A Bold Reader: Week 43.

I've read 53 books this year! This past week, I finished Native Guard. I asked Josh if he wanted to read it, and he did so all in one sitting! I envy his talent for reading. I'll look for more Natasha Tretheway. I began c. b. eady's Twenty Days and Nights: Poems from an Ordinary Life.

Bruce and I are in Part 2 of Authority, and we're liking it. The style differs from Annihilation. The current protagonist is more open.

I'm not doing well at all with my fall focus. I have under two months. I'll manage. Lena Dunham, Andrew Lloyd Webber, and Michael Crawford are my priorities. I'm halfway through Mark Vonnegut's Just Like Someone without Mental Illness Only More So, so that will count.

I'm still trying to read a short story for each day. I'm about halfway through Best Small Fictions 2016, so I'm making progress.

The Closet of Hope.

I wrote this at the top of a page of my journal. I don't know what it means or what I was thinking about at the time. It makes me think of Francesca Lia Block's character Weetzie Bat, whose friend's grandmother had the most amazing wardrobe. All that beauty enveloped Weetzie.

I have a closet full of clothes I hope I can wear again someday. And then, I have what I call the Wardrobe of Acceptance, which is in a literal wicker wardrobe. I'm still going to try to lose significant weight, but I need something to wear in the meantime. I imagine a lot of those bigger clothes in a storage unit in Rockingham, about half way between Mom and me. Whenever one of us gains weight, we can shop the storage unit.

Alexandra Stoddard, a lifestyle writer I adore, wrote about making a collage of art postcards on the inside of a closet door.

Closets tend to get the "scary" label, but I'd much rather see them as magical. They always seem to hide something wonderful, like silver peacock heels or polka dot towels.

ViaCharacter.org Character Strengths.

I love a good personality test. I think I came across this one (viacharacter.org) on Facebook. I found the results interesting, so I wanted to share them. The test looks for 24 personality traits or key values and ranks them based on a 100+-question test. But note, my #24 is Humility. LOL.

1) Humor. I was surprised to find humor near the top at all. But first? The more I think about it, though, the more sense it makes. For the last few years, I've used humor to distract myself from illness and stress. I love funny videos from SNL. I also love Jimmy Fallon's "Hashtags." I love laughing, and I love making others laugh. I try to tell funny stories. One of the best parts of my patchwork family is that we laugh a lot together. Humor is in Bruce's top 5 too! We certainly laugh a lot. He may like personality tests as much as I do.

2) Love of Learning.  I don't really have any major interest in going back to school. I'm satisfied with my MFA. The PhD comes to mind occasionally, but it would not be good for my family. Still, I learn a lot by reading. Even when I'm not learning new facts or skills, reading strengthens my mind, and events (like shows) can enrich the background of my thoughts. Josh got love of learning in his top 5 too. He's always doing some kind of internally motivated study. And he can read anything.This is in Bruce's top 5 too. These first two traits are probably two of the biggest reasons we're close. For example, we read together.

3) Appreciation of Beauty and Excellence. I can certainly feel that. A painting, a hallway, a bit of graffiti can pause my breath. I've been building a habit of honest compliments--kindness or compliments that I felt but didn't express in the past. I love to have my walls covered with my passions--fairies, mermaids, movies, literature. People close to me really impress me, and I try to let them know. Josh got this one too! That's good he's a professor and needs to find the good in a student's work or even character. When he looks at me, he always finds something to appreciate such as my eye makeup, coordinated colors, or what I'm wearing. He sees great beauty in forgotten buildings or cemeteries.

4) Love. My love is no joke. Once someone gets it, it can be overwhelming. I want to love, but I'm not so good at it. I try to think of a person's love language (my brother's, for example, is touch) and use that.

5) Gratitude. One of the main reasons I started this blog was to build up my gratitude and my awareness of my blessings. I make lists of my favorites and miracles.

So that sums up a lot about this season in my life.

Restoration: Week 42.

This past week, my tiny book club finished another book. I think that was #15. We've read quiet a variety: nonfiction, novels, young adult short stories, science fiction...

I felt like going to Michaels's, so Josh took me there. I found a huge "Find Your Perfect Pen" display with several brands. I was thrilled to find pens I'd never seen: Uni-Ball Signo metallic. I also found the pens my boss used to buy in purple and green for the department. But these were pink and turquoise, which seemed to represent how I've changed though I'm still the same person.

We also went to Barnes together. Just being around all those books restores me.

We went to Target, and I encouraged Josh to restore his work wardrobe with a couple pairs of dress pants. I found a navy sweater with bright blue all-over sparkle--perfect for Christmas Day (and several wears before that!).

I watched a movie by myself, free streaming. on Amazon Prime. I won't say which movie--it was a bit racier than I expected.

Josh had a class in the second 8 weeks of the semester. It got cancelled--a bummer. But now...he doesn't have to go to work on Fridays! What?! Last Friday was his first one at home, which is how we've been able to run around town. I think this will restore our bond and our joy.

A Bold Reader: Week 42.

This past week, Bruce and I finished Annihilation. It was strange and intriguing. We decided to read Authority, the second book in the Southern Reach Trilogy. I'm glad to be reading some science fiction.

I felt the need to be about books, so Josh took me to Barnes. He ordered a caramel macchiato for me, and he stayed with me. I saw many new journals, but none was irresistible.

But I did find a young adult version of Bella Grace (probably my favorite magazine). Those are the only magazines I buy, knowing how many magazines I already have. What is so special about magazines? For Mom's birthday, I gave her four or five magazines, which felt insufficient, but she loved it! That's a good birthday tradition. We encourage each other to read. I convinced her to join GoodReads, so each can see what the other is reading.

E-books are convenient, but we want to make sure that Oliver sees us reading and doesn't think we're just playing on our phones. I also just want to fuel my love of reading and my sense of the magic of books.

Journal Shopping: A Guide.

Journals that await me...

If you're shopping for a journal, keep these in mind:

• Paper quality. For me, pages need to be smooth and thick enough to handle a marker or fountain pen. I sadly avoid recycled journals because the paper is usually delicate and rough.
• Beauty. A journal should inspire you. Don't worry about messing up the prettiest journal. Journals are made for scribbling.
• Cost. This depends on your budget and how much you plan to write. If I'm swimming through a journal every two weeks (okay, that hasn't happened in years), I probably won't spend more than $20. If you think a journal will last a year, you may feel good about the $50 Italian leather journal. A journal is highly personal and will be a deep part of your life. Shop accordingly.
• Binding. This is hugely important. I love spiral journals, but they have to be of high quality. Otherwise, I look for sewn rather than glued bindings. Some sewn journals have spines that are left open. The best journals lie flat, making the writing easier.
• Size. I'm enjoyed tiny journals that fit in a small purse, and I've used huge journals that take up my whole lap. Decide based on the portability you need.
• Artist cover art. Look for your favorite artists (or find new favorites), I've had journals with cover art by Mary Engelbreit, Josephine Wall, Amy Brown, Bella Pilar, Stephen Mackey, K.Y. Craft, and various Disney artists. I feel privileged to write in those covers.

Where to shop:

• Barnes and Nobel usually has a great display of a variety of journals. This is a good place to find your favorite brands.
• Amazon is great if you know what you want. Don't get lost in the staggering variety.
• Paper Source often has lovely journals, sometimes including the Papaya! brand. It's also just a place to daydream and explore. 
• Papyrus carries Paperblanks and Kate Spade as well as journals with Bella Pilar (one of my favorite artists!) art.
• 2nd & Charles (or Books-A-Million) has many discount journals, some of them gorgeous. I've found many fantasy art journals there.
• Ross and such stores have discount journals, usually by the register or in the home goods (near photo frames).
• Target usually has at least a few great journals at low prices. I always check the pen and paper aisle when I'm at Target.

Favorite brands:

• Peter Pauper Press definitely wins the medal. Reasonably-priced, these journals are gorgeous. Barnes usually has several styles. High quality and little extras like a pocket in the back cover and an elastic band closure make this an outstanding brand.
• Compendium has a terrific variety of journals, most of them with themes or guidance but with plenty of blank space.
• Novel Journals are a recent discovery for me, and they are amazing! They are of such high quality, and the literary references are awesome (each journal celebrates a specific book). The lines are the tiny words of the book itself! You're likely to find at least one journal based on a book you love. 
• ArtWorks...I don't know what happened to this brand, but I loved it. I wrote on Christmas in a silky red journal with a Stephen Mackey angel on it.
• Black Rock Journals are an extension of PPP. They are simple and sturdy with black hard spiral covers and inspirational words in gold or silver.
• Ellie Claire makes faith-based journals. They are well-made with pretty covers, page art, and scriptures or quotations on each page. Barnes carries several of these.
• Flame Tree Journals are on Amazon and at 2nd & Charles. The covers often feature Josephine Wall art (she's one of my favorites!). The art is metallic and striking.
• Punch Studio. These are always beautiful with complex, collage-like cover art, often featuring the Eiffel Tower, hot air balloons, or crowns. Many of the journals have broach-style rhinestone magnet closures. Every page is lovely; I don't even use stickers on these. Amazon and Ebay are the best places to find the journals now. I don't often see them in stores.
• Paperblanks makes a rich but highly-priced journal. Some Barnes have a turning display.
• Papaya! Art makes some of the best journals I've encountered. Most journals have beautiful background art on every page. I especially like the spiral journals. The brand is inspirational and sassy.

Do you have questions? Comment below. Happy journal shopping!

Whoa, I'm a Mother!

The evidence:

• One of the cupholders in my car holds a bottle of hand sanitizer and a pack of Wet Ones.
• One type of angel is someone who gives us a pack of Wet Ones when we're cleaning Oliver's vomit out of the car.
• Whenever I need to move something, I put it in a Pull-Ups box--it has handles!
• My glove box is stuffed with pretzels, Goldfish, and other snacks.
• I am on constant snack duty.
• Instead of a coffee table, I have a Thomas table.
• I find toys in my shoes.
• My stretch marks are like battle scars from 13 months of breastfeeding.
• I buy two jars of pickles every week and orange juice by the gallon.
• I know which fruit snacks are best (Welch's).
• Every time I turn off the lights, a sound puzzle rumbles or barks.
• I hide my books under blankets to avoid destruction.
• I spend perhaps 1/3 of my grocery money on foods my child *might* eat.
• I get excited about receiving Kleenex wipes in a surprise box.
• Half of my little purse holds a change of clothes for Oliver.

Restoration: Week 41.

This week has not been as restorative as I would have liked. I didn't finish any books, but I was reading. I think reading always restores me, perhaps especially when I read poetry aloud.

Bruce took me to see Bad Times at the El Royale, which was weird and...fun? I couldn't take it seriously.

I'm terrible about putting away my still-clean clothes. So a laundry basket has been growing beyond its borders with clothes I've laid out. Tackling the task of putting away all those clothes was beyond me. I felt something akin to fear. But this last week, I had an idea. I set my timer on my phone to 30 minutes. I worked for half an hour, and when I heard the timer, I stopped. It wasn't scary when I knew I could leave it soon. And I've been making good progress. I'm thinking about keeping that 30 minutes to address an issue in our room or just work on cleaning and organizing our room.

Long talks with Mom almost always restores me (except when something terrible has happened). We talked on the phone a lot. The subject was far from happy, but we still made each other laugh.

I've been off soda for about two weeks, and it had better contribute to weight loss and general health because I hate it. I will say, though, that it has made me a little more confident in my self-control. It seems a bit pathetic, but I've turned off one of my major sources of happiness. Still, this is an effort to restore my health.

A Bold Reader: Week 41.

I haven't been a very bold reader this past week. I didn't finish any books. But I'm still happy that I met my annual goal.

I do plan to read many books before the year ends. Bruce and I are still reading Annihilation, and I love it! We may end up reading the two other books in the trilogy.

I'm trying to continue reading one short story per day. I think a literary diet full of stories is good for me, and with a short stories, I can open new worlds in a couple of pages.

I'm continuing to read House of Light, Native Guard, and Best New Poets 2008. I still read aloud in the bathtub.

I've also gone back to 'Salem's Lot, and it's pulling me in.

I must learn to focus on reading, to devote a chunk of time (and the empty minutes) to it. To avoid distractions such as E-mail. To lose track of time in books. To dive deeply into the books that await me. To be the reader I were I were.

Stitch Fix: What I Do and Don't Like to Wear.

I recently started using Stitch Fix, and it's made me think more about my personal style and what I do and don't want to wear, even down to accessories and other details. Stitch Fix sends you five items per fix for a $20 styling fee, which then goes toward anything you like and keep. You can just send the rest back for free. Do you want to try it? Use this link, and we'll both get $25 credits:
here!

So these are some of my personal preferences (a lot of what I dislike on myself looks great on someone else).

I don't like wearing

• Pointed-toed shoes
• Open-toed shoes
• Distressed denim
• Orange 
• Yellow
• Hoop earrings
• Windbreaker-style jackets
• Stilettos 
• Cropped tops
• Cargo pockets
• Back pockets with flaps
• Pencil skirts
• Animal prints
• Geometric prints
• Puffy outerwear
• Tassels

I do like wearing

• Round-toe shoes
• Dark denim
• Blush
• Gray
• Purple
• Green
• Black
• Light blue
• Pinstripes
• Mary Jane shoes
• Necklaces with charms or rhinestones/crystals
• Chandelier earrings
• Rhinestones, sequins, glitter, etc. on everything
• Wedge heels
• A-line, empire waist, and swing dresses
• Polka dots
• Star and heart prints
• Toms and similar slip-on styles
• Inspiring, literary, or fantasy-detailed graphic tees (especially Disney!)
• Unusual cardigans (I think I already own all the usual ones!)

Today's Top 10 Wishes: 10.10.18.

1. Gray dress pants with pink pinstripes.
2. More pink clothes in general.
3. German chocolate cake.
4. Sugar gliders.
5. My own aquarium--a whole building.
6. Access to a hot tub.
7. A huge bathtub. 
8. Peace for my whole family.
9. An orange-peeling machine.
10. More insight on how to interact with Oliver.

Restoration: Week 40.

This past week, I gave up soda. I need to restore my body to better health and, I hope, get slimmer after my lithium-related weight gain. I love soda, so I hope to see major results.

My mother's dear friend Druella and her family decided to give their old Honda Civic to us so that Josh can drive himself to work and so I won't have to bring Oliver out past his bedtime to pick up Josh from night classes. Wow!

So we went to Charlotte to pick up the car. While we were there, we got to spend time with Dad, Michelle, and their new dog, Buckley. We shared three good meals, and Dad had us stay at a lovely hotel. Josh, Oliver, and I went straight to bed.

Bruce and I finished The Boy on the Bridge and began Annihilation. Reading together refreshes our friendship.

Bruce and I also enjoyed the return of SNL and The Good Doctor. And we finally watched Yentl. We agreed that the only change that would make Yentl better would be to have Mandy Patinkin sing. I'd forgotten how beautiful the music is. I love restoring lost joys to myself.

A Bold Reader: Week 40.

One of my 40 before 40 goals is to bring my lifetime reading to 1,000 books. I'm at 639 right now. I have a long way to go. Maybe my goal next year can be 60 books, or maybe I'll make the goal 50 again and just surpass it.

This has not been a great week for accomplishments. My to-do wish list shows that. I hardly wrote at all this last week. But I have read a little poetry, and Bruce and I finished The Boy on the Bridge! The book was great, and I'm excited to read The Girl with All the Gifts, which is set in the same world. I've now read 51 books this year! I wonder how far I'll get.

At my brother's recommendation, Bruce and I began reading Annihilation, which is part of the basis for the movie of the same name and the first book of the Southern Reach trilogy. I hope we will want to read the whole series. This will be book #16 of our tiny book club. I've enjoy the boost and the bond.

So many books are appealing to me right now. I have to create or seize more reading time.

Restoration: Week 39.

This past week, I reached my goal of reading 50 books this year. I'm so excited! And now, I have another 2+ months to read with less structure or with a new structure I'll create. I can read more challenging works because I'm not in a rush.

Josh and I went to the gym together for the first time in a long time. I stayed on the treadmill for an hour. I hated it, but I read some on my phone. I'm sure it was good for me.

I've been sleeping more. During the day, I'm often exhausted for no good reason. I try to listen to my body, but with sleep, I don't know if it's a necessity or a self-indulgence. Of course, nothing's wrong with a some of the latter. But I've written very little this week, partly because I'm asleep. I need to restore my scribbles next week.

My son turned 7. This is amazing to me. He's enjoying school and therapy, and he's talking and playing more. We met Dad and Michelle and Mom and Shane in Spencer and rode with Thomas! The train's facial expressions were impressive and not at all creepy. We had a great time. It was nice to have the patchwork family together.

A Bold Reader: Week 39.

This past week, I reached my annual reading goal. 50 books! With 3 months to spare! I plan to keep up with my seasonal focus (memoirs and diaries for fall!) and get back to reading the Bible. I finished Descent and Wedding in Hell. I've read all of Kay's collections now. I still miss her.

The year is 3/4 finished. I feel that I've been a bold reader. I've stuffed myself with poetry, some accessible and some challenging. 23 books of poetry! I've enjoyed short stories, especially flash fiction. I hope to write some of my onw before the year ends. I reading Native Guard by Natasha Tretheway and House of Light by Mary Oliver. I intend to read a lot of Mary Oliver.

I can identify well with the title Reader now. After reading so much less (about half) last year, I feel victorious.

I've been working on sustained reading. I often get distracted while I'm reading, sometimes just by my thoughts. But I've started to reexperience reading in a flow state. It's one of the best feelings I know.