. My major concern is that if I really start blogging, I'll stop journaling. But my blogs have always seemed to be quite different from my journals, so I'm going to try this.

I'm married to my best friend, Josh. Two of my top priorities (and values) are writing and reading. I have an alarming and delightful number of books and journals at home. I teach community college English. I have three cats. Most exciting: I'm 23 weeks pregnant with my son, Oliver.

My favorite time of day is the point in the afternoon when the sun shines through the breezy leaves and makes flutter shadows in my room.