Letting Go.

Though I was fairly submissive as a child, I've always been controlling to varying degrees. I pushed friends into making plays. I always had quite a vision.

This bossy attitude probably helped me handle teaching despite my introverted nature. But I noticed that everything was a little smoother when I calmed down.

I didn't like to share projects or ideas. I was usually confident in my abilities, and I rarely let anyone help me. This was especially true with Josh. If it was important, I wanted to do it myself. But one vivid memory I have marks when our relationship changed forever.

Josh had jut gotten laid off from the high school, and we were moving from a huge house to a tiny one. Almost everything was in the new house, so we were both cleaning the old one. He was upstairs, and I was cleaning the extra fridge downstairs. The electricity was already turned off. The heat and the smell of bleach were too much. I was about six months pregnant, and I knew I was doing something wrong, even dangerous to our baby. I told Josh I had to go to our new house, and that I needed him to take care of the cleaning.

I felt guilty and also struggled with relinquishing control over the situation. But Josh beamed. Once I was in my bed, we talked on the phone, and Josh still sounded so happy. He thanked me for letting him take care of something.

Since then, I've handed responsibilities to Josh and simply trusted him. I think it's been a gift for both of us.