"Light Tomorrow with Today."

This quotation by Elizabeth Barrett Browning is so encouraging but also offers a major challenge. When I encounter it, I always want to be still and ponder it.

Here's one trouble I see: how can I light the lamps and candles while saving nothing? I've been trying not to save objects or experiences for later. But often, when I have a great experience or use a new gift, I fill with light that can spill into the next day.

I also try to think of yesterday's me, today's me, and tomorrow's me as a group of friends who need to be good to each other and help each other. So I wonder,

• What can I do to heal yesterday?
• How can I use what yesterday taught me?
• What new habits can I work on today and pass to tomorrow?
• What messes has yesterday left for me? How can I improve the situation?
• What can I do to give tomorrow some brilliance like hope?
• How can I avoid leaving a mess for tomorrow.
• How can yesterday, today, and tomorrow all respect each other?
• If I build a beautiful day today, what is likely to happen tomorrow?

"Live the Story You Want to Tell."

I saw this on a journal at Barnes. I kept thinking about it.

I love telling stories. Often, this is oral, autobiographical storytelling. I love seeing an appreciative audience. A couple of people have told me that I'm good at that storytelling, so that probably makes me run wild.

I also like to tell stories in writing. I've written endless emails to close friends, detailing events in my life. But I can also make up stories, and they can be whatever I want them to be.

I have new stories to tell my best friend almost every day. They're simple: Oliver jumping off furniture, funny exchanges between Josh and me, songs and words my family made up.

Some stories are good because they're full of opportunities for catharsis. Or they're good for an embarrassed laugh. But I keep coming back to the journal that said, "Live the story you want to tell." It seemed to be speaking to me directly.

I want to tell a story about a girl who loved theatre and shared this delicate passion with someone else.

I want to tell a story about a girl who watched all the Disney Princess movies she'd missed.

I want to tell a story about a girl who took the train to D.C. and took in the art there.

I want to tell a story about a girl who wrote every day.

I want to tell a story about a girl who never stopped reading.

I want to tell a story about a woman who told the truth about who she was.

I want to tell a story about a woman who fought back.

I want to tell a story about a woman who let others fight for her too.

I want to tell a story about a woman who stopped being scared.


And yes, I eventually bought the journal.

About Pink.

Generally, my favorite colors are purple and green. Sitting in my living room, the only pink I see is a Disney Princess tote bag and a page flag with space for tiny notes. But I try to keep some pink accessible.

Audrey Hepburn believed in pink, so it real must have some magic, right there with kissing.

I love pink pens, especially ballpoint. They glide so easily. I love pink eyeshadow as long as it is metallic or sparkly. I sometimes have to switch to another palette once or twice to get it right.

If anything needs a boost, I may try to remedy the problem with pink. Sometimes, I say, "I need some pink in my life right now." A hot pink shirt, preferably with Disney Princess design, can be helpful. The lighter pink shirts can make me look like Ive used all kinds of beauty products even if I've used none. It seems to give me an endearing flush. She when I shop, I pay attention to pink.

Green makes me feel empowered and capable. Purple makes me feel apart from the world but highly creative. And...I guess pink makes me feel beautiful.

What to Try (or Try Again).

• Wearing liquid eyeliner
• Wearing an anklet, if I can find one
• Tackling the Bronte and Austen books I've not read yet
• Using my fountain pen in my journals, trusting the paper to handle it
• Swimming. The manic joy it gave me last summer has drained away, but maybe I can still enjoy it
• Writing letters. I could just send encouragement postcards. I haven't written a letter in a long time.
• Making another collage. I used to love making collages. Watercolors, magazine images, charms, glitter...
• Wearing more of my work clothes--no saving for someday!

Gift Stories.

Gifts are my primary love language. Objects hold much meaning for me. I remember how I got them or who gave them to me. Just about every object in my home has a story. This two gifts have been on my mind:

Many years ago, my aunt Brietta sent me a round, silver box with concentric circles of round stones in all colors. Though it has held ordinary objects (push pins, swirly paperclips, a coin), it seems like a place where a gypsy girl would keep something magical.

A couple of Christmases ago, Mom gave me an 8-inch Madame Alexander Jo doll. Mom and I both love Little Women (my son calls her Marmee) and Madame Alexander. This gift was full of meaning. For a long time, I saw myself as Beth--sweet but weak and sick and so very shy. My mom suggested that I was more like Jo--a writer, fiery and independent though out of place. I began to see myself differently after that. So the doll is a symbol and reminder of that for me.

What I Want to Teach Oliver.

My son was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) at the beginning of the year. So I'm having to shift expectations, do a lot of paperwork, and learn how to be a good mama to him right where he is.

Here are a few things I hope to teach him or help him learn:

• I would love to teach Oliver to read. I can think of few greater gifts I could give him. I don't know how to do it, but I'll try.
• I want to teach him to love reading. He often sees Josh and me with books. Oliver already seems to cherish some of his books. Life probably will not be easy for him, but reading strengthens and soothes.
• I'd like to teach him to cook and sew. Unfortunately, I do neither. Maybe his grandmothers will teach him.
• I want to teach him ways to manage his disorder. My experience won't be the same as his, but I'm determined to help in small, practical ways. I occasionally have instincts about what will help him in a bad moment. I need to learn more about ASD.
• I'd love to teach him to love musical theatre. Those memories turn on a light inside.

Life Enchantments (Not "Hacks!").

• Buy a baby bottle brush to wash cups and glasses easily.
• Keep your favorite necklaces on display (key hooks or even push pins will work). Put the rest of your necklaces in individual Zip Locks (no tangling!) in a pretty box.
• Use a bead organizer from a craft store to organize earrings. Buy a smaller version of the box for travel.
• Use what Josh calls a house purse (any tote bag will do) to contain your current reading and projects, so you can move them room to room easily.
• Arrange books by color for a beautiful display.
• If you have a lot of tank tops like I do (I have a rainbow of colors; I often wear tank tops under my shirts to show a little less skin), roll them up and place them upright in a decorative box. You won't have to dig for the color you need!