Reading: Stillness and Attention.

 I often struggle to read though it is one of my greatest passions. It comforts, informs, develops, and stretches me. I think it's one of the best uses of my time.

I usually have a goal to read 8 books a month. That's up from the 6 books per month goal (which I often didn't meet) that I had when I was working full-time. But last month, I read 15 books. Some of those books were graphic novels or poetry books, which can take less time. I count them as full books anyway because I think they are important and I want to experience a lot of both. But most of the books were novels or short story and essay collections.

So when I didn't read for two days this past week, I wondered, what worked last month?

My not reading is usually a sign of depression or anxiety, situational or clinical. But reading is also just hard for me. I'm a slow reader. I'm easily distracted. I usually have a lot going on with my son who has special needs. So what did I do that made a difference?

Two words came to mind: Stillness and Attention. 

I have to be still to read. I have to stay in one place and not get scattered and not think of the rest of my to-do list. And if I need to get up to tend to my son or pause to pay a bill, I return to that stillness as soon as I can.

I have to pay attention to read. I have to put aside anxiety, random thoughts, and other forms of input. Put my phone down. Focus my curiosity on what I'm reading rather than every thought of "What's this?" and "Does this exist?" I have to quiet my mind.

It's still not easy, but I know what I need to do if I want to read. And I do want to read, daily, widely, and deeply. It's a careful investment.