What to Do When You're Fried.

I am definitely fried. Five weeks of exhaustion and headaches. Three weeks of a nagging, low-grade fever. Lingering effects of four days of intense vertigo. Doctors who don't take me seriously. A GYN appointment (even though it wasn't that bad, and everything is normal). A husband who is overcommitted and also fried. An energetic son who has two days off school this week when he desperately needs routine. Difficult conversations. Difficult memories. Early darkness. So what do I do? Here's what I'm trying:

• Looking at Christmas catalogs--Brighton, Goldspot Pens, The Company Store, and whatever else comes in the mail.
• Eating a shrimp, refried bean, Mozzarella, and guacamole burrito.
• Tearing out cozy scenes and colorful penscapes for my art journal, when I get to it.
• Drinking an iced peppermint mocha.
• Drinking an extra Dr. Pepper.
• Making tomato soup.
• Making cheddar and sour cream mashed potatoes (the easy kind).
• Lighting the Pumpkin Clove, Pumpkin Cinnamon Bun, Vanilla Pumpkin Marshmallow, and Vanilla Pumpkin Creme B&BW candles all in one day.
• Lighting two Christmas trees (yes, I decorate after Halloween and until Valentine's Day if I feel like it!).
• Letting Josh stroke me with a cold washcloth.
• Changing the sheets (if I have the energy tonight).
• Answering cheerful student E-mails.
• Writing in my Italian leather bumblebee journal.
• Reading Bella Grace articles.
• Starting a list of ways to feel like a kid again.
• Letting Josh take on more of the chores and driving tasks.
• Eating room-temperature coffee cake. 
• Wearing velour star pants.
• Showering with philosophy Sugar Plum Fairy gel.
• Taking Cinnamon Sandalwood bubble baths.
• Reading an easy, engaging book (Being Lolita).
• Reading poems about fairies.
• Organizing a pink binder with (for now) my 2023-2025 reading list, highlighter coded (green for what I need to buy, glitter pink for 40 before 40 goals, and glitter yellow for annual goals).
• Adding to my Amazon wish lists: one for me, one for Josh, and one for Bruce.
• Kissing for every goodbye.
• Carefully filling our four pill boxes for the week (a Tuesday task).
• Reading a juicy poem ("Girl Eats Her First Mango").
• Reading literary analyses of the juicy poem.
• Sending out class announcements letting everybody know what we're doing this week.
• Reading student freewriting journal entries about all their trials and excitements.
• Reading Toni Morrison essays in the dark while I put Oliver to bed.
• Writing a blog post to remind myself of all the good little things in these days.

Writing Conference Prompts: Desired Outcomes.

 Desired Outcomes as a Reader

• Read 100 books this year
• Fill time with reading
• Read 31 books of poetry in October
• Read visually 2+ hours daily
• Read poems every day
• Read a story every day
• Read art
• Listen to books at every opportunity
• Read within my passions and curiosities
• Read outside my tendencies
• Read with Josh
• Read with Bruce
• Read some of Josh's books
• Read anthologies, especially Best American
• Approach books with curiosity

What am I doing well?

• The desire is there.
• I read deeply.
• I reflect on what I read.
• I read to help myself write.

What could I do better?

• Focus
• Put in the time
• Read widely
• Read daily
• Listen to books more

How can I do better?

• Keep headphones charged
• Listen during chores and meals
• Read The Plague
• Read a chapter of Creative Recovery each week
• Read poetry collections all at once in a day or two
• Finish a book most days
• Time my reading
• Use chart
• Update GoodReads and StoryGraph

Nourish/Challenge: Week 22.

I've had almost back-to-back sinus infections (Yes, I finished my antibiotics). This past week, I got in to see my PA, and he said I was right: a sinus infection, a bad one. So I've tried to rest, and Josh has been so supportive.

Oliver sings. He sings bits of songs in the car. Josh says that when I shower with music, Oliver stays outside the door and sings along. It may be because I'm singing more at home and in the car. I want him to have the solace and nourishment of reading and movies, but for now, singing is pretty good.

For the first time in a terribly long time, I took a bath and read poetry aloud. I've got to get back to that. The habit is a challenge but so nourishing.

Oliver has been home with me. Last week was his first week out of school. We are waiting for a new tech, so we haven't gone to ABA; he only has private OT and speech right now.

I noticed that because he wears uniforms at to school, he had very little casual clothing. So I signed him up for Stitch Fix (sign up and you and I will each get a $25 credit). We get ten items per shipment. I've mostly asked for comfortable or athletic shorts and cute graphic tees. Oliver enjoys pointing out designs on his clothes. SF even sends shoes and pajamas! It eliminates the challenge of hunting for his clothes here and there, and I can easily return what doesn't work.

I'm trying a long, weekly to-do list again, but in my mermaid spiral notebook instead of the journal. Bullet journaling intimidates me; I know almost nothing about it. What kind of to-do list do you use?

The Wonder of the Wist List.

I love a good list, as you may have noticed. When I was growing up, I loved pros and cons lists. I'd make them when deciding whether or not I (or a friend) should break up with a guy. My darling friend Melissa even bought me a Knock Knock pros and cons list pad. I made lists for her too.

My 40 before 40 and my 30 before 30 lists have at least given me and dusty map or a cloudy compass to keep me, at least, going in a good direction.

I've written Reasons I Love You lists, and I've received a few in return.

My to-do lists were lengthy when I was in 6th grade. Now, my weekly to-do lists are almost out of control. I write them in my journal, taking up two or more pages and still ending up with items crawling on the margins. My actual goal is to complete half the items on my list for the week. The lists are detailed and repetitive. What I don't achieve goes on the next list, or I decide the task isn't important. The lists are unrealistic, but they remind me about the kind of person I want to be in my daily life and with my long-term goals.

But the greatest of all lists is the Wish List. I've had one on Amazon for many years. I should probably clean it up. The list and recommendations steer me toward great discoveries. I put wish lists on my blog occasionally, mixing wishes for objects and experiences. I keep a wish list at the back of my current journal, usually including hard-to-find objects (red rhinestone earrings), books or notebooks, and makeup items. I edit the list when I copy it into my new journal.

Wish lists also express or reveal who I am and what sort of creature I am becoming or want to be.

The List.

Every week in my journal, I make a massive list of what I need or want to do. The current list has 123 items. I know it's neurotic and weird. But I call it my To-Do Wish List because I don't express to cross off every item. My informal goal is to accomplish half of those small goals. The list helps me shape my days and the landscape of my mind. It gives me motivation and a sense of accomplishment as if someone is taking notice of my efforts. So what's on the list?

• Reading at least one poem each in each of the three poetry books I'm reading. I check those off every night after my poetry-bubble bath.
• Responding to prompts in my journal, usually five per week. I make up prompts or find them anywhere and write them on a blank page (or more) to respond to later. Many of these become blog posts.
• Blogging five times a week.
• Working on a stack of books. I list the books I've begun and simply try to work on each a little. This doesn't often happen.
• Using my desk and my chaise lounge. I have these lovely pieces--a white secretary desk that holds notebooks, stationery, pens, ink...and a denim chaise that's good for reading and sticker play.
• Reading short stories. I'm trying to read one for every day of summer this year, so the numbers are one my list.
• Finishing books. I include the books I want to finish reading that week.
• Writing at least two pages a day in my journal, whether the current journal is massive or tiny.
• Exercise: three times walking, dancing, or swimming and three times floor work--small weights, yoga, ballet...I've not been very good with this.
• Reading magazines, so Oliver can tear them up (his current obsession/self-soothing activity). It gives me an excuse to sit still with a magazine.

...and much more. Do you keep crazy lists?