A Different Approach to 2022.

 Next year, my husband, Josh, is running his first marathon. He's thinking about the endurance this will require, especially the mental presence and fortitude. I will do something similar, but it will last all year.

Our son, Oliver, has autism and intellectual impairment. He just began attending a private school for children with autism. He loves it, and he has gained amazing new practical, mental, and emotional skills. It's where he needs to be right now. He's also received ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis, an autism treatment), speech, and occupational therapy for years. Josh is an English professor at a local college. I used to do the same, but I am disabled due to bipolar disorder and panic disorder, so my income is limited. Next year, keeping Oliver in school and in therapy will require all the money we have and quite a bit more. 

I love objects. I have collections. I love journals, pens, books, Betsey Johnson jewelry, prestige makeup, and Irregular Choice shoes. Objects are meaningful to me, and I enjoy discovering them. 

But I have decided to do No Buy 2022: no purchases that are not essential. 

The main reason for this is that we simply won't have the money for fun spending while we maintain Oliver's care and education. But I'm also doing it as a cleanse and as an exercise in appreciation and contentment. I have many wonderful objects that I've collected over years or that people have given me. I have a wonderful library minutes from my house, and it's pretty well-stocked. I have a birthday and Christmas and anniversaries. Anything I want can be a gift, or it can wait until next year. Even if we suddenly had more money mid-year, I'd want to see this through. And I have no business spending money for fun when people who love us are helping us.

A member of my family hates the sensation of hunger and jokingly claims to eat frequently enough to avoid the sensation all together. I have to get used to the feeling of wanting. Or maybe my wanting will fade in the joy of reading, wearing, using, and appreciating what I already have.

I'll keep some things: my magazine subscriptions that I've already paid for (Bella Grace, Enchanted Living, and Real Simple), my season theatre tickets, the Spotify and Netflix accounts Josh and I share, and my Silk and Sonder planner subscription. If I find a book I want to read, I'll check the library and either check it out or put it on a list for later. I do, by the way, consider Dr. Pepper an essential. 

I've been moving in this direction anyway out of necessity. But when I saw the Facebook page for No Buy 2022, I thought, yes, this is something I need to do. Not everyone thinks it's a good idea. I think it is. Wish me luck.

Feeling Alive.

I have many faults. I recently realized that one of my worst faults is greed. I always want something. I'm hard to satisfy. Shopping, even just online window shopping, makes me feel alive. So I'm thinking about other ways I can feel alive.

• Reading. This is one of the biggest. Reading is consuming. I have access to endless books among libraries and my own shelves. When I really get into reading, it's like lying on a steady float in a pool. Reading can take me to new places and redirect my thoughts.
• Kissing my husband.
• Flowers. I've been more sensitive to flowers lately. Hydrangea, one of my favorites, is starting to bloom. I should go the botanical gardens again or walk about the rose garden at Josh's college. 
• Style. On part of working I miss is deciding on my outfit for the next day. I really enjoyed putting together clothes shoes, and jewelry that would help me feel good about myself. But I can still do that.
• Bubble baths. Hot water with foam and poetry. The combination always settles me but also makes me feel alert.
• Talking to Mom. We talk a few times a week, and we always laugh. I always feel refreshed after we talk. 
• Favorite movies. Sometimes, I should just let a favorite movie play in the background of my day. Movies are an important part of who I am. 
• Favorite music. I listen in the car and while I'm getting ready. I could try playing it more at home.
• Makeup. Like style, makeup is such a great way to express myself. I can also apply makeup that guides the mood of the day. I love playing with colors and sparkles..
• Illustrated books. Story books and art books captivate me, but I rarely take the time to sit down with one. .It can sooth and inspire me. 
• Collections. I love collecting special objects. Books, pens, makeup, journals, stickers. Just looking through them makes me happy, and I feel a little less greedy when I see the wonderful objects I already have. I appreciate my past selves and others who stocked me up on loveliness before money got low.
• Mail. I love getting mail. Ordering something online is a thrill--something's coming in the  mail! But that's not to only way to get good mail. I need to write more letters!
• Dancing, especially if it's with Oliver. I try to dance with him every morning.

How do you keep your flaws in check?

Loving What I Have.

For much of our marriage, Josh and I have been broke. I have plenty of memories of more prosperous points. One of my favorites is of eating take-out Panera every Sunday on our huge balcony in Charlotte. I remember the fun of shopping for work clothes at Loft with my mom and of buying journals wherever I found special ones. Right now, we're leveled because I'm too sick (or would quickly become too sick) to work, Josh can't find supplementary work (and he's working hard already), we all have hundreds of dollars in prescription and doctor copays, Oliver is starting new autism treatment, and more.

I love shopping. To me, it's more like curating areas of my life. I love choosing writing tools and makeup especially. I'm not fixated on clothes or furniture or home goods right now, though I've certainly been there with manic intensity (literally bipolar).

So. I have to focus more on loving what I already have. Only when I'm in a blaze of mania am I likely to buy something I won't love forever. Even then, it's rare. I have a lot of objects, but they are specific to me, chosen for my life or treasured as gifts. They help me be who I am and want to be, or they remind me of that.

I have writing tools to last a lifetime. I have enough journals and pens to last, though special tools will still go on my wish lists. Some of the journals are incredibly beautiful, and most have pages I've adorned with stickers, an easy way to add a little personalized beauty and magic. I have a ton of pens, and I use them. I alternate colors and match them to the journal's cover art.

I also have a lot of makeup. I've loved eye makeup for many years, but I've more recently been interested in lipstick too. Applying makeup is a reliably fun part of my day. Right now, I'm trying to create a different look every time I wear makeup--it helps me rediscover and make good use of what I have. Still, I have a wish list for makeup too, of course! I may even share it with you.