50 before 50 Preview.

I'm working on my 50 before 50 list! I'll be 40 in fewer than two years. The list isn't complete yet; I may make changes. I've included some 30 before 30 goals I haven't reached. Most of these goals are related to reading.

1. Publish or make a major effort to publish a book or chapbook (30 before 30).
2. Publish at least 30 pieces this decade.
3. Finish writing Break a Wish.
4. Write a total of eight books of poetry, including chapbooks. So far: four.
5. Write a collection of short stories.
6. Read a total of 50 chapter books to Oliver. So far: 18.
7. Read a total of 2,200 books (lifetime). So far: 1,053.
8. Read at least one book by each US Poet Laureate (30 before 30). I think I've read about 15/50.
9. Read at least one book (if available in English) by each Nobel Laureate for Literature since 2000. So far: I've read Kazuo Ishiguro, Louise Gluck, and Toni Morrison, but I plan on reading more by each of them.
10. Read all the Penguin Great Food Collection books
11. Read the whole Anne of Green Gables series (30 before 30). So far: I think I'm on book 6 of 8.
12. Read all the Dodie Smith books I can find (30 before 30). So far: I Capture the Castle, the Town in Bloom, and The New Moon with the Old.
13. Read all reasonably available Noel Streatfeild books. So far: Ballet Shoes.
14. Read all of Shirley Jackson's books and stories.
15. Read all of Anais Nin's published journals. So far: Nearer the Moon (but I'll read it again, probably next year).
16. Read all of May Sarton's published journals.
17. Read all of Louise Gluck's available books. I've read several.
18. Read all of Mary Oliver's available books. I've read several.
19. Read all of Sharon Olds's available books. I'm almost up to date.
20. Read 50 books from the Pitt Poetry Series (lifetime). I think I've only read six so far.
21. Read 10 Newberry Award Winners during this decade (books I've read before 50 don't count).
22. Read 10 Pulitzer Prize winners during this decade (books I've read before 50 don't count).
23. Read all Best American Poetry volumes since 2000. I've read about 7/23.
24. Read all Best American Short Stories volumes since 2020. 
25. Read all Best American Food Writing volumes since 2020.
26. Read all Best American Science Fiction and Fantasy volumes since 2020.
27. Read all Best American Essays volumes since 2020.
28. Read all of Francesca Lia Block's available books. I only have a few to go right now.
29. Read all of Helen Oyeyemi's books. I'm just getting started.
30. Read all of Anna-Marie McLemore's books. So far: When the Moon Was Ours, Wild Beauty, Blanca & Roja, The MIrror Season. I think I have four to go.
31. Read all of Sarah Addison Allen's books. So far: Garden Spells, The Sugar Queen, The Peach Keeper, The Girl Whe Chased the Moon, Lost Lake, First Frost. I'm nearly caught up.
32. Read all of Amy Gerstler's available books. Right now, I'm only missing a few out-of-print books.
33. Read a total of 800 books of poetry. So far: 271.
34. Read a total of 200 books of short stories. So far: 79.
35. Read a total of 500 Cumberland County Library books (if we stay in Cumberland).
36. Read a total of 80 books with Josh. So far: 10.
37. Go to Maine (30 before 30).
38. Take a train somewhere with Josh (30 before 30).
39. Go to art museums in Washington, DC (30 before 30).
40. Go back to New York City.
41. Go to England.
42. See a Westend show.
43. Attend AWP once.
44. Learn/relearn Spanish to fluency.
45. Take another class with FLB.
46. Take a dance class (MasterClass counts). 
47. Take ten classes this decade (MasterClass and retreats count). 
48. Pay off credit cards.
49. Take Oliver to a show (30 before 30).
50. Buy hard copies of all my five-star books.

October Poetry Month: Week Five.

Day 1: Today, I read two books by poets I know: Alan Michael Parker's The Age of Discovery and Joseph Bathanti's Concertina. Both were quite good. I've more or less giving up on writing poems for the month, but I did end up with eighteen new poems, which is pretty impressive. I'm hoping that more will rise as I write down quotations from the poems I've read. I have several composition books full of randomly-arranged quotations from books I've read. It's my way of saving the best bits. 

Day 2: Today, I read two more books of poems: Paper House by my friend and former classmate Jessie Carty and What Is This Thing Called Love by Kim Addonizio. The latter reminded me a little of Love and F*ck Poems but better. I've really gotten through a lot of poetry books I've been meaning to read for a long time!

Day 3: I finally read Amy Gerstler's Index of Women! She is probably my favorite poet. I got bogged down in the first poem a couple of years ago and set the book aside. But I came back to it today and liked it very much! 5 stars. So, now, I have read thirty-one books of poetry in a month! Even with health problems that sometimes kept me from reading at all, I did it! And I think that as I write down quotations, more poems will arise. I want to keep reading poetry often. I think it makes me a better poet, a better writer, and a more complete person. I'm looking forward to April Poetry Month!

October Poetry Month: Week 4

Day 1: I've finally gotten back to the poetry work! Today's book was White Pine by Mary Oliver. I love the quiet meditation of her poems, and as I said a couple of weeks ago, hers is the only nature poetry I tend to like. I've now read nine of her poetry collecitons, and I have more to read. I wrote a poem for her called "The Owl Queen."

Day 2: Today, I read two poetry books: Green by Melissa Fite Johnson and A Plumber's Guide to Light by Jesse Bertron, a chapbook. I wrote a poem called "No One Ever," responding to a poem in Green. I don't know if I can respond to A Plumber's, but it was good, worth reading again. I'm still not feeling well, but I managed a good three hours of reading in the evening. I'm now a little more caught up. I've now read eighteen books of poetry this month, so I'm still about five books behind--gracious.  I've written only sixteen poems, so I'm behind by seven. Strep really laid me out last week. This challenge may have to spill into November, but I'll get it done. The good news is that I'm currently nine books ahead (90 books) on my annual reading goal! I only have 10 books to go, so I hope to surpass my goal by a good bit. Several weeks are left! I continue to read two or more poems from Fairy Poems, the Everyman's Library Pocket Poet book Josh gave me. I hope to finish it before or soon after the end of the month. I'm almost halfway through. So, 

Day 3: I read Anson County: Poems by Bathanti today. I decided not to spread poets out; I have another by Bathanti and two more by AMP. I'll try to read them all before the end of the month. I wrote an as-yet-untitled poem after Bathanti. I'll let it sit tonight and try to untangle it and name it in the morning. At the moment, I'm four poetry books behind and six poems behind. I found a few more chapbooks, which will help me catch up. I have one week left. 

Day 4: Today, I read two books. Triumph of Achilles is Louise Gluck's fourth book of poetry. I thought Id read a ton of her books, but I have so many more to read! I hadn't realized she won the NOBEL PRIZE. I guess even her tenure as US Poet Laureate and her Pulitzer Prize pale compared to that! I definitely need to read the rest of her books.  The second book was Spinning the Vast Fantastic, a chapbook by Britton Shurley. That one got three stars. I didn't write a poem today...I may not reach the poetry-writing goal this month. Vertigo kept me down a bit today. I don't know what's causing it.

Day 5: I read two more books of poetry today: Those Days When Love Doesn't Work by Nancy Tripp King (I had to add it to StoryGraph) and AMP's Days Like Prose. I thought I'd read so much more of AMP's poetry, but I'm catching up now. Both books got four stars. I'm amazed I accomplished that much because my vertigo was severe, especially in the morning.

Day 6: I spent this morning in the hospital with extreme vertigo, so I did not read or write any poems. I have eight books left to read and only four days to do it!

Day 7: Vertigo was bad again this morning, the worst it's been. Dang. So reading was difficult at best. I went on Libby and searched "Poetry audio." I borrowed Feel Your Way Through, a book of poetry by Kelsea Ballerini. I've never listened to her music. I wouldn't call the book literary poetry, but the rhythm and rhymes were soothing. I bought another audio book for under $3: Be With, poems by Forrest Gander. It's a Pulitzer-Prize winner! So that helps me with my 40 before 40 goal to read ten Pulitzers during this decade of my life. And finally, as my vertigo stayed away in the evening, I visually read Louise Gluck's Meadowlands. I'm now at 98 total books for the year, 16 books ahead on my goal! If I can finish my poetry month reading goal, I'll get there! Since I've been so sick, I may be listening to a lot of poetry over the next few days. Only five books to go! I also wrote a new poem called "Watching True Crime Shows in the ER."

October Poetry Month: Week 3...Largely a Bust.

This week, I didn't read or write much. I spent a lot of time at the hospital, trying to figure out what has me sick. On Friday night, I finally found out that I have strep. I've spent a lot of time in bed this week and haven't felt up to much. I keep wanting to read or write, but I hardly feel able. 

On Sunday, I wrote a poem called "When the Moment Comes," which takes the title and first line from Daniel Halpern's "Nature Lover's Lament" and images from his "Daughter & Chair."

On Tuesday, I did read The Dark between Stars by Atticus. It's not what I'd call literary poetry, but the photos are interesting, and I liked a couple of the itty bitty poems.  On Friday, I finished Bringing the Shovel Down by Ross Gay, my first book by him. I have a couple of his nonfiction books, which I'd like to read soon. One is called Inciting Joy. His poetry was not very joyful, so I'll be interested to see the difference in tone. The book did have some redemption, though. 

So I've read 15 books of poetry and written 14 poems. I have a long way to go! This challenge may dribble into November, but I still plan to go for 31 of each. 

October Poetry Month: Week Two.

Day 1: I finally read The Hurting Kind by Ada Limon. I just love her. I've read all but one (maybe?) of her other books of poetry. I started reading her work (and she became a favorite) before she became US Poet Laureate. I discovered her in Raleigh last year at a tiny bookstore, starting with Sharks in the Rivers. The Hurting Kind is my favorite of her books, five stars! Two five-star poetry books so far this month? Awesome. I'd like to reread all of her books at once, maybe in April. I hope she'll publish many new books in quick succession now that she's so famous. Interestingly enough, she also teaches in Queens MFA program! All these connections. I told Josh that I didn't know if I could respond to Love & F*ck Poems, but he told me to take it as a challenge. So I wrote "Introduction," a poem about my first sexual experiences (spoiler: they weren't positive). It's not nearly as graphic as some of Dimitriadis's poems, but I think I captured some of her desperation. The poem also made me recognize a latent belief that had been fogging up the back of my mind and finally spilled into conscious thought. That's something to work on and perhaps something to explore further in poetry...or at least in my journal. I stayed up quite late reading The Hurting Kind. I read several poems aloud to Josh as he fell asleep, and I finished the book in the bathtub. When I couldn't get to sleep, I wrote another poem, this one called "Jar of Scorpions," after Limon's poem of the same name. 

Day 2: This day was a bust. I was intensely exhausted, partly from staying up too late reading and partly from an emotional onslaught. I think the beginnings of a mood episode or a fight with this respiratory infection going around may be contributed as well. I decided I'd have to be more careful about sleep. So, I didn't read a book of poetry or write a poem on this day, but I'm still going to catch up! Since I wrote two poems the day before, I'm not behind on writing, and I've already responded to the last book I read.

Day 3: My book of the day was Light at the Seam by Joseph Bathanti, another of my former professors. It's largely a book rural mountain environment poems. Bathanti captures place and demographics so well in all his writing that I've read. I'm not sure how I'll respond. But I did write a poem called "When You're Exhausted." This poem came from what I did today, tired as I was, and some advice people gave me through a Facebook post about physical and existential exhaustion. In another connection, Jessie gave me the last line of the poem. 

Day 4: I read Molly Peacock's The Analyst, a sort of love letter to her former psychoanalyst. Could I write a poem to my therapist or psychiatrist? Maybe. To catch up, I also read The Death of a Migrant Worker, a chapbook from Rattle. I don't know if I'll be able to respond to all these books, but I'll try. I didn't write a poem today, so I'm behind on that, but at least I'm caught up on reading. 

Day 5: My book of the day was Daniel Halpern's Something Shining. I didn't love it, and I don't know if I have a response to it, but I marked some lines I liked. I didn't write anything today, so I'm more behind. I hope to catch up this weekend as Oliver will be in Charlotte. 

Day 6: I wrote a poem called "October" based on texts Josh and I exchanged this morning. I read half of This Clumsy Living by Bob Hicok but didn't finish it. It was getting late, and I'm afraid of messing myself up again if I don't get enough sleep. I have new ideas for poems, though.

Day 7: I wrote two poems after Bob Hicok: "Ruth's Reply" and "This Is the Complete Shape of the World, an Inventory, a Map," which takes its title from one of Hicok's lines. I like to write a prompt for a poem in my journal (sometimes a title, sometimes first or last lines) at night and respond to them the next day. I finished Bob Hicok's This Clumsy Living. Hicok taught at Queens; I was in his large workshop once. I'm now only behind by one poem and one book of poetry. I've completed thirteen of each!

Writing Conference Prompts: Desired Outcomes.

 Desired Outcomes as a Reader

• Read 100 books this year
• Fill time with reading
• Read 31 books of poetry in October
• Read visually 2+ hours daily
• Read poems every day
• Read a story every day
• Read art
• Listen to books at every opportunity
• Read within my passions and curiosities
• Read outside my tendencies
• Read with Josh
• Read with Bruce
• Read some of Josh's books
• Read anthologies, especially Best American
• Approach books with curiosity

What am I doing well?

• The desire is there.
• I read deeply.
• I reflect on what I read.
• I read to help myself write.

What could I do better?

• Focus
• Put in the time
• Read widely
• Read daily
• Listen to books more

How can I do better?

• Keep headphones charged
• Listen during chores and meals
• Read The Plague
• Read a chapter of Creative Recovery each week
• Read poetry collections all at once in a day or two
• Finish a book most days
• Time my reading
• Use chart
• Update GoodReads and StoryGraph

Writing Conference Prompt: When I Am at My Best.

When I am at my best, I am

Industrious

• hard working
• steady
• focused 
• diligent

Studious

• curious
• searching
• note taking
• absorbing
• applying

Kind

• patient
• gentle
• encouraging
• loving
• empathic and empathetic

Creative

• present
• brave
• determined
• open
• passionate
• prolific
• visionary
• eager
• in wonder

Relaxed

• not tense
• satisfied
• content
• proud
• not anxious
• not guilty
• peaceful
• playful
• funny

Voracious

• exploring
• reading widely
• reading daily
• reading deeply

Integrated

• consistent
• honest
• authentic
• stable
• available
• engaged