Decadence.

It may have a negative connotation, but what a delicious word! It makes me think of chocolate and velvet. I guess taste and touch are major channels. Here are some examples of my kind of decadence, rich and sometimes frivolous happiness, maybe the sort in which I should indulge more often.

• getting comfortable alone with a book for hours.
• reading a magazine cover-to-cover in one sitting (I did this on my 30th birthday).
• clean, slightly worn sheets.
• mermaid stamps, stickers, and so on. That kind of magic should be easier to find!
• laughing my head off with one of the people I most love to talk to.
• multiple acknowledgements of a blog post I thought would interest no one.
• Gold pens.
• Dove chocolates with peanut butter.
• Magnum mini ice cream bars.
• Dr. Pepper right when I need it and so cold.
• Bingeing on a show as I did with Bates Motel.
• Fleece pants.
• Writing fast and pushing the pen hard.
• Noticing a word I just learned out in the world.
• Buying multiples of something I adore.
• Holding hands.

On Trend.

I love trends because they help me get what I want. When I started public high school at 16, I wanted to fit in. I don't know if I wanted to get attention or just to slip into the background by looking like others. Ombre was in style then too, and I remember my pink-to-hot-pink pants. I loved the sparkle jeans. My favorite pair had little pink and white stars sprinkled over the glitter and fringe.

Since then, I haven't paid much attention to trends unless they are something I already like. I pay most attention to colors. My mom and I love deep greens, so we were excited when it became "color of the year" or something. We couldn't find green anywhere, and suddenly, it was everywhere! Like magic.

But I also ignore a lot of trends. Matte makeup is big deal right now. I love everything that shimmers or sparkles, so I pay little attention to newer makeup. I will say, though, that Urban Decay still has the right idea with the Moondust products. When something I love is on trend (and preferrably, on sale), I take advantage of the opportunity if I can.

"Bloom Where You're Planted."

I've been seeing this on Mary Engelbreit's art work since I was a child. I never thought about it much. But looking back, I think of the move my family and I made from TN to NC. I was 12, and as far as I can remember or interpret, I did not bloom. I was mad for my best (and only) NC friend. I stepped into warm, black pools of self-loathing thoughts, and I'm surprised I ever came out of them.

Hannah and Melissa arrived in my life and were certainly lights I needed.

For the first time, after 5 or 6 years of moving almost every year, Josh and I have finally lived in one city for nearly 5 years. I finally feel as if someone planted me here. It's not a perfect place, but I think that I can bloom here and that I already have done so at least a little.

I took a big risk on friendship, and we won. I've discovered the reasons for a lot of my out-of-control sorrow. I can't get those years back, but I can use what I've learned. I'm still learning when to water and what to prune.

I can find so much here. I can become what I hope to be here.

Unexpected Joys.

• A server at Cracker Barrel gave me a frosted mug with my school-sized milk cartons.
• When I made my first order to Papaya Art my box included 3 or 4 free, glittery greeting cards.
• My mom is going to try to make a blanket out of my special, pretty, old T-shirts. I'd love cuddling up with those memories.
• Closing the shower curtain--instant bathroom makeover.
• Watching Riverdance again.
• All of Urban Decay's Moondust products. I test them on my wrist at Ulta.
• Watching most of my favorite movies again with Bruce. I had a good excuse to watch them!
• Bruce brought us 2 cases of water bottles during Hurricane Matthew.
• Cold water near the end of a shower. 
• Cleaning out the fridge...kind of satisfying.
• Regular, repeating appointments for me and Oliver makes life so much easier.
• I like iced mocha, and I can get it in a bottle or carton at the grocery store.
• Staying on track with my GoodReads annual reading goal (50 for the year!).
• Books that demand my attention.

"Light Tomorrow with Today."

This quotation by Elizabeth Barrett Browning is so encouraging but also offers a major challenge. When I encounter it, I always want to be still and ponder it.

Here's one trouble I see: how can I light the lamps and candles while saving nothing? I've been trying not to save objects or experiences for later. But often, when I have a great experience or use a new gift, I fill with light that can spill into the next day.

I also try to think of yesterday's me, today's me, and tomorrow's me as a group of friends who need to be good to each other and help each other. So I wonder,

• What can I do to heal yesterday?
• How can I use what yesterday taught me?
• What new habits can I work on today and pass to tomorrow?
• What messes has yesterday left for me? How can I improve the situation?
• What can I do to give tomorrow some brilliance like hope?
• How can I avoid leaving a mess for tomorrow.
• How can yesterday, today, and tomorrow all respect each other?
• If I build a beautiful day today, what is likely to happen tomorrow?

"Live the Story You Want to Tell."

I saw this on a journal at Barnes. I kept thinking about it.

I love telling stories. Often, this is oral, autobiographical storytelling. I love seeing an appreciative audience. A couple of people have told me that I'm good at that storytelling, so that probably makes me run wild.

I also like to tell stories in writing. I've written endless emails to close friends, detailing events in my life. But I can also make up stories, and they can be whatever I want them to be.

I have new stories to tell my best friend almost every day. They're simple: Oliver jumping off furniture, funny exchanges between Josh and me, songs and words my family made up.

Some stories are good because they're full of opportunities for catharsis. Or they're good for an embarrassed laugh. But I keep coming back to the journal that said, "Live the story you want to tell." It seemed to be speaking to me directly.

I want to tell a story about a girl who loved theatre and shared this delicate passion with someone else.

I want to tell a story about a girl who watched all the Disney Princess movies she'd missed.

I want to tell a story about a girl who took the train to D.C. and took in the art there.

I want to tell a story about a girl who wrote every day.

I want to tell a story about a girl who never stopped reading.

I want to tell a story about a woman who told the truth about who she was.

I want to tell a story about a woman who fought back.

I want to tell a story about a woman who let others fight for her too.

I want to tell a story about a woman who stopped being scared.


And yes, I eventually bought the journal.

About Pink.

Generally, my favorite colors are purple and green. Sitting in my living room, the only pink I see is a Disney Princess tote bag and a page flag with space for tiny notes. But I try to keep some pink accessible.

Audrey Hepburn believed in pink, so it real must have some magic, right there with kissing.

I love pink pens, especially ballpoint. They glide so easily. I love pink eyeshadow as long as it is metallic or sparkly. I sometimes have to switch to another palette once or twice to get it right.

If anything needs a boost, I may try to remedy the problem with pink. Sometimes, I say, "I need some pink in my life right now." A hot pink shirt, preferably with Disney Princess design, can be helpful. The lighter pink shirts can make me look like Ive used all kinds of beauty products even if I've used none. It seems to give me an endearing flush. She when I shop, I pay attention to pink.

Green makes me feel empowered and capable. Purple makes me feel apart from the world but highly creative. And...I guess pink makes me feel beautiful.