Defining Elegance.

•  Graceful middle age
• Loving acceptance
• Forgiveness without resentment
• Pearls, especially gray ones
• Absorbing art
• Pegacorns
• A stack of journals with striking spines
• Painting
• Argyle sweaters and socks
• Sparkling water
• Sparkling juice
• Lilac candles
• Mermaids wearing gowns
• Warm Vanilla Sugar hand soap on a pedestal sink
• Peacoats
• Antiques
• Design books
• Scarlett O'Hara
• Architecture
• Opera glasses
• Capes
• Somerset magazines
• Jane Austen novels
• Chandeliers
• The Majestic Theatre
• Seahorses
• Reclining heated seats at movie theaters
• Emma Thompson
• Judy Dench
• Leslie Caron
• Fountain pens
• Couches with large scroll arms
• Sparkling hair
• Black gel ink
• The film The Fountain
• Slipper chairs
• Anne Shirley grown up
• Anything embroidered
• Light blue sequins
• Fairy queens and elfin queens
• A silver butterfly letter holder
• Mucha art/art nouveau
• Art Deco (though in a different way)
• New York City's skyline
• Heels that sparkle
• Dolls with trunk sets
• Glinda
• Pan au chocolat
• A cloche hat
• Wisteria
• High tea
• Chocolate eyeliner
• Star gazing
• All shades of green
• A consistent sleep schedule
• Alexandra Stoddard
• Drinking water
• Julia Cameron
• Madeleine L'Engle
• Upholstered bar chairs
• A well-read person
• White wood
• Cinderella
• A library
• Working at a white table
• Gray curtains with pink stars
• Anniversary cards
• Script
• "The Twelve Dancing Princesses"
• White roses
• Pink roses with baby's breath
• Any of ALW's music
• The book Wintering
• Dodie Smith
• A chilly breeze on the first day of spring
• Willow trees

Word of the Year 2024.

So, the new year has begun, my 39th January 1st. It is my 19th January 1st with Josh. And this year, we are sharing a word. The word is progress. 

I chose the word, and Josh agreed to it. Last year, my word was nourish, which I eventually realized I actually used for a past year. I encouraged/nagged Josh to choose a word last year too. I suggested challenge, but he didn't like the sound of that--too much pressure. He came up with Endure. While the word has some romantic associations (Anne Shirley's "For as long as the sun and the moon shall endure"), this sounded too much like suffering, like bare survival, like not quite dying to me. I proposed an alternative: persevere. It has the same basic meaning but with a much more positive connotation. He (reluctantly?) agreed to this. I don't know how much he ever thought of the word. But he did persevere through last year; I did too, and we persevered together even though at times, it was more like endurance. And did I nourish myself? 

As I wrote yesterday, I think I often did, storing up as much love and joy as I could. I spent too much money this--last summer, and I ate too much junk food and drank too much soda and coffee, especially toward the end of the year. But I tried to establish a habit of eating breakfast every day. I did some yoga. I read 112 books. I read 19 books specifically on art, fashion, or design. I read 31 books of poetry in October. I wrote many poems in the latter half of the year, dozens, more than I have written, perhaps, in years. I interrogated memories and polished the genuine ones until they shone. I clung to what I know to be true, which, this year--last year, hasn't felt--didn't feel like much. 

But that's last year. This year is something new. Josh said we'd wake up to our same lives, but I don't think that's necessarily true. This is a different space of time, a time for new decisions, and yes, a blank canvas. On this canvas, we can (we already have started, today) paint something entirely new. It's not that we won't remember what came before, that we won't still have ink stains on our hands (from the heartbreaks, from the traumas, from the acting out, from the episodes, from the anger) that may smudge our canvas, especially if we are not careful. But. It is a new space. This year can be a year of sobriety, of love, of rebuilt trust, of stability, of joy. 

Of progress. Another sober day. Another poem written. Another song sung. Another journal completed. Another book by a non-male author read. Another workout. Another run. Another session. Another term--three of them. Another new word.

I haven't made great leaps today. But I have moved. While, for the past two or three months, I have crawled, today, I strolled. Tomorrow, I may stride. I'm really thinking of tomorrow as the beginning of the year's work as everyone goes back to work. I will try to welcome all beginnings: today as the first day of the year, tomorrow as the first day Josh goes back to work, Thursday as the first day Oliver goes back to school, January 15th as the day I see my nephrologist and (hopefully) begin to see a reduction in pain and bleeding, January 16th as the day classes begin, February 1st as the first day of a new month, February 16 as the first day of our 18th year of marriage, and so on. I marked the first day of winter. On any day, I may frolic or run, climb or dance. 

I marked the last day of 2023. And I marked the first day (just a few days ago) of my medication change. I will continue to mark days as well as look forward to them. I am determined to believe that each day will bring good, whether it comes to me or I create it. I will have days, as I did last year, in which I cannot create the good. But the good is there anyway. I will continue to store love, continue to plant seeds. I will make progress. 

Word of the Year 2018 Contenders.

I won't reveal my word of the year until New Year's Day, but I want to share with you some of the words I've considered and may well use for future years. Maybe you'll find the word you need in this list! Feel free to take one.

• Bold
• Whimsy
• Celebrate
• Grace
• Cozy
• Sparkle
• Grow
• Reach
• Gratitude
• Magical
• Brilliant
• Learn
• Passion
• Rest

Words I Should Use Less Often.

• Eventually
• Have to
• Can't
• Should
• We'll see
• Gonna
• I
• Tired
• Sleepy
• Someday
• Miss
• Broken
• If
• I don't know

I want to fill my words and my days with empowerment, determination, planning, confidence, energy, love, faith, hope, and joy.

My Favorite Verbs (Sound or Meaning).

• Scribble
• Write
• Read
• Impress
• Discover
• Express
• Peruse
• Kiss
• Cradle
• Purchase
• Shine
• Gild
• Rest
• Snuggle
• Explore
• Gather
• Collect
• Sip
• Stack
• Swim
• Trust
• Believe
• Enjoy
• Dance
• Spin
• Twirl
• Shuffle
• Consume
• Surprise
• Fulfill
• Embroider
• Fashion
• Study
• Desire
• Sleep
• Chime
• Color
• Sparkle
• Glimmer
• Caress
• Curate
• Cultivate

What are your favorite verbs?

Words I Wish Described Me.

Some of these may describe me sometimes. Others...not so much! Some may even contradict each other. But they are worth striving for.

• Luminous!
• Clever
• Kind
• Warm
• Loyal
• Fierce
• Strong
• Lovable
• Sweet
• Brave
• Fascinating
• Mysterious
• Competent
• Incandescent
• Stunning
• Ethereal
• Reliable
• Creative
• Articulate
• Brilliant
• Graceful
• Passionate
• Thrilling
• Slender
• Thoughtful
• Gentle
• Quiet
• Confident
• Peaceful
• Sparkling
• Quick
• Joyful
• Well-read
• Comfortable
• Loving
• Surprising

Which descriptions do you want most?

Wit, Whimsy, and Effortless Elegance.

I saw these words in a Pottery Barn catalog. Wow. I would love to have all of these. I like the word wit. It's a bit of raw intelligence and a bit of sharp humor. Awareness.

I had to do something with this sophisticated and brilliant little collection of words. Can a person have all of these at once? I think so.

Whimsy sounds like what it represents. It makes me think of flying kits and blowing bubbles while wearing a white dress. It's such a sweet little word. How often am I whimsical? Not often enough. But I feel it in craft stores and swimming pools. I feel it around my favorite people.

Effortless elegance. I don't know about effortless, but I hope I've at least tried on elegance (like trying on a magical dress I could never afford!). When Bruce and I first saw Phantom, I could feel the elegance of the theatre, sets, and costumes, and I think that at least a bit of it dripped onto me.

So maybe I can absorb some of this wit and whimsy until they are quick and live in me. They seem well worth cultivating.