Stillness & Attention: Week 33.

Day 1: Saturday. I feel pretty good today. I did yoga and listened to The Testaments last night--I'm on the last disc! I slept for over nine hours; I think that's just what I needed. I slept the last few hours in Oliver's bed because he took over my spot. I sat in the study while Josh worked out, and we had twenty or thirty minutes to talk. Then, I filled the cooler backpack with water bottles (including my cool gold glitter water bottle) and Gatorade and put on my new charcoal shorts and Shine Bright Autism Speaks tee. Oliver woke up while I was getting ready. I'd been thinking about what to tell me we were doing. I decided on, "We're going to play outside with some of Mama's friends." He seemed okay with that and got up so I could help him get dressed. Josh and I took turns with teeth brushing, meds, sunscreen, and shoes, and I put on my indigo sunglasses. 

The athletic complex was quite nice. We didn't have as much of a turn out as I'd hoped, but a lot of consumers were there. Josh helped set up some tents. Oliver and I ran around in the grass a little. At first, he wanted to go home, but he warmed up to being outside. Josh and I played soccer while Oliver wandered and watched us. Then, Josh ran on the track and did his personal best mile. We talked to my friend Miss Sheila, and I spoke briefly to the two awesome interns. After we'd been there for a couple of hours, we left to get Oliver, who'd been a good sport, some hashbrowns. We decided to go ahead and get groceries so we wouldn't have to do it tomorrow. I got blue and white hydrangeas. 

At home, we put everything away. I got irritable, and Josh told me to sit down and brought me some pasta salad. I realized that I'd forgotten to eat breakfast. After about twenty minutes, I felt better. Josh was cleaning the house. I played The Testaments and put away three baskets of laundry. 

We'd gotten a little BlendJet in the hopes of making Pediasure milkshakes or smoothies for Oliver. Josh was about to eat some blueberries, so I suggested we make a smoothie with blueberries, banana, and ice. It turned out really well! Oliver showed no interest, so I don't know how that will go. 

Day 2: Sunday. I'm very close to my next fitness goal, closer than I expected. That's exciting. 

I have a lot to look forward to: Into the Woods, Asheville, Dear Evan Hansen, Josh's class schedule starting, Oliver's school starting in three weeks. So much good is coming. And I'm happy right now in the sunlight of my study. Josh is out doing his 12-mile run. 

I didn't read for the magazine last night. But I did do yoga and finish The Testaments! That brings me to ninety-six books for the year. 

Some of my hydrangeas have already died. I guess they weren't the best choice. 

Oliver's OT bill is still outstanding despite the ESA approval from two weeks ago. I need to call the clinic. A clinic with that name in this city got almost $200 of our funds for a child with Oliver's name, so I'd like to know where that wound up. If the ESA payments aren't going to work, it may be time to stop OT at least for now. We can teach him on a daily basis more than a professional can teach him in one hour per week. 

In the grocery store yesterday, he suddenly looked up at me and gave me a brilliant smile. It put some of my pieces back together. 

I got Oliver ready for the day and made a smoothie with fresh black grapes and frozen blackberries. Oliver and I did a worksheet, writing numbers hand over hand. He can identify most numbers ten and under. He peed our bed, so I have laundry going. 

I just got an acceptance from California Quarterly! They are printing my poem "Teetotaler" in their autumn issue. Exciting! 

I switched the laundry and loaded and started the dishwasher. Oliver is tired. I suggested that he lay down on his crash pad, and he did. Now, he's sitting on the couch with Josh.

Now, they're both asleep. I put a blanket over Oliver's feet and a pillow under his head. I hope he doesn't pee on the couch. I read a story for the magazine. Two more are waiting. I made rice and beans. I think I'll add more black beans next time.

My lamp arrived, so Josh built that while I got Oliver ready for bed. I haven't read much today, but I have scribbled a lot more than I have in a while, which feels nice. Sweet Josh is upstairs changing our sheets while I listen for Oliver, who's playing outside in his pajamas. I'm thankful that I have such a kind husband. 

I've had two good nights of sleep, and I'm feeling much better. 

Day 3: Monday. I did yoga and listened to The Graveyard Book last night. I brought the CDs in from the car. I'll check out another audio book soon as I'm on disc 2 of 7. Today is Josh's first day of classes and his new schedule. Despite the fact that Oliver woke us at 6 and peed our bed, it's been a pretty relaxed morning for me. I started the day with a load of laundry. He only got our fitted sheet, so I'm just washing that. Remaking the bed will be easy. Josh kindly took care of the morning routine. We got to sit together in the study for a little while, and then, he worked out. Josh is seeing his therapist this morning; he hasn't seen her since spring. 

I still need to flush my fountain pens. I plan to finish my current journal, write in one more standard journal (so I'm not dealing with ink in Asheville), and then go back to fountain pens. Josh put the art back up in the guest room and fixed the lamp. I hadn't asked before...I just let the guest room be kind of a wreck ever since Oliver's meltdown. But I've cleaned it up from my organizing and giving away, and now, it looks better. 

I spoke to the clinic. The supervisor is out of town, so they will get back to me about the bill on Wednesday. I still got another annoying "no patient response" automated E-mail about it. I guess they'll expect payment tomorrow. They'd better credit me. 

Josh went to his appointment, came home and napped on the couch, and then went to work. Oliver asked for macaroni, and I put some shredded chicken into it. He didn't seem to mind. I'll see what else I can sneak into it...maybe some vegetables. Josh will go to 'greens after work to pick up meds and look for more mac. We'll be together for most of the day tomorrow. I'm going to go along to OT. We'll probably take Oliver to the park in the morning since we'll have time. The splash pad will close next month, and Oliver will have to be content with running around the playground again.

Sparkle Pop pens are 47% off on Amazon today. Oh dear. 

I just read the longer story for the magazine. It was good! The other one is about the same length. I'll probably read it tomorrow. Oliver is in a good mood. I've finished reading The Capsule Wardrobe. Two dresses is not enough for me, but I did order two versions of the LBD to try. I've been needing a new one since I wore out my Old Navy swing tank dress with the 40-Day Dress Challenge. I ordered a couple of different sizes try-before-you-buy, so we'll see what fits and what goes back to UPS. One dress is more formal; the other is more casual but also more versatile. One is more theatre while the other is more school pick-up line. 

Evening. I'm suddenly depressed and anxious. Josh very stressed about this semester. He has the highest number of students he's ever had, six contact hours over last year's full-time load, and a new requirement of eighty approved and documented hours of work per semester outside his department in addition to professional development and professional goal attainment. He's also taking American Lit this semester. I had it in my head that things were about to get much better, but maybe they're about to get worse. I can't do anything to make life better for Josh. I don't even want to get up in the morning. 

Day 4: Tuesday. Today is our fifteen-and-a-half-year wedding anniversary. I woke up at 6 this morning when our car alarm went off. The boys slept right through. Josh woke up an hour later. I've mostly just been thinking. 

Last night, I woke Josh and did some crying. He said he was looking forward to spending time with me. He thinks a lot of hope is in that. He keeps that in the back of his mind even though the semester will be stressful and difficult. He said that, unlike in the spring, he feels fully capable of doing the work. He said my doing the daily chores does make a difference, and he didn't mean to vomit all his stress on me. I don't want him to feel alone with it. But I definitely felt hopeless last night.

Here's Oliver. 

I feel emotionally weary today but not hopeless. I need to be careful to recover myself from every physical, emotional, and mental blow. I'm not staring into the abyss today; I'm sort of sitting in a camp chair beside it. Josh did his run, made a strawberry-blackberry smoothie, cut back some foliage in the alley, and took a shower. Now, he's working at his desk. I got Oliver ready for the day, made my to-do list for the next couple of days, and made a strawberry and banana smoothie with half a cup of apple juice--delicious. I tried making Oliver the same smoothie with a little Pediasure; he refused. It looks and smells good; he might like it if he'd try it. Then, we could get Pediasure and fruit into him. I bribed him with Skittles to try it. Some got in his mouth, but he was not convinced. Then, I tried making a milkshake with Pediasure and ice cream. Again with the Skittles. Again, no success. At least now, I can tell his doctor we tried everything. I even tried adding whipped cream. 

The clinic called. They did get that money! Whew.

I felt snacky today, so I ate turkey sticks, Cheddar Believe It Moon Cheese, and baby carrots for lunch. I'd like to increase my fruit and vegetable intake, maybe sometimes getting that five a day. Today has felt a little weird, kind of unreal. I don't think I took my afternoon meds. I feel pretty tired. I felt Josh's dread over class tonight, and OT is always tiring. But today, I got Oliver ready. I got myself ready--I showered, dressed, brushed my hair, put on makeup, and wore jewelry. I sparkled. I wore lighter Democracy jeans in my smaller size, a pink sparkle tank top, light pink glitter shoes, Zeeza pink glitter Alice in Wonderland eye makeup, and my pink key Betsey Johnson charm necklace. I talked to Oliver's therapist, a lead OT, about CREST, and she made notes. She knows a lot of people who need to know about it. I had enough calories left over for the day, so I got a Quarter Pounder when Oliver got his post-appointment fries. Josh had the idea of making Popsicles out of Pediasure smoothies, so I ordered a Popsicle mold. We'll try it!

Josh and I haven't been sharing our best things each day. 

Day 5: Wednesday. 

Best Things:

1. Quiet morning study time

2. 9 hours, 47 minutes of sleep

3. Redacted 

4. Caught up on magazine reading

5. Received disability benefit for the month

Just four whole months are left in the year. I still need to work on my low-buy guidelines. I was thinking I'd get two new subscriptions next year. One will be Oh Reader magazine. But I haven't found a second magazine I want. A box? I don't think so. I may find something later. 

I pre-ordered something as an anniversary gift that will be from Josh, bending the rules a bit. It's a Diamine Inkvent Calendar. I've never had one. It's twenty-four tiny bottles of new inks and one regular-sized bottle, all new colors with some sheens and shimmers. It comes out in October around our seventeenth dating anniversary. I'm going to open it then instead of waiting for December because trying all the inks will take me much longer than twenty-five days. I'm very excited about it. Inkvent inks often turn out to be amazing. 

Mid-week. Oliver woke up around 3 and again around 5. I slept a little past 6. I managed to get over nine hours of sleep. I didn't do yoga last night, but I did read that story for the magazine. I'm now totally caught up on that, for the moment at least. When I came down this morning, Josh had already worked out and done Oliver's morning routine; bless him. He worked at his desk for a while. I was having bad cramps and rested on the loveseat. Josh later rubbed my back--double blessings. Oliver was tired, so he asked to go to his room with Josh. Now, it's 8:19, and I'm scribbling in the sunshine. I'm still cramping but not as much. 

Josh will be able to come to the school's open house with me this year. Whew. I'll be glad to have him with me, and he'll get to meet the teachers and see how Oliver acts. And Josh's presence should put Oliver more at ease. I hope the classroom isn't in a weird place like on the third floor (where Oliver does not like to go). I'm going to be much more sociable this year. I wonder if Oliver will be in a classroom with some of the same boys. I'm really hoping Miss Elizabeth, the TA, will still be there. That would make me feel so much better, but it seems unlikely. 

Josh only has to work for two hours today. Then, he'll be back home right after 2. On Wednesdays, I won't have to leave the house as Josh can go straight from work to pick up Oliver from school. I can stay home on Tuesdays too if I don't go to OT, and I don't plan on going every week. I do want Josh to see me get ready regularly, unlike this summer when I rarely have gotten ready. 

The boys are still asleep. The clonidine now knocks Oliver out. I won't give it to him again until Sunday. We'll just do twice a week until school starts; then, we'll probably stop all together. It's a beautiful day, and I have two weeks left in this month. What can I do with those two weeks? How many books can I get through? If I can get through Arias, I can push through more, shorter books of poetry. I did read two poems yesterday. I do think I'll pick up FWDGF (kind of offensive title, so I won't use it) since I'm in the mood for nonfiction. I did enjoy Women, Work, and the Art of Savoir Faire. I remember reading it at work in a closet while I used a breast pump. Bruce was on the other side of the wall in his shared office. He's moved on up in the last ten or eleven years. 

What will happen with our lease and our rent? I don't want to move Oliver. It's such a massive adjustment for him, and I would hate for him to lose the backyard he can wander in freely. I do not want to move for so many reasons. This house is almost 100% perfect for us. Surely the owner would have already told us if he had decided to sell. Josh just got up; Oliver sleeps on. 

For LowBuy next year, I think my limit will be ten new inks, probably my favorite new Inkvent colors. Any other inks can be gifts. I'll start running out of room in my ink drawer! I've still got to flush those pens. I'll leave them empty until I'm ready to use them. 

Josh is sitting beside me playing video games. The board meeting is one week from tomorrow. But I'll be focused on the Asheville trip--which is next week! I hope it's wonderful. It will be too short. It will be our first spark of alone time together in over two months. We did get that one three-night weekend this summer. 

I received my benefit for the month and paid off our Asheville trip. We have enough money for the rest of the month without touching our savings. While Oliver has been sleeping, I've read quite a bit of Arias. I'm not done with it yet, but I'm close. Throughout the day, I also read about one hundred pages of FWDGF. I love reading about French women, and I really am in the mood for nonfiction. One thing I have not done at all lately is read aloud to the boys. Shameful.

Day 6: Thursday. Every date in August seems significant for some reason. It's not a bright day so far. I woke up an hour ago just to wake up on my own terms. Oliver woke up shortly thereafter. I'd thought Josh was out running, but he'd messaged me that he was trying to sleep in Oliver's room. So I gave Oliver a bath and brushed his teeth. I thought it would be funny when we went to his room to get him dressed. Indeed, he let out an offended gasp when he saw Josh--he'd had to deal with the inferior Mama while Daddy was available! Josh got up, and when Oliver asked to "go get some cashbrowns," Josh said yes. Oliver looked shocked and quickly put on his Crocs. 

I put away four baskets of laundry. That's all the laundry for now. That took a while. Oliver seems to enjoy following me around while I do housework. Josh brought home Chinese food, and to our great surprise, Oliver ate a ton of broccoli in brown sauce! He wanted nothing to do with the rice or the chicken, and he made quite a mess, but it was great! Maybe we should get Chinese food more often...

I talked to my mom on the phone for the first time in weeks. She's been quite busy with company. I'd sent out the Oliver information sheets and shopping lists I've been working on like crazy, and she thought maybe I wasn't okay. I told her I was okay, just feeling anxious and isolated, and I want everyone to have a clue about how to care for Oliver. I updated her on my mood, my exhaustion (much better), Josh's work, and CREST. Radar, her Frenchie, has a rare cancer. I'll try to call her next week. 

My pink Betabrand pants arrived. They're a little small, but I can get them on. I wouldn't wear them in a professional situation yet. They'll look good with black, gray, brown, purple, and green. They're more rose than fuchsia. The fancier black dress came. It's not very fancy, and I don't really like it, so I'll probably return it. 

I did really well with NoBuy for the first six months of the year. I've done pretty well with NoStuff since then, but I've done some spending for the future. My household spending was within the furniture budget. I did buy tickets for Bruce and I to see Into the Woods, which I do not regret. And I'm only excited about the Inkvent calendar, which will really be a gift from Josh--he usually just gives me what I request anyway. I can still finish the year strong. I have four months left. Gifts, fitness prizes, clothes for significant weight loss, and points/gift card spending only. 

Day 7: Friday. Josh scared me yesterday, thinking I'd missed the board meeting. I hadn't changed the date in the calendar. That's next week, right before our trip. Everyone will see my nose stud and be scandalized (I wore a mask last time); I always forget I have it. At least the director and Miss Sheila have already seen it. I know what I'm going to wear; I'll feel fancy and pretty. I won't be able to help feeling good with the trip coming. And Miss Sheila will be there; she puts me at ease. In fact, she's one of the people who naturally puts me most noticeably at ease. Josh asked me about that. I said he, Bruce, Nanna, and Uncle Chris are on the list. Michelle (my dad's wife) and my childhood best friend's mom Vicki are nearby too. 

I made a smoothie with frozen peaches, milk, and apple juice. I seem to be enjoying smoothies more than whole fruit. Maybe it's a texture thing. 

I just posted all those size 8 boys clothes since the "desperate" mother never came to get them. I'd like to get the bag out of the guest room. Yes, someone is coming.

I did read some of Arias yesterday but not nearly enough. I need to finish it today so I can return it. I also have to read that 7k-word story for the magazine today. Those are my two reading priorities. It's sprinkling outside. It's going to be gloomy. I'm glad I got that bright lamp. 

Miss Sheila is dropping off some CREST pamphlets and business cards I requested. I want to give some to Oliver's therapist next week.

I slept until 7, which was nice. I snuggled up on the loveseat, and Josh came down a little later. Oliver quickly followed. Josh started the bath and then worked on attendance while I finished the morning routine. Josh went for a run and then did an orientation for USCRI. 

Last night, I did do yoga, but I didn't feel like listening to my book. I also updated my planner. Today, I've started making my weekend to-do list. Oliver is watching his Oliver playlist (many, many videos of himself), and Josh is leaving for work. I won't get anything done around the house for a while. Oliver really wants us to be still while he watches videos. But he now tolerates trips to the bathroom and the kitchen, thank goodness. 

I unloaded and loaded the dishwasher, did a little work cleaning up my chair, and finished the pile of filing that has been waiting on me for some time. I also worked on reorganizing some of the files, especially the mass of IEP paperwork. I still have a lot of organizing to do, but the filing cabinet looks a little better, and I got rid of some redundant files. That's what I was working on while Josh did weekly cleaning. Before that, he gave me a great lower back rub, which banished what I hope were the last of my cramps. 

I did finished Arias at last! I went to the library just to drop off Arias and The Testaments. Now, I've read two books this week, four books this month, and ninety-eight books this year. Not great for the month but great for the year. I can read a lot of short books in the next twelve days. I don't know if I can read eight books and reach my goal of twelve books for the month, but I can make more progress. I need to finish Uniquely Human, which has been on my shelf forever. Maybe it will teach me something about Oliver. I do kind of feel like I can read anything right now. It's a powerful and hopeful feeling. I'd like to feel this way all the time. 

Stillness & Attention: Week 13.

Day 1: Yesterday, I picked up my Daily Bible and started reading where I left off in July a couple of years ago. I decided to go ahead and finish the reading, working on it each day. Some of this stems from my faith, some from my questions and doubts, and some from basic literary and cultural scholarship. 

I wanted to submit fiction to a magazine that has published my poetry. It centers on fairy tales and considers three pieces of flash fiction at a time. I found a brief story based on a dream; I'd completely forgotten it, and my readers (Josh and Bruce) say they never read it. It's not fanciful but has a fable-like quality. So I needed two more pieces. My other fairy tales are too long. I stared at the blank screen for a minute, but nothing came. Having given up, I turned to a new page in my journal and wrote a 400-word story called "Berry and Blanket." I was excited--this was my first piece of short fiction in a long time, maybe a year or so. 

And today, The Necklace That Does Not Exist (as Josh bought it with money outside space and time) arrived! It's a Betsey Johnson Tzarina jewelry box necklace. It has Betsey Johnson's darling hematite bows, a rhinestone-studded hand mirror, and a little gold and pink glitter jewelry box...that opens.

Inside are a jewel, a gold heart necklace, and a ballerina. I can't wait to wear it.

I've made a lot of progress with Neverland; I'll try to finish it this weekend. I finished off my B&BW Sparkling Limoncello shower gel today. I like to have a few gels going at once. I'm really loving the philosophy Cinnamon Buns 3-in-1. 

Day 2: I finished Neverland and finished a journal! Neverland was a biography, but not just of one person. It was primarily about J. M. Barrie, George du Maurier, and Daphne du Maurier. The latter's adolescent journals will not be published until 2039--I'll be on the watch for them. I'll be...54 then. Dang. I've now started the Paperblanks Violet Fairy journal. It sparkles in sunlight.

I've been writing with a Sunburst metallic pen in purple. 

Oliver had a meltdown today. It was pretty bad. He didn't hit anyone or break anything, but he did a lot of screaming. After a long time, we got him to the park, and he recovered for the most part. Josh and I will be slower to recover. I found a homework assignment in Oliver's backpack tonight, and figuring that out put me over the edge, especially when we ran out of glue. But! Today, a whole box of pens arrived from Leah! I have enough pens now to last a few months I think.

Day 3: I've felt pretty fried today. I've been trying to reset. Josh and I had a little time together in the morning. I took a twenty-minute nap. I think I needed more than that. I've mostly done a lot of scribbling today. I've been finishing up an Ooly glitter pen in green. 

I don't feel like doing much of anything--reading or writing or anything else. I think I just need to put another night of sleep between myself and Oliver's meltdown. I also decided to surrender to the library gods and return all my late books. I've made a list so I can check them out again later. I'll shift my focus to the books that are due in April. Fully catching up isn't possible. I hate to admit defeat, but I do feel a little lighter. I returned Neverland today, and tomorrow, I'll ask Josh to help me return the eleven other late books. Bummer. 

But I'm starting Robin McKinley's Shadows. It's YA, so it works for my spring focus. I'm also starting Voracious, a food and literature memoir. These two are due on April 5, so I have some time to finish them. I've also been reading Snow White and Rose Red by Wrede. "SW & RR" is probably my second favorite fairy tale. My top five are probably

1. "The Twelve Dancing Princesses"
2. "Snow White and Rose Red"
3. "The Snow Queen"
4. "Cinderella"
5. "Beauty and the Beast"

And I'm reading a couple of poems from Dorianne Laux's Facts about the Moon each day. Reading poems is one of my daily habits, and I've been doing pretty well with my daily habits so far this month. 

I think I need extra stillness today. I don't have much attention to put to use. Josh is struggling today too. But in a few hours, we should be falling asleep together, and tomorrow will be new.

Day 4: Last night, I still did most of my reading (a little SW&RR, a day of the Bible, and some Laux poems), and I wrote a poem called "Practice." I wasn't very impressed with it, but Josh was!

This morning, I decided to spend some of my not-quite-with-it-enough-to-read-books morning time on a magazine. So I read the current issue of Real Simple. I think I'll start reading magazines in the early morning. Next up, the Bella Grace Cozy issue I've been meaning to read for months. Now that I'm returning my late books, I feel a little more free in my reading. 

I sent six poems to a lit mag. I also had my therapy session over the phone, and my therapist decided we should move from once every two weeks to once every four weeks! She was impressed that I haven't had any depressed days in March.

I found myself with a spontaneous, spreading smile because I thought, I can do this writing thing. I can send all my work out. I can write new poems every week. I can (I can) write a short story every week. It'll all take work, but I can do it and take joy in it. I'm not in danger of not reaching my reading goal (I'm almost halfway there after three months), so I can devote more time to writing. This week, I've written poems, written a story, and sent submissions with Oliver right there with me. It's all possible. Maybe I'll burst into light.

Day 5: Yesterday got hard. Occupational therapy makes Oliver's challenges, particularly issues I don't usually worry about, glaring. We're trying to teach him to buckle his seat belt, and his lack of interest and effort is enormously frustrating. But I rallied later in the day and wrote a poem called "Bound," a poem I've needed to write for a while and was suddenly able to write. 

Today, I got to spend the morning with Josh. We went grocery shopping and then rested. I always want more time with him. Spring break is coming up; Oliver's will be ten days plus two weeks of virtual learning. Then, we'll just have a a few more weeks of school. Josh and I will have no built-in time alone together. Josh usually wants to go to sleep early and to work out before Oliver gets up. It's going to be a long break (3.5 weeks) and a long summer (3.5 months). I'll just have to make peace with it. 

I've read 19 books this month, and I'd like to finish one more. That will probably be Facts about the Moon. I'm in a little bit of a reading slump, not especially interested in anything else I'm reading. But I've been keeping up with my Daily Bible and reading at least a tiny bit of YA lit each day. 

Today is World Bipolar Day, and my mood is fragile. Sunday's meltdown and yesterday's OT have left me pretty worn out. I've been taking a lot of bubble baths whenever I can, sometimes early in the morning. If I'm in a reading slump, my mood is not likely to improve. Tomorrow, I'll spend most of the day alone, and I hope to be productive and take good care of myself. Friday, I'll get another morning with Josh (no meetings this week!). 

Saturday, I get to go see Oklahoma! at DPAC with Bruce! That should be a renewing experience. I've been looking forward to the show. Bruce and I sing showtunes in the car, which is 20% of the fun. 10% of the fun is soft pretzels and M&Ms before the seating area opens. I remind myself how starstruck my younger self would be to know that I have season tickets to the theatre. I added all the dates for next season to my calendar. Our front-row balcony seats renew automatically, and I have a reasonable monthly payment. I never would have thought I could do such a thing without being rich. 

Every day since I finished my dress challenge, I've been wearing jeans. Democracy jeans are the best, and I have a few pair. I thought I might be wearing shorts soon, but the weather has been gloomy and chilly. That probably isn't helping my mood. Still, I've had a lot of joy in the last couple of days, a lot of those spontaneous smiles. That's where I want to focus.

I worked on Twitter a little today (@beckynjames). My tweets are primarily related to books and musicals. I also sent five poems to a lit mag. I currently have 41 pieces out and under consideration. I have 132 pieces listed on duotrope; that's not everything. I want to create master lists of my poems and stories. 

Day 6: I started the day with writing work, editing some pieces and making a writing to-do list. I sent five poems to a magazine. I've submitted 45 pieces this month! 

Last night, I finished Facts about the Moon (which, as it turns out, was actually book #21 for this month--I'd forgotten a book) and began Voracious. Today, I'm starting Nicole Sealey's poetry collection Ordinary Beast. 

I made pasta salad yesterday, and today, I baked garlic and herb chicken. I also made Green Giant's riced broccoli and chickpea pasta (like orzo), and it was very good! I've been scribbling a lot today, and I read a story for the magazine. I'm eager for a bath with a book and then bed. I get tomorrow morning with Josh, so I'm happy about that.

I attended a free seminar this afternoon on publishing work in literary magazines. I didn't learn anything major, but I did get some perspective. The teacher, who is widely published, has about a 7.5% acceptance rate. Mine from the last two years is similar, so that was encouraging. She said that when she's submitting diligently, she gets about 150 rejections and about 20 acceptances per year. That's also encouraging. And she only waits a couple of months to resubmit after a rejection, so I guess I don't need to wait a year for most magazines.

Day 7: I finished Ordinary Beast in the bathtub last night, bringing my March total to 22 books. I read nine books of poetry in March, and I hope to read just as many in April. It's National Poetry Month after all. I started reading Claudia Emerson's Late Wife, a poetry collection that won the Pulitzer Prize. I also went to the library (oh yes) and checked out five books of poetry along with two books of short stories that I requested. Two of the other books I requested are already checked out! Apparently, I wasn't the only one who wanted them. 

I did five more purchase requests today, all poetry by Cathy Smith Bowers and Alan Michael Parker. Both were on my thesis committee, and both live in NC, so I hope the library will want to get their books. The poetry section could use some plumping. The library has ordered everything I've requested so far!

I'm writing with a pen from Leah: a Sparkle Pop black with red glitter. 

I also wrote a poem last night, "Friday Morning." I sent six poems to a magazine that published two of my poems many years ago. The submission took forever; a lot of the poems were in an old format, and I had to update them. This kind of work is a little cumbersome on my tiny Chromebook, but we don't have a regular laptop at home. Josh uses one from the college.

I've gotten into Voracious; it's really perfect for me. I need to finish it and Shadows in the next four days. I love reading recipes even though I probably could never follow most of them.

I did finish out the month with no depressed days, and I finished month three of NoBuy2022. Depending on our circumstances next year, I think I'll either do another NoBuy or, more likely, do a LowBuy with the following allowances:

• Two books per month (if I can't get them through the library)
• Classes, particularly writing
• Extra theatre tickets (beyond my DPAC season tickets...hopefully some local productions)
• Pens (as long as I have only one or two pens left in that color and style OR I see an outstanding sale--30% off or better)
• Two journals per month
• Two writing magazine subscriptions (if I'm doing better about reading my magazines and submitting my work)

So we'll see.

I did spend the morning with Josh, and I read to him from Reasons to Stay Alive. I ordered a few books for him, which I plan to read to him if he's still in his long reading slump. One is a memoir on running and writing, and the other two are poetry collections about teaching. I love sharing books with him.