Stillness & Attention: Week 17.

Day 1: I am very sick today. My senses of smell and taste are still gone. I caught a hint of Cherry Merlot hand soap and thought they were back. But that only lasted for a second. I'm not eating much because I can't taste anything. I muscled through a cup of brown rice for dinner. I'm still testing negative for COVID. 

I haven't been able to read, but I did scribble five pages in my journal today. I wanted to finish my current journal this week, but that's not going to happen.  Josh is doing a little better. I rested in bed (but couldn't sleep) while he took Oliver to the park. I feel like I'm just trying to exist. Amazingly, I'm not depressed--just exhausted and ill. I haven't made progress with anything. But Josh and I did do some yoga. I'm ending the day with Ambien and melatonin. 

Day 2: Sunday. I was going to wash my hands, put on a mask, and go to the library today to return books and pick up holds, but it's closed for the Dogwood Festival. I tested negative for COVID again; surely, it would have shown up by now. I catch momentary sensory details--a hint of lilac body spray, a tiny echo-taste of tomato. But smell and taste are still mostly gone. I've started taking Mucinex, and I'm coughing a little. 

My guess is that I have strep and a sinus infection. I'm still congested and a little out of it, but I feel much better than I did yesterday. Hopefully, the antibiotics are doing their work and getting me over this. I'm going to try to get back to my normal pursuits though they seem overwhelming. I'm starting Olga Dies Dreaming by Xochitl Gonzalez. I don't remember the recommendation that led me to the book, so I have no idea what to expect. 

I also don't know what to expect of next week. I haven't heard from Oliver's school about whether or not it will be in person. Josh has therapy and a longish stretch of work tomorrow. 

Oliver had a mini meltdown at the park. We had to navigate taking him to a restroom as the rec center was closed. Sundays are complicated because of that. 

Day 3: Oliver did go back to school, and Josh and I spent some time together this morning. We did yoga again. I look forward to it now. I prepared a submission, but the submission form wasn't working, so I'll have to try that again later. I think I'm mostly past being sick. I've been neglecting most of my habits and goals while sick, so I hope to get back to normal this week. I did go to the library and pick up some holds. I accidentally held an audio book instead of a paperback, so I may try to listen to that in the car.

Day 4: I took a walk in my neighborhood this morning while listening to the original Broadway cast recording of Tootsie. I worked with 5-pound weights, which I'm trying to do most days. I'm sore from doing weighted side bends a couple of days ago. Josh and I got to spend some time together this afternoon. We picked up Oliver together and took him to OT, but he became very upset and wanted to go home. He's fine now; I don't know what that was about, but it was his second mini meltdown in three days. That is unsettling.

A storm is rolling in. I'll have to turn on the lamps early. I'm glad to be at home with my family. Tomorrow, Josh and I will get groceries and spend the morning together. Oliver only has 3 1/2 weeks of school left. Summer will be very different for us. I just hope Josh and I find time to spend together. Spring break was a bit of a trial run, but strep complicated it. 

Day 5: Groceries are expensive. But we won't have to buy much next week. I got soy sauce and lots of vegetables to make veggie fried rice this week. I've decided to make a real effort to lose weight. I restarted my MyFitnessPal account. 1,200 calories a day seems absurd, but I'm trying for it. Josh and I did yoga again, and I did weights and the ab series I learned in my college ballet class. 

I finished a journal today and started my beautiful Paperblanks Poetry in Bloom Grande journal. 

I went back to the library to pick up a stray hold: Smoke, poems by Dorianne Laux. I also got a couple of graphic novels and checked out The Only Good Indians again as I didn't get to it last time. The library employee said she had just read it. I told her I had read My Heart Is a Chainsaw, which was crazy and crazy good. 

Day 6: I had a stretch of time alone this morning, and I stayed busy. I finally got back to reading my Daily Bible, and I read many poems from A Fortune for Your Disaster aloud. I did some scribbling in my big journal. I made fried brown rice with riced cauliflower, broccoli, sugar snap peas, sweet peas, corn, baby corn, carrots, and red peppers. It turned out well. I did weights and the ab series. I organized stickers and used them to decorate a top-spiral journal. Then, I went for a 1.25-mile walk near home while listening to the original cast recording of Starlight Express. Josh was able to come home early, so we had a little time together before he picked up Oliver from school. 

This afternoon, I finally sent a submission. I sent formal poems that I wrote way back as an undergrad. I've received two rejections in the last couple of days. Despite illness and subsequent falling off track, I've sent out 93 pieces this month. I still have a lot of poems and a few stories to send. I'll return to sending a submission each day. I was doing so well with all my habits, and now, I wonder how I kept up with everything! But I'll get back on track. 

I need to reestablish good habits while Oliver is still in school because keeping up in summer will be tougher. The hardest times will be the last couple weeks of May, when Josh will have long admin days. Oliver gets out of school on May 20, so it'll just be us at home. Josh may have fairly heavy summer work too; we should find out about that soon. 

But Josh is taking tomorrow off, so we'll have the whole school day alone together! I'm so excited about that. We'll probably mostly stay in bed--he'll nap, and hopefully, I'll read and do writing work. I do kind of wish I could nap during the day when I want to. Sometimes I can rest happily for a while. 

I found a possible market for my book! It's kind of a hard sell as a YA fantasy novella, but I want to give this market a shot. So I'll be polishing the book over the next couple of weeks. 

Day 7: This was a great day. Josh and I spent the whole school day together. We did yoga and watched two episodes of Documentary Now. We don't often watch shows together. Josh took a nap, and I rested and actually slept for about twenty minutes! We talked a lot and didn't really accomplish anything, which was nice. 

In the evening, I went to Barnes with Bruce. We walked around for over two hours, looking at books and talking about what we'd like to read. I checked the library for some books. We talked about books we may read together. I saw so many great new journals! I need a big ol' Barnes gift card. I'd saved calories for a grande caramel macchiato. 

I had the idea that for our birthday celebration and gifts (our birthdays are June 15 and June 17), Bruce and I could go to Barnes again and buy books we want to read together! We've read over forty books together though not lately. I'd love to get back to that. 

When I got home, Josh was waiting for me. 

Stillness & Attention: Week 9.

Day 1: Theatre day! Josh finished his first marathon while Bruce and I were eating soft pretzels and M&Ms at Durham Performing Arts Center. We saw Hadestown. I didn't love it, but I plan on giving the album some attention. Hamilton grew on me after I saw it. We did have a talented cast, including one actor from the Broadway cast and one Tony Award winner. I'll bet the casting call for Orpheus got really narrow: we need someone who can play the guitar and sing really high. The drive to and from Durham is always fun because we listen to Bruce's Broadway Pandora station (which includes a lot of Ben Platt and Idina Menzel) and sing along. 

Josh and I got home around the same time. I sat on the bathroom floor while Josh took a bath with my soothing bath soak. After he fell asleep, I took my own bath with Aromatherapy Passion: Tuberose and Ylang Ylang foam bath, which smelled wonderful.

Day 2: I finished reading Locke & Key 6: Alpha and Omega, which may have been my favorite graphic novel of the series. I've enjoyed the series, and graphic novels have been pulling me through a mild reading slump. I hope I can find plenty more that I like. Once I return some more books, I'll browse the graphic novel section at my library. I'd like to try some YA graphic novels too. I still have the graphic novel Blankets waiting on my shelf. 

Josh and I spent the morning together, and I made whole wheat rotini with tomato sauce and spinach. Mmm. 

We picked up Oliver today, and while we were in the car, I finished reading Peter Pan and Wendy to the boys. That's book 12 for the month and book 24 for the year! I really enjoyed reading it.  

Day 3: I read some more of Best American Poetry 2021, which I've been pecking at for a while. I wanted to finish it today, but reading wasn't easy. Josh and I had the morning together, and he tickled my back until I fell asleep--a rare nap! I went through some of my clothes and freed up 17 hangers. I'll donate the clothes to the college's success closet.

Oliver had a good day at school. We missed Josh, but he only has one more night class! 

Day 4: This is the first day of a new month. March will see the end of winter. I spent a few minutes in the backyard today, finding tiny clumps of wild violets, my favorite flower. I love the leaves that look like unfurling hearts. 

I finished my Punch Studio Romantic Love Stories journal today and started a Novel Journal: Anne of Green Gables. Novel journals are high quality, and every line is a line of the book's text.

I'm writing today with a pink Pentel Sparkle Pop pen. Actually, I've drained three of them today.

I have had a hard time reading today, but I did start reading The Girl Who Drank the Moon to the boys. We read the first three chapters, and it's a lovely book already. It won the Newberry! It will be a good addition to my children's lit winter. Late this month, I'll switch focus to young adult lit for spring. I also made egg salad today, one of my favorites, which Josh luckily likes too. 

Day 5: I slept until 6:30 today while Josh went to the gym. He had an appointment with his doctor, and we went to Academy Sports for running shorts and got groceries. I bought some caprese chicken sausage to try with pasta. They're fully cooked, and they steam in their package.

Josh and I went to The Habit Grill after all that, and I got avocado all over my dress. So it's now in the washer. It's in the upper 70s today, and I'm hot. Spring is coming, and I already feel like I have allergies surfacing. My chest is tight, so I may be using my inhaler today. Josh picked up some ten prescriptions for us. Our family takes a lot of meds. 

I've been writing with Krazy Pop pens today: gold with green glitter and green with red glitter. I've now emptied 60 pens this year. I just have to get back to reading. I long for cuddles. Tomorrow, I'll be on my own all day. I'm spoiled. I'm also spoiled because today I ate a French cheesecake parfait while soaking in a bubble bath.

Day 6: I received a glorious E-mail today: "Your disability date has been updated in your 2022-2023 renewal for ESA+. We need nothing further from you at this time." !!!! The status no longer says "ineligible;" it says "accepted"! I won't feel completely at ease until the money is at the school, but it looks like Oliver's financial aid for next year is safe. This is especially encouraging today because our taxes payment went through, and our account is quite bare. But we will recover! We have a little money from family to get us through until my disability payment arrives in a couple of weeks.

This has also been a good day so far because I have tackled my reading slump. Josh is at work, and Oliver is at school, so I made a goal to read for two hours straight. I set my timer for 2 1/2 hours so that I'd have a chance to make and eat some pasta salad (tricolor rotini, fancy shredded Mozzarella, chopped cucumber, zesty Italian dressing, and mini pepperoni [for mine]). I did it! I think I read for more than two hours. 

I finished So Far So Good: Final Poems by Ursula K. Le Guin. I have an odd relationship with Le Guin. I loved her Steering the Craft in grad school, but Bruce and I read her selected stories, The Real and the Unreal, and neither of us really cared for it. I decided to try out her poetry when I saw the book at the library. I'm not crazy about it, but I did write down a few great lines in my "Quotations and Magic Words" composition book. Based on all this, I will probably not read more of Le Guin's fiction or poetry, but I do want to read her Words Are My Matter. I'll place a hold on that once I catch up with my library books.

So I've finished my first book of the month! That brings me to 25 for the year. I'm a quarter of the way there! According to Goodreads, I'm nine books ahead of schedule. Whew. My reading slumps have not defeated me!

I also started and read 75 pages of The Year of Less by Cait Flanders, which seems appropriate. It's not one of my overdue books (yet), but it's what I felt like reading. And reading something other than what I planned is much better than not reading at all. I'm guessing now that reading a page worth of text takes me about a minute and 45 seconds if it's not very challenging. I wish that were more like one minute per page. Still, I was able to be still (though I was following the sunlight around the room) and pay attention for sustained reading. I plan on trying for one-hour stretches on weekdays except on Thursdays, when I can do two hours. This eliminates most distractions.

I'm more than two months into NoBuy2022. Yesterday, I was very tempted to buy an E-book. It was $2.99. But I didn't buy it! Peter Pauper Press has new journals, some of which I saw at Barnes and Noble last weekend. But I'll soon have Amazon points for a journal or two. In general, though, not spending has gotten easier. I don't browse when I'm bored or think about new pretty things when I'm down. I don't feel entitled to get everything I want, and I don't go looking for things to want. One of the hardest moments was when my pretty green crystal bead anklet broke last week, and I knew I couldn't replace it. But I'll get another anklet next year.

I finished listening to Hadestown while I got ready. I am getting attached to a few songs: "Wedding Song," "Wait for Me," and "Promises." I returned two books to the library!

Day 7: This morning, I had snuggle times with Josh and took a rare nap. I felt good all day. When Josh went to work, I set my timer for two hours, and I nearly finished The Year of Less in that time. So I seem to take two hours to read 100 typical pages of text. A 400-page book requires an eight-hour commitment. I wish I were quicker, but I'm just not. I may never be. But this helps me be more realistic about what I can read and reminds me that a book had better be worth the time investment.

I've been writing with a light blue metallic TUL pen. These are very temperamental and only write on high-quality paper. They write decently in a Novel Journal, but Peter Pauper Press gives the best results I've seen. I wish they were more functional because some of the colors are so unique: rose gold, champagne, and gunmetal. I've drained 65 pens this year!

In the evening, I went to Bruce and Corey's and watched Nightmare Alley with them. I love del Toro, and the cast was incredible. The movie was quite dark (del Toro's film noire, so yes) but good. I want to watch movies more often. I marked today as joyful.

Stillness & Attention: Week 3.

Day 1: Two weeks without frivolous spending. I've had thoughts about glittery water bottles and Pilot Juice Up metallic pens, but I haven't purchased them. At least everyone is ready for work (clothes) and school (supplies) this coming week. 

As far as I know, Oliver will go back to school on Tuesday. I've loaded his backpack with his daubers, his favorite photo book, his favorite board book, Skittles, a change of cold weather clothes, and his Brr Brr (his old comfort toy...just in case). I hope he's all set. I hope his teachers are prepared to work more directly with him. His lead teacher and I have been exchanging E-mails, and she suggested I pack all those items for him. I included explanatory notes: gold ink on black paper: He likes to look at these photos and talk about what he's doing in them. He's outgrown Brr Brr but may still like to have him around (we have multiple Brr Brrs). This is an extra copy. It's no big deal if this gets beat up.

Josh's parents were supposed to visit today, but his mom isn't feeling well. For the next three days, I have nowhere to go and nothing much that I really have to do. It's a nice feeling. I do hope to do some cleaning and put away a lot of laundry. 

We found out that the college is hiring out weekly COVID testing, so Josh will no longer do that. We'll miss the extra money he earned, and he'll miss doing something so concrete to help with the pandemic. But this opens up his schedule quite a bit, and I'm excited about having more time with him. Next week, we should get some time alone. 

Josh is still the highest bidder on the Charlotte Bronte doll! It will probably get crazy on the last day. 

I can't believe I'm already starting the third week of this year. This morning, I've been reading Locke & Key Volume 3: Crown of Shadows. This is going to be a graphic novel and poetry weekend. I plan to read at least three books by Friday. I've started Handwriting: Poems by Michael Ondaatje.

I put away three baskets of laundry! I'm caught up...for the moment.

Day 2: 

"...because I felt, surprisingly and reassuringly, a slight panic for my own preservation, I started reading line by line."

~Louise Erdrich, The Sentence 83

This reassuring slight panic, when I experience it, drives me to write or read. When I'm lazy, disconnected, or depressed, I don't do these things, these life-affirming, life-strangling actions. And when I don't do these, I'm often disgusted with myself.

Yesterday, I went to renew some library books online and found that The Sentence by Louise Erdrich is in demand, so it is due on Tuesday. That gives me just a couple of days to read it. I'm almost 100 pages into the 380-page book. I have a long way to go!

It's an icy day. Josh ran 14 miles in cold rain. Oliver had gone back to bed at that point, so I did the same: I got in my cool bed in my dim room and slept for an hour or so. Naps are rare for me; I can't even sleep at night without meds. So this was a treat. Otherwise, I've mostly read. 

BlendJet now has Lisa Frank designs. Seriously? Suddenly, smoothies sound great. 

We've basically gotten our restaurant food for the month. Josh went out for soda and water-resistant running pants last night and came home with burgers (Impossible for him) from The Habit. And today, we ordered pizza and garlic knots with a gift card the Red Cross gave him at the blood drive. Unless Oliver wants the rest of the thin-crust sausage, I'll be eating cold pizza in the morning. I love eating lunch and dinner foods for breakfast; it's odd. 

Day 3: Today is a bonus weekend day because of MLK Day. The boys are both home. 

I finished The Sentence by 3 o'clock! I gave it 5 stars; it's my favorite of the three Erdrich books I've read. 

Day 4: I spoke to my therapist today and recommended The Sentence and My Heart Is a Chainsaw to her. I finished One of Us Is Lying; I may read the sequel. I'm starting the book Wounds, horror short stories by Nathan Ballingrud. I'm now at six books for the year, so I'm right on track...even slightly ahead.

Oliver is back at school, and Josh and I spent the morning together. For most of that time, we were waiting for the pest control guy to come. He asked us whether one of us had made all the art in the house. We assured him that we hadn't. He loved the Amy Brown mermaid by the front door. The man has good taste. I wish we were worthy of his belief in our talent!

Oliver was happy to get back to school and even leaned into his TA's hug. This is his first day without an RBT. I haven't heard anything yet. 

Today, I'm expecting some heavily discounted mealies (what we call pre-made frozen or refrigerated meals) from Factor. Last year, I enjoyed some heavily discounted Freshly mealies. They were pretty good. I'll pay $6 for a mealie, but I won't pay $10.

I had a good long talk on the phone with my mom. We discussed ABA again, and I continue to feel more reassured that we made the right decision. We talked about her health and about my recent day of solid depression. I did realize, though, that I missed my meds the night before that crash. So it actually makes perfect sense, and I haven't crashed again since. Obviously, my meds are doing a lot of good work.

I got started on our taxes as some forms arrived today. I'm waiting on Josh's W2. I hope we won't owe anything. Any refund we get will go toward a down payment for a car. Josh's car has refused to start three times in the last two weeks, but we're going to try to save for a few months--anything we can do to get a lower monthly payment.

Day 5: Oliver got an almost-perfect behavior sheet yesterday, and his teacher wrote that he had an amazing day and she thinks we made a great decision that will encourage his independence. Wow! So I feel a lot better. 

I've eaten two Factor mealies and a Panera Bowl mealie since yesterday. The first Factor meal was garlic shrimp and broccoli in a tomato cream sauce--not particularly filling but very good! The second was Italian sausage, red peppers, and rosemary red potatoes--also good. The Panera Bowl was chicken caprese: shell pasta, sun-dried tomatoes, spinach, and chicken in pesto--yum. We went grocery shopping today, and gracious, it was expensive! But we're all set for whatever ice or snow is set to come on Friday. I bought everything a big batch of the pasta salad Josh likes (tricolor vegetable pasta, Zesty Italian dressing, cucumber, and fancy-shredded Mozzarella, plus mini pepperoni for my portions).

Josh and I spent another morning together with lots of snuggles. It's so nice to be still and close to him without the impending stomp-stomp-stomp into our room! Oliver didn't want to wake up this morning, but when Josh said, "It's time for school," Oliver popped right up! I'm guessing he probably won't have school on Friday because of the weather, and he's off on Monday. So he gets one more day. I noticed last week that Oliver seemed more relaxed at home without ABA people here. Maybe the company for six hours a day stressed him out too. 

I agreed to meet with Oliver's former BCBA tomorrow morning at 9:30. I'm not looking forward to that. I just want to say, "Hey, we broke up!" Josh will be in class from 9 to 1. I won't have to leave the house though! A day in which I don't have to drive is a good day, and it means Josh can use the reliable car.

I found some Violette stickers I didn't know I had, and I organized new stickers from my Pipsticks subscription. I decorated one of the journals I bought at Le Guardia airport in December. It's a Paperblanks journal with a Valentine's Day design, and I'll probably use it next. I love the decor and style of Valentine's Day. I knew this time of year would be tough for NoBuy because I love pink and red heart tops and socks and decor. I just need to stay away from Target, Loft, and...pretty much everywhere else. I still haven't spent any money on myself for fun this year--19 days! Another temptation is a Paperblanks Grande journal, which is beautiful and huge. I may be able to save up Amazon points for one.

Josh is still trying to get that Charlotte Bronte doll for my birthday; the auction ends tonight. I've also always wanted a Scarlett O'Hara doll because she has dark hair and green eyes like I do, and this one is gorgeous. So if Josh doesn't get Charlotte, I may ask him for Scarlett for my birthday. 

I'm having a hard time reading again. I'll try to fix that tonight.

Day 6: I didn't fix that. 

I've had other Factor meals: cauliflower pasta with marinara, sausage, and green beans (too spicy for me, but I love the way they season the green beans) and herb chicken with seasoned potatoes and Mozzarella. 

I'm thinking about how I can batch-cook my own version of some of these mealies. I could buy frozen chicken breasts, but I don't know what to do with them besides marinate them in Italian dressing. I did buy some fully-cooked frozen shrimp that would be good with asparagus and Parmesan couscous. I'm no cook. I used to buy frozen tilapia at Aldi and season it with Old Bay. Maybe I'll start doing that again. It's hard to cook meat when I'm the only one who eats it. 

Something else I like: Fratelli Beretta's Italian Style Small Plates. I found them with the Lunchables at Food Lion. I tried one with rustico salami, provolone, and mini bread sticks. I also got one with crostini, spicy provolone, and calabrese salami. I love charcuterie, which my family called dinner snacks. It can be as basic as summer sausage with Colby jack cubes and Wheat Thins or fancier with brie, sesame crackers, crab dip, grapes, and gourmet salami.

Josh did not win the Charlotte Bronte doll, and the Scarlett doll sold. So that's sad. I found a stunning and relatively reasonable Madame Alexander Cissy (21-inch) with the classic Cissy face. I like her dress and her medium-blond curls, but I most love her face. Cisettes (10-inch) and Cissys have wide faces like mine, and this doll has shiny dark nude lips (which reminds me of the lipstick I wore in high school) and light green eyes. 

I met with the BCBA and signed the discharge papers. We're done. ABA did Oliver a lot of good at various points, but it's time to move on. His occupational therapist should be back from maternity leave next month. In the meantime, he's getting plenty of personal attention and individualized activities at school. I've gotten no new word about Oliver's grant, so we will probably have to pay tuition for January out of pocket. 

Today, I've had a few hours at home by myself. I organized more stickers and decorated another journal I got in New York, this one a Peter Pauper Press (arguably my favorite line though the Strand Denik journals may win individually) journal with purple trees and red flowers. I wrote in my current journal (also a PPP, this one with a blue tree...I love PPP tree journals!) with a TWSBI Eco purple fountain pen with a sample of shimmery Diamine Lilac Satin ink (from a sample set I bought a year or two ago from Goulet Pen Co.). I have a big purple blotch on my middle finger--a writer's love bruise. I did ask for this Compoco firefly journal for my birthday. I also like this, this, and this. 

I think I have plenty of ink for this NoBuy year. We'll see! I am still waiting for some Van Dieman's Night ink I ordered from Australia last year after discovering the wonder of shimmer (sparkly) and sheen (duochrome) inks. Just remember, shimmering and sheening inks can clog most pens. I've found TWSBI Eco with a broad or stub nib to be the best, but Robert Oster Fire and Ice ink clogged my stub nib (so pretty and ultra shimmery though--I'll have to seek out one of my dip pens). I also love scented inks, which, in my experience, work well in any good pen. I'd love a scented sample pack...did you read that, Josh? I know; I know. I'm running out of birthday presents. 

Day 7: I did finish reading two stories from Wounds last night. They were quite dark. I liked "The Diabolist." I also read two chapters of The Patchwork Girl of Oz to the boys, so I did a decent amount of reading. For the last couple of days, I've felt lonely and sad in the evenings, but I think part of that is because I haven't been reading enough.

Josh ordered me the beautiful doll for my birthday! I'm thinking of what I will name her. Iris? Emmy? London? I'd love to collect clothes for her eventually. I wish I could sew clothes for her, but I'm much too lazy and impatient to learn. I saw a beautiful white and blue satin coat with sparkly buttons for a Cissy. I'm happy to have this doll to look forward to. In under five months, I'll see her lovely face. 

Josh and Oliver are home today due to winter weather that probably won't come. I'm under my heated blanket with an ice peppermint mocha I made. 

I'm working on the budget for next month. I don't think I'll be able to save much toward a down payment for a car, but I'll save as much as I can. Josh will get a little more testing money from December. We still have to pay for this month's ABA sessions. But I'm hoping Oliver's grant will come through, and the money we have for January tuition can go toward a down payment instead. I want to have a $3,000 down payment. $5,000 would be great, but that's not going to happen.

More Factor mealies! Grilled chicken in a creamy sauce with sun-dried tomatoes, spinach, and zucchini noodles--delicious, definitely my favorite (It's called Sun-Dried Tomato Chicken). Yesterday, I had pork tenderloin with cheesy cabbage (I didn't eat the cabbage because ew) and...you guessed it: green beans. Luckily, Factor knows how to make good green beans, and they're one of my favorite vegetables. Verdict: if you get a good discount, Factor is worthwhile (again, I don't go over about $6 a mealie). I like the Factor mealies better than Freshly (which is also pretty good). I'm trying a couple more heavily-discounted mealie plans in the next few weeks. One of them will actually include some meal kits--am I competent enough to cook something with all the ingredients before me? We'll see. They're two-serving kits, so I'll have leftovers. After that, I'm adding mealie plans to my NoBuy list. I'll learn to make my own. I'm getting lots of good ideas though. I want to try making good steamer bag long green beans with seasoning and slivered almonds--no more canned green beans for a while!

I finished my PPP blue tree journal and began my Paperblanks Valentina journal! It's #217. When I remember, I always write where and when I bought or received a journal inside the back cover. It's fun to see how long I've had a journal waiting and who gave it to me or whom I was with when I bought it. This one was technically a gift from my dad. Thanks, Dad!

Paperblanks journal pages are too thin for fountain pens, so I plan to use a variety of gel pens. I'm no longer sticking to two colors per journal; I'm writing with whatever I feel like using. I'm starting with a Uni ball Signo pen in gold--one I bought at Kinokuniya in New York City. 

My Van Dieman's ink arrived from Australia! They made a mistake with my order and sent two 50 ml bottles of Twilight Mist (indigo shimmer) instead of one TM and one Cherry Blossom Dream. I sent them an E-mail, so we'll see how the customer service is. I also got two 100 ml bottles: Shooting Star (sheening red/blue with gold shimmer) and Aurora Australis (sheening purple/green). I'll probably choose a journal with thicker paper next so I can try out the inks. It's fun to get something now that I ordered last year. Hopefully, they'll just send me that other bottle. I don't want to deal with international return shipping.

I got Oliver a pair of slippers with rubber soles and furry lining. They're perfect for playing in the backyard because he doesn't have to wear socks, and he can just about put the slippers on himself. That's good because he likes to go in and out a lot, which made the shoes-socks-coat routine taxing.

Josh and I put my favorite star sheets on our bed. I love going to bed with new sheets. I read two chapters of Oz 7 to the boys. We only have three chapters left! I may take a break from Oz and finish reading A Swiftly Tilting Planet to them. Both the Oz and Wrinkle in Time series are on my 40 before 40 list. We have a total of eleven books left to read together in the next few years. Whew. I have so many books for myself on that list, and I'm starting to feel I'm running low on time! Eventually, I'd like to read The Chronicles of Narnia to the boys. I just finished the series myself during grad school...which was actually a long time ago. Oh dear. 

Oliver just put on his slippers all by himself! He's making his fourth trip into the backyard. It's cold! We still haven't seen any precipitation though. I'm hoping Josh's parents will still be able to visit tomorrow for his birthday.

Stuff I'm Loving Right Now.

• Silk + Sonder. I started my subscription to this monthly journal/planner hybrid. It comes with membership to a supportive, inspiring Facebook group. People share their creative pages and give each other ideas for how to use the blank Notes pages. I'm almost done using my first month's janner! I also got the Annual Supplement, which I'll work on throughout the year. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to keep up with the janner and my journal, but it's been fine. Once I finish February, I'll post some of my pages. 
• Long-stem strawberries. These are huge and sweet. I've never enjoyed strawberries so much, and I'm not even eating them with whipped cream. 
• Francesca Lia Block's Rose and the Beast. I'm rereading this. It's the first Block book I read. I found it completely by accident at the Arboretum Barnes. The cover is so gorgeous. I love fairy tale retellings. It's fulfilling my fairy-tale-a-day goal right now. Her language just drips with sparkle. Next month, I'm taking a writing and healing class with Block! I can't believe it. I've just finished reading her Thorn Necklace, a memoir/book on writing. I'm trying to get reacquainted with her work. I've also gathered some of the books she's discussed in Thorn Necklace. I want to get as much as possible out of this class. How many people get to take a class with their favorite authors? Care to join in? 
• Fairy Tales from Hans Christian Anderson, with illustrations by Tasha Tudor. My mom sent me this as a gift to help with my fairy-tale-a-day habit. Tasha Tudor is one of our favorite artists. The vintage book even has a snowflake on it. I love snowflakes.
• Dreams about snow. We only gotten a glimpse or two of snow here, but I've been dreaming about beautiful, non-destructive snow. I've seen huge, intricate snowflakes that show off their designs and stick to windows and branches. Usually, my dreams are complex and stressful, so this was a nice change. 
• PrismaColor pencils. I discovered these when I took a homeschool art class at thirteen. I've loved them and bought them for others ever since. I chose seven colors (violet, medium purple, pink, deep rose, silver, forest green, and bright blue) to use in my janner this month. I've used them not just for the included coloring page but also for habit and mood trackers. 
• Madame Alexander dolls. I just can't get over them. I finally got the two 10-inch dolls I've wanted so much (one of them I've wanted for about twenty years): Jo Goes to New York Trunk Set and the lovely Jane Eyre. I've set up the Anne of Green Gables doll I got from my parents for my eighth birthday as well. A couple of years ago, my mom gave me a 10-inch Cinderella--gorgeous. Most of my dolls are 20+ years old, but they're all beautiful. I have them atop bookcases and my dresser in the study and my bedroom. I'm having surgery week after next, and those dolls will keep me company and give me something beautiful to look at while I recover.
• Paperblanks journals. My favorite journal brand is Peter Pauper Press, but Paperblanks is up there. The journal covers usually feature antique designs with metallic details. The journals come in Ultra, Midi, Mini, and Slim sizes. I have a couple of each. 
• Papier journals. These are new to me. They feature designs from various artists and include personalization. One of mine is titled, "Becky Nicole's Notes on Love." The pages are thick enough to take a fountain pen with no bleeding and only mild ghosting. 
• Zazzle.com. My mom hesitantly introduced me to this site. You can search for an image and buy just about any product you can think of (notebooks, stickers, labels, light switch covers, posters, wooden signs, pens...) with that image. While searching for fairies and mermaids, I discovered...
• Molly Harrison's fairies and mermaids. If you like Amy Brown, you'll like MH. 

Christmas Post Script 3: Greg and Susan.

On Saturday, Josh's parents stopped in on their way to hike at a national park. They are visiting every NC national park--a pretty cool goal.

As soon as they arrived, Oliver was going after a bag of small Reeses cups. We gave Greg a couple of plaque-style photos (these have been my gift of choice this year) and a photo mug that Josh designed. And we gave Susan two candles, a wine-themed Wallflower with peppermint refills, and a Grammy kitchen towel (which my mom found).

Greg and Susan gave Oliver some little art supplies, lots of graphic tees, and a set of shark pajamas. Zach and Cherylanne (and Harrison) gave Oliver a set of warm pajamas. He should be in much better condition with clothes now. Adam and Sarah gave us an Amazon gift card.

Greg and Susan gave us a large box of Lindt truffles (one of my favorites). They gave Josh some Charlotte Hornets merch. And they gave me a Bath and Body Works After the Snow candle (like a spicy campfire) and a journal with many funny cats, some dressed up. But here's the great detail: it's by Peter Pauper Press, and Susan remembered from my blog that PPP is one of my favorite (maybe the favorite) journal makers. I'd never seen that design before! I love it.

It was a brief but happy visit.

And there's Christmas.

Freshen up Your Journal.

I've kept a regular journal, with some dry-ink spells, for eighteen years. My style has shifted in that time. Here are some tips from my experience:

• Choose a beautiful blank book, but more importantly, choose one that matches your style and tools. If you don't have a lot of space when you write, a spiral journal is a good, compact choice. If you prefer to use gel pens, fountain pens, or even markers, choose a journal or sketch book with sturdy pages. I try to have thick pages in all my journals so that my tools can shift with my mood and location. A fountain pen is lovely at home, but a ballpoint may be best for a park bench. For more about shopping for a journal, click here.
• Keep a to-do wish list in your journal. Make a list in your journal of what you would love to accomplish in a day, week, or month. I use weekly lists. Because I do this, I don't have to keep a separate planner (apart from Google Calendar). I make it colorful and detailed. I keep the list marked with a sticky flag, so I can easily flip back and check my progress. The best part of my to-do wish list is that it is just that: I don't expect to accomplish everything in that week, but I have clear directions for myself and where I'm going. I try to check off half the items.
• Use sticky flags. Pick flags you like! These character flags are my favorite. The flags can mark lists, prompts, and ideas.
• Use sticky notes. This is another reason I can get by without a paper planner. I have large blue, lined Post-Its, and I put them on the endpapers and inside the covers of my journal. These are where I collect story ideas, writers' names, book titles, movie titles, questions, and other lists. When I start a new journal, I either put the notes in my new journal, or I copy the lists into a blue glitter spiral notebook I use for that purpose.
• Keep a wish list on the last page. I add and cross off as I go, and I copy whatever is still relevant into the next journal. I especially try to keep up with names of, for example, Urban Decay eyeshadows I want. When I have a little money, or someone needs a gift idea, my list is ready.
• Play with stickers. I add stickers to every other spread, just to add some whimsy. Sometimes, the coming surprise makes me write more.
• Color coordinate. I've never wanted to use the same ink colors for adjacent journal entries (except in my first journal, which I think I filled with thick black ink). If the colors change day by day, I have a much easier time finding something I've written down (I may remember that it was a pink day). I used to use any colors that didn't clash with the cover. But now, I use only colors that cover art uses. I tried three colors, but two is much easier to manage. When I began my current journal, which shows Cinderella's pink dress, I checked all my pen cups and bags for pink and gold pens. The pens went into my glittery silver ipsy bag. When I start another journal, I'll switch out the colors. I also color coordinate the stickers I use. I love consistent color in various shades and finished. When I respond to a prompt or make a list, I use a different color pen, and I mark the entries with a horizontal (not finished) or a vertical (finished) sticky flag.

My journal is a big part of my life. I don't know enough about bullet journaling, and I don't have time or focus for art journals, but my journal still reflects who I am and who I want to be.

Some Stuff I Just Love Right Now.

• Makeup Remover Farmacy Green Clean Makeup Meltaway Cleansing Balm. Long name, but just a little of the balm quickly wipes away my eye makeup, whatever pigment or glitter I'd been wearing.
• Pentel Sparkle Pop Pens. The truth? I buy a pack each time I go to Target.
• The poet Mary Oliver.
• Peter Pauper Press journals, of course.
• Character sticky flags (get 'em here). I use them in every book I read.
• Leggings that pass as pants.
• Tiny owls.
• Blush.
• Black metal jewelry.
• Socks with shea butter.
• Lilac scent.
• My black washcloths with white hearts.
• Wearing pink.
• My Disney Princess pajamas.
• A blue glitter notebook from Mom, which I use for lists such as Books and Writers to Read, Story Ideas, and Movies to Watch.

Journal Shopping: A Guide.

Journals that await me...

If you're shopping for a journal, keep these in mind:

• Paper quality. For me, pages need to be smooth and thick enough to handle a marker or fountain pen. I sadly avoid recycled journals because the paper is usually delicate and rough.
• Beauty. A journal should inspire you. Don't worry about messing up the prettiest journal. Journals are made for scribbling.
• Cost. This depends on your budget and how much you plan to write. If I'm swimming through a journal every two weeks (okay, that hasn't happened in years), I probably won't spend more than $20. If you think a journal will last a year, you may feel good about the $50 Italian leather journal. A journal is highly personal and will be a deep part of your life. Shop accordingly.
• Binding. This is hugely important. I love spiral journals, but they have to be of high quality. Otherwise, I look for sewn rather than glued bindings. Some sewn journals have spines that are left open. The best journals lie flat, making the writing easier.
• Size. I'm enjoyed tiny journals that fit in a small purse, and I've used huge journals that take up my whole lap. Decide based on the portability you need.
• Artist cover art. Look for your favorite artists (or find new favorites), I've had journals with cover art by Mary Engelbreit, Josephine Wall, Amy Brown, Bella Pilar, Stephen Mackey, K.Y. Craft, and various Disney artists. I feel privileged to write in those covers.

Where to shop:

• Barnes and Nobel usually has a great display of a variety of journals. This is a good place to find your favorite brands.
• Amazon is great if you know what you want. Don't get lost in the staggering variety.
• Paper Source often has lovely journals, sometimes including the Papaya! brand. It's also just a place to daydream and explore. 
• Papyrus carries Paperblanks and Kate Spade as well as journals with Bella Pilar (one of my favorite artists!) art.
• 2nd & Charles (or Books-A-Million) has many discount journals, some of them gorgeous. I've found many fantasy art journals there.
• Ross and such stores have discount journals, usually by the register or in the home goods (near photo frames).
• Target usually has at least a few great journals at low prices. I always check the pen and paper aisle when I'm at Target.

Favorite brands:

• Peter Pauper Press definitely wins the medal. Reasonably-priced, these journals are gorgeous. Barnes usually has several styles. High quality and little extras like a pocket in the back cover and an elastic band closure make this an outstanding brand.
• Compendium has a terrific variety of journals, most of them with themes or guidance but with plenty of blank space.
• Novel Journals are a recent discovery for me, and they are amazing! They are of such high quality, and the literary references are awesome (each journal celebrates a specific book). The lines are the tiny words of the book itself! You're likely to find at least one journal based on a book you love. 
• ArtWorks...I don't know what happened to this brand, but I loved it. I wrote on Christmas in a silky red journal with a Stephen Mackey angel on it.
• Black Rock Journals are an extension of PPP. They are simple and sturdy with black hard spiral covers and inspirational words in gold or silver.
• Ellie Claire makes faith-based journals. They are well-made with pretty covers, page art, and scriptures or quotations on each page. Barnes carries several of these.
• Flame Tree Journals are on Amazon and at 2nd & Charles. The covers often feature Josephine Wall art (she's one of my favorites!). The art is metallic and striking.
• Punch Studio. These are always beautiful with complex, collage-like cover art, often featuring the Eiffel Tower, hot air balloons, or crowns. Many of the journals have broach-style rhinestone magnet closures. Every page is lovely; I don't even use stickers on these. Amazon and Ebay are the best places to find the journals now. I don't often see them in stores.
• Paperblanks makes a rich but highly-priced journal. Some Barnes have a turning display.
• Papaya! Art makes some of the best journals I've encountered. Most journals have beautiful background art on every page. I especially like the spiral journals. The brand is inspirational and sassy.

Do you have questions? Comment below. Happy journal shopping!

When I Buy a Journal.

When I first started keeping a journal in earnest, I bought journals one at a time as I finished them. I remember Flavia journals, which no longer seem to exist. They were my favorites. At the time, I had plans to get married and go to Lipscomb. I knew we'd be poor then, so I started stockpiling journals for when I'd no longer be able to buy them. I bought them indiscriminately.

Now, I only buy really remarkable journals (of course, I always love them as gifts). I often see them at Barnes. I usually check Amazon. A special journal will reach for me, and I'll keep going back to look at it. If the pages aren't embellished, I add stickers for fun. I assign a couple of colors to match the journal with ink. Inside the back cover, I write where, when, and with whom I bought the journal or who gave it to me when. I love looking back at that; I wish I always remembered to record it!

I keep blank journals in green boxes with white polka dots under my bed. I had a dream of being able to "shop" for a journal at home; now, I can do it! I can match a mood, a color attraction, or a particular need of sturdiness or size--whatever reflects my frame of mind and my expectations for the next month or two while I fill the journal.

Restoration: Week 24.

Last Friday was my birthday. Since gifts are my love language, I usually feel well-loved and restored around my birthday and Christmas. I feel seen, appreciation, and cherished. Josh has Fridays off this summer, so we were together.

I hadn't watched a movie by myself in a long time, so I rented Mary Shelley. I like Elle Fanning. The movie was mostly sad. Still, movies almost always have a restorative effect on me. They seem to light up new parts of my mind.

Bruce's birthday was on Sunday, so we celebrated on Saturday. He made a massive chocolate cake. We bought each other exactly the same two presents--two specific bath gels. Crazy. He remembered my saying that I've been loving lilac scent (Mom's favorite) lately. He gave me a lilac candle and lilac Wallflowers. And he found a Lisa Frank journal!

My favorite gifts from Josh were two journals--Ariel and Cinderella--in a Mary Blair-ish style. My favorite from Mom and Shane is a set of colorful mermaid-tail makeup brushes--so fun. Dad gave me birthday money; I used some of it to buy story collections for my summer reading.

I feel I have a real chance for serenity and contentment.

Story Snippet: A Lipstick and a Journal.

I breezed into Ulta, a bright and happy place to be. This may have been last October. I had the money (for that moment) to buy a lipstick I'd been wanting: Urban Decay's Lovelight. It was a lovely, shimmering pink.

As I walked to checkout, I noticed a pink display with a stack of journals. I picked one up soft, hot pink, and engraved with Beauty Notes. $5!

When I was in line, I looked down at one lipstick and one journal. That seemed to sum me up pretty well.

Marveling at What I Already Have.

I'm a collector. I make good use of my collection, but I need to make more of a habit of appreciating and using what I have.

When I started keeping a journal in earnest, I bought my journals one at a time and filled them in about two weeks. I had a fantasy of having dozens of journals to choose from at home--all styles, colors, and designs. Now, I have that. I'll buy a journal if it is very special, but I mostly just choose from a green bin with white polka dots under my bed.

I have enough reading material to last years, so a new book has to be pretty special. I love finding good used books. I have several $1.99 e-books that don't take up any room. Having books near me, even electronically, makes me feel calm.

As an older teen, I fantasized about having fancy makeup and many expressive options. I dreamed of colors and glitter. And now, I have so much awesome makeup. Putting on makeup is play time. I don't really need anything--only an unusual color or an intensity glitter finish will tempt me.

I have pens to last a year or more. Pens are essential, and new ones are always welcome. I just occasionally add pens here and there--maybe one red Stardust Gelly Roll. I organize my pens by color and use a pouch to hold the colors I'm using in my current journal. Right now, the pouch holds pink and green pens. I love organizing anything by color. I have pens in color-coded mugs all around the house, and the pens serve as a reminder of the writer I am and the writer I want to be.

I'm thankful for all I have in these areas. They are multiple dreams come true.

A New Page.

(I'm still working on those Joys lists!)

A fresh page always has a little excitement. Will I dare to scrawl my words over this pristine page? One can't think about that. One must believe that the words are worthy, that the paper is doing its great work by accepting the brilliance and nonsense that flow from mind to pen. If we don't believe that, how will we ever put down a word?

I hear people say that a journal is too beautiful to write in. But how else can we experience that beauty? Carrying it around, scribbling bad poems in it, crying on it, coming to it for solace and a kind of companionship--these actions make the beauty ours. And if it is sturdy, the journal will stay beautiful, even when we weigh it down with the unthinkable.

Loving What I Have.

For much of our marriage, Josh and I have been broke. I have plenty of memories of more prosperous points. One of my favorites is of eating take-out Panera every Sunday on our huge balcony in Charlotte. I remember the fun of shopping for work clothes at Loft with my mom and of buying journals wherever I found special ones. Right now, we're leveled because I'm too sick (or would quickly become too sick) to work, Josh can't find supplementary work (and he's working hard already), we all have hundreds of dollars in prescription and doctor copays, Oliver is starting new autism treatment, and more.

I love shopping. To me, it's more like curating areas of my life. I love choosing writing tools and makeup especially. I'm not fixated on clothes or furniture or home goods right now, though I've certainly been there with manic intensity (literally bipolar).

So. I have to focus more on loving what I already have. Only when I'm in a blaze of mania am I likely to buy something I won't love forever. Even then, it's rare. I have a lot of objects, but they are specific to me, chosen for my life or treasured as gifts. They help me be who I am and want to be, or they remind me of that.

I have writing tools to last a lifetime. I have enough journals and pens to last, though special tools will still go on my wish lists. Some of the journals are incredibly beautiful, and most have pages I've adorned with stickers, an easy way to add a little personalized beauty and magic. I have a ton of pens, and I use them. I alternate colors and match them to the journal's cover art.

I also have a lot of makeup. I've loved eye makeup for many years, but I've more recently been interested in lipstick too. Applying makeup is a reliably fun part of my day. Right now, I'm trying to create a different look every time I wear makeup--it helps me rediscover and make good use of what I have. Still, I have a wish list for makeup too, of course! I may even share it with you.

Someone Keeps Buying Them.

I love going to Barnes and looking at the journals, especially when I find one I've never seen before. It's a thrill even if it's not a journal I would buy. It means people are still buying jounals and gifts to themselves or others.

And that means that to some degree, people still believe in the power of scribbling. They must believe that a person can heal inner damage, develop a writing talent, spill secrets, or just pass the time pleasurably in a book waiting for the person's words. Something pretty and sturdy and completely one's own--what object could be more soothing?

I used to think I'd never be able to fill up a journal. Now I've done it 163 times over the last 17 years. Filling a whole notebook or journal with one's words (and drawings, quotations, or anything) is such an empowering experience. It always feels awesome, whether it takes two weeks (as it did when I was a manic 16-year-old) or two years.

Journaling has kept me tethered to Earth. It has helped me when my hold on reality was weak. It has calmed my anxiety and accepted my grief again and again. It changes the way I look at and experience the world because I'm thinking of how I'll describe it in my journal, which will enhance my delight or soften my fear. Journaling is one of the elements that may have kept me alive this long. And I've held onto it instead of pushing it away. It is one of the strongest, purest loves of my life.

Someone knows some of this intuitively (or maybe from experience) and wants that help (and that joy!) for himself or herself or for someone else who just might be open to a journaling life.

So I'll keep going to the journal section, greeting the journals I'll never want to buy, the ones I'll never think I can afford, and the twins of ones I've already written in or that are waiting in a green polka-dot box under my bed. And sometimes, I see something new and feel glad that whether or not people are scribbling, they are seeing a journal's potential and buying it as a gift or as a gift to themselves.

A Winter Journal.

One of my happiest writing memories is of having a beautiful snow fairy journal and writing in it (only with my favorite purple, pink, an blue pens) on a plane to Paris. Doesn't everything in that sentence sound lovely?

Stephen Mackey was the artist. I already loved snowflakes, so his combining those with fairies was, obviously, magic. And then, someone put it on the cover of a spiral-bound journal. Amazing. And the image had a silvery shift in the light.

I probably should re-read that whole journal. I wonder what I'd find.

The Ideal Journal.

I've had so many wonderful journals with many of these characteristics but perhaps not all of them. I usually just see a journal and check its pages to know we belong together for a few weeks or months. But these are the qualities I like best in a journal:

• Smooth pages that take pens easily.
• Strong, thick cover that will provide a writing surface.
• Thick pages that can accept fountain pens and markers without bleeding.
• A beautiful cover that draws my attention.
• An easily portable size, about the size of a quality paperback.
• Inspirational quotations on each spread.
• A ribbon bookmark.
• A pocket at the back.
• No perforations. 
• Lies flat. It could be a spiral journal with a spiral that doesn't twist or come loose.
• An elastic closure.
• And...a little glitter on the cover would certainly be welcome.

I like hunting for these qualities. But of course, the cover comes first, luring me to test the pages.

Indulging a Whim.

--Paula McLain

I like this phrase I read in a book. The word indulging makes me think of someone taking a big bite of something oozing caramel. Whim makes me think of butterflies and white lace dresses.

Going to the Disney Store felt like indulging a whim even when I didn't find anything I had to have. Unusual nail polish seems whimsical. Sometimes, my journal is whimsical with colors and stickers and wishes. Looking at Madame Alexander dolls is an indulgence that stretches my imagination and adds detail to my sense of beauty.

I could indulge a whim by stopping to read more magazines, especially the ones that encourage creative work. I could read more YA novels. I could re-read Block books. I could wear earrings more. I could pretend play with Oliver more. I could wear interesting eye makeup instead of wearing the bare minimum (powder, mascara, lip stain). I could swim! It makes me feel like a water sprite.

"Indulging a Whim" might be a good title for my next journal. I named my journals for a while, and I'd like to start doing that again.

Fun Journaling Tips.

• I love to use stickers in my journals. Before I use a journal, I add stickers to every second spread. Usually, they have some connection to the journal's theme or colors. It's fun to see which sticker is next, and it makes me want to keep filling and turning pages.
• Each day, I switch to a new pen in a new color. This may reflect my mood, and it keeps the days distinct in case I look for something later.
• I use all kinds of pens--whatever I feel like using that day: all colors, fine-tipped markers, pens with multiple colors, glitter, metallic, fluorescent, fountain pen...I love getting any pen from someone (encouragement to write!), but something unique is especially fun even if I'm unmotivated.
• If I see words or come across images or ideas that strike me, I want to write about them. But I may not have the time or energy just then, so I write something at the top of a blank page in my journal. I call them prompts, and I come back to write about the topic later. It doesn't interrupt my other writing. Some of these prompts have become blog posts.
• I think of myself as a journal collector. I look for beautiful, unique, sturdy books to become my own. My collection is massive, but they are like buried treasure in two green, polka dot boxes under my bed. Selecting the next volume (gift? smooth pages? size? paper strength? beautiful cover?) is so fun. It feels like that great word: abundance. So having at least a few journal to choose from is great fun.

What a Great Life.

I wonder where I got this phrase. A little string of words will catch me, and I follow it later. So what is so great about my life?

The three of us are here, and everyone is quiet. No one is angry or throwing up. The sun is out.

I've got stacks of books to read--many of which could, in some way, make me a better person. I can scribble for years and never run out of pretty volumes to use.

Food is in the kitchen though we're due for a grocery trip. Josh brought me a Dr. Pepper back from the gym.

Love surrounds me--both through present people and through gifts others have given me. Love is in the robe I'm wearing, the journal I'm picking up.

My husband gets excited when I blog, write, or read. He is always reading at a great pace. I admire him for that. We encourage each other, especially to read.

Soon, it will be summer, and Josh will be home more. Bruce and I may start swimming again.

Someone calls me beautiful or pretty every day.

I have a deep, pink-ink ridge on my middle finger: evidence that I've been writing.