Stillness & Attention: Week 22.

Day 1: Saturday. The bad news is that Oliver had another accident in our bed, so the washer, the bathtub, and the cornstarch have been at work. The good news is that I've lost another 2 pounds, which brings me to a total of 9 pounds in four weeks. I've worked out and done yoga every day for a week, and I plan to keep up that habit. Josh still does yoga with me three times a week. We've been doing that for a couple of months. His flexibility and balance have improved, and he seems less tense. I've definitely been less physically tense.

I did all my habits yesterday except sending a submission; I just ran out of time. I may try to send two today. It's time consuming. The weather is better today--no more gloom. I'm writing with a TUL metallic green pen, and it sparkles in the sunlight.

I started and finished Sharon Olds's The Dead and the Living. I thought that was book 70, but it's actually #71 for the year! It got me to ten books for the month, which is acceptable. I also read a couple of chapters of Lost in a Book to the boys, and I did my workout and yoga. Oliver didn't ask to go to the park; he spent most of the day and evening in the backyard. I'm glad he's enjoying the outdoor space. My roses are blooming!

Day 2: Sunday. I wrote a poem this morning! It's called "The Bannister." I'm happy with it. I'm happy that when I got a form rejection this morning, my response was to write a poem! Josh says it's fantastic. I sent it to him, and he paused his run to read it. Writing a poem always feels great even if it's not a very good one. I'd love to do it more often. I ought to have endless ideas. 

I read a little of Winterwood before I slept last night, but I didn't read the Bible or send a submission. Now, I have more poems to send back out. Today, we'll pack up and drive to Rockingham to meet my mom and her husband so Oliver can go to their house for two nights. We haven't done that in a few months, so I hope he'll still enjoy it. Josh and I need to sell his car tomorrow. 

I read Lost in a Book aloud on the way to Rockingham. Oliver was excited to see Mom and Shane and got right in their car. On the way home, I read poems from The Art of Losing to Josh. We stopped at Panera for two salads--Green Goddess Cobb for me and Citrus Asian Crunch for Josh, a special treat. I did yoga, having done my workout earlier in the day. Josh gave me a massage, another special treat.

Day 3: Monday. This morning, I finished reading Sharon Olds's The Father. That's eleven books for the month (pretty good with my slump), 72 for the year, 910 books total. I've read six SO books this month. 

We got ready and went to CarMax. We weren't there as long as I thought we might be, and they gave us more for Josh's car than I expected. So we don't have to worry about that one bill that was looming, and we're in slightly better shape until Josh starts getting summer pay. We even got Chinese food. 

I was totally exhausted for some reason, so we took a nap together. When we woke up, I worked on getting my janner ready for June. Later, I did my workout, and we did yoga together. 

I got another acceptance! That's the fourth this month, which is amazing for me.

Another piece of good news: I found that my wedding set fits again!

Day 4: Tuesday. Last night, I slept for ten hours without sleep meds! We weren't sure when we'd pick up Oliver, so we got ready early and then hung around. We went to Barnes briefly; we hadn't been there together in a long time. I saw a beautiful Peter Pauper Press journal based on the cover of a French edition of the Song of Songs. And I really want to read that Oh Reader magazine. 

We put the license plate in the mail and headed back to Rockingham. I read poems to Josh on the way. Mom was upbeat, and Oliver was content to go home with us. I read a couple of chapters of Lost in a Book. 

Josh finally heard about his summer job...which is starting tomorrow! I was hoping I'd get one more day with him, but I'm glad we got some time alone. I'm going to miss him so much. But I'm hoping to accomplish a lot and make this a bright summer. I'd like to lose a total of 20 pounds by the end of July...11 pounds to go! I'd also like to read 25 books over June and July and really start digging myself out of the Old Testament. 

Day 5: Wednesday. This was Josh's first day. Oliver slept in until 9:30. I was boiling eggs and baking chicken. Bruce sent me a most affirming and encouraging E-mail to help me through the day. I'll go back and read it again tomorrow. 

Oliver played outside and was largely content to play with his sheet protector, bounce around, and lounge on his crash pad. He did ask where Josh was about fifty times before accepting the answer; neither of us like Josh's being away. 

I finished the Mystic Moon journal and started a Studio Oh! Hello Gorgeous journal--bright with colorful makeup! I sent six poems to a journal. I'd taken a few days off from submissions, but I'm back on it now. I plan to send out at least eighty pieces this month. I've been ignoring my stories, and I have a lot of poems waiting. I also want to write several poems this month and really start building that third collection.

I worked on my May Reflection and June Intentions in my June Silk+Sonder janner. As usual, I'm feeling ambitious at the beginning of the month.

Day 6: Thursday. Today I'm writing in Pentel Sparkle Pop green with blue glitter, which is a lovely mermaid tail color.

I did an hour-long timed reading of Winterwood, a YA fantasy I'm really enjoying but not devoting enough time to. 

Josh will be working 7:30-5:30 M-R and 7:30-1:30 F. This is a tough schedule compared to what we're used to. But today, he did come home for his lunch break, and we got to snuggle on the couch a bit. I've been having a lot of anxiety, and I haven't been attending to my habits as I should. I did exercise, and Oliver had a good day. He's been enjoying the backyard. 

Day 7: Friday. Today was my first depressed day in a long time. I found out (just today) about an old medical bill that we can't afford to pay. So I'll have to attempt to make arrangements on Monday. Oliver had a meltdown, which lasted about 45 minutes. I'm thankful that it didn't turn destructive, but it was still overwhelming and exhausting. I had a stomach ache all day, which caused me to cancel my exercise for the day and my outing for Bruce for the evening. Josh was tired and overwhelmed when he got home. I'm just ready to be done with this day. I hope for a brighter day tomorrow.