Restoration: Week 23.

This past weekend, the boys and I went to Charlotte because my brother was getting baptized. I cried during the baptism, and my dad came over and held me. That was a restorative moment. And I'm happy James experienced restoration too.

I had some good talking time with Mom, which always restores me. Shane brought home a cheesecake to celebrate my upcoming birthday. We had burgers on Saturday night, and Mom had even sliced up some avocado! And Mom gave me some sweet birthday presents: a beautiful Bella Pilar journal, a lovely large mermaid pouch, antique key stickers, sparkly pencils, and a huge set of mermaid tail makeup brushes! Gifts always restore me and the relationship. I feel loved every time I use a gift.

I was happy that we were all there together for James. That felt like restoration too--a kind of family I can accept and appreciate.

Other Reading Seasons.

Currently, I have my literary seasons lined up like this:

Spring: Young adult literature
Summer: Short stories
Fall: Diaries and memoirs
Winter: Children's literature

I'll probably stay with this plan, but I have other ideas for future seasons or months:

• Pulitzer Prize winners
• horror
• general fantasy--fairies, mermaids
• fairy tales (of any culture)
• books on writing
• books about artists
• books about musical theatre
• books about bipolar disorder
• books about autism
• science fiction
• movie tie-ins
• Newberry Award winners
• biographies
• humor
• Christian lifestyle
• food books

I can plan each year as I wish. I'm still trying to work in as many of these as I can. I don't want to lose sight of any of these genres. 

The Story of Brr Brr.

Some of you have seen photos over the years of Oliver clutching a Beanie Baby English bull dog. This is how that began.

One day, when Oliver was about a year old, he and Josh were walking out of our apartment building. They met neighbors who had an English bull dog puppy. Oliver, not yet afraid of animals, loved the puppy.

Later, Josh told me about this. Remembering a tub of Beanie Babies (too cute to throw away) I had, I said, "I think I may have that kind of dog. And I did ("Wrinkles"). I dug through the tub and found the puppy. I gave it to Oliver, and it was love at first sight. We're pretty sure he recognized the dog. He held his new puppy and even lay down with it, holding it up for a better look. This was his first interesting in an object attachment.

I started playing with Oliver and his puppy, making Blue's Clues sounds. Eventually, Oliver started imitating me when he wanted his puppy. The "brr brr" sound became the puppy's name.

Oliver was in love. When he went to sleep on his stomach, he would grab Brr Brr and pull him under his chest. Brr Brr was with us for car trips, doctor visits, and sick days. When Oliver lost Brr Brr in the night (often lying on him), we would hear, "Brr Brr?" on the monitor.

Though the intensity of the relationship has calmed down, Oliver still seems to love Brr Brr. And when he sees a photo of an English bull dog, he identifies it as Brr Brr.

Uses for Pouches.

I love little bags--makeup, pencil, and so on. But I have a lot of them. I subscribed to ipsy, a program that mails 5 good-sized, personalized beauty samples each month plus a mini makeup bag, all for $10 a month. Some I love, and some I don't like. I want to find uses for all of them. Here are some ideas:

• Storage for certain makeup items. I keep my major-glitter items (loose glitter, glitter roll-ons, and such) in an animated Cinderella pouch that I bought as a teenager. I don't have to dig in my main bag for my crazy glitter.
• Storage for sticky notes. A pink and black ipsy bag holds my sticky flags (especially character flags) and other sizes of sticky notes. They don't get lost and warped in the bottom of a big bag.
• Storage for current pens. Depending on the design of my current journal, I use certain colors of pens. I gather up all my pens in those colors. Right now, a silver, glittered pouch with mint blue lining (that was a win, ipsy!) holds pink and green pens.
• Storage for basic pens. I have a pink suede and black lace (ipsy!) pouch dedicated to black- or blue-ink basic pens. I use black pens for lists and prompt responses in my journal, so I can find what I need easily.
• Sensory distraction kits. One little purse my Mom crocheted for me and a purple-silver pouch she gave me hold items that can help me in a crisis: beauty, sparks for the senses, and reminders. I'll write more about these soon. I love the beautiful packaging even for a gift to myself.
• Storage catchall for pens. Most of my pen pouches hold a weird variety of writing utensils, such as markers, gel pens, gel highlighters, and so on. If I grab a pouch, like the beautiful purple fairy pouch Mom made for me, I know I'm likely to find something I can use. 
• Travel makeup bags. As a teenager I found silver bag with black musical notes and hot pink trim, and it now has its own foundation, powder, mascara, and lash curler. I keep it stocked, so I don't forget anything. I usually put the bag and an eyeshadow pallet into the antique blue traincase Mom gave me. 
• Samples. Sometimes, I use pouches to sort my sample beauty items. I put pretty Papaya Art labels on the pouches, and they go in a decorative box.
• I've not tried this yet, but I'd like to have a pouch for lip glosses. I might use them more if I could find them easily.
• I haven't tried this either, but pouches could be a cute alternative to gift wrap. I love functional gift wrapping!

What ideas do you have?

Restoration: Week 22.

Something amazing came into our lives this past week. It has restored some of our self-respect because we don't have to rely on others nearly as much. And I, most likely, will not have to get a job and risk a relapse. The disappearance of that dreadful prospect restores some of my peace and hope. I knew that having a job at this point would be a disaster.

Josh's summer classes began this past week, and he doesn't work on Friday, so we had the whole day together. Even little bits of time alone together restore our connection.

I finished a YA book and read many poems. I've written many pink, green, and black words.

Bruce and I finished watching Picnic at Hanging Rock, which was bizarre but good. Our shows and books bind us.

I showed someone what I meant to be a great kindness, and it worked. I'm trying to restore my kindness and my compassion for others. I'm trying to grow.

A Bold Reader: Week 22.

I finished one book this week, Mistress of All Evil, part of the Disney Villains series. I've read all four books. Apparently, a fifth book comes out in August. I liked the books well enough.

I've reached five YA books for the spring, But I want to try to finish at least one more in the next couple of weeks.

Summer will arrive soon, and I'll be wading happily through short stories. Short stories request a different kind of reading...maybe like something between a novel and a poem. I put the reading seasons in place mainly to make sure I could focus on that different kind of reading and practice it.

Bruce and I are still reading The Unreal and the Real. We're not even half way through yet! Our reviews have been mixed. I may not devote more of my reading life to Ursula K. Le Guin after I finish this book.

I've been reading the same poets, poem by poem, in the bathtub. I like the ritual. They are all female poets whose work  I've read before. Growing a relationship with those poems seems bold. It's a language I've started to learn, first to read and then, I hope, to speak.

Feeling Alive.

I have many faults. I recently realized that one of my worst faults is greed. I always want something. I'm hard to satisfy. Shopping, even just online window shopping, makes me feel alive. So I'm thinking about other ways I can feel alive.

• Reading. This is one of the biggest. Reading is consuming. I have access to endless books among libraries and my own shelves. When I really get into reading, it's like lying on a steady float in a pool. Reading can take me to new places and redirect my thoughts.
• Kissing my husband.
• Flowers. I've been more sensitive to flowers lately. Hydrangea, one of my favorites, is starting to bloom. I should go the botanical gardens again or walk about the rose garden at Josh's college. 
• Style. On part of working I miss is deciding on my outfit for the next day. I really enjoyed putting together clothes shoes, and jewelry that would help me feel good about myself. But I can still do that.
• Bubble baths. Hot water with foam and poetry. The combination always settles me but also makes me feel alert.
• Talking to Mom. We talk a few times a week, and we always laugh. I always feel refreshed after we talk. 
• Favorite movies. Sometimes, I should just let a favorite movie play in the background of my day. Movies are an important part of who I am. 
• Favorite music. I listen in the car and while I'm getting ready. I could try playing it more at home.
• Makeup. Like style, makeup is such a great way to express myself. I can also apply makeup that guides the mood of the day. I love playing with colors and sparkles..
• Illustrated books. Story books and art books captivate me, but I rarely take the time to sit down with one. .It can sooth and inspire me. 
• Collections. I love collecting special objects. Books, pens, makeup, journals, stickers. Just looking through them makes me happy, and I feel a little less greedy when I see the wonderful objects I already have. I appreciate my past selves and others who stocked me up on loveliness before money got low.
• Mail. I love getting mail. Ordering something online is a thrill--something's coming in the  mail! But that's not to only way to get good mail. I need to write more letters!
• Dancing, especially if it's with Oliver. I try to dance with him every morning.

How do you keep your flaws in check?