Habits to Build.

1. Send out a writing submission each day.
2. Journal at least 5 pages a day.
3. Read a fairy tale every day.
4. Write down quotations each day until caught up.
5. Read poems daily.
6. Put away clothes daily.
7. Listen to music 3 times a week.
8. Write a new piece each week.
9. Finish 1 book or 2 books each week.
10. Cook something each week.
11.  Blog weekly.
12. Work on a novel or novella weekly.
13. Write a letter or card weekly.
14. Keep track of submissions on paper and in duotrope.
15. Push and keep all active writing out in circulation.

The Point.

 I'm wondering today, what's the point of living? I don't feel it today. Not the reading or the writing or the people. So it has to be the smallest things--eating sunflower seeds and drinking too much Dr. Pepper. Painting my nails with lavender glitter. Reading one poem aloud. Huddling under a heated blanket. Letting somebody read what I've written. Finding matching socks in the laundry basket. Drinking icy water from a pink bottle. Looking at a shelf full of books. Using a gel highlighter. Lighting a candle. 

40 before 40: Progress Notes.

 Almost 5 years ago, I wrote my 40 before 40 list. I have about 4 1/2 years to go. Let's see how I'm doing.

1. Read 100 Years of Solitude. Not yet, and I haven't seen it since we moved.
2. Read The Golden Notebook. Oh, I haven't seen this one either. I hope my bookmark is still in it. It was so convoluted and boring for me. But maybe I can finish it a little at a time over the next 4 1/2 years. 
3. Read the New Testament (if not the whole Bible). I haven't found my Daily Bible since the move. I think I'm stuck somewhere in July. But I plan to pick it back up.
4. Read Dracula. Not yet.
5. Read Frankenstein. Not yet.
6. Finish the Harry Potter series. Done.
7. Write 100 short stories. Well, if I write one per week, I can do it in 2 years. I have no ideas; I'll just have to follow crumbs and see where my subconscious goes. I guess I've written a few in my 30s. Most of them were in my 20s.
8. Write a novel. I wrote a novella--count it!
9. Make a new poetry collection. This is one I plan to work on soon. It will probably be based on my MFA thesis.
10. Attempt to publish at least two books. I plan to send out above collection and try to find an agent for my novella.
11. Try a magnetic nose stud. I tried the real thing! It was kind of a pain, and I couldn't get it back in after I got home from the hospital, but it was fun.
12. Fill more journals than I buy. Hard to imagine, but maybe.
13. Reduce credit card debt by half or more. I already paid it all off and ran a lot back up, so I don't know if this one counts. 
14. Reach and maintain a healthy weight. Well, at least I'm cutting back on soda.
15. See a show on Broadway or at the West End. This seems feasible when Broadway is a thing again. 
16. Visit the UK. Less likely. I may have to add that to my 50 before 50 list. 
17. Keep up with my library's new releases. I love the idea of that. We're closest to headquarters now. I need to ask Josh to check on our cards. Maybe we could go to the library together while Oliver is at ABA. I love the idea of checking out a random stack of books and actually reading them. 
18. Read all of Ann Patchett's books. Oh boy. I think I've read three. No, four. 
19. Visit Ann Patchett's bookstore. It's in Nashville! I haven't been back to Nashville in...ten years? But maybe.
20. Read all Oz books. I've read the first three to Oliver. We have a ways to go.
21. Read all Wrinkle in Time books. Two down, three to go. 
22. Rent a just-right house. I think we're there.
23. Attend touring shows each year. I'm on track so far. I did see one or two last year. I hope they'll be back this year.
24. Take some kind of class. Maybe I'll save up for a Francesca Lia Block seminar or workshop. I could take a con ed class at FTCC. Maybe Josh and I could take it together, and he could count it as professional development. 
25. Try an unnatural hair color. I've attempted to dye my hair green twice, but I don't think I'm willing to bleach it. I'm calling this done.
26. Read half or more of Neil Gaiman's books. I have a couple. It shouldn't be too hard. I want to read the Locke & Key series. 
27. Stay at the Wilderness Lodge again. Not likely unless someone takes us to Disney. 
28. Win or place in a writing contest. I've only entered a few contests in my 30s. I want to get back to submitting work. Somehow, I've been capable of making a lot happen (submitting, writing a novella, reading, journaling, blogging, blogging for IBPF...), so I can do that again, continue it, add to it. 
29. Read 10 or more Pulitzer Prize-winning books. This shouldn't be hard. I've read Native Guard (and Olive Kitteridge, but that was in my 20s). I have gathered eight or nine on a floating bookshelf in my room, so I just need to read them. 
30. Read 5 or more books of poetry a year (50 total). My heyday was in my 20s, but I read 11 last year, and I've read a total of 60 books of poetry in my 30s! Done and surpassed. Maybe I can get to 100.
31. Try a support group. I think I tried this online in my 20s. This is not my favorite goal.
32. Try Kindle publishing. I may do this if I can't find a home for Break a Wish. 
33. See Sparkle Scribbles to 100,000 views. I'm at 161,282! If I get serious about it, I may be able to double that too. 
34. Read all Austen books. Yikes. Still only 2. I've got to get to work. I think I own all of them.
35. Read all Bronte books. Exactly like Austen.
36. Read all Jeffrey Eugenides books. I think he has 4 or 5. I've read 2 and have another 1 or 2. Bruce and I read Fresh Complaint this year.
37. Make daily use of my lovely secretary desk (from Mom and Shane) and denim chaise (for which I taught an extra summer class). I've got to clean off the chaise (I've made some progress on that) from moving first. It's a tough goal, but when Oliver's at ABA, I can start making more habits. This will get easier when I stop going to bed so early. I can write letters and stuff submissions at my desk in addition to journaling, and I like stickering journals and scrapbooking on my chaise.
38. Take Oliver to shows. This is another hard one. But he'll be 13 when I turn 40, so who knows? I can see taking him to an outdoor event like something by Sweet Tea Shakespeare or a casual concert. 
39. Gain more control over anxiety, fear, and dread. I'm in a decent place with this right now, and I take a Xanax once or twice a day as my doctor prescribed. 
40. Continue to sparkle, even if I'm "too old." I haven't been enjoying makeup and jewelry as much as I should, but I want to change that. I'm definitely not shying away from glitter.

So I'd like to be further along, but I am making progress.

Some Products I Savor.

 1. Mrs. Grossman's stickers. They're so intricate and lovely. I love coming across one in my journal or receiving my monthly sticker subscription. 

2. Gelly Roll pens. I've been using these for over 20 years. They're the pens I use most for journaling. I can never have enough of them. I tend to drain them quickly. I recently found a shop on Ebay that sells them in bulk, which is cheaper than buying them one at a time at a craft store (though Cheap Joes usually has the best prices--I wish we had one in Fayetteville).

3. Pentel Slicci metallic pens. These are so pretty and high-quality, but they're also so small and expensive that I can't use them very often. 

4. Urban Decay eyeshadows. So many shades, so many shimmers and shifts. I reach for these first.

5. Peter Pauper Press journals. I want (and have) almost every one of them. They're of great quality, sturdy with smooth paper and pretty metallic details on the covers. They're my go-to journal brand.

My Word of the Year: 2021.

 Last year, my word was practice. This was a great word for me, one I'll probably use again another year. It reminded me to keep hold of my pursuits, even when the world started falling apart. I journaled, I read 61 books (over my goal of 56 books), and wrote my first book of fiction. I failed in maintaining my mental health but continued to practice. Practice imparts responsibility but is also comforting. When I couldn't see loved ones or move easily through the world, I could continue building a practice of words, reading and writing. Bruce and I practiced by reading 10 books together. I could have done better last year, but trying to cling to my word made the difficult year much more valuable. 

After 9 years in the same apartment complex, we moved at the end of last year. I'm a terribly slow unpacker, but finding homes for objects makes me think about why they matter--why, for instance, this book came with me to the new house or why I needed another box of Gelly Roll pens. I'm also trying to appreciate our beautiful new home each day. I've dealt with long-term depression, which saps gratitude and joy as well as energy. As much as possible, I want to combat that this year. So I considered the word enjoy as my word for 2021. But the sound and tone didn't captivate me.

So I've decided on the word savor as my word for 2021. I want to savor my lovely home, the quiet time when Oliver returns to ABA therapy, the time I carve out with Josh, every writing tool in which I've invested, every book I read toward another goal of 56 (keeping in mind my goal to finish a total of 1,000 books by my not-so-very-far-away 40th birthday--754 and counting!), each item I unpack, and every small joy that might ordinarily slip by me. 

A new year won't solve the world's problems or my personal issues, but it is a fresh opportunity to savor the good. I intend to take that opportunity. 

What You May Not Know about Me 2.

1. I don't dot my lowercase j's.
2. I had baby carrots and potato chips for breakfast the other day.
3. I can barely even draw a square.
4. I was once obsessed with my own handwriting (it had to be perfect).
5. I have major test anxiety.
6. I'm a very nervous driver.
7. I have many socks with stars on them.
8. I hate getting gas.
9. I'm a size 6 on my ring finger and size 7 on my index and middle fingers.
10. My shoe size is 6.
11. I hate squash. Gag hate.
12. I've moved 11 times as an adult.
13. One of my fantasies is creating videos in which I play every role in my favorite musicals.
14. 11 is my favorite number. Also, 16.
15. I'm obsessed with Pottery Barn Teen.
16. I keep scrapbooks of comforting or inspiring images, mostly of special rooms.
17. Over time, my favorite colors have been purple, then pink, then blue, then purple and green.
18. I sometimes put honey on my couscous.
19. I put honey on grits.
20. I could spend a lot of money on Live Love Polish.
21. A recurring image in my dreams is bathrooms with multiple bathtubs or showers.
22. I often dream about a child who is a hybrid of little James (my brother) and Oliver.
23. A lot of my dreams take place in my childhood best friend's house, which later became my house (my parents bought it from hers). I basically grew up in that house until I was 12.
24. I love snacking on seeds. Sunflower, pumpkin, pomegranate. 
25. If I could have any three talents, I would wish for playing the piano, singing, and dancing. In that order.

What You May Not Know about Me.

1. One side of my cupid's bow is higher than the other. I used the think I was applying lipstick incorrectly (consistently), but that's just the shape of my lip.
2. One of my ears is higher than the other, so my glasses always look crooked.
3. As a child, I liked hiding notes for other children, such as in bed and breakfast hiding spots.
4. My favorite vegetables are broccoli, asparagus, and green beans. 
5. I keep obsessive monthly to-do lists and must check off at least half of the (approximately 360) items before the month ends.
6. My teeth were enormously crooked, and I didn't get braces until I was sixteen.
7. I drink over 7.5 liters of water a day.
8. I've never touched an iPhone.
9. I have hundreds of pens.
10. Many of my cute socks are so old that the elastic no longer holds them up.
11. My first favorite song was "Uptown Girl" by Billy Joel (when I was little).
12. My second favorite song was "Right Here Waiting" by Richard Marx.
13. The first three times I saw The Phantom of the Opera were spaced eight years apart: age 8, age 16, and age 24.
14. For two months of my life, I vacuumed every day I was home.
15. I keep eyeliners in an artist's pen folio (I quickly realized that it wouldn't hold a fraction of my pens).
16. I don't care for yellow or orange.
17. I usually choose two colors to use in my journals, and I alternate them each day. For example, in my next journal, I'll start with a green pen and then use a purple pen the next day. Then, I'll go back to green. I used to use more colors, but it was a lot to keep up with. The colors are based on the design of the journal. The alternating colors help me find old entries more easily.
18. Cinderella is my favorite Disney movie, but I have nothing in common with Cinderella.
19. If two of my selves met, they would probably not become friends. But they might enjoy sitting near each other and observing each other in silence.
20. I have a clinging preference for college-ruled paper.
21. Though I've never really been a pencil person, I like the idea of pencils. I almost never use them.
22. After a long life without watermelon, I discovered just this year that I like it.
23. I have a mildly runny nose at all times. It's annoying.
24. I do not use bullet journals or journals with perforated pages under any circumstances.
25. I use journals with recycled paper under only the rarest circumstances. 
26. I strike through my Z's and 7's. 
27. I write my lowercase a's two different ways, and no pattern appears.
28. I keep some of my makeup in a bin labeled Scarves. 
29. I'm typing this while wearing open gloves with Jane Eyre passages printed on them.
30. I have never lit a match.