How Are You?

This is a question people normally ask without listening for the answer, without expecting a real answer. Real answers are unsettling. But I've been asking Josh this question frequently since we got home - a slow, quiet asking with eye contact. I really am asking, but I'm actually asking dozens of questions.

Are you staying sane?
Do you love us?
Are you getting too hungry or sleepy?
Do you need to get out of this room or house for a while?
Are you keeping up with your medication?
Are you reading? doing something creative?
Do you feel calm?
Do you feel like yourself?
Am I being nice enough?
Am I doing enough?
Have you processed everything that happened?
Do you need to cry?
Are irritations staying manageable?
Do you like your life?
Do you want to be near me?
Are you amazed at him?
Can you believe you got here?
Do you feel neglected?
Are you lonely?
Are we doing this correctly?
Are we staying close enough?
Are you harboring any resentments?
Do you need to take ibuprofen?
Do you feel proud?
Are you happy?

For His Jouney.

 (Image: http://nowheresafefromthestorm.tumblr.com/page/3)

In my last journal, I started a list of qualities or traits I want to help Oliver develop...little wonder-tools to carry with him, the kinds of items a fairy godmother might give a child to sustain him through a long journey. I wrote down several items and then asked Josh to add more. I'm thinking about putting the list up somewhere so that we can always remember what we want to give him or help him find.

*Self-worth
*Responsibility
*Bubbling joy
*Curiosity
*Fascination with books
*Body confidence
*Wonder
*Hope
*Basic, daily life skills
*Courage
*Empowerment
*Sense of opporutnity
*Internal locus of control

~Compassion
~Safety of mind
~Reason
~Intellectual honesty
~Aspects of human endeavor
~Creativity
~A sense of duty to his fellow man
~An open interest
~Humility
~Peace
~A sense of being connected to all things, distant or near

If only, like Tumnus with his packages for tea or Father Christmas with his strange presents, we could hand these to him or pack them in a basket with cinnamon biscuits and apples before we have to send him out into any bit of the world.

 (Image: http://bring-on-the-dancing-lobsters.tumblr.com/)

Why Josh Is Going to Be a Tremendous Dad.

(Image: swarleystinson.tumblr.com)

1. He's very open about letting people be themselves.

2. He never minds answering difficult or awkward questions.

3. He has a deep, personal appreciation for Sesame Street, Mr. Roger's Neighborhood, and Reading Rainbow.

4. He can admit that he doesn't know something or didn't know something.

5. He believes in the power of literacy and reading to children.

6. He doesn't get nervous around children anymore even though they always stare at him for some reason.

7. He's protective but reasonably so.

8. He takes conversations about diapers, bottles, and nursing seriously.

9. He's always saying he can't wait to be home with Oliver.

10. He is calm.

11. He is gentle and never raises his voice.

12. He has wide interests and conveys his enthusiasm.

13. He'll set a great example for nap-taking.

14. He is affectionate.

15. He enjoys stories and fantasy.

16. He spends time talking to Oliver.

17. He's willing to do whatever is necessary.

18. He's an excellent example of a kind husband. This would be important whether we were having a boy or a girl.

19. He knows that his children aren't meant to remain fully his.

20. He can read Dr. Seuss like a pro.

22. He gives great back tickles.

23. He's an aware idealist.

24. He endures hard work and exhaustion well.

25. He is not resentful and rarely holds grudges.

26. He focuses on people's abilities rather than their shortcomings.

27. He's always wanted to be like Atticus Finch.

28. He works to avoid gender stereotypes.

29. He does not get upset easily.

30. He bonded with Oliver immediately, long before he saw him on an ultrasound or felt him kick.

31. At the grocery store, I made him hold out his arms, and I handed him a seven-pound bag of cat food. I said, "He'll probably weigh a little more than this." He held the bag tenderly and kissed it (which he instantly regretted).

32. After I finished reading aloud a chapter of The Secret Garden, I noticed he was on a website about how to grow herbs. "Are you planning to start a garden?" I asked. He said that he thought he and Oliver could dig in the dirt together. He started talking about overalls, straw hats, and tiny trowels.