Stillness & Attention: Week 34.

Day 1: Saturday. Today is my darling friend Melissa's birthday. I sent her a pretty little Papaya card with a reasonable amount of glitter on it. She and I were best friends during much of high school and college. She's living her dream, raising three adorable children with her husband and working as a middle school librarian. 

When I woke up at 7, the boys were up, the morning routine was done, and Josh was working out. Bless him. And more good news: I met a fitness goal! Also, I'm halfway to my goal weight! It took about three and a half months to get here. I still have a long way to go, but I'm a little more confident. So I have a couple of prizes in my future, but I don't have them yet. Maybe I'll find them in Asheville. 

Oliver soon wanted to go get "cashbrowns." I wore purple athletic shorts, a purple tee with a Jane Austen quotation, purple glitter shoes, and my Ariel jacket. We went to McD and then went to get groceries. We spent a startling amount on food, and I had crossed out a lot of items I'd planned on getting. I did get ingredients for fried rice, pasta salad, and asparagus scramble--scrambled eggs with chopped asparagus and goat cheese crumbles, which Josh says he'll eat! We got more frozen fruit, strawberries and a mix of berries. I got four cups of vanilla yogurt, which I'm really going to try to start eating. We got extra shells and cheese, extra crackers, and extra breakfast sandwiches for Oliver. We also got some Nutella to see if we can tempt him with "chocolate toast." It has some iron! I got pink roses with baby's breath for the study. 

Putting away the groceries took a while. We won't go shopping again until after our trip. Josh has taken Oliver to get a haircut; he seemed eager to go. Into the Woods is today. I don't really feel like getting ready and going out, but I'm sure I'll have a wonderful time. I am caught up on reading for the magazine again. I added all of Oliver's shoes (pull-on sneakers, slippers, water shoes, and Crocs) in the next size up (mens' 8!) to Oliver's birthday wish list. Practical! 

They're already back! Oliver seems to enjoy his haircuts, like a little spa outing. 

I didn't end up doing any reading today. But it was a good day. I showered and shaved my legs (no cuts!), put on a teal cotton swing dress and white glitter shoes, put a lot of leave-in conditioner in my hair, and wore sparkly makeup: Hard Candy Frigid turquoise shadow, metallic purple eyeliner, and Fenty diamond pink glitter highlighter. I totally forgot to put on some fun jewelry, but I stuffed my wallet and phone into my green metallic theatre purse and grabbed a mask. Bruce picked me up. Normally, we'd walk over, but the weather was gloomy, and he's recovering from a jellyfish sting. 

The show was wonderful. The all-teenage cast had some great singers and actors. And they prepared for the show in three weeks! Amazing! The libretto, blocking, and complex ensemble cast are extremely challenging for any company. They left nothing out, not shying away from "Hello, Little Girl" or "Moment in the Woods" or Rapunzel's PPD. I was impressed. "Giants in the Sky," one of my favorites, did not disappoint. I plan on coming to next summer's performance, and we're going to catch at least a couple of shows next season! 

My other dresses arrived, and the smaller size fit! Short sleeves, fit and flare, just below the knee, with pockets!  It will be cute with tights and boots too, so I'll wear it all year. Maybe I'll wear it for another forty-day challenge. That's the winner. I plan on buying some other colors with points. I prepared all my other returns. Oliver gets his COVID booster shot on Monday, so we'll go to the UPS store after that. We're going to try out his hydroxyzine that morning and see what it does, if anything. Maybe it will make the shot easier. In any case, it will indicate how much the meds will help with meltdowns. 

Day 2: Sunday. I did yoga last night and listened to The Graveyard Book. I meant to read more before I went to sleep, but I did not. Instead, I slept for over eleven hours, waking up around 7:45 when Josh told me that Oliver had peed our bed. He got our sheets and blankets (as well as his own), so I have a lot of laundry to do. Josh did the morning routine with Oliver; bless him. A storm came through with thunder and lightning, delaying Josh's run. 

I had a cup of yogurt and some apple juice for breakfast. The yogurt is pretty good. I do want to start getting back in the habit of getting up earlier before school starts. In under two weeks, we'll meet Oliver's new teachers. I'm working on three loads of laundry. I did a bunch of cleaning up, mostly around my ottoman. I also made a strawberry smoothie and poured it into the new Popsicle molds. We'll see if Oliver is interested. I didn't put in much Pediasure. We've almost gone through a whole big bag of frozen strawberries. 

I fell down the stairs this morning. All the way down on my back, fast. I wasn't hurt, but I may be sore and bruised tomorrow. 

Oliver and I have done two and a half worksheets today. He doesn't seem to mind. He identified several little objects on them: ducks, dinosaurs, baseballs, trains. It amazes me that children can always identify dinosaurs and dogs though they all look so different.

The world is getting stormy again. I need to turn on the big lamp. I made fried rice with extra vegetables. I finished reading FWDGF; that's 99 books for the year! I've nearly reached my goal. I think six books a month for the rest of the year is a reasonable goal. I'd like to get to one thousand books total by my next birthday; I'm in the 930s now. 

Josh and I put on the new plastic mattress cover and remade our bed. I have a lot of laundry to put away tomorrow. Victoria is coming to pick up the four mattress protectors we no longer need, which will free up a lot of space in our linen closet. 

Day 3: Monday. Oliver peed his bed and his pillow, so I ran another load of laundry, loaded and ran the dishwasher, did some picking up, and put away three baskets of laundry. 

I got an E-mail from our property management company. It didn't acknowledge my phone call but did ask if we'd like to renew our lease and said the rent would go up an amount we can handle with Josh's raise this year. I'm enormously relieved. Josh doesn't seem particularly relieved or surprised. I feel great knowing we won't have to move Oliver, which would be a terrible adjustment for him. We won't have to search for something else decent that we can afford or have to think about moving back into an apartment. This takes a huge worry away. We have another year here, close to Josh's work and Oliver's school. 

This morning, I slept until 8:30! Amazing. Oliver slept on. I was sore from yesterday's fall down the stairs. Josh had already worked out and done Oliver's morning routine before Oliver had gone back to bed. At 9, I put on pink shorts, a green tank, and gray glitter shoes, and we woke Oliver. We gave him hydroxyzine. He stayed pretty mellow as we went to Walgreens for his COVID booster shot. He was a little wary of getting in the chair, jerked slightly, and was a little mad afterward, but it went pretty well. We got him some Doritos. When we got home, I popped out one of the Pediasure Popsicles. Oliver did a double take and asked for it. Over the next couple of hours, he ate six little pops, a smoothie's worth! I tried giving him macaroni with broccoli mixed in--nope. But he is getting a little more open to food. 

We did the rest of that worksheet today, cutting and gluing. He was able to find the right numbers. He doesn't seem to mind doing the worksheets now. I endorsed his ESA+ funds for school today. I feel really tender and protective toward him tonight. I'll feel better once we're all in the routine of school. Josh and I need the alone time, and Oliver needs the structure and the break from house and from us. But I'm not used to being away from him. 

I read a story for the magazine today and made asparagus scramble (scrambled eggs with asparagus and goat cheese). My eggs came out quite well. I also did yoga and listened to TGB. Tomorrow, I'll have Josh all day. 

Day 4: Tuesday. I just ordered a tub of kale powder. I'm going to try to sneak some into Oliver's Popsicles. Oliver did eat three of them this morning. I woke up at 7:30 today. The boys had been up since 4, so the morning routine was done. I didn't go to sleep until about 11 last night, but I feel fine, and Oliver is very energetic this morning. I got to talk to Josh a little before he left on his short run. 

My Alani energy drinks came--Berry Pop and Mimosa. I think Berry Pop is my favorite. It's also the hardest to find. We're getting Oliver back into the habit of using hand sanitizer. He'll probably use it at school, and he's not great a thorough hand washing. He remembers the hand sanitizer and rubs it in pretty well. I ordered some more so I can send it to school. I hope the teachers are kind and flexible. I hope they'll like Oliver and listen to him. I hope he'll eat more at school this year. Maybe we'll find more that he'll eat. Our two major focus points right now are the hand sanitizer and the seatbelt. 

I'm kind of getting into unicorns as I age. I saw The Unicorn Handbook for some 69% off on Amazon and ordered it as a future prize; I look forward to reading it. I know little lore. I have the Fairy Handbook, and I put the Mermaid Handbook on the wish list I made for Bruce. We're doing Christmas wish lists this year. 

Oliver was so excited to see Miss Katie at OT today. And he buckled his seatbelt for her! I just held it slack, and he did everything else! 

Day 5: Wednesday. I slept until 8:30 again! Poor Josh though--Oliver again woke up at 4! And when Oliver wakes up, he wants Josh--not me. I apologized for sleeping late, but Josh said he wanted me to. 

Josh found the Instagram account of a family with a nonverbal autistic young adult son. I saw a photo of them in an article. I'm relieved to see a family doing okay further along the journey. I ordered the dad's book to read to Josh. I have a lot to read to Josh. 

I broke the NoBuy for the second time--well, Josh and Mom say that neither instance counts. The first time was for Into the Woods, which I don't regret; that was a great show. The second time was a couple of days ago when I signed up for the remote version of a weekend writing retreat in October. The instructors include three of the writers that have influenced me most: Anne Lamott, Julia Cameron, and SARK (Bird by Bird, The Artist's Way, and The Creative Companion, etc., all books I discovered as a teenager). It was too amazing to pass up. Mom says it's professional development. In any case, I don't regret signing up. I'll have access to all the recordings, so even if Oliver keeps me busy that weekend, I can watch the sessions later while he's at school. I ordered two books by other instructors: The INFJ Writer (which I plan to read to Josh and which I also bought for Bruce--the three of us are INFJs, which supposedly is the rarest personality type: interesting) and The Creative Cure (for myself and for Bruce, for about $1 with credits). I also found three books to read (which I already own) by JC and SARK: The Vein of Gold and Succulent Wild Woman. I've read a few of Anne Lamott's other books but may try to check out more before the retreat. All the retreat really needs is Natalie Goldberg. 

Biden may make a decision about student loans today. The projected payment is less than I anticipated, so we can manage it, but I do hope we get a little more time. 

My board meeting is tomorrow, and the school's open house is just a week from tomorrow. Yesterday, I read the first two chapters of What Moves the Dead. I also read the first few poems in Postcolonial Love Poem. Both were good, and I look forward to continuing them. I've barely read to the boys this month; I've been totally out of the habit. 

Biden is forgiving $10k of student loans and extending the moratorium through the end of the year. So we do have more time. The forgiveness probably won't affect our payment since it's income-based.

I ordered big individually-wrapped blueberry muffins for Oliver's lunches. He ate them sometimes last year. I hope he'll eat them this year as they're a good 450 calories. 

Doing chores used to feel unmanageable for me, but I'm now able to do more without feeling overwhelmed. Maybe I'll be able to add to that later.

I'm floating on good news today, and Josh has tomorrow off!

Day 6: Thursday. Board meeting today and travel tomorrow. 7:19. I've been up for over two hours. The boys are still asleep. I've started posting more on Facebook about autism, I/DD, and Oliver. I want people to know about Oliver, about our lives. 

I got my prizes for reaching one of my fitness goals today: a pillow and a spiral journal with a design from A Thing Created, an artist's store I found on Etsy. The design shows a girl with pink hair in a fancy library. The pillow will replace my old worn out chair pillow, and the journal will be the one I write in next. 

Josh got up, and we did yoga together. That felt nice. He just woke Oliver for their cashbrown date as it was getting late. I had a strawberry-banana smoothie. 

I took a shower and got dressed a little early. My dress pants are too big, but the smaller sizes are still tight. Josh is out running. I'm wearing pinstripe charcoal pants, a silver-gray top, a periwinkle knit blazer, silver peacock heels, and a blue and purple pearl necklace. 

The meeting went well though we didn't do everything on the schedule and will be coming back to do a tour of one of the group homes. I ate a little macaroni and cheese and brought home some fried chicken that Oliver sampled. Josh, bless him, had cleaned the house while I was gone. I felt pretty high strung, as if I were exhausted but had had way too much caffeine, so I ended up taking a Xanax but still couldn't really read or write. So I put on my wireless headphones and watched Orphan: First Kill. I really enjoyed the original, and the prequel had a twist I didn't see coming. When the boys went to bed, I took a bath. I still need a major reset, and I hope a good night of sleep will give me that. 

Day 7: Friday. Today, I woke up at 7:23 and realized that Josh needed to get ready for work as he was working an earlier shift. I woke him up and went to the study. As Josh came down, Oliver woke up. I put him in the bath, and we said goodbye to Josh. We finished the morning routine, and I spent some time on my loveseat. I told Oliver, "Later, when Daddy gets home, we're going to drive to Marmee and Papa's house. You're going to stay there for a couple of days while Mama and Daddy go on a trip." He didn't reply but did a little smiling and jumping. 

I hauled out two suitcases and took them upstairs. I packed for Oliver and for myself and packed my backpack with plenty of books. I also packed my portable DVD player with Jane Eyre and Little Women. I sat down briefly, and Oliver said, "Go see Marmee and Papa?" Otherwise, he was patient as I got ready, Josh got home, and we loaded the car. 

We went to Arby's, which was closed. I found another along the way in Laurinburg, where we lived for less than a year. We passed both our old houses. The big one, where we found out I was pregnant, looks abandoned. The small one, where we brought Oliver home, is rundown. Oliver and I enjoyed Arby's, and later at a gas station in Wadesboro, Josh got me Dippin' Dots. I'm not counting calories on this trip. I didn't do much of anything in the car. Lately, I've been feeling the value of doing nothing, of just sitting still and thinking or just having a conversation. It's not easy for me, but I'm pursuing it more. I feel like my body and brain are asking me to slow down, and I'm trying to listen before they make me sick to get my attention. 

We visited with Mom for a little while, and Oliver seemed happy to be there. I got a little apprehensive as we left--I haven't been away from Oliver for more than a couple of hours in two months. But Mom texted me a picture of him happily eating macaroni. 

Stillness & Attention: Week 16.

Day 1: I sent nine poems to a journal that will likely take several months to get back to me. I have 100 poems under consideration. I finished Cathy Smith Bowers's A Book of Minutes and started her Traveling in Time of Danger. It's strange that she has a Collected Poetry when she is still alive and presumably still writing. When I first saw the book, I was worried. But apparently, she's still teaching in the Queens MFA program.

I'm now in August in my Daily Bible. I'm ready for the New Testament.  

Day 2: I've been to two parks today, and now, I'm tired. I read some of AAT to both boys and some of the Running book to Josh while we sat on a hill more dirt than grass.

I sent out five poems this morning, somewhat comical ones, all from my chapbook The Queen, the City. I received two rejections in the last two days, both a little disappointing--one because my work has appeared there before and the other because it was for a themed call and I thought what I sent fit well. Oh well. Both said I should submit again later, so I'll wait a couple of months and do that. 

I decided to revise my poetry collections even though they're currently under consideration with publishers. I started with Little Droughts and Hurricanes, the much-evolved version of my masters thesis. I cut seven poems that just belong elsewhere. I hope this tightens the manuscript. I'm also thinking about merging one complete chapbook with another chapbook idea. I figure I'll revamp my books once a year as I continue to send them out. Responses typically take several months. I have an idea of where to send LD&H next. I'm going to try to publish more of the poems in the chapbooks before I submit the chapbooks for publication again. I have a lot of work to do. 

I finished Cathy Smith Bowers's Traveling in Time of Danger. I've started reading The Truth about Magic by Atticus for some lighter poetry and visual engagement. I should finish it quickly. I only have about 75 pages left in Snow White and Rose Red. I'll try to finish that tomorrow. But I really need to be focused on The Personal Librarian and The Storied Life of A. J. Fikry, both of which are late. I also need to finish The Paris Library, read a Proust graphic novel (I figured it would be a good introduction to Proust, whom I've never read), and read a story collection called Cities I've Never Lived In. Those three books are due soon. I have some holds coming in next week, so I need to get square with the library. I'm struggling a little with attention. 

Meanwhile, I'm three and a half months into my NoBuy year. What I want most right now is a set of The Phantom of the Opera prints by Annie Stegg. I also want her one of her books and some of her other prints. She's a new favorite artist. But I'll get something of hers for Christmas or next year. In the meantime, I'll keep looking at her beautiful paintings online.

Day 3: I'm writing with a Pentel Krazy Pop Electric Watermelon pen, dark green with red glitter. 

I finished editing an old story (one I like) and sent it to a speculative journal. If it gets rejected, I may ask the editor of the magazine I read for to help me figure out revision. He looks at one story a month for staff members. This story was shortlisted (meaning it got through the first round of reading though not the final round) for another magazine, so it must have some merit. It has one great scary moment that I need to extend somehow. 

Day 4: I'm writing with a Krazy Pop Cotton Candy Bliss pen, pink with blue glitter.

I sent six poems to a magazine today; it's a magazine that Duotrope doesn't list, so I'll have to rely on my handwritten records. We went to the park for a while. It was sunny and windy. I read more of Running to Josh; we only have about 35 pages left.

Day 5: I finished Fate by Ai this morning: rough but good poems. I'll read more of Ai's books, whatever I can get through the library. I've started a check-out list on the library's website, and I can easily place holds from that list. I have a lot of poetry in transit! Now, I just need to finish as many books as I can and return them. I have five books ready to go back. One of them is the Proust graphic novel, which Josh said he might read. I'm starting A Fortune for Your Disaster, poems by Hanif Abdurraqib.

I sent a piece of flash fiction to a magazine. This story almost made it into another magazine many years ago. I remember the editor's sending me the longest, most encouraging rejection I've ever received. I submitted work to him three more times, and that fourth time, he published the story! I've actually only published two stories. I'm much more experienced (and well-read) as a poet than as a short fiction writer.

Day 6: Today was a mess. Actually, it went pretty well under the circumstances. Josh has had a sore throat for a couple of days, and I my throat started hurting last night. I figured we must have strep. Josh went to urgent care in the morning and tested positive for strep. When he got back, I went to urgent care. My test was negative, but the doctor saw patches in my throat and prescribed antibiotics anyway. I'm pretty sure I have strep. 

When I got back, we took Oliver to the doctor. Oliver can't tell us if his throat hurts, but he hasn't shown any signs of being sick. His strep test was negative. So we'll just watch him. Josh and I are on amoxicillin and 24-hour Sudafed, but we still feel pretty rough. I suddenly realized that I couldn't smell anything--not a scented candle, not a Wallflower, not my shampoo. Then, my sense of taste went too. We did two kinds of at-home rapid tests, both negative. If I test negative again tomorrow, we may need to find a testing site to do a PCR. Do those still exist? Everyone is acting like the pandemic is over. I didn't do much reading or send a submission today. I did start A Fortune for Your Disaster, poems by Hanif Abdurraqib.

Day 7: We had a home inspection today, which was stressful. Just acting well was hard (we did tell the person that we were sick before she came, and I wore my N95). But our house looks great, and we are tired. I'm not even looking forward to going to bed because I don't think I'll feel better. I feel like I have a sinus infection--all that pressure in my face. 

Luckily, Oliver has been in a good and chill mood. I've done a ton of laundry, and our beds are fresh. Again, I haven't been able to read or do writing work. I sent five extra submissions last week, so I'm still ahead. I'm giving up on some library books that need to go back. I also have some books waiting at the library, including a YA fantasy and some Sharon Olds poetry. I'm worried that being sick will make me lose all my momentum. But I just have to give myself grace. A hot bubble bath sounds good. I already miss the taste of Dr. Pepper.

Stillness & Attention: Week 14.

Day 1: I've been wanting to make more use of our study, a special little room full of books and our two desks. I've fantasized about having a cozy reading chair by the window, but we're broke, and we had an exercise bike and an exercise ball in that space. So I thought, someday. 

But I remembered what my phone lock screen says: Use what you have. A couple of years ago, I bought a turquoise disc chair for our room. I sat there while I did writing workshops. At Christmas, we decided to put up a tree in that space, so we moved the chair to Oliver's room, where we don't really use it. 

So I told Josh my idea. He said I could give away the exercise bike and he'd put the ball in the attic. Done! Someone already picked up the bike. And Josh moved my chair to the study, right by the window that gets morning sunlight. I took a little wine stand from the guest room (a funny little piece we've used as nightstand, printer stand, and more) and set it next to the chair for drinks and books. It's a perfect little reading nook! I plan to spend mornings there.

I didn't do enough reading today, but I did continue Many Waters aloud and send out a three-poem submission.

Bruce and I saw Oklahoma! at DPAC. It was...well, I don't think I'm cool enough to have fully enjoyed it. The dream sequence, the camera use, and the dark ending didn't do it for me. But of course, the songs were good, and the cast was talented. I was especially impressed with the man who played Jud, Christopher Bannow. He was able to make the character both creepy and somewhat sympathetic. I don't know if the original show was darker and the movie toned it down. I may just need time to process.

In any case, we enjoyed soft pretzels, peanut M&Ms, laughter, and showtunes. Only about 10% of the people at the show wore masks, but we did. I wore my comfortable champagne glitter wedges and had a much easier time walking around in Durham. It was a beautiful day, sunny and not too hot. An usher complimented my necklace. I love compliments from ushers! 

Day 2: I've been reading for the magazine and sending out another three-poem submission. I have 58 pieces out now. I'm not likely to get anything back very soon. I'll keep myself busy. I did spend a few minutes sitting in the sunlight in my new nook. Today, I'm washing our sheets and all our bedding. I'll have to pay close attention to the washer and dryer so I can get it all done today. 

Surprisingly, I just received a one-day rejection. That journal is really on top of submissions! I expect rejections a good 93% of the time. They rarely bother me for more than a second if even that. I've gotten hundreds of rejections.

Day 3: I sent four poems to a poetry contest! I've never won a contest as an adult, and I don't expect to win. But I still think entering is good.

I'm writing today with one of my favorite pens (this one from Leah): Pentel Krazy Pop Velvet Starlight, a gorgeous dark blue with gold shimmer.

Yesterday, the boys and I went to the park. Josh and I sat on the turf, and I finished reading Reasons to Stay Alive to him. That's book two for the month. I'll soon read to him What I Talk about When I Talk about Running. And I did finish washing all our bedding, so we have a fresh bed. Our word-covered duvet cover is still bright. 

I received another rejection, and I ended up getting bummed. I don't think it was because of the rejections; I'm pretty used to those. But I told Josh I needed comforting. He came home early and brought The Habit! The burger was great, and I started pulling out of my mood.

Day 4: I had some time with Josh this afternoon, and then, he took Oliver to OT. I read for the magazines and finished reading Frank Bidart's Star Dust. I got a notice that a magazine that has published my work in the past is still looking for submissions for its newest themed issue. I wrote a new poem for the call and sent two other poems that seemed to fit. That is my first simultaneous submission. I don't send pieces to more than one publisher at once because that's a lot to keep up with, but I think this was a special case. Most writers do simultaneous submissions; right now, I'm just trying to get all my work out somewhere. I'll consider simultaneous submissions later. 

Day 5: I spent the morning with Josh, and he made us scrambled eggs. We came up with some goals to keep us mentally healthy. I'm encouraging Josh to read and write a little each day even though he's been in a terrible slump. We're planning to start doing yoga and to try to get more sunlight. I started reading the Running book to Josh as we drove to get groceries. We bought pretty minimal groceries, but the bill was still high. 

I started reading Sharon Olds's Stag's Leap, poems. It's a Pulitzer Prize winner. Snow White and Rose Red is getting interesting. I read a good bit of Voracious, which is late going back to the library. I was pretty tired by the end of the day, but I did read a day of my Daily Bible. I've also been reading an article (or more) from Bella Grace Cozy each morning. I need to finish two more books this week. We only have 40 pages left in Many Waters! I didn't send a submission today, but I did write a poem: "Peter."

Day 6: I didn't sleep well last night. I've been anxious. I did send out five poems and read a story for the magazine, so I feel mildly accomplished. I get a sliver of time with Josh this afternoon. He is taking a few hours off tomorrow so that we can spend the whole school day together. We're going to do some yoga (I have a DVD) and try to get outside. At 7, I'm going to see Everything Everywhere All at Once with Bruce and Corey--a late night for me! I'm looking forward to the company, the sci-fi, the popcorn, and the big soda (probably Cherry Coke). It will be a great day.

Day 7: Josh and I had a good day together. We did yoga (a little comical, but we did it), ate together, and rested. While he slept, I sent a story to a magazine. Later, I finished reading Many Waters to the boys. We only have one more book in the Time Quintet. We'll start that tomorrow.

MW is book #50 for the year. I'm halfway to my goal.

Stillness & Attention: Week 9.

Day 1: Theatre day! Josh finished his first marathon while Bruce and I were eating soft pretzels and M&Ms at Durham Performing Arts Center. We saw Hadestown. I didn't love it, but I plan on giving the album some attention. Hamilton grew on me after I saw it. We did have a talented cast, including one actor from the Broadway cast and one Tony Award winner. I'll bet the casting call for Orpheus got really narrow: we need someone who can play the guitar and sing really high. The drive to and from Durham is always fun because we listen to Bruce's Broadway Pandora station (which includes a lot of Ben Platt and Idina Menzel) and sing along. 

Josh and I got home around the same time. I sat on the bathroom floor while Josh took a bath with my soothing bath soak. After he fell asleep, I took my own bath with Aromatherapy Passion: Tuberose and Ylang Ylang foam bath, which smelled wonderful.

Day 2: I finished reading Locke & Key 6: Alpha and Omega, which may have been my favorite graphic novel of the series. I've enjoyed the series, and graphic novels have been pulling me through a mild reading slump. I hope I can find plenty more that I like. Once I return some more books, I'll browse the graphic novel section at my library. I'd like to try some YA graphic novels too. I still have the graphic novel Blankets waiting on my shelf. 

Josh and I spent the morning together, and I made whole wheat rotini with tomato sauce and spinach. Mmm. 

We picked up Oliver today, and while we were in the car, I finished reading Peter Pan and Wendy to the boys. That's book 12 for the month and book 24 for the year! I really enjoyed reading it.  

Day 3: I read some more of Best American Poetry 2021, which I've been pecking at for a while. I wanted to finish it today, but reading wasn't easy. Josh and I had the morning together, and he tickled my back until I fell asleep--a rare nap! I went through some of my clothes and freed up 17 hangers. I'll donate the clothes to the college's success closet.

Oliver had a good day at school. We missed Josh, but he only has one more night class! 

Day 4: This is the first day of a new month. March will see the end of winter. I spent a few minutes in the backyard today, finding tiny clumps of wild violets, my favorite flower. I love the leaves that look like unfurling hearts. 

I finished my Punch Studio Romantic Love Stories journal today and started a Novel Journal: Anne of Green Gables. Novel journals are high quality, and every line is a line of the book's text.

I'm writing today with a pink Pentel Sparkle Pop pen. Actually, I've drained three of them today.

I have had a hard time reading today, but I did start reading The Girl Who Drank the Moon to the boys. We read the first three chapters, and it's a lovely book already. It won the Newberry! It will be a good addition to my children's lit winter. Late this month, I'll switch focus to young adult lit for spring. I also made egg salad today, one of my favorites, which Josh luckily likes too. 

Day 5: I slept until 6:30 today while Josh went to the gym. He had an appointment with his doctor, and we went to Academy Sports for running shorts and got groceries. I bought some caprese chicken sausage to try with pasta. They're fully cooked, and they steam in their package.

Josh and I went to The Habit Grill after all that, and I got avocado all over my dress. So it's now in the washer. It's in the upper 70s today, and I'm hot. Spring is coming, and I already feel like I have allergies surfacing. My chest is tight, so I may be using my inhaler today. Josh picked up some ten prescriptions for us. Our family takes a lot of meds. 

I've been writing with Krazy Pop pens today: gold with green glitter and green with red glitter. I've now emptied 60 pens this year. I just have to get back to reading. I long for cuddles. Tomorrow, I'll be on my own all day. I'm spoiled. I'm also spoiled because today I ate a French cheesecake parfait while soaking in a bubble bath.

Day 6: I received a glorious E-mail today: "Your disability date has been updated in your 2022-2023 renewal for ESA+. We need nothing further from you at this time." !!!! The status no longer says "ineligible;" it says "accepted"! I won't feel completely at ease until the money is at the school, but it looks like Oliver's financial aid for next year is safe. This is especially encouraging today because our taxes payment went through, and our account is quite bare. But we will recover! We have a little money from family to get us through until my disability payment arrives in a couple of weeks.

This has also been a good day so far because I have tackled my reading slump. Josh is at work, and Oliver is at school, so I made a goal to read for two hours straight. I set my timer for 2 1/2 hours so that I'd have a chance to make and eat some pasta salad (tricolor rotini, fancy shredded Mozzarella, chopped cucumber, zesty Italian dressing, and mini pepperoni [for mine]). I did it! I think I read for more than two hours. 

I finished So Far So Good: Final Poems by Ursula K. Le Guin. I have an odd relationship with Le Guin. I loved her Steering the Craft in grad school, but Bruce and I read her selected stories, The Real and the Unreal, and neither of us really cared for it. I decided to try out her poetry when I saw the book at the library. I'm not crazy about it, but I did write down a few great lines in my "Quotations and Magic Words" composition book. Based on all this, I will probably not read more of Le Guin's fiction or poetry, but I do want to read her Words Are My Matter. I'll place a hold on that once I catch up with my library books.

So I've finished my first book of the month! That brings me to 25 for the year. I'm a quarter of the way there! According to Goodreads, I'm nine books ahead of schedule. Whew. My reading slumps have not defeated me!

I also started and read 75 pages of The Year of Less by Cait Flanders, which seems appropriate. It's not one of my overdue books (yet), but it's what I felt like reading. And reading something other than what I planned is much better than not reading at all. I'm guessing now that reading a page worth of text takes me about a minute and 45 seconds if it's not very challenging. I wish that were more like one minute per page. Still, I was able to be still (though I was following the sunlight around the room) and pay attention for sustained reading. I plan on trying for one-hour stretches on weekdays except on Thursdays, when I can do two hours. This eliminates most distractions.

I'm more than two months into NoBuy2022. Yesterday, I was very tempted to buy an E-book. It was $2.99. But I didn't buy it! Peter Pauper Press has new journals, some of which I saw at Barnes and Noble last weekend. But I'll soon have Amazon points for a journal or two. In general, though, not spending has gotten easier. I don't browse when I'm bored or think about new pretty things when I'm down. I don't feel entitled to get everything I want, and I don't go looking for things to want. One of the hardest moments was when my pretty green crystal bead anklet broke last week, and I knew I couldn't replace it. But I'll get another anklet next year.

I finished listening to Hadestown while I got ready. I am getting attached to a few songs: "Wedding Song," "Wait for Me," and "Promises." I returned two books to the library!

Day 7: This morning, I had snuggle times with Josh and took a rare nap. I felt good all day. When Josh went to work, I set my timer for two hours, and I nearly finished The Year of Less in that time. So I seem to take two hours to read 100 typical pages of text. A 400-page book requires an eight-hour commitment. I wish I were quicker, but I'm just not. I may never be. But this helps me be more realistic about what I can read and reminds me that a book had better be worth the time investment.

I've been writing with a light blue metallic TUL pen. These are very temperamental and only write on high-quality paper. They write decently in a Novel Journal, but Peter Pauper Press gives the best results I've seen. I wish they were more functional because some of the colors are so unique: rose gold, champagne, and gunmetal. I've drained 65 pens this year!

In the evening, I went to Bruce and Corey's and watched Nightmare Alley with them. I love del Toro, and the cast was incredible. The movie was quite dark (del Toro's film noire, so yes) but good. I want to watch movies more often. I marked today as joyful.

Nourish/Challenge: Week 43.

I'm running out of time. So much to do before the year ends! Challenges loom.

Oliver has been fine at school. I think he and Mr. C are getting used to each other.

In the waiting room at one of O's therapy places, other moms talked about pregnancy, and I actually chimed in! Bizarre.

Bruce and I finished reading 20th Century Ghosts, and we plan to read one of Joe Hill's novels soon.

I finished three books in one day! That felt great. I felt like myself. I read a novella by Joyce Carol Oates, Black Water, and it was disturbing as much of her work seems to be. Keep it coming. Josh checked it out at the college library and read it, and I asked to read it too. Our reading tastes don't often overlap.

Bruce and I went to the theatre to see A Bronx Tale. As usual, we arrived early, and Bruce got us sodas and snacks (soft pretzel, cheese, fruit). The show wasn't a favorite, but I liked the choreography. I wore a burgundy dress with black floral print, a black cardigan with rhinestone buttons, black sweater tights, black Mary Janes, and my black cape. I love seeing what other people have chosen to wear.

Nourish/Challenge: Week 23.

I went to a meeting with the new supervisor for Oliver's new therapy tech. The new supervisor seemed on top of things. I was impressed that she wore a pink blazer and linen khakis for our meeting. I wore a casual dress. She has worked in this field for 7 years, but she looks quite young (I'm getting old). I told her some funny Oliver stories. She seemed impressed with him (he was with me, and he was patient), but she has big plans for him. She wasn't thrilled with the care he'd received so far. With this new leadership and (I hope) a talented and diligent tech (who will actually stay around!), I feel pretty good about giving the company another chance. Just the meeting was tough--a challenge for me. But it was fine, and I left feeling optimistic.

I've continued to have trouble with my writing. I keep missing days of practice. I'm challenging myself to write more and to find what can nourish my writer self.

I've been reading more about Egypt. I have a book on Native Americans waiting. Right now, any kind of learning feels satisfying even if it's difficult.

Handmaid's Tale and Black Mirror are back, so I watched episodes with the guys. I could have gone on all day.

Bruce and I went to Barnes one evening. We'd not gone there in a long time. We weave slowly through the shelves and tables and try not to laugh too loudly. I found a blue hardcover book of fairy tales for $5. I took that home along with the newest Bella Grace magazines.

And Bruce and I saw Cats, the last show of the season. I think that was season 4. It's absurd that I'd not yet seen Cats. I enjoyed it more than I expected. The costumes, makeup, dancing, and lighting were fantastic. Of course, the Rum Tum Tugger was still my favorite. Everyone went wild over Grizabella.

On the drive home from the theatre, Bruce asked me several what-if questions, and some of them really challenged my brain and heart. I asked him why he was asking so many questions, and he quoted me: "Questions are love." Wow. That filled me to the brim.

My Current Obsession: Dear Evan Hansen.

Bruce and I saw the 6-Tony-award-winning musical Dear Evan Hansen a few weeks ago. I walked in almost completely blind--that's what we usually do with shows that are unfamiliar to both of us. I feel so lucky that we got to see this show with our season tickets--no insane prices.

Song lyrics and titles sewed their way into my memory, so I knew I would recognize most of them on the album later--and I knew I'd come back to those songs again and again.

The story was beautiful like broken stained glass against the sun. I fell for Evan's ambivalence, his intense need for family and love, and the locked-up love he has without an outlet. I could identify with his sometimes unquenchable loneliness and the skinless-in-the-sand feeling of social anxiety and sensory overload. And I fell for other characters' experience too--the impact of suicidality on a family, the search for connection, the feeling of being haunted, and even the denial and the lies the characters accept because they simply must.

So I fell in love with Dear Evan Hansen. When the show ended, my mind shifted, and I knew this was my second-favorite show (Phantom, of course, is first forever).

Sometimes, a show wears me out, and I'm ready to go home and process it. Not this show. I was totally engaged. When I went home, I traveled to the songs on Spotify, watched online videos of clips and interviews, ordered a hardcover book about the show, and bought the novelization (!), which Bruce and I are starting.

I find myself singing--something I've started doing more often recently. The songs, even the rough ones, cuddle up to me and stay close. I like every song. So that's my in-the-shower and pretty-much-all-the-time music. Josh has let me borrow his big headphones. I'll get my own...pink or purple.

The intensity of my obsession will become more manageable, but as with Phantom, I believe Evan will always press on my heart.

We're letting the obsession continue. It makes me happy even though the rush can be overwhelming. My mom said, "I'm glad you've found a new treasure." Yes.

Nourish/Challenge: Week 7.

The sickness continued this past week. Both boys were home sick. I didn't accomplish much. But I did go to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with Bruce. The show was quite colorful with some dark bits and plenty of strangeness. The Oompa Loompas were impressive and a little frightening...very Jim Henson. Musical theatre always lifts and nourishes me. Live theatre always amazes me.

My sweet mother sent me a care package! Snow Princess sticker doll, aquarium stickers, a beautiful gift edition of Jesus Calling (which she is reading with her Bible study group), paper plates with shining mermaid scales, and a gorgeous (and not too intricate like most adult coloring books) mermaid coloring book. I felt seen. 

I wrote a read little this past week. I did one blog post. I hope I will be able to get back to my normal routines and practices. I think some alone time will fix me up.

Nonetheless, I enjoyed having my family here.

Nourish/Challenge: Week 4.

This past week was not my best. I didn't finish any books, and I came nowhere near my halfway point on my list. But the week was still interesting.

Josh turned 34, and I'm not far behind him. We went grocery shopping together, which I always enjoy. We ponder over which foods Oliver will actually eat. Josh and I also took a nap, holding hands. Holding hands is the greatest.

Our heat stopped working. The people at the office know me by my voice. The maintenance guy came quickly and stayed a long time. I was here alone, so it was a challenge.

I found (for 50% off) a beautiful trunk-shape decorative box with pink hydrangea on it! My tank top box is falling apart, so maybe I'll use the new box for tanks. Or for journals I want to use soon. The sight of those flowers gives me sustenance like pure sunlight.

I worked on organizing my jewelry. I have a lot of it, and almost none of it is real. I have so much fun with it. I feel happy when I see the pretty trinkets. I sometimes build outfits based on a necklace or pair of earrings.

Whimsical. I love the word and its meaning. I like whimsy in my life. I feel whimsical when I wear cute jewelry or use the Winky Lux Mer Kitten Eyeshadow Palette.

At Michaels, I bought a few cards of adhesive rhinestones. I stuck a green one by the corner of my right eye. I hoped Josh would like it. He did. Now where did I put those rhinestones?

Bruce and I went to see our third show of the season: Miss Saigon. I knew the plot but not the songs. We had an excellent cast and a massive ensemble. Our Chris had an astonishing voice. I need to see if he has an album. I'd love to hear him sing other showtunes. But the story is dark. Raunchy. Painful. Still--musical theatre tends to pry open my heart.

Restoration: Week 45.

Major restoration: the new theatre season has begun!

Bruce and I went to see Hamilton. I didn't know what to expect. It didn't seem like something that would interest me much, but of course, with its wild success, I was curious.

And it was great! The rap-esque songs, the choreography, the lighting, the ensemble, even the minimal sets and costumes impressed me. It was a great way to start the new season, and it refreshed my heart. Today, Mama said that theatre is medicine for my soul. So true. As I keep up with the medicine for my body and mind, I need to remember the soul.

Bruce and I also went to see Bohemian Rhapsody. We liked it. It made me remember my dad introducing me to so much music when I was small. Those are restorative memories.

And Bruce and I have been watching American Horror Story. It's not what I'd call restorative, but it's certainly refreshing. What a brilliant new approach to horror and overall storytelling! I can't wait to see more.

I do feel strong; I used to have no tolerance for horror--I would be messed up for weeks or months. The idea of horror has always fascinated me, but I couldn't handle it. Now, I don't think it's desensitization exactly, but after my own horrors (I know real fear), my courage has deepened--an astonishing restoration. I see the scary as entertaining and thought-provoking. I often analyze movies for a long time, and I love talking about movies with those I love. My brother, James, and I take movies seriously in a way that may be unusual. I'm glad we can share that.

Oliver wasn't feeling very well last week, and a few days ago, we took a nap together. He gave up his nap so many years ago, but I felt I had him, little again, in my arms.

Josh and I went to 2nd and Charles with our free time on Friday. Josh spotted a Michael Ball CD (Marius in Les Mis, Raoul in Phantom). It has some great songs, such as Phantom ones he must have wanted to try; "Lift the Wings," a gorgeous song from Riverdance, "Seasons of Love," and "Tell Me on a Sunday." $4!

A year or more ago, I found a lovely purple T-shirt with words from Darcy's little confession of love. I guess $20 seemed like too much. But while we were there the other day, I found it on sale for $5! I also bought a $3 copy Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats. Cats the musical is based on this book, so it's silly that I've never read it. Cats is the last show of the theatre season, and I will be prepared!

This week was full of bright spots and some sustaining light.

Restoration: Week 18.

This past week, I finished a book with my spring YA focus. I read poetry and scripture. Still, I didn't read as much as I'd hoped. That's a challenge to tackle this coming week, restoring my reading.

Bruce took me to see a movie that was inappropriate for most audiences but hilarious. Laughter and popcorn do a lot to restore our friendship.

We also went to see Waitress, our final show of the season. Despite some sad subject matter, it mostly felt bright and happy. Theatre has also restored and refreshed our relationship, as did all the singing in the car.

I only worked out once this week, so I need to restore that habit. My body needs some serious restoration.

I finished a journal! That makes me feel as if the title of writer is restored to me.

I don't think I've developed much as a wife and mother this past week, but I will work on that. Sunday, we three managed to spend a quiet afternoon and evening together. That was restorative.

Restoration: Week 14.

This past week was spring break for both of my boys, so we spend a lot of time together. Oliver started asking us to read to him again (he hasn't let us read to him for months). He and I danced to songs from The Greatest Showman. I 'd love to put Oliver in some kind of dance class eventually. I want to give him as many coping methods and as many joys as possible--dance, theatre, music, books. Josh can also offer sports, science, philosophy.

I read a lot of fantasy this past week. YA fantasy seems to restore some parts of me--imagination, thrill. It's been lighting a little spark of wanting to write fiction.

I worked on my blog, and that helps me connect parts of myself and express myself in ways I usually wouldn't. I think it also restores readers' sense of connection to me.

Bruce and I went to see The Color Purple musical. It wasn't nearly as rough as I expected; Bruce said it toned down a lot of the book. The talent was impressive. Bruce and I sang show tunes all the way home. Joy.

Restoration: Week 13.

Even though I didn't finish any books this past week, I did catch up with my Bible, and I made progress reading poetry.

Josh watched Trainwreck with me! Josh doesn't really like movies, so this was special. It's one of my favorite movies, and I loved watching Josh laugh.

And Bruce took me to see The Greatest Showman! It was wonderful. The songs seemed to click right into waiting compartments in my brain. I plan to listen to them often, letting them restore me in ways I may not understand.

Another day, Bruce and I watched some of our current favorite shows: The Good Doctor, Electric Dreams, and Lore. I'm ready to keep going! The shows are certainly restoring my curiosity and imagination. And the shows build up my friendship with Bruce.

And we will see The Color Purple on Saturday. I haven't read the book, so it will be all new to me. Going to the theatre always restores me---with joy, with empathy, with thrill, with curiosity, with understanding, and with celebration.

Restoration: Week 9.

This past week, I've been learning more about hygge by reading The Cozy Life. I nearly finished the book.

I have a list of items about which I'm curious; I want to read about more of those. I'd like a DK book on ancient Egypt. I want to pursue learning. Life-long learning is awesome because the learner can choose the topics. But unlike learning in school, the learner has to rely solely on self-discipline.

I finished a book on capsule wardrobes. I'm grateful to have reading restored to me.

One of the most wonderful experiences of my life occurred on Saturday. I saw The Phantom of the Opera from the front row. The fire was hot, the chandelier fell from above us (farther than I thought it would fall!), and I could see Christine's lipstick and Carlotta's eye makeup. The costumes glittered. The voices were strong. The conductor was passionate. I bought the tickets last year and felt I'd have to wait forever. I knew it was probably a once-in-a-lifetime chance. I think I was grinning or my mouth was open the whole show. I went with Bruce, who was quite excited too. It was magnificent--that's the best word I can come up with for it. My soul feels a bit mended, and the colors in my mind are brighter.

Nanna and Grandpa.

The more I think about it, the more I realize how much my grandparents influenced and inspired me while I was growing up. They are the most generous people I know, and I would be quite a different person without them.

My dad bought tickets to take Mom to The Phantom of the Opera. He told me about it, and I was so intrigued and curious. Nanna and Grandpa had the soundtrack and a beautiful souvenir program. I disappeared into one of the chairs in their living room with a borrowed Discman and the CD booklet with the full libretto. I fell desperately in love with the music. I was 7 or 8.

Grandpa gave me a Walkman and replaced it when I wore it out. It was my own magical portal to Broadway music. Eventually, Nanna and Grandpa gave me their souvenir program, and I still have it. They revealed other Andrew Lloyd Webber musicals to me-Cats, Starlight Express, Sunset Boulevard, Evita, and Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat. They had a wardrobe full of videos and music. It was better than a Narnia wardrobe to me. I loved peering inside.

Grandpa took me to see a local show of Funny Girl. Nanna and Grandpa took me and some cousins to the touring Beauty and the Beast.  They took me to Joseph. And they introduced many other musicals to me by VHS. Rodgers and Hammerstein--South Pacific, Sound of Music, Carousel--and others like Gigi, My Fair Lady, West Side Story, and more. Without these, my life would have far less magic. 

They also took me to Europe when I was 13. We went to France, Germany, Belgium, Switzerland, and the Netherlands. One of my favorite memories is of our walking in Paris, each holding a baguette and a Coke. Americans!

I am deeply grateful to my grandparents for opening new worlds to me.

Restoration: Week 1.

This past week, I've moved toward restoration. Bruce asked me how I was honoring restoration; I like that wording.

• Faith. I read the first week of The Daily Bible, working toward restoring and building up my faith. I'd forgotten how rough early Genesis was. Josh is reading it too, so many that will help restore and refresh our relationship.
• Marriage. Josh and I also worked on restoring our relationship by working on his schedule and finding some time alone for us on Friday mornings. We had Tuesday mornings last semester, and we often napped together, but that restored us too.
• Reading. I didn't finish a book yet, and I need to finish a book each week to reach my annual goal of 50 books. But I read from several books, keeping up pretty well with the Bible and poetry. I've been checking my shelves for children's books since that's my focus for winter. One evening, I sat still and read for over an hour. I've been getting into the flow with it, perhaps for the first time in months.
• Sleep. I know sleep does heal the body and the brain, so I'm trying to make sure I sleep enough.
• Motherhood. I had Oliver at home much more than I expected because of snow and ice. He allowed and even sought a lot of cuddling. That gives me a rush of motherly love. I need to tune into that more; it's a reset button.
• Musical theatre. Bruce and I saw On Your Feet in Durham. It energized me, and I've been singing Gloria Estefan songs every since. At the theatre, I feel closer to my real self.

1,000 Joys: Part 34.

1. Watching ink fill a fountain pen converter
2. Reorganizing my books
3. Bananas that open easily
4. Something wonderful coming tomorrow
5. Argan oil in my hair
6. Stickers of hot air balloons
7. Oliver's gorgeous eyelashes
8. The air conditioning on my back
9. Curtain calls
10. Seeing when and were I bought a journal (when I remember, I write it in the back cover)
11. The moment when a theatre gets dark
12. The way Bruce immediately starts reading the program for a show
13. Bruce's excitement before a show begins
14. Trading trivia with loved ones
15. Oliver's eventual willingness to drink Gatorade when he's sick
16. The "12 Little Chicks" song from Sesame Street
17. Hot tortilla chips
18. My mom's drawing for me
19. The purple fairy pouch Mom made for me
20. Green glitter hiding in my bookcase
21. Reliable senses
22. Wristlets for theatre going
23. Leggings that actually work as pants
24. Memories of Dad's buying me Sunset Boulevard souvenirs.
25. Reading a former professor's book with my cowardly lion sticky flags

Childhood Loves.

"What one loves in childhood stay in the heart forever."

~Mary Jo Putney

My childhood was rich with theatre--the showtunes, the occasional show (like my dad taking me to Sunset Boulevard), and some of my own acting. I gave up on the acting, but theatre and its music are more a part of me than ever. Daily! I feel that I'm honoring my childhood self.

I still love dolls and tiny things. As a little-little, I adored a set of tiny colored pencils. Many of my favorite tiny things are on my necklaces--little charms like keys and fairies that help me stay connected to my early self.

I read books for older children as well, and I've read some of them aloud to Oliver. I want him to have a childhood full of sustaining joys that he can carry with him into adulthood.

Staying Faithful to Myself.

How can I do this? Being faithful to myself does include being faithful to my closest relationships, keep them open and fresh.

Part of being faithful to myself means avoiding alcohol, smoking, and drugs. I have never tried these.
I have an obsessive personality and tend to be excessive, so I have to avoid these all together. Most people seem to understand this when I've explained.

I think being faithful to myself also means holding close to what delighted me when I was a child--those deep thrills. So it became important several years ago for me to work my way through children's books and series I miss--Little House, Narnia, The Borrowers, and such. I still have a lot to do. I was also a great daydreamer, and I'm trying to revive that. It put me in a pink Glinda bubble much of the time.

Theatre tickets certainly seem to show my childhood self that I care about and understand her. Sometimes, I feel like I'm 7 or 8 again, going to a first show.

To be faithful, I have to know myself now. Writing and blogging and later re-reading show me who I am or was right then. They can teach me the best ways to love and care for myself.

I also have to surround myself with people who love and appreciate me. And I can learn to love and encourage them too.

Soaked in Art.

--Doris Lessing

I love the thought of this. How can I get soaked in art, and how can I help Oliver get art-soaked too?

I have season tickets to the theatre (which constantly amazes me), and I need to renew those each year. I should also go to as many additional shows as possible. They change the wallpaper of my mind if only briefly. I should go to our two local theatres to explore and support them. I can relive shows through souvenir programs.

I need to listen to showtunes and other music daily. I can share music with Oliver--we can dance. When he's old enough, he can go to some shows with me.

I have several art books, and I ought to be looking at them and showing them to Oliver. I can also go to the library and look at big books of art at one of the tables.

Literary immersion is simple simpler but more time-consuming. I have a great many books that would sharpen me, but I can only tackle so many at a time. I do think that nearly any book can makes a person smarter, brighter. I just have to get pushing and go after the stacks in my room.

What else can I do? I can talk about books and shows, reinforcing and adjusting my thoughts. I should also enjoy film. Bruce and I have a weekly movie afternoon, but I can also watch movies alone.

I've already surrounded myself with reminders of what I should focus on--fairy, mermaid, and princess art; pens on display in pretty mugs.