Nourish/Challenge: Week 12.

Spring began this past week. I didn't do well with my winter focus on children's books. I did finished Felicity's Story Collection, which made me feel old and young at once. My spring focus is young adult lit, and I hope to do better with that. Bruce and I have been reading a YA novel, The Memory of Light.

I had a scary night. I was putting Oliver to bed, and he had just fallen asleep. The door was locked (he tries to escape from us at bedtime sometimes), and it began to rattle as if someone were testing the door and getting frustrated. I texted Josh to ask if he had gotten home. He was ready to call the police. He called Bruce, who came right to me. He stayed with me until Josh got home. I felt so lucky to have such a close friend so nearby and so quick to come when I needed him.

I wondered if I could be hallucinating. I said that the people upstairs were being loud. Josh said that they sometimes make our doors rattle, so we concluded that that's what happened. The experience challenged me, and I was able to keep calm for the most part. Every time something scary happens to me, I get stronger and hopefully not more cynical.

I needed the nourishment of some good childhood memories, so I found the soundtrack to the original Charlotte's Web on Spotify. Lyrics came right back to me, and I felt light.

I'm still trying to watch a movie each week. I've been enjoying the soft sci-fi show Maniac with Jonah Hill and Emma Stone. Bruce took me to see Us. Every scary movie challenges me. I've gotten better at handling them without going numb. Before Bruce, movie theaters weren't really a part of my life, but he's changed that.

Somehow, I failed to write about Dear Evan Hansen last week. But it will get its own post. The show gave me a kind of surge of energy I've not felt in a very long time.

Nourish/Challenge: Week 8.

This past week, Bruce and I finished reading Bird Box. It was so good. The book and the movie complement each other well. The book was a bit scarier. Now, our tiny book club is ready for book #20!

I have a goal to watch at least one movie a week. I think it enriches my mind, gives me something new to ponder. This past week, I saw two movies! I watched Loving Annabelle on my own; I didn't much care for it. Bruce took me to see Glass at the theater. I really liked it! It was exciting. James McAvoy impressed me, and the movie had some sweet moments. I've read a couple of books about DID, and I may look for more. I found it fascinating (though tragic) that a trauma could cause one to create a new person to handle it. That's oversimplifying it, of course.

I've been reading a DK Eyewitness book on ancient Egypt bit by bit. Wow. Anything that makes me say "Wow" (in a positive way), is probably good for me, expanding my mind.

I've also been reading American Girls Felicity's Story Collection. I want to finish it before spring begins (and the children's literature focus time ends). I'm not doing well with my seasonal themes. I have less than a month left. But I'm challenging myself to make progress.

I went to Target twice. I always feel inspired there, even if I'm just picking something up for the boys. I found three new kinds of vegetarian soup for Josh. I feel good when I do something thoughtful. It makes me feel like a worthwhile person. So I've been challenging myself to be kind in new ways.

Josh made a fire one morning, and I fell asleep beside it. I love memories like that.

My main challenge for this coming week: read more!

My Obsessions.

My grandparents say that anything worth doing is worth doing to excess, and I think I've often lived that way.

One of my primary obsessions for most of my life has been musical theatre in general and The Phantom of the Opera in particular. For years, I played Broadway showtunes all day. It must have driven my parents crazy, especially since I sang along, but they were tolerant and even encouraging. I usually had a Walkman or Discman, so that helped.

If you look in the bottom drawer of my desk, you will see that I'm obsessed with pens and journals. In the past, no pen could really stand up to a Gelly Roll, but cheaper pens (and even the more expensive pens) have improved, so I loved trying new brands. You can read about journal shopping here.

I'm obsessed with movies. I'd love to study film--not the making but the appreciation. I no longer kick myself for wanting to watch a movie more than once, even if I'm watching it alone. I love thinking about the magic of certain elements of a film and how they affect the audience. I'm especially interested in the effects of horror films. What makes them interesting? I read a lot of plot summaries, but I am also brave enough to see scary movies.

I've been quite interested in learning about conjoined and parasitic twins for years. I especially think about how the twins would make life work for themselves. So many questions.

I love fairies, but I'm especially interested in mermaids right now. I have some books on them, and I want to read them all. I've always been more of a fairy girl, but in the last few years, I've become wild about mermaids. They have such dark and mysterious aspects.

I'm still crazy about snowflakes and statement necklaces and clothes that actually fit. I'll never get over those.

What are some of your enduring or of-the-moment obsessions?

Restoration: Week 52.

This past week has been a little crazy. Oliver got pink eye and a stomach virus, and he was getting dehydrated. So Josh's parents didn't come as we'd planned. We had our first Christmas at home, and it was just us. We didn't mind.

On Friday and Saturday, we got to see my patchwork family (except my brother :( ). Mom and Shane have a charming, tiny new house. Mom showed me her beautiful bitsy craft room, which encouraged me to take my creativity seriously and reminded me of the importance of ribbon and glitter.

Mom agreed to watch The Space between Us, a movie I just love. And she liked it!

We had a nice lunch with Dad and Michelle. I gave Michelle eye makeup--presents don't get much more fun than that!

I wore pink and glitter during the whole trip!

Restoration: Week 43.

Watching movies, alone or with others, almost always restores me. It gives me new ideas to ponder, and favorite shared moments or quotations can add a strand to a bond.

This past week, I watched The Quiet Ones by myself. I like Olivia Cooke from Bates Motel. The Quiet Ones had an interesting premise but seemed rushed. Of the two twists, the small one was best, but no one really explored it.

Also by myself, I watched 3 Generations (formerly titled Ray or About Ray, which is why I couldn't find it for so long). With a stellar cast, the movie follows Ray, a transgender boy who is ready to start taking hormones while all the adults in his life are uneasy and overwhelmed but loving. Elle Fanning was good as always. And I don't even have to elaborate on Susan Sarandon. I appreciate movies that help me understand others, especially others in pain I've never experienced.

With Bruce, I watched The Lodgers, which was intriguing and unsettling. The combination of themes made it a surprisingly unique story. I would read the book!

Josh and I had last Friday together! He needed to get some running shoes (and as the moment, we can actually afford them!), so we went to Dick's. I walked to Home Goods and soaked up the Christmas silver and snowflakes. I saw a low, purple velvet bench with a low back and sides--it would be beautiful at the foot of our bed.

I walked on to Hobby Lobby, which is just huge. Most of the gel pen sets and stickers were 50% off! We went to World Market, which feels like a rich and tranquil place.

Josh and I went to lunch at Chili's. We even shared a dessert. I think that time together restored our bond.

On Saturday, my mom and Shane came to watch Oliver while Josh and I went to Josh's brother, Zach's, wedding. While Josh and Oliver met up with a relative, Mom and Shane took me to Carrabbas--always so satisfying.

The wedding was beautiful--I intend to write a little more about it later. Now, I have 2 sisters and 3 brothers. That feels like restoration.

Restoration: Week 37.

This past week was good for reading. I finished a book and started another with Bruce. I've not read a novel in a while. I feel good about my reading.

Hurricane Florence has kept us indoors mostly. We lost power power--only for a day, so we're lucky. I took a candle-lit bath. I have the boys at home, probably for the week.

I actually looked through an entire issue of Lucky. It was fun, and Oliver was excited to have another magazine to shred.

I found the movie On Chesil Beach for free on Amazon Prime. I read the book years ago. The movie was at least as awkward and uncomforatble as the book. I feel good after I've watched a movie, alone or with others.

We have much more water than we need. That restores my sense of security despite the storm and its aftermath.

Restoration: Week 36.

This past week, I finished a Billy Collins book. His poems are often simple yet profound in some way. I read a lot of other poetry too, including more of the last book of Kay's that I have. Poetry often scrubs me and hydrates me. When I finish a book of poetry, I often feel that hint of restoration.

Bruce took me to two movies this past week! We saw Searching (pretty interesting) and The Nun (pretty scary). Movies add new thoughts and images to my mind (not always good, of course), and I mull over them for a long time. Movies always seem to restore the part of my brain that want to analyze characters and empathize with them. And going to the  movies together probably restores my bond with Bruce. We've read 12 books together! I wonder how many movies we've gone to see...far more!

Josh and I got to spend some time together--always restorative. Sometimes, he's still a surprise.

Restoration: Week 26.

As Bruce would ask, how have I been honoring restoration this past week?

I bought two swing dresses (fitted at the top, relaxed through the body, and flared at the hem) from Old Navy for summer. They help me feel pretty and more at peace with my body.

Bruce and I watched three movies this past week! Movies almost always restore me. The first we watched was Lady Jane, one of my favorites. We also watched To Walk Invisible, a movie about the Brontës sisters. I hadn't seen it, but I was interested in learning more about the Brontës. They movie also reminded me that I have lot more Brontë work to read. And we watched A Quiet Passion, which I hadn't seen. It's about Emily Dickinson. All the movies were rather bleak but worth seeing.

Olive and I still have our morning dance party, usually to Pentatonix cover of "Cheerleader." Oliver also dances outside the door when I take a shower with music playing. Seeing him dance makes me lighter.

Journaling and blogging have made me feel more like myself--both the person I am and the person I want to be.

I finished one of my first literary suspense/horror novels, and I read dozens of poems. Reading is life support.

My Favorite Movies.

These are some of my favorite movies in no particular order. They charm, captivate, thrill, comfort, and unsettle me.

• Jane Eyre with Ruth Wilson
• Animated Cinderella
• Sense and Sensibility with Emma Thompson
• The Phantom of the Opera at the Royal Albert Hall
• Live-action Cinderella
• Live-action Beauty and the Beast
• Lady in the Water
• Heart and Souls
• Stealing Beauty
• Orange County
• Peter Pan with Jeremy Sumpter
• Michael Crawford in Concert
• Much Ado about Nothing with Emma Thompson
• Romeo and Juliet with Claire Danes
• Lady Jane
• Little Women
• My Fair Lady
• I Capture the Castle
• Gigi
• Hello, Dolly!
• A Little Princess with Liesel Pritzker
• Passengers 

These last two are the only ones I don't own! 

Restoration: Week 25.

This past week, I got to see two movies, one at Bruce's and one at the IMAX: Jurassic World and JW Fallen Kingdom. They were intense and fun. I remember seeing the first movie in the theater with my dad. I'm glad I've been able to see movies; they recharge me. And Bruce and I can put away a lot of popcorn.

Bruce and I gave each other bath products for our birthdays, so I've been having some restorative soaks. Bruce also gave me a lilac Wallflower--the remembered my saying that I'd fallen for the scent. I put the Wallflower in the bathroom, but I can smell lilacs at the front door. It's one of Mom's favorite scents, so it makes me think of her. And how did I take so long to discover the fragrance? It makes me feel calm and mindful.

I painted my nails. I hate doing it, but I like the result. I've used some eye makeup I've neglected lately. This past week, I've had sweet moments of feeling pretty.

I had to switch therapists, so I had my first appointment with the new one on Tuesday. I hope that proves to be restorative.

I did write one poem this past week! That suggests I'm at least a little restored.

Story Snippet: The Little Thief.

I have a confession to make. When I lived with my parents, I stole from them.

I stole books from my mother and music and movies from my father. Much of the spoils went back to their rightful owners when I moved out. But I still have Mom's purple Little Women and Dad's Goo Goo Dolls Dizzy up the Girl and Bladerunner.

Of course, they shared these worlds with me pretty freely, but I wanted the objects on the shelf in my closet. It's a need e-books (though I now love them) and music files can't fulfill.

The more I think about it, the more grateful I am to my parents for opening these worlds that often make life worth living.

Restoration: Week 15.

Scripture, fiction, and poetry have built me up this past week. I don't feel as if I read enough, but I did finish two books. My spring young adult lit focus is in progress.

I got to watch a good movie and some good TV. Bruce took me to see The Quiet Place, which we both liked. My tolerance for scary movies and TV has grown considerably. More to enjoy! The Good Doctor wasn't on last week, so we watched Saturday Night Live, Electric Dreams, and Lore. So fun. Leslie Jones restores me by making me laugh hard. The science fiction and folklore awaken and restore creativity and curiosity in me.

I've been listening to Phantom in the car again. It restores my sense of wonder and my memory for what delights (last year's word!) me or speaks to me deeply. I share the music with Oliver when I drive him around. He seems to listen. That seems to restore or even build a new kind of connection between us.

I painted my nails, and I woke makeup almost every day this past week. I hate painting my nails, but I love the surprise of color on my hands. I want to restore my interest in beauty.

What can I restore this coming week?

What Would Be in My Tender.

Clearly, I've watched too much Thomas and Friends with Oliver. But I like that the Sodor engines have tenders. I like the name--they tend the engine by filling up with coal or wood for the journey. Sometimes, my tender is my house purse with books, journals, magazines, and pens. A "tender" package full of what one needs to get through a day or a month would be a great gift. My metaphorical tender would have literature in general, and at the perfect moment, I'd get precisely the book I need.

In the last month, I've probably bought 7 or 8 books. All were pretty cheap ($4). Maybe that's going to be my impulse buy! It makes more sense (and is much cheaper) than clothes. The books just seemed so wonderful and necessary. I've got to keep one in my tender and try to read more books than I purchase! Maybe I'll get a new book after each time I read two books. That might be fun.

I need music in my tender too. Showtunes have been magic for me, helping me get motivated to get ready and do dishes. And maybe I'd include some of my favorite soothing movies like Little Women and God Help the Girl.

Every day, I chose a pen to use for my journaling. The color and the effect (metallic, glitter, plain ballpoint) both express and set the tone of the day's writing, so I'll need plenty of those too!

Final Travels.

On Thursday night, Josh helped me paint my nails. I wonder if we'll do that again before our darling arrives. We used Nicole Light a Candle (is it purple? Is it silver?), which reminds me of Gelly Roll Lightning (now Silver Shadow) pens and Sephora by OPI It's Bouquet by Me (purple microglitter). Pretty nails are a nice surprise every time I look down, even if the surrounding fingers and toes are puffy and red.

I had a short day on Friday, but I was so eager to finish it. The sky was gloomy with hurricane anticipation, and I was sleepy. When I got home, we finished packing and loading. A little over halfway through our drive, we stopped at Target for a break. I definitely needed to move around (and use the restroom...twice). I also hadn't been to Target in almost two months. You know how Target is. If you haven't been there in a while, it's a magical wonderland where you can spend a good bit of money on big or little treasures. I chose little. The next time I spend any noticeable amount of money will be when Josh and I buy the remaining Oliver essentials, probably this week, after our showers.

I was there first of all to get a birthday card and some little gifts (which my Mom and I would classify as prizes) for my dear friend Melissa, whose birthday was last week. I knew I'd be seeing her at the shower for which Mom had made her decorator extraordinaire. I found a good card with an inspirational quotation ("Life should not only be lived, it should be celebrated." --Osho) --we're both fans of those. I found a few pairs of earrings, some adorable pens, and precious (though probably impractical) tiny dry erase marker. I hope she can use the latter items at her new teaching job. Melissa has quite distinctive taste in earrings (large, somewhat tribal), so I hope I got it right. Gifts never seem sufficient to me, but the attempt is fun anyway.

For meeee, I found one pair of earrings, two pairs of flats, and four beautiful headbands (which I'm sure will appear in photos later). I get tired of wearing barrettes everyday during this transitional hair period, but my headbands for close repetition. Now, I have more choices! And referring back to quotations, I love how Target has begun carrying nice (but still inexpensive) journals, and I found two with fantastic quotations. One soft cover green journal with golden fruit has Rilke's "Think of the world you carry within you." I've certainly been thinking about that a lot. The other is a blue and brown floral hardcover with what is probably my favorite quotation about writing: Anais Nin's "We write to taste life twice."

I'm usually a Sephora girl when I buy eye makeup, but I decided to try a couple of other brands. I found Almay's Intense I-Color trio for green eyes in greens and purple...and Sonia Kashuk's eye shadow quad in purple haze--two purples, a brown, and a silver. The colors in the latter set looked so metallic and shimmery that I couldn't resist. I hoped they wouldn't disappoint.

So I was in a good mood when we arrived at Mom and Shane's house. I got to see the rabbits. I'd begun to think I could no longer believe rabbits were real. You have to see these particular tiny rabbits to understand how magical they are...we say they are made of imagination. Oliver has often seemed that way, but we will believe in him too!

We ate quesadillas stuffed with grilled vegetables...many of which I would normally avoid, but my body must need them, and they were good. The slathering of guacamole was good too. I love how thoughtful my mom is about Josh's veggie-headness.

Mom told me that she had recently finished reading Never Let Me Go--which I see as a stunning book. It floored her too! We spent much of the evening discussing it. This culminated in Josh kindly running out to Best Buy to purchase the DVD (which I wanted to own anyway). I liked the movie just as much the second time (and I knew more details because of the book). Mom liked it too, and we had more discussions before bed. Few pleasures are so keen as sharing and discussing beloved books and films with a dear one.

(Image: Never Let Me Go. http://playpretend.tumblr.com/page/3)

Preparations.

 (Image: http://www.tumblr.com/dashboard/2/346736345)

A blue baby tub is hanging on the back of my bathroom door.

The grandparent bed is piled with gift bags and giant boxes. This is thanks to my mom and stepfather loading up their truck and stopping at our house--we never would have fit all that in my car!

About ten moving boxes remain in the house.

On Sunday, we worked on the house, cleaned out the cars, and went grocery shopping. We bought various Tupperware containers: one to hold bottles of milk in the freezer, one to hold thawing bottles in the fridge, one to hold clean bottles in the designated cabinet, and one to hold extra nipples and rings and such. I realized that having all that toppling over would be a disaster. Josh would open the cabinet, and bottles would fall on his head. Milk storage containers would roll around and get lost in the freezer. Organizing all that felt nice. Closer to time, we'll boil everything.

I also worked on the breast pump. Our skittish little lady cat took up shelter in the box. I put batteries (eight AAs!) in the battery pack and stocked the backpack with extra batteries, wet-erase markers for dates, bra pads, and cream (a tiny sample came with the pump). A pocket on the back will hold a book. I'm building at extra half hour a day into my work schedule, and I will not be checking E-mails while I pump. Josh will probably have to feed Oliver three or four times during the day. I hope I can keep up. I plan to get a jump start during my three-week leave (I'll be three months shy of a year at my school, so no FMLA for me). We'll get some formula too as a back up. I just added a case of Similac Nursettes and disposable nipples to our Amazon registry...they will be quick and easy when Josh runs out of my milk (he'd already be in a panic), or we're in some sort of bind.

 (Image: http://styleandstarbucks.tumblr.com/post/6081590430)

I found cute green baby-themed thank you notes at Wal-mart and bought stamps...I plan to knock those out this week. Next week will be a bit wild since summer grades are due on Thursday. And then...time to return to work for real. I won't think about that just yet.

I'm anxious to get the house and as much baby prep as possible done before then because I know so little will actually happen after that. Organization will crystallize; corner messes will fossilize. Until I got back from the shower and looked at the house anew, I didn't realize just how much I still have to do. Luckily, Josh is keeping the laundry, dishes, sweeping, litter box, and other daily bits under control while I figure all this out. You know what is soothing when you feel overwhelmed? Alan Rickman reading Shakespeare.

Is his voice not perfect? I fell a bit in love with him as Colonel Brandon in Sense and Sensibility. I imagined watching all my favorite movies this summer, but I haven't even been reading well. Well, I have few seated classes this fall, so I'll be able to spend lots of time in my office and bring less work home. That should help me make time for Little Women and I Capture the Castle and reading at least a few of the books in the towering stacks by my bed. I survived the busy and nauseous (new job+first trimester=madness) spring semester by reading for hours on the weekend. Going back to Alan Rickman: ALA has a "Read" poster of him with Catcher in the Rye. I need that for my office. Going back to Sense and Sens: I always identified with Marianne. I certainly had a Willoughby or two. I like how Elinor becomes more in touch with her heart while Marianne becomes a bit more calm and can appreciate real, steadfast love.

(Image: http://mmorrow.tumblr.com/post/4867334800/sense-and-sensibility-1995)

 (Image: http://www.coralsbridal.com/blog/166/wedding-dresses-in-movies-%E2%80%94%E2%80%94-part-2/)

Going back to thank you notes and letters: I realized while unpacking two boxes that the drawers in Josh's big desk are no match for my stationery collection. I've long assured myself that I would have several devoted penpals and use all those gorgeous cards. It may yet happen, but I've definitely disappeared from the mailbox over the last couple of years.

We got to relive the shower a bit on Saturday night with a plate of leftovers that Susan made (more for the purpose of me not starving to death on the drive home. I made it, though). We shared the fruit, cheese, and cupcakes while I ate the mini chicken salad sandwich, and Josh made quick work of the pasta salad. After the shower feast, brown rice bowls with corn, boiled egg, and Parmesan on Sunday were humble but still very satisfying. When I got hungry before bed, I filled a bowl with black grapes, three strawberries, and a tiny plum. I'd never had plums before, and I want to try new fruits while my palette is so accepting of them. Monday kept me busy with a telephone and web training session and grading, but I made banana nut muffins using Martha White Whole Grain mix. I added extra walnuts (I love them!) and dark chocolate chips. Oh, those muffins were sublime. I could make them every day this week. We had a lovely dinner of fruit and scrambled eggs with asparagus and crumbled goat cheese (bacon bits for me; soy bits and hot sauce for him). Mmm.

(I know it looks like green eggs and ham, but it's delicious. Really)

Thoughts on Reading.

 (Image: http://tech-rage.co.cc/2011/02/11/the-worst-part-of-censorship/)

We finished watching Howl on Tuesday. Two aspects stayed with me: one, the candle-lit sepia faces of the listeners as Ginsberg (Franco) gave his reading, and two, this:

"...there is in most of us the desire to make the world conform to our own views and it takes all of the force of our own reason as well as our legal institutions to defy so human an urge. The battle of censorship will not be finally settled by your honor’s decision, but you will either add to liberal educated thinking or, by your decision, you will add fuel to the fire of ignorance." 

- Jake Ehrlich

What brilliance. I'm trying to imagine how thrilled the actor must have been to be able to deliver such words. I don't remember my mother ever telling me I couldn't read something, and I hope to never limit my child's (or children's) reading. Reading is the gateway to all knowledge and to all experience that is out of reach. I will be proud and grateful beyond measure if Oliver wants to read, and I hope that his father and I will daily model a wonder of books. 

 (Image: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Holladay-Library-Salt-Lake-County-Library-System/197971900231067?sk=wall#!/photo.php?fbid=197972223564368&set=a.197972183564372.55635.197971900231067&pid=682787&id=197971900231067)

As a teacher, I want to decrease the "fuel" that ignorance gathers. I may not be able to pour light on my students (I don't have much to give), but if I can just tear a little hole through which my students can climb toward knowledge, if I can at least prompt a little awareness, I feel fantastic about that. I've been trying to dampen my own ignorance too (for example, when I see a page view from a new country, I look it up and try to learn a little about it since I'm completely daft about geography. When I saw an unfamiliar reference to a criminal case on Facebook, I read about it. When Josh noticed that some of his ancestors had really incredible numbers of children, I became curious about what they may have known or believed about birth control then, and I read about the history of birth control). I think reading (and then writing to reinforce, reflect, and create) is the best way to fight ignorance, which is not unintelligence but merely unawareness, willful or not. Reading, writing, cultural experiences, and travel can make our minds wider. Can't you feel it?

(Image: http://simpleandextraordinary.tumblr.com/post/2673600950)

A Page from My Journal : July 6, 2011.

Right now, I'm thinking about the peaceful yet creatively buzzing happiness of the residencies at Queens. I'm remembering the brilliant green of the quad and eating McAlisters food with Josh during a break. The black and gold auditorium. The big chairs and fireplace in the tiny student center.

I love how Bloglovin' corrals new posts for me. It's so easy, and I almost always have something new to read.

I've discovered a great new blog--Your Wishcake. The writer is serene, appreciative, and pregnant, and I've loved every post so far.

My blog is a month old today. I can't believe how fun it has been or how many friends and family members have told me they love it. I also never knew what a rich blogging community exists.

A wild storm is here. The world got suddenly dark after Josh mowed the lawn. The windows have been flashing. The lights have flickered and failed. The thunder is rumbling, and the rain sounds like someone is pouring out jars of false pearls. I feel cozy, safe, and lazy.

In the living room, only one row of boxes remains against the door to the side porch. I may try to clear those out today. The dining room is still stuffed with boxes, and the bedrooms are still messy. As Josh said, though, we've moved into this house far more than we ever moved into the Christmas Love Palace, which, to me, never really felt like ours.

 (When I was little, I got in trouble for holding my pen correctly. Oh well.)

I have grading to do tonight, but I've already editing the reports for tomorrow's editing team meeting. The editing can be tedious, but I like having real experience in it, and I do think it's something I could do for a living.

I have a Real Simple to finish and an Oprah to start. I love that I subscribed to those before we moved. The last magazines to which I subscribed were Lucky, Self, and Health. My subscriptions have definitely gotten more...well, like what a mother would read. In most ways, I don't plan on thinking of myself as "a mom." It will be one of my roles, one that I love and take seriously, but it won't be my identity. I'm remembering a line from Center Stage, my first DVD: "Girl, you are too many things!" That's what I want to be.

I can't believe our poor notebook languished in a box for seven months. We've both written in it just now--our lives have changed so much since the last entry! I love the ballerina I pasted in from a Chapel Hill bookstore flier. Maybe we'll go back in the spring and stroll with Oliver on campus. I'd like to walk with him on various campuses and let him feel the serenity and energy of them.

We also have Lost in Austen from Netflix--three hours British literary goodness. I see some of that, a crabby wrap, and cherries in my future. I think I'll make Josh a wrap with mini sweet peppers, cheese, chickpeas, and spicy French dressing.

After work tomorrow, we have a doctor's appointment. After this, we should start going every two weeks! I wonder how Oliver will react to the glucose test syrup. I need to remember to bring a book for the test wait.

I unpacked that art nouveau piece and put it up in front of my antique mirror on my favorite books cabinet. I don't know why I thought it was a shell--it's definitely a fan.

Our 4th.

 (Image: http://n0t-f0und.tumblr.com/page/6)

On our 4th, we drank copious amounts of lemonade, grilled hamburgers and hot dogs with family, read magazines in red and blue wooden lawn chairs, went swimming, and played with sparklers.

Not really. We didn't set foot out of the house and spent very little time out of bed. I was feeling kind of sore and crampy, so I didn't work on boxes. I did get back to reading The Secret Garden to my boys. I seem to be getting the hang of reading aloud, though I constantly run out of breath.

 (Image: http://whimsicalnothing.tumblr.com/post/5905833593)

I made egg salad sandwiches, which were very yummy. Egg salad does not seem like something I'd like. When I was fifteen or so, I suddenly wanted an egg salad sandwich very badly. I don't know why; I'd never had one. I told my dad this, and he found a New York deli nearby that had them. I reveled in the squishy piles of egg salad on thick white bread. When I got a job working in the nursery at a women's gym around the corner, my dad would sometimes bring me dinner from the deli: a root beer and an egg salad sandwich and pickles in a paper bag. Mmmm. One of my dearest memories is of going to Washington, D.C. in twelfth grade with my A.P. Art History class and sitting at a table by myself (being anti-social) at Union Station, eating an egg salad sandwich I could barely squash enough to fit in my mouth. I did that twice.

 (Image: http://surrealeye.deviantart.com/art/Union-Station-Interior-000-HDR-114606216?q=boost:popular interior)

Here's how I make egg salad. All you need is eggs (I use two per sandwich, so I usually use eight eggs, so Josh and I can have sandwiches for lunch that day and the next day. I wouldn't recommend eating it past the next day), Miracle Whip or whipped salad dressing (reduced fat is good), salt, and of course, bread. I like mine super plain, but most people use dill, paprika, or relish. Josh likes his "bloody ant style," as in with tons of pepper and hot sauce. I love egg salad so much, and thank goodness it got to remain part of our meal rotation after Josh crossed over to the land of veggie heads.

1. Boil the eggs for ten minutes.
2. Put the eggs in the fridge to chill for at least a couple of hours (you can do this overnight too).
3. Remove the shells.
4. Carefully open the eggs and place the yokes in a bowl. Set the whites aside.
5. Spoon the desired amount of whipped salad dressing onto the yokes (just start with a teaspoon glop and see how the next step goes).
6. Use a fork to smash the yolks and mix them into the dressing. Add more dressing if necessary (I like mine to be lumpy and quite yellow, but you definitely want to get rid of all powdery-ness).
7. Put in the whites and use a knife to chop them up to the degree you want.
8. Mix the whites and yokes, add salt, and spoon onto bread.

It's really easy and (as if you don't have enough salt) tastes great with pretzels.

 (Image: http://simplyrecipes.com/recipes/egg_salad_sandwich/)

While we ate lunch, we started watching Howl, about Allen Ginsberg and the obscenity trial for his book. Obviously, the subject matter limits the audience for this one, so be sure you know what you're getting into. So far, James Franco is amazing as are the bizarre animations.

I had one of those weird love and appreciation explosions inside my brain and blurted, "You're my dream boy."  Josh asked why, and I said, "You're my best friend, and I'm sure there's not a boy in the whole world like you."At least, I think that's what I said. It felt like an incoherent bubbling.

(Image: http://inspiring-pictures.com/page/39)

We took a pretty serious nap. When I woke up, I said, "How do you feel about ordering Papa Johns?" Josh woke out of a dead sleep and said, "I feel really good about that." And so it was.

Appropriate for Independence Day, I began leaking colostrum. I did not expect to be so excited about this, but I couldn't stop laughing exultantly and boasting. It's incredible, really. I can feed my baby. I feel like a superhero! Rather than being mildly grossed out like many guys would be, Josh was quite excited too. I never thought my body could do any of this, and it's miraculously figuring everything out on its own. And Oliver did a lot of dancing in celebration. I don't need fireworks when I have that.

(Image: http://www.flickr.com/photos/45142777@N05/4448728309/in/photostream/)

First Week.

 (Image: http://chanelbagsandcigarettedrags.blogspot.com/search?updated-max=2011-06-11T05%3A18%3A00-07%3A00&max-results=45)

I can't believe we've been at the OLC for a whole week! It doesn't seem so. The cardboard chaos continues, but more surfaces are visible than before. Our recycling bin (it's huge!) outside is already full of flat boxes.

I've had to take a lot of breaks.

I've organized my work clothes in the wardrobe and found space for some of my shoes. My tiny closet still needs a lot of work.

Some books are unpacked; I've started stacks near my bed: books I want to read immediately, books I want to read soon, and journals I want to fill soon.

(Image: http://april27th.tumblr.com/page/6)

Josh has put up many of our pictures. We refer them by name: the pink lady, the elf queen, Audrey, Ariel, Andrew, sexy mermaid, and Cinderella, for instance.

Oliver's room now has a cuckoo clock; a whimsical collage; two tiny, decorative, bee-themed pillows; and a shelf for the many baby wipes Mom bought for us at Costco.

Note the honey jar and the bee on the dipper. Cracker Barrel knew I was coming.

The kitchen is basically done except for some more cupcake Wallies. The shelf paper, though I was no expert at application, definitely increased the cheer factor.

Mirrors are in place. They seem to open up the house.

I'm slowly filling up the many drawers of the giant desk with office supplies, pens and inks, and stationery. Folders and notebooks are taking over the coffee table drawers.

 (Image: http://asnoveemcasa.tumblr.com/post/6949920375)

On Friday night, we watched The Edge of Love and had an excellent dinner. I cooked burgers (skillet-style) for the first time. We had spotted Boca meatless burgers at the store and decided this might be a good meal for both of us: I get my meat, he gets his...non-meat, and no extra effort is necessary. I have two small skillets, so I used both to avoid greasing up Josh's burger, and the dishes still weren't bad (remember, we don't have a dishwasher). We had burgers on wheat buns, pasta salad, and sweet dark cherries. I'd decided to try the cherries because I'd never had real cherries (just the sugar-glazed sundae variety), I'm more open to fruit these days, and they just looked so pretty. I'm sure the post about the health benefits of cherries over at Love, Bliss & Beauty had something to do with it too.

I also needed half a dill pickle.

The meal was very satisfying, and I enjoyed the movie. Josh is picky and doesn't actually like movies much (what a pity he married a huge movie girl!), so I just appreciate that he watches them with me, and I don't ask what he thought (his lukewarm reactions only bum me). It's a literary-tinged relationship drama with infidelity, violence, and one of those jealousy-charged female friendships. The best parts (and probably the redeeming qualities for Josh) were an adorable baby boy and the heart-aching Welsh seaside landscapes. Dylan Thomas's voice was great too.

On Saturday, while having the pasta salad again for lunch, we watched The Voyage of the Dawn Treader at last. This was my favorite book in the series. Aslan and the lily sea did not disappoint. The teary dragon really tore me up...but I think it would have even if I weren't pregnant. Oh! I can't think about it. Thank goodness for Reepicheep. For dinner later, we had cheese ravioli with tomato sauce, Parmesan, and spinach. Josh left a good bit of spinach in the bottom of his bowl, but at least I sneaked some vitamins into him! I had a glorious late evening snack: cherries and Jello French Silk Pie pudding. Oh. My. Goodness. And I got to enjoy it before the noise of merry makers and fireworks began. I already feel very much at home here.

(Image: http://ifeellikeamoustache.tumblr.com/)