Restoration: Week 27.

Reading almost always restores me. I've been reading about bipolar disorder in an MD's memoir (Mark Vonnegut). This restores me by reminding me that my illness is real and that I'm not alone. Acknowledging my illness restores me because I remember that life isn't supposed to be this hard every day and that I'm doing pretty well under the circumstances.

It's silly how much a funny video can improve my mind. I want to laugh as much as possible.

I'm working toward reading a short story each day for the summer. Stories can be intriguing and restorative--little treasures filling a collection, a treasure chest.

Josh's parents came to visit, and Oliver was so excited. Seeing him happy and affectionate heals my heart. If nothing else, we've helped him become a loving little guy.

I went swimming with the boys! Oliver is a wild swimmer and loves to jump in the pool. Swimming was not as easy as it used to be, but I enjoyed it. I want to do a lot of swimming this summer. The water seems to restore my body and mood.

A Bold Reader: Week 27.

My reading was a little better this past week. I read Neil Gaiman's The Sleeper and the Spindle, which was short, but I'm counting it! Some of the illustrations were gorgeous. Reading a fairy tale retelling felt good, nourishing, even with the shadows.

I've been enjoying Just Like Someone without Mental Illness Only More So by Mark Vonnegut (yes, his son); I'm a little more than halfway through it on my phone. It's engaging: living with bipolar disorder from a psychiatrist's point of view.

I'm behind on stories. My informal goal was to read a short story for each day of the summer. But I just got a book of flash fiction on my phone: Small Fictions 2017. I began Kelly Link's Stranger Things Happen, but I'm not plugged in yet. I'll get there.

My phone is full of $2 E-books. Goodreads tells me when something from my to-read shelf is on sale. That's an awesome feature.

Bruce got back from a trip New York City, so we'll resume reading The Unreal and the Real--more stories.

I'm still trying to build up my reading confidence and stamina. I can do it.

Who Am I Now?

Who am I going to be? I still feel a chunk of myself gone since I'm not teaching. That had become a big part of my identity. I miss the sometimes-subtle theatrical aspects of teaching. I try to fill that and use that energy for storytelling with my friends and family.

I push the writing and reading hard to preserve and cultivate those major parts of me. Who would I be with books? I can't imagine surviving. New purpose comes through all the meetings an paperwork I do to get Oliver what he needs. So I'm an advocate for him. I also have to advocate for myself.

The blog also helps me feel I have a purpose. If anyone enjoys or learns from a post, I've done something worthwhile for others. The blog is also fun--it's almost a playground.

I'm a mother and a wife, and usually, these all bit together and complement each other. Even pain gives me something to write. Every experience gives me some thing to write, whether it stays in my journal or I try to publish it.

The Island 10.

I'm imagining having to go alone to a deserted island. The sponsors are covering all the basics: food, water, some form of shelter, and my medication. The island is safe. I'm allowed 10 extra items.

1. Flashlight and batteries. This might be for exploring or for night-time reading.
2. Books. I'd take what I could get, but the sponsors could send a few of mine during each supply drop.
3. Pens. Any kind would be fine; colorful would be more fun.
4. Notebooks. These wouldn't have to be pretty journals; I'd just need a lot of them--probably college-ruled and spiral-bound.
5. A queen-sized Shabby Chich blanket--a great comfort.
6. A photo album of family and close friends.
7. Some form of music player.
8. Subscription to Bella Grace. I'd reread issues.
9. My long pink robe--cozy.
10. Dr. Pepper, of course.

Restoration: Week 26.

As Bruce would ask, how have I been honoring restoration this past week?

I bought two swing dresses (fitted at the top, relaxed through the body, and flared at the hem) from Old Navy for summer. They help me feel pretty and more at peace with my body.

Bruce and I watched three movies this past week! Movies almost always restore me. The first we watched was Lady Jane, one of my favorites. We also watched To Walk Invisible, a movie about the Brontës sisters. I hadn't seen it, but I was interested in learning more about the Brontës. They movie also reminded me that I have lot more Brontë work to read. And we watched A Quiet Passion, which I hadn't seen. It's about Emily Dickinson. All the movies were rather bleak but worth seeing.

Olive and I still have our morning dance party, usually to Pentatonix cover of "Cheerleader." Oliver also dances outside the door when I take a shower with music playing. Seeing him dance makes me lighter.

Journaling and blogging have made me feel more like myself--both the person I am and the person I want to be.

I finished one of my first literary suspense/horror novels, and I read dozens of poems. Reading is life support.

A Bold Reader: Week 26.

I haven't been able to call myself a bold reader for a few weeks, but I'm trying to get back there.

I did finish reading The Haunting of Hill House, which was creepy and well--written. I only knew Shirley Jackson from "The Lottery." When one work is so famous, I want to explore other pieces. I've also become fond of literary suspense.

I kept up with my poetry baths this past week. I'm reading a book by one of my former MFA professors Cathy Smith Bowers. I like reading the work of people I know. I ought to buy the books of some of my former classmates. Of course, it reminds me that I've not been a very bold writer.

I have a hard time reading if Oliver is with me. But I want him to see me reading. I hope he will be a bolder reader than I.

I need to get a move on with my short story summer. I've begun Stranger Things Happen by Kelly Link, whom I already like. But I feel stuck. How can I revive my reading? I'd still like to read a story each day of summer. I want to swim in stories!

So I'' recommit to being a bold reader who reads every day, reads a variety of genres, and approaches books with passionate courage.

The Magic of Shadow Palettes.

Few things are as exciting and enchanting as a new eyeshadow palette. Single shadows are fun, and I like leaving Sephora or Ulta with just one pop of color. But palettes are beautiful and full of possibility. Prestige cosmetics tend to have gorgeous packaging and presentation and I don't mind paying for that. I take the palette as it comes though I may not use every shade.

My current favorite palettes are probably Urban Decay's Moondust and Too Faced Glitter Bomb. The former's case is gunmetal glitter, and every shade from pale peach to cobalt is lovely. The latter has shaky glitter on its black case, and the glitter does not disappoint. But I've had so many gorgeous palettes.

When I first fell for expensive makeup, I fell again for Hard Candy (which now only exists as a Walmart line). My chest still flutters when I think of all those small silver eyeshadow quartets. I bought two on my 16th birthday: Pixie (sparkling white and pink with a red glitter black) and Disco 2000 (glitter purple, cream, and brown with a multicolor glitter liner shade). Tiny (a few inches) glittery sponge applicators and angled liner brushes were in each set.

These brought me a joy that got me though my summer youth group trips and my first days at a public high school. Everyone might be more popular than I, more beautiful, more ambitious, more intelligent...but I was a writer and I wore fantastic makeup. Getting pretty got me out of bed. I remember at a camp, one girl from my youth group reverently asking if she could look in my makeup bag, so we sat together on my bunk, and I showed her my treasures.

I've also loved Too Faced small palettes with plenty of sparkle, especially the country-music-themed one. And I have Cinderella, Little Mermaid, and Aladdin palettes from a Sephora and Disney project. Those are dreamy! And again, the packaging is so satisfying--princess silhouettes, sparkle, velvet. And I love all the names for each shade.

Mom and I have talked about the appeal of palettes. We agreed that it's related to our girlhood (and current!) obsession with dolls that have trunks full of clothes and accessories--color, shine, and endless combinations. I love sharing the fun of palettes with my mom. I probably gave her one or two palettes a year as gifts. Buying makeup for others is so fun.

I also like the Z palettes or empty magnetic palettes that let me create my own combination of shadows. I have a Tarte palette with green and black sequins. It's huge, and I've barely filled 1/3 of it with greens, blues, and pinks.

Palettes are makeup fun every day!