Touch.

Josh's touch, simple as a hand squeeze or complex as a massage, has a tremendous impact on me. So I'll write this to him.

Josh, your touch

• is water running down my arms.
• is pansies in winter.
• reminds me of my bold childhood curiosity about bugs, frogs, and tiny blue-tail lizards.
• is like a wrapped journal that I stealthily open at Barnes to check the quality of the paper--and I find it perfect.
• is more addictive than Whisps, the cheese-turned-cracker I'm currently crazy about.
• is all the blankets in the house.
• is all the unlit candles we own--alight. 
• is every time you make me laugh. And every time we go back and forth like a comedy duo.
• is someone loving a movie I love.
• is lace that doesn't itch.
• is purple paper that can become anything.
• keeps me alive.
• is the moment when a tornado warning is canceled. 
• is multiple sets of matching pajamas.
• is the release date for a book I pre-ordered.
• is a black moto jacket with a scatter of white stars.
• is the cinnamon tea that lights up our cabinets with its scent.
• calls me by my secret names, including some I don't know.
• is the Secret Garden to my sickly Colin. 
• is my hair turning red.
• is a tiny light-up Christmas village.
• is glasses without smudges--clear and sharp.
• is the heating pad that comforts me enough, so I can fall asleep.
• is black metal and rhinestone jewelry. 
• is you, belonging to me.

Prelude to Christmas: With Bruce.

Bruce and I had our little Christmas celebration last Thursday. I don't wrap his gifts; I haul them in in a Pull-Ups box (with handles!). Most of my gifts to Bruce were Harry-Potter-themed. Bruce seemed to like them. Just some highlights of what Bruce gave me: a journal with pink roses and magnolias (I had to send a picture to Mom to identify the flowers), a large case of pens in various finishes, a book about mermaids (I am going to learn so much about mermaids in 2019), some of my favorite Bath and Body Works aromatherapy (Love--roses, and Sleep--Warm Milk and Honey), and Barnes and Nobel reading socks (which I've wanted forever but wouldn't buy for myself).

I have a tiny purple Moleskine notebook in which I write down what I buy and what gifts I receive. I go back through it to see if I'm using and appreciating what I have. Gifts are my primary love language, so I try to soak up all the love I can at Christmas and on my birthday. They patch me up.

The year is almost over. How will I fill next year with joy and growth?

ViaCharacter.org Character Strengths.

I love a good personality test. I think I came across this one (viacharacter.org) on Facebook. I found the results interesting, so I wanted to share them. The test looks for 24 personality traits or key values and ranks them based on a 100+-question test. But note, my #24 is Humility. LOL.

1) Humor. I was surprised to find humor near the top at all. But first? The more I think about it, though, the more sense it makes. For the last few years, I've used humor to distract myself from illness and stress. I love funny videos from SNL. I also love Jimmy Fallon's "Hashtags." I love laughing, and I love making others laugh. I try to tell funny stories. One of the best parts of my patchwork family is that we laugh a lot together. Humor is in Bruce's top 5 too! We certainly laugh a lot. He may like personality tests as much as I do.

2) Love of Learning.  I don't really have any major interest in going back to school. I'm satisfied with my MFA. The PhD comes to mind occasionally, but it would not be good for my family. Still, I learn a lot by reading. Even when I'm not learning new facts or skills, reading strengthens my mind, and events (like shows) can enrich the background of my thoughts. Josh got love of learning in his top 5 too. He's always doing some kind of internally motivated study. And he can read anything.This is in Bruce's top 5 too. These first two traits are probably two of the biggest reasons we're close. For example, we read together.

3) Appreciation of Beauty and Excellence. I can certainly feel that. A painting, a hallway, a bit of graffiti can pause my breath. I've been building a habit of honest compliments--kindness or compliments that I felt but didn't express in the past. I love to have my walls covered with my passions--fairies, mermaids, movies, literature. People close to me really impress me, and I try to let them know. Josh got this one too! That's good he's a professor and needs to find the good in a student's work or even character. When he looks at me, he always finds something to appreciate such as my eye makeup, coordinated colors, or what I'm wearing. He sees great beauty in forgotten buildings or cemeteries.

4) Love. My love is no joke. Once someone gets it, it can be overwhelming. I want to love, but I'm not so good at it. I try to think of a person's love language (my brother's, for example, is touch) and use that.

5) Gratitude. One of the main reasons I started this blog was to build up my gratitude and my awareness of my blessings. I make lists of my favorites and miracles.

So that sums up a lot about this season in my life.

Restoration: Week 24.

Last Friday was my birthday. Since gifts are my love language, I usually feel well-loved and restored around my birthday and Christmas. I feel seen, appreciation, and cherished. Josh has Fridays off this summer, so we were together.

I hadn't watched a movie by myself in a long time, so I rented Mary Shelley. I like Elle Fanning. The movie was mostly sad. Still, movies almost always have a restorative effect on me. They seem to light up new parts of my mind.

Bruce's birthday was on Sunday, so we celebrated on Saturday. He made a massive chocolate cake. We bought each other exactly the same two presents--two specific bath gels. Crazy. He remembered my saying that I've been loving lilac scent (Mom's favorite) lately. He gave me a lilac candle and lilac Wallflowers. And he found a Lisa Frank journal!

My favorite gifts from Josh were two journals--Ariel and Cinderella--in a Mary Blair-ish style. My favorite from Mom and Shane is a set of colorful mermaid-tail makeup brushes--so fun. Dad gave me birthday money; I used some of it to buy story collections for my summer reading.

I feel I have a real chance for serenity and contentment.