Stillness & Attention: Week 31.

Days 1-3: Saturday-Monday. The last four days have been a blur. Fifteen-plus people have come to my house to pick up things. I only had contact with two: I waved through the window to the girl who picked up my pink sequin high-heeled boots (too ankle-breaking for me, as I mentioned in my post), and Josh and I carried a ten-year-old telescope out to a woman who is wild about space. A lot of people wanted that telescope. 

I completely cleaned out Oliver's room, giving away all his size 7 school uniforms and tiny hangers (which we, for some reason, still had), throwing away all his wrecked books (keeping only the taped-together Runaway Bunny and ordering new copies of only We Belong Together and It's Time for Bed), giving away his spaceship tent that he never used, giving away his Oliver sleeping bag (to another little Oliver!), giving away his complete puzzles and throwing away the incomplete ones, giving away his Megabloks, and throwing away and giving away some of his toys. 

Josh found another bin of purses, so I went through those. I threw away a couple of very worn ones, kept a couple (hanging up a Tinkerbell messenger bag to be my park bag--it's in view of my loveseat. And my other park bag, which was for years my work bag, ended up in the trash because something sticky melted in it), and put several out with that other tote. One girl took most of the bags. The few she didn't take, I decided to throw away. I ended up with another box of skin- and body-care items I wasn't going to use; that got picked up. I gave away a cooler backpack as we have two. I gave away a lone baby outfit I found in an old tote (and threw away two stained baby blankets I found there). 

I slowly reorganized the big downstairs closet, giving us a lot more floor space and making the shelves more accessible. I gave away some back stock household items to someone who needed them more than we did. I gave away two boxes of flushable wipes that we used during potty training--everybody wanted those!--and an opened bag of Goodnites that Oliver outgrew. I gave away miscellaneous items I found in pretty boxes in my room. I gave away pajamas and a swimsuit cover-up I'd only worn once. I went through my jewelry and gave away some of that including a box of fun rings, which a couple of little girls will be using for dress-up. I gave away still-wrapped but dusty bath bombs. I went through a large stack of magazines that I didn't care to read thoroughly (I'd subscribed to them back when Oliver was shredding magazines to self-soothe...thank goodness that's over), looked at the ones I wanted to look at, found other magazines I didn't want to keep, and donated them all to an artist who will use them for her art. 

Since my little white end tables have arrived, I gave away the little wine stand I'd been using as a side table for my loveseat. We don't drink wine, and Nick bought the stand almost twenty years ago, so I was ready to say goodbye. I also got Josh's help in getting rid of some sadly expired beverages, freeing up cabinet space. What else did I do? I asked Josh to put a couple of things in the attic, including the ugly Rubbermaid tub that had been in the study. I cleaned out a pretty box and started keeping in it pieces that I will use in my next collage. 

When we were at Food Lion on Saturday, I saw a beautiful purple energy drink with planets on it: Alani Nu Energy Cosmic Stardust. It was so pretty that I bought a can to try. I was wired for the whole day! I didn't go to bed until 10:30, and I did a lot of cleaning out and organizing. The drink tasted like candy. I ordered more and subscribed to it. Later, I ordered three other flavors to try. Josh says he'll drink them if I don't like them; he drinks Bang. On Sunday, he shared his Bang Candy Apple energy drink with me. 

We spent two and a half hours at the splash pad on Saturday, so I read a bit of Joyful to Josh. One of the college's VPs was there with his granddaughter, so Josh spoke to him. I'd put pink glitter drops in my sunscreen. I noticed that my shorts were a little too big. Oliver actually drank some Gatorade, and he was eventually willing to come home for ice cream. I began reading A Knot in the Grain to the boys but didn't get far. It's another short story collection!

On Monday night, Josh brought home On the Border as it was a fundraising night for Justice for Our Neighbors. We got Bolder Border Bowls--shrimp for me and portabello for him. Mine was excellent. I hadn't realized that I like black beans. My sense of taste is getting more adventurous. 

Josh had a tiring first day back as faculty, having just finished the Jump Start program. But he'll be coming home an hour earlier, and I'm thankful for that. 

Day 4: Tuesday. I'm so behind on everything except organizing and getting rid of stuff. I did post last week's blog. And I finished my last journal. Now, I'm writing in one I got with birthday money. It's a spiral, which will be so easy to write in. I did read some of Enchanted Living yesterday morning, and I did yoga last night.

I've gotten rid of so much superfluous stuff. I have more work to do. I need to make my goals for the month. But first, how did I do on my July goals? Good question. Not great. I did enjoy magazines. I started a ritual of reading magazines in the study most mornings, and I finished two magazines. I meant to do yoga most days, but I did not succeed. I actually practiced yoga fourteen days. I did do longer sessions though. Another goal was to read eleven books. I ended up reading thirteen. The other part of that goal was to read five collections of short stories, but I only read two. And my goal of catching up with letters? I mailed three of the five letters I meant to send. So I didn't meet that goal, but I made some progress. 

My August goals are a little more specific. Catch up on (meaning mail those three) letters and keep up with letters (meaning promptly reply to any I receive this month). Do twenty sessions of yoga this month, and I plan to listen to The Testaments or another audio book while I practice. I've found that doing yoga in my room before bed is best. Read twelve books, which I'm sure I can do if, of course, I focus (stillness and attention!). Five collections of short stories--it ought to be more. Enjoy magazines--continue my ritual. Organize jewelry: another specific goal in my current vein. Journal five pages twenty-eight days: specific. And spend more quality time with Josh; I'm not sure what this will look like as Oliver will not be in school yet, but Josh will be home more. I do plan to read to the boys more.

I am giving away some of my larger pants today, 5 pair. I'll hang onto the next smaller size for now. I ran a load of laundry and ran the dishwasher. I put away two loads of laundry yesterday. Oliver peed our bed, so we have to change our sheets tonight. Oliver and I have been doing one worksheet a day from his summer packet, even over the weekend. The stack is slowly shrinking. I hadn't realized the sheets were front and back!

I think I'm going to try to make something similar to the Border Bowl at home. I texted Mom, and she gave me advice on spices. I've never cooked something this complex. I'm tempted to go to the store early as we're going to run out of milk. Josh says we can all go to the store when he gets home from work tomorrow. 

I cleaned up the study...to the detriment of the guest room. But I want the study to look nice when I come down in the morning, hopefully well before Oliver wakes up. When Josh got home today, I went up in the attic. I'd never been up there. Someone in the BuyNothing group had asked for plastic bins. I knew we had some, probably full of things we didn't need. The attic was not nearly as junky as I expected, and it was pretty big. It was very hot though. I found two bins already empty. I emptied two more pretty easily. I brought down a few things: Josh's old red winter coat, which I hung in the coat closet (he may need it, or Oliver will wear it soon); some junk like a shoe organizer with no hooks; and my old snow boots, which I posted on the BN group. Katie is picking up the bins tomorrow. I posted my cute navy Disney store jacket and my gray cape as well--one woman is picking them up along with the snow boots. And someone is picking up some yellow sunglasses and pretty scarves I won't wear. 

What else do I want to give away? I really didn't find much in the attic. 

Oliver's replacement board books arrived today. So did my Alani Watermelon Wave Energy drinks. I'll try that flavor tomorrow morning. 

Josh put together my little white tables. I put magazines on one and boxes of pens (and a mermaid box) on the other. They're very cute. Very cheap (about $27--still in that dresser budget!), but surprisingly sturdy. They just popped together. I don't need them to hold much. 

Oliver's psychiatrist is, for some reason, unavailable indefinitely. So we will see a new doctor next week. I hope she will give us her cell phone number as Dr. F did! We are going to ask for crisis meds such as Ativan, just three or four pills a month, for when Oliver starts having destructive meltdowns. I'm really hoping she'll agree. Meds in Ativan's (and Xanax's) family work in about twenty minutes, which could make a massive difference for him and for us during what would normally be a one- to two-hour meltdown. So if you pray or meditate or vibe, keep that request in mind for us. 

I haven't kept up with my five good things each day. I need to pick that up again. 

I decided to give up on Anne Frank's diary and The Awakened Brain for now. I'll check them out again later. I'm going to focus on finishing The Writer's Library. I'm a bit appalled that I did not finish any books last week, and this is not looking like a good reading week so far. But I have been very focused on culling and redistributing the objects in my life. I'm in the mood and have the energy for that, so I'm going with it.

Day 5: Wednesday. I didn't do yoga last night. Instead, I worked on my planner. I spread out on the bedroom floor. I didn't get a lot done, but I set up moods, habits, week 1, week 1 stickers, August events, and one complete Dream board. I was awake until after 10, when I realized I hadn't taken my night meds, which keeps me up. Josh put new sheets on the bed while I was in the shower last night. Bless him. 

I scheduled a Stitch Fix last night. I need some dress pants in a smaller size, and they're hard to find in petite. We'll see if SF comes through. I've decided that, with NoBuy2022 and my reaching fitness goals, I can buy enough items for a capsule wardrobe if I have significant body changes. My current pants are too big. I'll read another book on capsule wardrobes soon; I have one on my rainbow nonfiction shelf. I'm thinking that, at any size, wherever I settle, I'll not need more than two pairs of jeans, two pairs of dress pants, one pair of other pants or leggings, one pair of capris, and one or two pairs of shorts. My tops will still work for a long time. Most of my dresses will also work for a long time. I kept some of my favorite clothes from when I was much littler, so I'll still have those to start from if I get back there. I plan to keep some basics from several sizes in the extra closet in Oliver's room. I'll whittle my current clothes down to the small closet in my room. 

I got up around 5 today. The Watermelon Wave drink was good. I napped a little on the loveseat. Oliver had been lying sideways across our bed. Josh got up and sat with me for a little while and then worked out. I don't know what I did; I didn't read magazines. But Oliver quickly got up, and I did the morning routine. I started going through our many poster tubes while he was in the bath. I threw a couple of tattered posters away and set aside a couple to post. I'm looking for one in particular, a Flavia Amore Dream poster from the early aughts. I want to put it on a door. I found a lot of art in the attic. We just don't have room for all of it. Some I may give away, but some I'd like to keep. 

I moved magazines from the teal ottoman to the side table, so now, I have plenty of room for Oliver's lunchbox chips. I just have to make sure Oliver doesn't realize they're there. I'm so glad I have my big ink drawer now. I need to flush my fountain pens this week. My bottle of pen flush may not last long.

I napped for about an hour in my chair, which surprised me. Oliver played outside and didn't seem to mind. I feel better now. 

I need to revisit my LowBuy plans for next year. I've drafted some of them, and I plan to share them. 

I ordered two try-before-you-buy pairs of pants: black dress pants and lighter Democracy (my favorite brand) jeans, petite in my current size. My Stitch Fix preview showed no dress pants, so I'm not impressed. I'll try these on, and they'll come more quickly anyway. It would be nice to have two pairs of jeans that fit well since I wear jeans almost every day I get dressed. As I reach fitness goals, I'll narrow down my larger clothes to just my favorite pieces to keep. I need those size tags from store racks! I'd like some new black Mary Janes, but I can just wear my old ones or wear my shiny black T-straps if I can't wear my sparkly sequin heels. I'll ease the board into my style! My board meeting is two weeks from tomorrow. Today, I spoke to my therapist (lots of updates) and told her all about the organization. She's going to spread the word to her staff. 

I have a lot of work to do on my living room nest. 

We went to Food Lion, but it was locked up with an alarm sounding and all the lights off! So we went to Walmart to pick up an order of ten twelve packs of 12-ounce grape Gatorade Zero bottles (all Oliver drinks except the occasional mug of milk), which an employee stacked in our trunk. If I'm "prepper" about anything, it's Gatorade. He seems to prefer the smaller bottles, and they're nice for his lunch box. Gatorade has been hard to find since the pandemic started, but we have a good bit now! Even though it was getting late, we ran to another Food Lion. We spent over $60 on ingredients for rice and beans, a couple of things for Josh, and strawberry Popsicles (all fruit, no added sugar!) for Oliver! Gracious. We got home, and I quickly made the dish. It was delicious! We have leftovers, and I'll definitely make it again. 

Josh has moved all his workout gear except our weights into the ottoman in the foyer, so my view in the study continues to improve. I didn't get to spend enough time there today. Hopefully, I'll get more time tomorrow. 

Day 6: Thursday. This week is passing quickly. Oddly, Oliver went back to bed this morning and slept until about 11. I read a bit of Enchanted Living and then focused on The Writer's Library. I later worked on my Dream boards in my planner but didn't finish making them. I did the dishes, ran a load of laundry, cleaned up the kitchen, and put away two baskets of laundry.

I posted a set of pens and pencils and two working book lights. Victoria picked those up. Someone left me a book: A Monster Calls, and it looks rather fascinating. My roses have bloomed fully. I'll take out the overblown ones. If only a few are left, I'll put them in the kitchen. I love buying flowers. I love morning sun in the study.

I completely cleaned the surface of Josh's desk today. No junk, no overflowing teal baskets or white art nouveau planter. He was impressed. And my view from my loveseat is nicer. I just have to file some papers. I threw away and recycled a lot. 

Josh's grandfather made this desk from the wood paneling of an old bank. It's huge and heavy. We've had it with us at our last few homes. 

I brought in the Gatorade with Josh's help. Another box of Gatorade mix just arrived, so we'll keep that in case of shortages. I guess we can pick up the little bottles from Walmart periodically. Oliver broke a glazed blue and white snowflake bowl, so I ordered some bright pink plastic (m- and dw-safe) bowls. Safe for him and cheerful for me. The lunch chip bags came, and I got them into the teal ottoman without Oliver's noticing. Soon, I'll be making his lunches every afternoon again. I hope to spend a lot of time in the study on school days, depending on what Josh feels like doing. Now, he can work at his desk if he needs to, and I'll have a place to sit. And the desk is clean! 

I cleared the fridge of a lot of old kid magnets (that Oliver cares nothing for) and school art. It looks much cleaner, and I have room for new school art now. I need to make a couple of additions to Oliver's introduction sheet. 

After I did the cleaning and brought in the Gatorade, I took a long shower. I used a lot of conditioner and body scrub and shaved my legs. Then, I used leave-in conditioner and brushed out my wild hair perfectly. I think my hair really wants to be curly.

Day 7: Friday. I slept until almost 7:30! That's late for me! I have a lot of reading and writing to catch up on. Today, I'm writing with a Pentel Hybrid Dual Metallic Moon Silver pen, silver with green glitter.

Oliver is still asleep for now, and I hope he sleeps on for a while. I've had my Watermelon Wave drink. Someone has already picked something up: a Melissa & Doug house sound puzzle that Oliver never liked even though he likes sound puzzles at OT. The same woman picked up the cooler backpack before, and she says she uses it every day. That's so great. 

Yesterday, I read a lot of The Writer's Library, but I still have ninety pages to go. I can finish it before I go to the library today. I have several holds ready. I don't think I'll finish reading Arias today. Bless Oliver for sleeping in. I love this light and this quiet. I did do yoga last night, and I finished disc 8 (of 11) of The Testaments. I may actually finish it before it's due! I didn't write my pages in my journal yesterday. I meant to stay up for that and reading, but I didn't. I'm behind on reading for the magazine. Luckily, the stories aren't especially long. I've missed two days of yoga and one day of journaling already this month, so I've got to be diligent. 

I can't believe someone reads my weekly posts and thinks well of me. I guess I mostly write them for myself. 

I ordered a few organizing products. I'm getting a little loose on NoBuy, partly because it's for organization and partly because I've given so much away. 

Oliver peed our bed really bad. I threw away the insurance trash bags. He even got my pillow. The washer is going. I just refilled my BCP. I need to make a GYN appointment for more refills. I hope I can still get refills; the BCP really helps with my endometriosis. Thank God Josh already got a vasectomy. 

I went through another size of pants. I kept a pair of shorts, two pairs of jeans, and a pair of black jeans. I gave away a pair of jeans and a pair of long shorts. I'll hang up the others in the extra closet. 

I have a teetering stack of books for 2nd and Charles in the study. I need to get that out of there, the next step in improving my view. 

Some time, I'll start reading the Bible again. Time has almost caught up to me (I'm somewhere in August), so I'll have to read every day. Maybe I should do that in the study...so it's rather depressing material for that happy place. Maybe once I reach the New Testament, I'll do that. 

I have the second load of laundry (also sheets, as he also peed his own bed) in the dryer. I still need to do the dishes and put away laundry. I finished The Writer's Library! Book #1 for August. A bit late: it's already August 5. Oh well. It was a highly worthwhile book even though I took two weeks to read it. I'll try to read Arias and something else this weekend. Maybe Pallbearer's Club? I read Paul Tremblay's other novels quickly. 

So it turned out that I had a lot of Amazon points this month! I decided to get a few items I've been wanting. My computer (a Chromebook) doesn't have a DVD drive and doesn't support an external drive, so I don't really have a way to enjoy my excellent collection of favorite DVDs. I'd like to watch movies more. So I ordered a purple portable DVD player and a case and a belt pack for my CD player (so I can more easily listen to books while I do chores)--for free! I'll be able to watch movies in Asheville! I'm very excited. And the player is purple: functional and pretty, always the best. Now, where can I keep it safe from Oliver's unpredictable rages?

I put away the subscription household items that arrived. We have back stock now. I subscribed to toothpaste for Josh and Oliver; having only one of something for them makes me nervous. I also ordered more prenatal vitamins for myself--no, I'm definitely not pregnant; I just feel better when I take them. 

My jeans came! They're a lighter denim than my other pair. They'll probably fit for a long time. 

I'm currently stuck with Bert and Ernie clips. But soon, I'll go to the library. I'll get in the car and leave the house for twenty minutes. I will go to a book place. I will walk out with books. It'll be great. 

Stillness & Attention: Week 4.

Day 1: Josh is thirty-seven today. We will see MST3k Live on the 31st. This year will mark seventeen years together.

The snow did come after all, just in time for Josh's birthday. We got about 4 1/2 inches. Our patio table, our cars, and Oliver's mini trampoline have quite a bit of snow. It didn't start until after dark. We looked outside at around 3 a.m., and the world was almost morning-bright. 

Yesterday, I read (inhaled) the rest of Ondattje's Handwriting. It was excellent. I plan to read more of his work, especially his poetry, if I can get my hands on it. That puts me at seven books for the year. I'm making good progress. And I'm excited because I've read two five-star books this year already!

Last night, the NCSEAA responded to my E-mail about the DGrant. Because I was a squeaky wheel, Oliver's account moved forward, and I was able to endorse his grant. The grant will cover about two-thirds of his spring tuition. We are also supposed to receive the Education Savings Account (ESA); that hasn't happened yet. But we should be in good shape for January, which means we can start saving for a down payment on a car. I'm hoping to buy one in March if Josh's car limps on that long.

This morning, I've been reading Life Among the Savages, which Bruce and I are reading together. He's well ahead of me, so I'm trying to catch up. It's hilarious with all of Shirley Jackson's subversive cheek. 

Today, I submitted two poetry chapbooks to a contest. I didn't think about submission fees and NoBuy2022 when I made my rules, but I've decided not to count them. This is the first submission I've sent in months. I feel rather accomplished, and I'm grateful to Josh who helped me format the page numbers. 

I unsubscribed from four magazines today and got a $35 refund. Since that's last year's money, I used it to buy a bottle of Diamine Inkvent Happy Holidays shimmer and sheen ink that is gorgeous: blue with red sheen and blue shimmer. Check out swatches here. I have some other ink on my NoBuy2022 list, which also includes a lot of books I intend to look for through the library. I found out that my library has ordered all four of the books I requested! I'm just waiting for the staff to process the books.

Going back to ink, Van Dieman's quickly responded to my E-mail and gave me a refund for the missing bottle of ink. It's not as good as a replacement bottle, but shipping is expensive. I told Peter that while I won't be ordering ink from him this year, I'll be back next year. I used that money (also last year's money) to pre-order Sarah Addison Allen's Other Birds, a magical realism novel, and to order Connecting the Stars by Marisa de los Santos (another favorite) and David Teague. The latter is perfect for now because it's for young readers, and winter is children's lit season. I have a lot of reading to do if I want to do the season any justice. And I now have three pre-ordered books to look forward to from favorite authors: March, June, and September. They're all books I want to own. 

This evening, I finished reading The Patchwork Girl of Oz (book 7 of 15) to the boys. That's book 8 for the year! I want to get to 10 this month. At least I've finished one children's lit book this winter! I have almost two months left, and I plan to read Peter Pan and the Alice books at last.

Day 2: One of the hardest parts of NoBuy is not having mail to look forward to. I'll just have to hope for letters. I have a few I need to write.

I've unsubscribed from almost all promotional E-mails and text messages. It cuts down on temptation and keeps my inbox clear for messages that matter. I started working on this in December. I had no idea how many promotional messages I was getting. 

This morning, I went through all the old clothes that were waiting in Oliver's closet. I sorted and folded everything, creating a stack of my clothes for the career closet at the college and a basket full of Oliver's clothes for Once Upon a Child. We've never tried to sell his clothes, but I'm hoping for store credit. He'll need a lot of bigger summer clothes this year. 

I made pasta salad, and I read the first chapter of A Swiftly Tilting Planet to the boys. It's certainly a different speed from Oz. I'm counting it as children's lit for my winter focus though it may be more YA. My mother read A Wrinkle in Time to me when I was nine or ten, so I think of it as children's lit. I also taught the book in my science fiction class (along with other favorites Never Let Me Go, The Illustrated Man, and Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?), which is still one of the coolest things I've ever done. I'd like to do it again someday. But for now, I'll work on finishing this series I should have completed long ago.

Day 3: I went to renew some library books today and found that I can't renew Liane Moriarty's Apples Never Fall as someone has placed a hold on it. So I have a few days to read it. I'm not super excited about it, but I did enjoy What Alice Forgot. I'm hoping this will be a quick and absorbing read. If I can read Erdrich in two days, I can handle this. The deadlines can be good for me. 

I finished reading Life Among the Savages this morning around 4 a.m. Oliver woke us early and went back to sleep, but we couldn't. This is the first tiny-book-club read in a long time for Bruce and me, but we've read over forty books together. So I've now read nine books this year. I want to get to ten for the month. Almost there! I've also started Sharon Olds's poetry collection The Unswept Room. I want to read a lot of poetry this year. Josh has been in a very long reading slump. But he did finish listening to my reading Oz 7, and I think that counts. Maybe I'll read him some poems. We read Charlotte Bronte's The Professor last year (our first simultaneous read), and I hope we'll read more Bronte books together this year.

I'm more than halfway through my Paperblanks Valentina journal. I've picked out my next one, a Papier journal with heart-shaped lollipops on it. Papier can handle fountain pens, so I'm going to try out my new inks and use some samples. I still have to sticker up the journal. I may do that tomorrow while Oliver is in school. I've emptied 32 pens this year and set them aside for recycling. I hope my pen stores hold!

Today, Oliver is home for a teacher workday. Josh just left for work, and he'll be there until after 8 tonight. So it's just me and O all day. I read chapter 2 of A Swiftly Tilting Planet to the boys this morning. It's harder to read aloud than the Oz books, but I like it. I'd like to finish it in February. I may go ahead and finish the last two books of the Time series before going back to Oz. We'll see how I feel. 

Oliver just ate half a McChicken! This is the closest thing to a real meal he's eaten in a long time. Protein and carbs. Now, if he'd only get interested in fruit again. Josh and Oliver go on a date to McDonalds one morning a week to get the real, greasy "cashbrowns." Today, they got the wrong order and ended up with McChickens. Maybe it's time to try chicken fingers again...Oliver's diet typically consists of beef taquitos, tater tots (which we call hashbrowns--close enough), hot dogs, vanilla wafers (bananafers) and Cheese Pizza Cheez-It crackers, with occasional macaroni and cheese or turkey sticks, rare grapes or oranges, and chips if he can get them. He does eat a large muffin at school each day. We're just happy that he eats at all. I thought I was a picky eater. Luckily, we found some gummy vitamins that he loves, and my mom sent us four bottles!

I've been teaching Oliver to open the trash can with his foot and clear his plate--a pretty exciting skill. Last year, we taught him to get ice from the dispenser and pour his own Gatorade and snacks. This year, we've already accomplished putting on slippers! We're making good progress on getting dressed. Putting on shoes, almost. Putting on socks, not so much. I'd love to get him to independence with dressing, socks, and shoes this year. We've made no progress on brushing teeth (we just got him to tolerate an electric toothbrush as the dentist recommended) or bathing. We should probably start getting him used to deodorant before he actually needs it. He's ten now, and a lot is on its way. Oh dear. 

I'm still amazed that, with occasional reassurance ("You can do it!"), he's potty trained. We really completed that last year too. I feel very lucky that Oliver can do this and that he has enough language to express his wants and needs. Last year, he said, "Wanna go lie down in Mama and Daddy's room," to let us know he needed snuggles. That may be the most he's said since he started regressing around age four. But he does sing the "Snuggle Puppy" song; I finally caught it on video. That's my favorite thing to hear, and I love his saying, "Wanna read a book," and "Wanna go find Mama" (he definitely gets the wanna and gonna from me, alas--I realized that when I used auto-captions on a class welcome video. Oops). He has almost no trouble telling us which Thomas video he wants to watch ("Wanna watch 'The Missing Christmas Decorations"). Yesterday, he even managed to let us know that he wanted to watch a duck boat video called "Amphibious Transport" (we got the transport part and figured it out from there). 

Josh commented earlier on Oliver's near-constant joy. He's always smiling, leaping, giggling. I said that he has no dread and no upsetting self-consciousness. Josh said Oliver also has no regret. Maybe we can work on reducing the presence of these in our own minds and hearts. Dread used to be a constant in my life, but that has gotten much better. 

Day 4: I wrote a poem! This is the first poem in a long time. It's called "Dark Laundry," born, I think, from reading poetry and Shirley Jackson. I'm thinking about where I can send it. I've had a poem in The Headlight Review, so I may try them again. I wonder if reading poetry again will awaken my own poetry writing. This morning, I couldn't have imagined writing a new poem, but suddenly, there it was. 

I've got discounted mealies coming today, some of which I actually have to assemble and/or cook. We'll see how that goes. I hope they arrive before dinner time.

Today, Josh took Oliver to school and then brought home the biscuit and Dr. Pepper I didn't get to have yesterday. He's so sweet. He's at a conference all day, so I'm having my first whole day alone in a long time. I'm not sure how to feel about it. But I've written a poem and started laundry. Music makes it easier for me to get ready, but Oliver can't handle music in the house. Today, though, I listened to Peter Cetera duets, On Your Feet, and Pentatonix while I showered and put on sparkly makeup. 

My janner for February is not coming until Saturday, so I'll be scrambling to decorate it and set up my DREAM boards. 

I went to the library this afternoon. Lately, I've been doing well about returning more books than I check out. Not so today: I returned one and checked out six. Oops. Checking out library books is one of my current greatest joys, though, so I don't regret it. I just have a lot of reading to do. I checked out two novels, three books of poetry, and a graphic novel (Vol. 4 of Locke & Key). 

Day 5: I had a phone session with my psychiatrist today. I told him that I've been having mood swings and waking up earlier and earlier (3:30 a.m. yesterday). He increased the dose of one of my meds. I'm glad to have a doctor who takes me seriously. I'll start the new dose tonight.

I cooked today. I made fajita chicken and rice and pesto chicken with walnuts and green beans. I used meal kits from HomeChef. Don't use HomeChef if you don't know how to cook! I couldn't find any instructions, and I had no idea what I was doing. I was texting Bruce to ask how to bake chicken. At some point, I'm planning to make an extra trip to the grocery store to buy spices, seasoning, and so on. 

Day 6: 

I finished reading Apples Never Fall, which was due today for someone else's hold. It was fine, 3 stars. Josh dropped it off at the library for me.

I made chicken and green beans again plus potatoes, this time with lemon, garlic, and garlic pepper. My CookUnity mealies arrived. I tried the avocado chicken burger, which was fine. Josh ate the sweet potato fries. 

Today, our new dryer arrived. It was an unexpected expense that cut into our car savings, but it was certainly a need. Luckily, Lowes was able to deliver it quickly. The delivery guys locked themselves out of their truck--while it was running. I gave them all my cash ($14) and a wire hanger. I guess they figured it out. That seems like the start of a story or essay.

I started Stephen Graham Jones's Mapping the Interior, a novella. I want to read as much SGJ as I can find. The library doesn't have much.

Josh and I write letters to each other in two notebooks/journals. One of them is filling up, so I got us an anniversary present to replace it soon. We've written to each other like this off and on for over sixteen years.

Day 7: Josh and I had the morning together, and something lovely happened: I took a nap! This is rare and wondrous. I continued to fade in and out after Josh left for work. I think it's probably because I'm getting used to the new dosage.

I had a couple of holds ready at the library, so I went there before picking Oliver up from school. I checked out the rest of the Locke & Key series, Paris Library (which I didn't finish before), and Remembrance of Things Past, a graphic novel. I've never read Proust, so I thought this might be a good way to start. 

I didn't read today, but I did finish three books this week, so it's okay. 

I went to Bruce and Corey's, and we watched two more episodes of American Horror Story: Red Tide. We still have four episodes left, and I have no idea what else can happen. I haven't watched any movies this month. I feel like watching something with Juno Temple. I call 6:30 p.m. to 8 p.m. the lonely time because Josh is usually putting Oliver to bed. I should try to watch movies during that time. Last night, I put stickers in the Papier journal. I finished Valentina and started the Papier with my TWSBI fountain pens and ink samples: Diamine's Starry Night and Winter Miracle. Bruce told me about Archive 81, which I may try to watch while Josh is around in the mornings. It sounds to scary for me to watch alone.

Tomorrow, another week of the year begins. I've gotten through four weeks without spending frivolously on myself, almost a month. If I can do one month, I can do twelve.

Stillness & Attention: Week 3.

Day 1: Two weeks without frivolous spending. I've had thoughts about glittery water bottles and Pilot Juice Up metallic pens, but I haven't purchased them. At least everyone is ready for work (clothes) and school (supplies) this coming week. 

As far as I know, Oliver will go back to school on Tuesday. I've loaded his backpack with his daubers, his favorite photo book, his favorite board book, Skittles, a change of cold weather clothes, and his Brr Brr (his old comfort toy...just in case). I hope he's all set. I hope his teachers are prepared to work more directly with him. His lead teacher and I have been exchanging E-mails, and she suggested I pack all those items for him. I included explanatory notes: gold ink on black paper: He likes to look at these photos and talk about what he's doing in them. He's outgrown Brr Brr but may still like to have him around (we have multiple Brr Brrs). This is an extra copy. It's no big deal if this gets beat up.

Josh's parents were supposed to visit today, but his mom isn't feeling well. For the next three days, I have nowhere to go and nothing much that I really have to do. It's a nice feeling. I do hope to do some cleaning and put away a lot of laundry. 

We found out that the college is hiring out weekly COVID testing, so Josh will no longer do that. We'll miss the extra money he earned, and he'll miss doing something so concrete to help with the pandemic. But this opens up his schedule quite a bit, and I'm excited about having more time with him. Next week, we should get some time alone. 

Josh is still the highest bidder on the Charlotte Bronte doll! It will probably get crazy on the last day. 

I can't believe I'm already starting the third week of this year. This morning, I've been reading Locke & Key Volume 3: Crown of Shadows. This is going to be a graphic novel and poetry weekend. I plan to read at least three books by Friday. I've started Handwriting: Poems by Michael Ondaatje.

I put away three baskets of laundry! I'm caught up...for the moment.

Day 2: 

"...because I felt, surprisingly and reassuringly, a slight panic for my own preservation, I started reading line by line."

~Louise Erdrich, The Sentence 83

This reassuring slight panic, when I experience it, drives me to write or read. When I'm lazy, disconnected, or depressed, I don't do these things, these life-affirming, life-strangling actions. And when I don't do these, I'm often disgusted with myself.

Yesterday, I went to renew some library books online and found that The Sentence by Louise Erdrich is in demand, so it is due on Tuesday. That gives me just a couple of days to read it. I'm almost 100 pages into the 380-page book. I have a long way to go!

It's an icy day. Josh ran 14 miles in cold rain. Oliver had gone back to bed at that point, so I did the same: I got in my cool bed in my dim room and slept for an hour or so. Naps are rare for me; I can't even sleep at night without meds. So this was a treat. Otherwise, I've mostly read. 

BlendJet now has Lisa Frank designs. Seriously? Suddenly, smoothies sound great. 

We've basically gotten our restaurant food for the month. Josh went out for soda and water-resistant running pants last night and came home with burgers (Impossible for him) from The Habit. And today, we ordered pizza and garlic knots with a gift card the Red Cross gave him at the blood drive. Unless Oliver wants the rest of the thin-crust sausage, I'll be eating cold pizza in the morning. I love eating lunch and dinner foods for breakfast; it's odd. 

Day 3: Today is a bonus weekend day because of MLK Day. The boys are both home. 

I finished The Sentence by 3 o'clock! I gave it 5 stars; it's my favorite of the three Erdrich books I've read. 

Day 4: I spoke to my therapist today and recommended The Sentence and My Heart Is a Chainsaw to her. I finished One of Us Is Lying; I may read the sequel. I'm starting the book Wounds, horror short stories by Nathan Ballingrud. I'm now at six books for the year, so I'm right on track...even slightly ahead.

Oliver is back at school, and Josh and I spent the morning together. For most of that time, we were waiting for the pest control guy to come. He asked us whether one of us had made all the art in the house. We assured him that we hadn't. He loved the Amy Brown mermaid by the front door. The man has good taste. I wish we were worthy of his belief in our talent!

Oliver was happy to get back to school and even leaned into his TA's hug. This is his first day without an RBT. I haven't heard anything yet. 

Today, I'm expecting some heavily discounted mealies (what we call pre-made frozen or refrigerated meals) from Factor. Last year, I enjoyed some heavily discounted Freshly mealies. They were pretty good. I'll pay $6 for a mealie, but I won't pay $10.

I had a good long talk on the phone with my mom. We discussed ABA again, and I continue to feel more reassured that we made the right decision. We talked about her health and about my recent day of solid depression. I did realize, though, that I missed my meds the night before that crash. So it actually makes perfect sense, and I haven't crashed again since. Obviously, my meds are doing a lot of good work.

I got started on our taxes as some forms arrived today. I'm waiting on Josh's W2. I hope we won't owe anything. Any refund we get will go toward a down payment for a car. Josh's car has refused to start three times in the last two weeks, but we're going to try to save for a few months--anything we can do to get a lower monthly payment.

Day 5: Oliver got an almost-perfect behavior sheet yesterday, and his teacher wrote that he had an amazing day and she thinks we made a great decision that will encourage his independence. Wow! So I feel a lot better. 

I've eaten two Factor mealies and a Panera Bowl mealie since yesterday. The first Factor meal was garlic shrimp and broccoli in a tomato cream sauce--not particularly filling but very good! The second was Italian sausage, red peppers, and rosemary red potatoes--also good. The Panera Bowl was chicken caprese: shell pasta, sun-dried tomatoes, spinach, and chicken in pesto--yum. We went grocery shopping today, and gracious, it was expensive! But we're all set for whatever ice or snow is set to come on Friday. I bought everything a big batch of the pasta salad Josh likes (tricolor vegetable pasta, Zesty Italian dressing, cucumber, and fancy-shredded Mozzarella, plus mini pepperoni for my portions).

Josh and I spent another morning together with lots of snuggles. It's so nice to be still and close to him without the impending stomp-stomp-stomp into our room! Oliver didn't want to wake up this morning, but when Josh said, "It's time for school," Oliver popped right up! I'm guessing he probably won't have school on Friday because of the weather, and he's off on Monday. So he gets one more day. I noticed last week that Oliver seemed more relaxed at home without ABA people here. Maybe the company for six hours a day stressed him out too. 

I agreed to meet with Oliver's former BCBA tomorrow morning at 9:30. I'm not looking forward to that. I just want to say, "Hey, we broke up!" Josh will be in class from 9 to 1. I won't have to leave the house though! A day in which I don't have to drive is a good day, and it means Josh can use the reliable car.

I found some Violette stickers I didn't know I had, and I organized new stickers from my Pipsticks subscription. I decorated one of the journals I bought at Le Guardia airport in December. It's a Paperblanks journal with a Valentine's Day design, and I'll probably use it next. I love the decor and style of Valentine's Day. I knew this time of year would be tough for NoBuy because I love pink and red heart tops and socks and decor. I just need to stay away from Target, Loft, and...pretty much everywhere else. I still haven't spent any money on myself for fun this year--19 days! Another temptation is a Paperblanks Grande journal, which is beautiful and huge. I may be able to save up Amazon points for one.

Josh is still trying to get that Charlotte Bronte doll for my birthday; the auction ends tonight. I've also always wanted a Scarlett O'Hara doll because she has dark hair and green eyes like I do, and this one is gorgeous. So if Josh doesn't get Charlotte, I may ask him for Scarlett for my birthday. 

I'm having a hard time reading again. I'll try to fix that tonight.

Day 6: I didn't fix that. 

I've had other Factor meals: cauliflower pasta with marinara, sausage, and green beans (too spicy for me, but I love the way they season the green beans) and herb chicken with seasoned potatoes and Mozzarella. 

I'm thinking about how I can batch-cook my own version of some of these mealies. I could buy frozen chicken breasts, but I don't know what to do with them besides marinate them in Italian dressing. I did buy some fully-cooked frozen shrimp that would be good with asparagus and Parmesan couscous. I'm no cook. I used to buy frozen tilapia at Aldi and season it with Old Bay. Maybe I'll start doing that again. It's hard to cook meat when I'm the only one who eats it. 

Something else I like: Fratelli Beretta's Italian Style Small Plates. I found them with the Lunchables at Food Lion. I tried one with rustico salami, provolone, and mini bread sticks. I also got one with crostini, spicy provolone, and calabrese salami. I love charcuterie, which my family called dinner snacks. It can be as basic as summer sausage with Colby jack cubes and Wheat Thins or fancier with brie, sesame crackers, crab dip, grapes, and gourmet salami.

Josh did not win the Charlotte Bronte doll, and the Scarlett doll sold. So that's sad. I found a stunning and relatively reasonable Madame Alexander Cissy (21-inch) with the classic Cissy face. I like her dress and her medium-blond curls, but I most love her face. Cisettes (10-inch) and Cissys have wide faces like mine, and this doll has shiny dark nude lips (which reminds me of the lipstick I wore in high school) and light green eyes. 

I met with the BCBA and signed the discharge papers. We're done. ABA did Oliver a lot of good at various points, but it's time to move on. His occupational therapist should be back from maternity leave next month. In the meantime, he's getting plenty of personal attention and individualized activities at school. I've gotten no new word about Oliver's grant, so we will probably have to pay tuition for January out of pocket. 

Today, I've had a few hours at home by myself. I organized more stickers and decorated another journal I got in New York, this one a Peter Pauper Press (arguably my favorite line though the Strand Denik journals may win individually) journal with purple trees and red flowers. I wrote in my current journal (also a PPP, this one with a blue tree...I love PPP tree journals!) with a TWSBI Eco purple fountain pen with a sample of shimmery Diamine Lilac Satin ink (from a sample set I bought a year or two ago from Goulet Pen Co.). I have a big purple blotch on my middle finger--a writer's love bruise. I did ask for this Compoco firefly journal for my birthday. I also like this, this, and this. 

I think I have plenty of ink for this NoBuy year. We'll see! I am still waiting for some Van Dieman's Night ink I ordered from Australia last year after discovering the wonder of shimmer (sparkly) and sheen (duochrome) inks. Just remember, shimmering and sheening inks can clog most pens. I've found TWSBI Eco with a broad or stub nib to be the best, but Robert Oster Fire and Ice ink clogged my stub nib (so pretty and ultra shimmery though--I'll have to seek out one of my dip pens). I also love scented inks, which, in my experience, work well in any good pen. I'd love a scented sample pack...did you read that, Josh? I know; I know. I'm running out of birthday presents. 

Day 7: I did finish reading two stories from Wounds last night. They were quite dark. I liked "The Diabolist." I also read two chapters of The Patchwork Girl of Oz to the boys, so I did a decent amount of reading. For the last couple of days, I've felt lonely and sad in the evenings, but I think part of that is because I haven't been reading enough.

Josh ordered me the beautiful doll for my birthday! I'm thinking of what I will name her. Iris? Emmy? London? I'd love to collect clothes for her eventually. I wish I could sew clothes for her, but I'm much too lazy and impatient to learn. I saw a beautiful white and blue satin coat with sparkly buttons for a Cissy. I'm happy to have this doll to look forward to. In under five months, I'll see her lovely face. 

Josh and Oliver are home today due to winter weather that probably won't come. I'm under my heated blanket with an ice peppermint mocha I made. 

I'm working on the budget for next month. I don't think I'll be able to save much toward a down payment for a car, but I'll save as much as I can. Josh will get a little more testing money from December. We still have to pay for this month's ABA sessions. But I'm hoping Oliver's grant will come through, and the money we have for January tuition can go toward a down payment instead. I want to have a $3,000 down payment. $5,000 would be great, but that's not going to happen.

More Factor mealies! Grilled chicken in a creamy sauce with sun-dried tomatoes, spinach, and zucchini noodles--delicious, definitely my favorite (It's called Sun-Dried Tomato Chicken). Yesterday, I had pork tenderloin with cheesy cabbage (I didn't eat the cabbage because ew) and...you guessed it: green beans. Luckily, Factor knows how to make good green beans, and they're one of my favorite vegetables. Verdict: if you get a good discount, Factor is worthwhile (again, I don't go over about $6 a mealie). I like the Factor mealies better than Freshly (which is also pretty good). I'm trying a couple more heavily-discounted mealie plans in the next few weeks. One of them will actually include some meal kits--am I competent enough to cook something with all the ingredients before me? We'll see. They're two-serving kits, so I'll have leftovers. After that, I'm adding mealie plans to my NoBuy list. I'll learn to make my own. I'm getting lots of good ideas though. I want to try making good steamer bag long green beans with seasoning and slivered almonds--no more canned green beans for a while!

I finished my PPP blue tree journal and began my Paperblanks Valentina journal! It's #217. When I remember, I always write where and when I bought or received a journal inside the back cover. It's fun to see how long I've had a journal waiting and who gave it to me or whom I was with when I bought it. This one was technically a gift from my dad. Thanks, Dad!

Paperblanks journal pages are too thin for fountain pens, so I plan to use a variety of gel pens. I'm no longer sticking to two colors per journal; I'm writing with whatever I feel like using. I'm starting with a Uni ball Signo pen in gold--one I bought at Kinokuniya in New York City. 

My Van Dieman's ink arrived from Australia! They made a mistake with my order and sent two 50 ml bottles of Twilight Mist (indigo shimmer) instead of one TM and one Cherry Blossom Dream. I sent them an E-mail, so we'll see how the customer service is. I also got two 100 ml bottles: Shooting Star (sheening red/blue with gold shimmer) and Aurora Australis (sheening purple/green). I'll probably choose a journal with thicker paper next so I can try out the inks. It's fun to get something now that I ordered last year. Hopefully, they'll just send me that other bottle. I don't want to deal with international return shipping.

I got Oliver a pair of slippers with rubber soles and furry lining. They're perfect for playing in the backyard because he doesn't have to wear socks, and he can just about put the slippers on himself. That's good because he likes to go in and out a lot, which made the shoes-socks-coat routine taxing.

Josh and I put my favorite star sheets on our bed. I love going to bed with new sheets. I read two chapters of Oz 7 to the boys. We only have three chapters left! I may take a break from Oz and finish reading A Swiftly Tilting Planet to them. Both the Oz and Wrinkle in Time series are on my 40 before 40 list. We have a total of eleven books left to read together in the next few years. Whew. I have so many books for myself on that list, and I'm starting to feel I'm running low on time! Eventually, I'd like to read The Chronicles of Narnia to the boys. I just finished the series myself during grad school...which was actually a long time ago. Oh dear. 

Oliver just put on his slippers all by himself! He's making his fourth trip into the backyard. It's cold! We still haven't seen any precipitation though. I'm hoping Josh's parents will still be able to visit tomorrow for his birthday.

Yums.

 (Image: http://weheartit.com/entry/8714507)

A few nights ago, we ate Uncle Ben's chicken-flavored broccoli rice with a giant steamer bag of broccoli, some sliced almonds, and a bit of cheese mixed in. Mmmm. I've realized that slice almonds are pretty awesome in lots of meals. I'm glad Josh is okay with chicken stock or flavoring; it gives me a lot more options and means that I actually eat some meatless meals too. I usually throw in some boiled egg or nuts for protein.

I've been craving various fruits during this pregnancy. First, I was all about oranges. Then, I was into grapes. Lately, I've wanted strawberries. I like the five-a-day fruits and vegetables push, and I'm working on adding more into my daily diet. I think this is important for Oliver before he's born, while he's nursing, and even after that (I want to be a good example!). I do love broccoli, asparagus, and green beans despite the fact that I'm a picky eater. I'm not crazy about spinach, but I've been mixing canned leaves into some meals. Goat cheese is especially good at masking the strong taste.

 (Image: http://prettyforonce.tumblr.com/post/4734515768)

I haven't had many consistent cravings, but I tend to go with the sudden ones. Luckily, the fast food craving was a short-lived, first trimester thing, and I've eaten little fast food since. I did start craving more sweets when Oliver started working on his fat stores. I'm lucky that I've had a lot of healthy cravings too, like fruits, veggies, and rice. I have wanted tons of guacamole! I feel pretty good about the weight I've gained so far even though I'll probably gain a bit more than my doctor recommended. I've mostly been focused on listening to my body and not eating foods or amounts of food that make me feel crummy. This seems like a good guideline all around.

I also know what I like. I have my Dr. Pepper and my Nutty Bars. I have this snack once a day (boy, sometimes I could really go for a second round, but I don't). I'll have other treats sometimes when I really want them. But I'm pretty good about just passing on something that isn't totally worth it to me. I'll crave something and buy it, I'll eat it a once or twice, and then Josh ends up slowly finishing it (Nutty Buddies, Reeses Klondike bars...). That boy can eat anything, and he's so skinny. Eventually, I'll probably get over the Nutty Bars. When something ceases to be totally amazing, I stop eating it. For now, though, nobody better touch my bars!

 (Image: http://www.flickr.com/photos/kahluacream/1825755345/. I'm pretty sure it is too good to be true, but the ad is lovely.)

I have never consumed so much water in my life! I start to feel desperately thirsty within twenty minutes of my last gulp. I normally just use a Brita filter pitcher, but I've been buying bottled water for ease, portability, and speed. I can't even go to the grocery store without a water bottle. I'm sure all this water-drinking has been helping me stay healthy and feeling relatively well most of the time. I'm hoping that the habit will continue after the desperate need subsides, though I do want to stop buying water bottles (I know there are a million reasons for this, not the least of which is the amount of space the cases take up in my fridge!).

My main health goals are to 1) feel good and 2) fit into my clothes. Of course, the latter doesn't apply right now. I want to have a balanced relationship with food (be smart about it most of the time and enjoy it!), and I want to model that for Oliver. I like to be healthy without stressing over it (especially now), and I'm trying to build that into my life. How do you do it?

 (Image: http://sweetpinklips.tumblr.com/)

Our 4th.

 (Image: http://n0t-f0und.tumblr.com/page/6)

On our 4th, we drank copious amounts of lemonade, grilled hamburgers and hot dogs with family, read magazines in red and blue wooden lawn chairs, went swimming, and played with sparklers.

Not really. We didn't set foot out of the house and spent very little time out of bed. I was feeling kind of sore and crampy, so I didn't work on boxes. I did get back to reading The Secret Garden to my boys. I seem to be getting the hang of reading aloud, though I constantly run out of breath.

 (Image: http://whimsicalnothing.tumblr.com/post/5905833593)

I made egg salad sandwiches, which were very yummy. Egg salad does not seem like something I'd like. When I was fifteen or so, I suddenly wanted an egg salad sandwich very badly. I don't know why; I'd never had one. I told my dad this, and he found a New York deli nearby that had them. I reveled in the squishy piles of egg salad on thick white bread. When I got a job working in the nursery at a women's gym around the corner, my dad would sometimes bring me dinner from the deli: a root beer and an egg salad sandwich and pickles in a paper bag. Mmmm. One of my dearest memories is of going to Washington, D.C. in twelfth grade with my A.P. Art History class and sitting at a table by myself (being anti-social) at Union Station, eating an egg salad sandwich I could barely squash enough to fit in my mouth. I did that twice.

 (Image: http://surrealeye.deviantart.com/art/Union-Station-Interior-000-HDR-114606216?q=boost:popular interior)

Here's how I make egg salad. All you need is eggs (I use two per sandwich, so I usually use eight eggs, so Josh and I can have sandwiches for lunch that day and the next day. I wouldn't recommend eating it past the next day), Miracle Whip or whipped salad dressing (reduced fat is good), salt, and of course, bread. I like mine super plain, but most people use dill, paprika, or relish. Josh likes his "bloody ant style," as in with tons of pepper and hot sauce. I love egg salad so much, and thank goodness it got to remain part of our meal rotation after Josh crossed over to the land of veggie heads.

1. Boil the eggs for ten minutes.
2. Put the eggs in the fridge to chill for at least a couple of hours (you can do this overnight too).
3. Remove the shells.
4. Carefully open the eggs and place the yokes in a bowl. Set the whites aside.
5. Spoon the desired amount of whipped salad dressing onto the yokes (just start with a teaspoon glop and see how the next step goes).
6. Use a fork to smash the yolks and mix them into the dressing. Add more dressing if necessary (I like mine to be lumpy and quite yellow, but you definitely want to get rid of all powdery-ness).
7. Put in the whites and use a knife to chop them up to the degree you want.
8. Mix the whites and yokes, add salt, and spoon onto bread.

It's really easy and (as if you don't have enough salt) tastes great with pretzels.

 (Image: http://simplyrecipes.com/recipes/egg_salad_sandwich/)

While we ate lunch, we started watching Howl, about Allen Ginsberg and the obscenity trial for his book. Obviously, the subject matter limits the audience for this one, so be sure you know what you're getting into. So far, James Franco is amazing as are the bizarre animations.

I had one of those weird love and appreciation explosions inside my brain and blurted, "You're my dream boy."  Josh asked why, and I said, "You're my best friend, and I'm sure there's not a boy in the whole world like you."At least, I think that's what I said. It felt like an incoherent bubbling.

(Image: http://inspiring-pictures.com/page/39)

We took a pretty serious nap. When I woke up, I said, "How do you feel about ordering Papa Johns?" Josh woke out of a dead sleep and said, "I feel really good about that." And so it was.

Appropriate for Independence Day, I began leaking colostrum. I did not expect to be so excited about this, but I couldn't stop laughing exultantly and boasting. It's incredible, really. I can feed my baby. I feel like a superhero! Rather than being mildly grossed out like many guys would be, Josh was quite excited too. I never thought my body could do any of this, and it's miraculously figuring everything out on its own. And Oliver did a lot of dancing in celebration. I don't need fireworks when I have that.

(Image: http://www.flickr.com/photos/45142777@N05/4448728309/in/photostream/)

First Week.

 (Image: http://chanelbagsandcigarettedrags.blogspot.com/search?updated-max=2011-06-11T05%3A18%3A00-07%3A00&max-results=45)

I can't believe we've been at the OLC for a whole week! It doesn't seem so. The cardboard chaos continues, but more surfaces are visible than before. Our recycling bin (it's huge!) outside is already full of flat boxes.

I've had to take a lot of breaks.

I've organized my work clothes in the wardrobe and found space for some of my shoes. My tiny closet still needs a lot of work.

Some books are unpacked; I've started stacks near my bed: books I want to read immediately, books I want to read soon, and journals I want to fill soon.

(Image: http://april27th.tumblr.com/page/6)

Josh has put up many of our pictures. We refer them by name: the pink lady, the elf queen, Audrey, Ariel, Andrew, sexy mermaid, and Cinderella, for instance.

Oliver's room now has a cuckoo clock; a whimsical collage; two tiny, decorative, bee-themed pillows; and a shelf for the many baby wipes Mom bought for us at Costco.

Note the honey jar and the bee on the dipper. Cracker Barrel knew I was coming.

The kitchen is basically done except for some more cupcake Wallies. The shelf paper, though I was no expert at application, definitely increased the cheer factor.

Mirrors are in place. They seem to open up the house.

I'm slowly filling up the many drawers of the giant desk with office supplies, pens and inks, and stationery. Folders and notebooks are taking over the coffee table drawers.

 (Image: http://asnoveemcasa.tumblr.com/post/6949920375)

On Friday night, we watched The Edge of Love and had an excellent dinner. I cooked burgers (skillet-style) for the first time. We had spotted Boca meatless burgers at the store and decided this might be a good meal for both of us: I get my meat, he gets his...non-meat, and no extra effort is necessary. I have two small skillets, so I used both to avoid greasing up Josh's burger, and the dishes still weren't bad (remember, we don't have a dishwasher). We had burgers on wheat buns, pasta salad, and sweet dark cherries. I'd decided to try the cherries because I'd never had real cherries (just the sugar-glazed sundae variety), I'm more open to fruit these days, and they just looked so pretty. I'm sure the post about the health benefits of cherries over at Love, Bliss & Beauty had something to do with it too.

I also needed half a dill pickle.

The meal was very satisfying, and I enjoyed the movie. Josh is picky and doesn't actually like movies much (what a pity he married a huge movie girl!), so I just appreciate that he watches them with me, and I don't ask what he thought (his lukewarm reactions only bum me). It's a literary-tinged relationship drama with infidelity, violence, and one of those jealousy-charged female friendships. The best parts (and probably the redeeming qualities for Josh) were an adorable baby boy and the heart-aching Welsh seaside landscapes. Dylan Thomas's voice was great too.

On Saturday, while having the pasta salad again for lunch, we watched The Voyage of the Dawn Treader at last. This was my favorite book in the series. Aslan and the lily sea did not disappoint. The teary dragon really tore me up...but I think it would have even if I weren't pregnant. Oh! I can't think about it. Thank goodness for Reepicheep. For dinner later, we had cheese ravioli with tomato sauce, Parmesan, and spinach. Josh left a good bit of spinach in the bottom of his bowl, but at least I sneaked some vitamins into him! I had a glorious late evening snack: cherries and Jello French Silk Pie pudding. Oh. My. Goodness. And I got to enjoy it before the noise of merry makers and fireworks began. I already feel very much at home here.

(Image: http://ifeellikeamoustache.tumblr.com/)

Meals for Culinarily Poor, Lazy, and Untalented Couples.

 (Image: http://fashionnazi.tumblr.com/)

I'm no cook, and we don't have tons of money to spend on food. We're also lazy. To make matters more complicated, Josh became a vegetarian last year. Here are some easy meals I've learned how to make.

~Brown Rice Bowls (I use Success boil-in-a-bag, one bag per person). These mixes have gone over quite well with my veggie head husband:

1. Brown rice, asparagus spears (just use a can of them and warm them up with their own juice and some water on the stove top for a few minutes. Don't boil.), chopped boiled egg, and Mexican blend cheese.

2. Brown rice, corn, chopped boiled egg, and shredded Parmesan cheese.

3. Brown rice, whole leaf spinach (I just use about half a can in a bowl and warm it up in the microwave for a minute), sliced almonds, lemon juice, and crumbled goat cheese (or feta).

Other mixin's: chickpeas, green beans, grated gouda, pinto beans, chopped avocado, walnuts, orange chunks, bacon or soy bits, chicken or tilapia...

(Image: http://futurewedding.tumblr.com/post/4973067183/engagement-shoot)

~Pasta Salad: two boxes of cooked tricolor rotini (sneaks in some vegetables!), one large chopped cucumber, one bag of thin shredded mozzarella, generous quantities of zesty Italian dressing. Mix up and serve cold (let your pasta chill in the fridge before you start mixing). This makes a huge Tupperware of salad and keeps well, so you can have it for days.

Other items you may want to add: pepperoni, olives, chickpeas, canned chicken, canned tuna, dried cranberries, pecans, mandarin oranges...

 (Image: http://www.tumblr.com/reblog/5173872301/7SYqYM3s?redirect_to=%2Ftagged%2Funited-states-of-tara%3Fbefore%3D1304478386)

~Stuffed Pies: Pillsbury Pie Crust rolls (one roll makes two pies) filled, folded, and baked according to directions. 

Possible Fillings: canned chicken, ranch dressing, shredded cheese, bacon bits (or soy bits for veggie heads), chopped tomatoes, hot sauce, pepper, imitation crab meat and cream cheese with asparagus, torn ham, beans, bean dip, feta, goat cheese (you definitely want some kind of cheese in there)...

Note: I've tried pizza versions, but they don't really work out. The meat flavors aren't strong enough for the pie crust. Marinara and cheese is good, though. Just avoid anything too watery as it will melt the crust.

(Image: http://alexa23.tumblr.com/post/4951843903/alexa23)

~Whole Wheat Wraps (whole wheat tortillas are pretty cheap and healthy)

1. (my favorite) Imitation crab meat, sour cream, guacamole (Wal-mart sells 100 calorie packs! I freeze them all and thaw one at a time), and Mexican blend shredded cheese. Also good with cucumber and romaine.

2. Veggie head versions with such mixin's as chopped tomatoes, mayonnaise, hummus, bean dip, beans, sliced bell pepper, mushrooms, Tofurkey...

 (Image: http://sherriecola.blogspot.com/)

And if you're a bit more ambitious...

~Fried Rice (adapted from my mom's method so that even I can understand it)

You'll need: brown rice, lots of veggies, vegetable oil, butter or margarine, soy sauce, eggs

1. Boil boil-in-a-bag brown rice (about one bag per couple per meal. I always make extra, and it's just as good later).

2. Meanwhile, microwave canned or steam-in-a-bag vegetables for about two-thirds of the time the directions say or just enough to unfreeze (I usually use canned corn and green beans and steamer bag broccoli and mixes like sugar snap peas, water chestnuts, and baby corn. Birds Eye is a great brand).

3. Melt butter or margarine and vegetable oil (about a tablespoon of each per rice bag) in a large skillet (you'll need plenty of room. I broke down and bought a big skillet with high sides).

4. Saute (as in pour in and move around quickly in the butter/oil with a fork) all the veggies for a few minutes.

5. Add brown rice and saute until the rice grains get dark lines down the middle. This usually takes a few minutes (Note: I think this is actually better if everything is a bit burnt, so don't worry too much).

**Meat-eater step: add canned chicken (one small can covers two meat-eater meals).

6. Add desired amount of soy sauce to skillet and stir well (use your nose as a guide for how much you want).

7. Move everything to the sides so you have a hole (well) in the middle. Melt butter in the hole (about one tablespoon per rice bag).

8. Crack and scramble egg (one per rice bag) in the hole.

9. Mix the egg bits up into the rice and veggies.

Yum! This is a great way to get in lots of vegetables, and they'll taste delicious.

If these ideas are overwhelming to you, I totally empathize. Just pop your Pizza Rolls in the microwave and enjoy this cupcake.

(Image: http://pretty-pink-snacks.tumblr.com/post/3885463817)