My Top 10 Showtunes.

This was not easy.

1. "The Phantom of the Opera" from The Phantom of the Opera
2. "If I Can't Love Her" from Beauty and the Beast
3. "With One Look" from Sunset Boulevard
4. "For Forever" from Dear Evan Hansen
5. "Prima Donna" from The Phantom of the Opera
6. "Helpless" from Hamilton
7. "Light" from Next to Normal
8. "I'll Cover You (Reprise)" from Rent
9. "'Til I Hear You Sing" from Love Never Dies
10. "Ring of Keys" from Fun Home

Nourish/Challenge: Week 52.

This tiny week held the last days of 2019, and the other days scattered somewhere along the year's path. But I had the boys with me, which filled my heart. I skimmed old magazines from my collection, so Oliver could blithely shred them, and Josh could not-so-happily clean up the scraps.

I challenged myself again, in those two days, to read as much as possible. I finished two books: poems by Louise Gluck and a slightly fascinating memoir-through-object-memory by Dawn Raffel (new to me). I'd like to write that kind of memoir. Maybe I will.

Bruce took me to see Cats, which we both enjoyed despite the general negative reception. Cherry Coke+musical+cats+best friend+great nourishment...a great way to finish the year.

Nourish/Challenge: Week 17.

I had a great week last week. I'll soon tell you all about my trip with Mom.

Bruce and I finished reading Dear Evan Hansen, which we both liked. We're starting a book I chose, A House at the Bottom of a Lake, by the author who wrote Bird Box, which we both loved. I've begun reading The Strange and Beautiful Sorrows of Ava Lavender, which, so far, is about a girl born with wings.

I want to read Libba Bray's Great and Terrible Beauty YA series. Melissa gave me two of the books, and I bought a used copy of the last.

So I have a lot of reading challenges. But books are often fulfilling too.

And Bruce and I watched The Silence together. Stanley Tucci! Not a boring moment.

And I forgot to write about Anastasia, the show Bruce and I attended before my trip. The music was lovely, and the costumes were so sparkly. I'm so grateful that we get to see a show almost every month. It pries open my hard.

Restoration: Week 45.

Major restoration: the new theatre season has begun!

Bruce and I went to see Hamilton. I didn't know what to expect. It didn't seem like something that would interest me much, but of course, with its wild success, I was curious.

And it was great! The rap-esque songs, the choreography, the lighting, the ensemble, even the minimal sets and costumes impressed me. It was a great way to start the new season, and it refreshed my heart. Today, Mama said that theatre is medicine for my soul. So true. As I keep up with the medicine for my body and mind, I need to remember the soul.

Bruce and I also went to see Bohemian Rhapsody. We liked it. It made me remember my dad introducing me to so much music when I was small. Those are restorative memories.

And Bruce and I have been watching American Horror Story. It's not what I'd call restorative, but it's certainly refreshing. What a brilliant new approach to horror and overall storytelling! I can't wait to see more.

I do feel strong; I used to have no tolerance for horror--I would be messed up for weeks or months. The idea of horror has always fascinated me, but I couldn't handle it. Now, I don't think it's desensitization exactly, but after my own horrors (I know real fear), my courage has deepened--an astonishing restoration. I see the scary as entertaining and thought-provoking. I often analyze movies for a long time, and I love talking about movies with those I love. My brother, James, and I take movies seriously in a way that may be unusual. I'm glad we can share that.

Oliver wasn't feeling very well last week, and a few days ago, we took a nap together. He gave up his nap so many years ago, but I felt I had him, little again, in my arms.

Josh and I went to 2nd and Charles with our free time on Friday. Josh spotted a Michael Ball CD (Marius in Les Mis, Raoul in Phantom). It has some great songs, such as Phantom ones he must have wanted to try; "Lift the Wings," a gorgeous song from Riverdance, "Seasons of Love," and "Tell Me on a Sunday." $4!

A year or more ago, I found a lovely purple T-shirt with words from Darcy's little confession of love. I guess $20 seemed like too much. But while we were there the other day, I found it on sale for $5! I also bought a $3 copy Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats. Cats the musical is based on this book, so it's silly that I've never read it. Cats is the last show of the theatre season, and I will be prepared!

This week was full of bright spots and some sustaining light.

Restoration: Week 40.

This past week, I gave up soda. I need to restore my body to better health and, I hope, get slimmer after my lithium-related weight gain. I love soda, so I hope to see major results.

My mother's dear friend Druella and her family decided to give their old Honda Civic to us so that Josh can drive himself to work and so I won't have to bring Oliver out past his bedtime to pick up Josh from night classes. Wow!

So we went to Charlotte to pick up the car. While we were there, we got to spend time with Dad, Michelle, and their new dog, Buckley. We shared three good meals, and Dad had us stay at a lovely hotel. Josh, Oliver, and I went straight to bed.

Bruce and I finished The Boy on the Bridge and began Annihilation. Reading together refreshes our friendship.

Bruce and I also enjoyed the return of SNL and The Good Doctor. And we finally watched Yentl. We agreed that the only change that would make Yentl better would be to have Mandy Patinkin sing. I'd forgotten how beautiful the music is. I love restoring lost joys to myself.

Story Snippet: Masquerade.

Oliver and I were picking Josh up from work, and I had the Phantom soundtrack playing. Oliver usually listens quietly to music in the car. Josh opened the door and said hi to Oliver. Oliver answered, "Mackerade!"

Such a moment of joy! I felt that I was doing something right. He will know the joy of musical theatre. That's something I can give him. I want to give him the coping strategies I've learned and the joys that can penetrate darkness.

Nanna and Grandpa.

The more I think about it, the more I realize how much my grandparents influenced and inspired me while I was growing up. They are the most generous people I know, and I would be quite a different person without them.

My dad bought tickets to take Mom to The Phantom of the Opera. He told me about it, and I was so intrigued and curious. Nanna and Grandpa had the soundtrack and a beautiful souvenir program. I disappeared into one of the chairs in their living room with a borrowed Discman and the CD booklet with the full libretto. I fell desperately in love with the music. I was 7 or 8.

Grandpa gave me a Walkman and replaced it when I wore it out. It was my own magical portal to Broadway music. Eventually, Nanna and Grandpa gave me their souvenir program, and I still have it. They revealed other Andrew Lloyd Webber musicals to me-Cats, Starlight Express, Sunset Boulevard, Evita, and Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat. They had a wardrobe full of videos and music. It was better than a Narnia wardrobe to me. I loved peering inside.

Grandpa took me to see a local show of Funny Girl. Nanna and Grandpa took me and some cousins to the touring Beauty and the Beast.  They took me to Joseph. And they introduced many other musicals to me by VHS. Rodgers and Hammerstein--South Pacific, Sound of Music, Carousel--and others like Gigi, My Fair Lady, West Side Story, and more. Without these, my life would have far less magic. 

They also took me to Europe when I was 13. We went to France, Germany, Belgium, Switzerland, and the Netherlands. One of my favorite memories is of our walking in Paris, each holding a baguette and a Coke. Americans!

I am deeply grateful to my grandparents for opening new worlds to me.