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This may offer a small amount of help to those of you who have not yet had children. If you've had children, you may recognize some of this, and some of this may be completely contrary to your experience. If you are male, some of this may save you and your baby mama a bit of frustration. If you don't plan on having children, you may get some laughs. In any case, enjoy my attempt at imparting pregnancy wisdom from my vast, thirty-six combined weeks of experience. I'm sure I'll forget a lot of it once Oliver is here (isn't that sweet amnesia part of the reason we have multiple children?).
*Flexibility. Everyone keeps telling me, "Your whole world is about to change." Then they rush on with something like "It's the best thing in the world." Sometimes, they don't, and I back away slowly. But pregnancy itself has been an exercise in flexibility for me. I like my routines. I like my way of doing everything from maintaining the house to getting dressed to spending money to eating. Well! So many things I thought pregnancy would and wouldn't mean were wrong. As one very positive example, I prepared myself for how I would deal with constant vomiting at work. I haven't thrown up at all during this pregnancy (except once when I got too vigorous with my toothbrush...you'll understand that at the end of the post). I didn't expect to have many maternity clothes or change my grocery-buying habits or slow down. I figured all insanity surrounding my life would take a break, so I could make this baby (enter two car breakdowns [one irrecoverable], my husband's shocking lay-off, and a move...hmm). I assumed I'd have an ultrasound at eight weeks, so I would know whether or not this baby was okay (I found out at such an ultrasound last year that our twins were not okay), but I didn't have an ultrasound until eighteen weeks and didn't have any indication at all that I was carrying a live baby until twelve weeks (thank God for Doppler). I've had to be more flexible, and everything is turning out fine.
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*A sense of wonder. I thought stretch marks were white. Apparently, they start out purple and looking like Wolverine slashes. That's...awesome. I try to think about it that way, anyhow. Some women hate that linea negra. I was pretty excited to finally get mine in the middle of my second trimester. Mine's more of a linea cafe au lait. I have a harder time reacting in awe to a swift kick or corkscrewing toes in the cervix, but I'm trying.
*Patience with yourself. You won't be able to do everything you used to do. You will be remarkably tired at times. For much of the semester, I went to bed when I got home from work. For the first fifteen weeks or more, I did nothing around the house. I could only do so much, and work won. Your mind also won't be quite as sharp as it was. I got pregnant right as the semester began, and near the end of January, I could not figure out WHY I couldn't learn my students' names. A few days later, I figured out why. I still didn't know their names the next month. Now, I'm constantly losing things and getting confused. Oh well. My body is busy.
*A small purse. I'm a big purse girl. My purses are more often book bags. I like to have my journal and a book with me, along with essentials and several pounds of that purse junk that just accumulates spontaneously. After my first trimester, I realized this wasn't going to work. I switched to a tiny fairy purse that barely holds my keys, wallet, phone, and lip gloss. And if Josh is with me and driving, I don't even bring that. At work, after being an adjunct, I got so used to carrying my entire office with me in a great, expensive-looking work bag from Target. I had to give that up as well for a little tote with my school's name on it. And I'm still struggling to keep its bulk under control.
*A belly band. Some women use these the whole time. I used mine only until twelve weeks (once I could no longer zip my pants, a band didn't feel secure enough to me), but it was absolutely essential. I normally have a small waist and flat stomach (don't worry, the generosity of my hips and thighs makes up for this), so the slightest pooching caused a clothing problem.
*Work clothes. During my first pregnancy (with twins), I got large quickly. Just before my miscarriage, I had bought a belly band, a pair of jeans, a pair of jean shorts, a pair of black pants, and a black dress. So I had these when I got pregnant with Oliver. And I figured that thanks to the trend of long shirts and with some creative use of accessories, I really wouldn't buy anything else. Ha! At twelve weeks, I was at Destination Maternity (where the very attentive saleswoman asked how far along I was and said, "We have no rules here; you get maternity clothes when your body wants them." I resisted saying, "Um, yeah, I can't zip my pants to go to work. This is an emergency."). You certainly can get creative and make a few pieces go a long way. And you will be able to make some of your pre-pregnancy clothes work, at least for a good while. I love empire waist dresses, so I'm still wearing some of those. But I absolutely needed more pants, some capris, a skirt, and, yes, maternity shirts. The first time I wore a maternity blouse to work, I felt such relief--everything had room! I hadn't even realized how uncomfortable I was. You'll have a lot of discomfort you can't control. Wearing clothes that don't fit or not having enough clothes to feel pretty and professional does not fall into this category. I'll probably have another post eventually about exactly what maternity clothes I bought or received as gifts.
(Image: http://mkmcd.tumblr.com/page/3. Isn't she gorgeous?)
*Fun clothes. I really hate buying fun clothes. I almost never do it. If I can't wear something to work, I figure I don't need it. I'm not really social, and for visits to family or running errands, I can wear whatever is leftover in my closet from high (or even middle) school, right? If I felt this way about regular clothes, you can imagine that I felt doubly so about maternity fun clothes. Well, (almost) every time I've purchased a piece of fun clothing, I've been so grateful to myself. This has been even more true with maternity clothes. Luckily, my mom covered some of this for my birthday (knowing my tendencies as she does). If you have a birthday or Christmas during your pregnancy, I suggest you ask one or two people to supply you with maternity clothes or a gift card to Destination Maternity (or Target, but it's more hit or miss. Old Navy, in my experience, is mostly miss for maternity, but I have gotten lucky a couple of times). Again, your top priorities will be comfort and beauty. Your partner's sweats and T-shirts will fit one of these (and sometimes, that's all you'll want) but not the other. You'll be emotional and insecure enough (is my face getting puffy? Are my arms getting puffy? Will this Satanic backne eruption ever cease? Is my husband going to wake up one morning and say, "You know, I don't really want to do this" or lock eyes with some unpregnant, flat-stomached tarte in booty shorts? Sweet Jesus!), so buy at least a few pretty, comfy pieces that you can wear on the weekend. If you can pop a cardigan over that tank top or dress and wear it to work too, so much the better.
(Image: http://aurajoon.blogspot.com/)
*Unders. I didn't think I'd need maternity underwear or a new bra (in the case of the latter, I was boasting about this convenient "fact" one day and reluctantly shopping two days later). Here's the reality: you'll need them, and you may as well except it (remember flexibility?). I also tried to keep this minimal, buying only six pairs of unders. Well, desperately clawing through drawers and the dryer for a pair of unders that aren't like a tourniquet ten minutes before you have to leave for work is not a nice way to start a day. I went back to Destination Maternity (luckily, I'd found a style I liked), and I haven't had another such morning since. It's worth the money.
*Comfortable pajamas. As I've said, I was also certain I wouldn't buy maternity pajamas. I only have one set so far, but I specially bought nightgowns that would be comfortable. Pajamas are supposed to be comfy. Tummy-choking lounge pants and nighties that are suddenly obscenely short because your belly is taking up all the material do merit this description.
*Flats. Again, accept it. I wear heels at work because I'm young, and I strive to look as professional as possible. Near the end of the second trimester, heels became not only uncomfortable but also potentially dangerous for me. I've had to commit to flats for the duration. I bought a couple of neutral color but still pretty pairs to make this easier, and my mom (shoe queen) lent a pair to the cause. Rhinestones and sequins are particularly helpful, I think.
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*A swimsuit. The weightlessness of being in water is pretty swell when you're carrying extra poundage. Dig around for a swimsuit you really like, and don't worry about what's in style. If you are comfortable wearing a bikini and showing the whole belly, do it. If a tankini is better, get that. I wanted the modesty and security of a one-piece bathing suit, and these are not popular in maternity stores. I was incredibly lucky to find a perfect simple, black one-piece online at Old Navy for a reasonable price.
*Pretty accessories and such that you can keep wearing. Early in my pregnancy, I began buying more necklaces. I was asking mom which of three I should pick at Loft, and then I said, "I don't know. I may need at least two of these." She said, "You have a lot of necklaces." Yes, but I realized that when I became too large to wear most of my favorite clothes, and I had to wear the clothes I did have over and over, I would still be able to wear my necklaces (even if they'd bow out a bit). Little things like this do matter when you're desperate for variety and to feel pretty. Flats are another good investment, as are cardigans which you can still wear open. Have makeup you love too.
(Image: http://favim.com/image/33513/)
*Organization. You'll have to be able to find what you need. Obviously, you'll have fewer maternity accouterments than everything else, and they can easily get lost in your closet or dresser. I've moved my maternity clothes to one side of the closet/wardrobe, and I finally bagged up all the unders I couldn't wear and put them in an under-the-bed box. I also put all my flats in one place where I can reach them without bending down. When I'm back at work full-time, this will make life much easier. It's already helping.
*A helper. Be the person your partner or someone else, you'll need someone to help you. Someone will need to scoop the litter box, rub your lower back, pick up that thing you dropped (that you are now just staring at as if it's gone forever because bending over has seriously become a bad idea), paint your toes, rush out for mouthwash or Tums...whatever.
*A rubber tub mat. Your balance will go, and you will especially need to be careful when you are stumbling into the shower in the mornings. Having a mat has made me much more relaxed in the shower.
*A variety of food. I don't like to spend much money on food. A couple of months into my pregnancy, I realized that I'd have to get over this. One, a pregnant body (and a growing baby) needs a variety of food, especially the sort that may cost a bit more, like quality fruits and vegetables. Also, what sounds good now may be utterly disgusting in five minutes. I usually like to make meals in bulk when I can, so we'll have leftovers in the fridge. I couldn't do this during the first half of my pregnancy because I might absolutely loathe whatever it was by the next day (if not before I finished making it). I had a few weeks in which all food was utterly disgusting, and I had to have lots of options to tempt myself to nibble even a little. At other times, I nibbled constantly (hence the majority of my weight gain being in the first trimester!) to keep nausea from destroying me. You will need many meal and snack options. I used to have one breakfast choice at a time--usually cereal. Now I have cereal, oatmeal, and breakfast sandwiches on hand. This is down from about five choices I had before some symptoms chilled out.
*Good lunches. Again, I don't generally like to spend much on food, especially on something I'm going to eat alone at my desk while answering a thousand E-mails. I had to get over this. One, I usually had no energy early on for such involved tasks as making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Two, why on earth would such a sandwich be appetizing, particularly to my quease-queen stomach? Three, a sandwich would not save anyone or anything (my desk, my office mate, my cat when I got home) if pregnancy ravenous-ness struck. Stouffer's frozen melt and soup combos were a good choice (the chicken bacon panini and baked potato soup was my favorite combo). Some days, I knew that anything warm would be nasty, so I had to concoct an entire, large, cold meal. This might mean a small Ziplock bursting with grapes, another with baby carrots, another with crackers, an individual cottage cheese container...those mini Babybels (previously so luxurious that I never would have bought them) also became a dear friend. Sometimes I brought food home or left it in the fridge at work for the next day, but it was always better to have too much. I started keeping snack-sized bags of Pop Secret granola bars, and whole wheat and cheddar cracker packs in my desk for emergencies (I had many). I also started buying those adorable little bottles of apple juice. Right now, your body needs what it needs when it needs it. Deal with it. Fill up that grocery cart and fork over the cash.
(Image: http://mmiaas.blogg.se/category/kandisar.html. Also gorgeous.)
*Necessary replacements. If you love something you can't have while pregnant, figure out an alternative. I gave up caffeine for the first half of my pregnancy despite my great love of Dr. Pepper. I couldn't have caffeine free DP here, so I made sure I had root beer and Cherry 7-Up for when I really needed a fix.
*Easy access to large amounts of water. I panic if I realize I forget to bring a water bottle with me anywhere. Maybe not all pregnant women experience this, but my thirst has been epic. In my previous house, putting on makeup and walking from my dressing room (yeah, I had a dressing room there. It was pretty cool) downstairs to the back door meant standing at the fridge gulping a good five ounces of water. Figure out a way to always have it, and lots of it, with you. This includes night time. Have multiple bottles or a carafe right next to the bed if not in the bed with you. I wake up in the night feeling like I've been wandering the desert for days rather than, you know, sleeping. In my exhausted stupor, I have to be able to find a water bottle within a couple of grabs. Of course, by the time I've quenched my thirst, I realize that my bladder is about to explode, and by the time I've taken care of that, I'm thirsty again, and getting back to sleep is a challenge. But at least I didn't have to go to the kitchen for water. Or, more realistically, at least Josh didn't have to wake up to go to the kitchen. If I could make him pee for me, I would.
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*Some kind of journal. Blog it, record it, scribble it. You'll want to remember all the joy, weirdness, and paranoia.
*Really good lotion. You'll need this somewhere, likely on your belly. My hands became unnaturally dry in the first trimester. I used intense hand therapy cream. Having something that smells nice is always good. Have a couple of choices though--what smells good now may not in twenty minutes.
*Body pillows, pregnancy pillows...plenty of some kind of pillows. If you have heartburn or, like me, chronic super burping, you won't want to lie flat. One of the most frustrating parts of my pregnancy is that I have to sit up fully to expel chest gas, which means losing sleep. If I'm partly inclined a la hospital bed, it's not so difficult. Through most of the pregnancy, for some reason, I've lain sideways with my head and shoulders on a firm body pillow and my legs across Josh's chest or stomach. This probably isn't very cozy for him, but it's great for me somehow. I also have a small heart-shaped pillow. Its shape makes it perfect to go between my knees or behind my neck. Have pillow options.
*A fan. I get cold very easily, and for the most part, this has remained true during my pregnancy. But sometimes, I simply must get my feet, stomach, or face in the direct line of a cold blast or I will die instantly. Luckily, Josh likes to keep our room icy at night, so I just have to emerge in part from my blanket cocoon.
*Lemon drops or peppermints. These are good to have at work. They can keep nausea back a bit. They may also help with the next problem.
*Strong mouthwash. I'm not talking about whitening wash or that "less intense" alcohol-free stuff. I'm talking about the flesh melting antiseptic stuff. Many women experience saliva changes, which lead to metal mouth or an extraordinary bad taste in the mouth. I started out with the mouth-full-of-dark-pennies taste and have since had the fell-asleep-with-gum-in-my-mouth taste (I've described this to people, and apparently, no one else has fallen asleep with gum. I did this once when I was little, and I have never forgotten the dry, sticky, a-piece-of-rubber-has-absorbed-and-amplified-all-the-nastiness-my-mouth-has-ever-had, gross sugar-coated horror of the experience). I sometimes have to rinse several times a day to maintain my sanity. I travel with those little mouthwash bottles from hotels.
*Exercise ball. This isn't absolutely essential, but it's relaxing and good for stretching. It's apparently also exercise in disguise. After fifteen minutes or so, I feel calm and ready for bed. Bouncing for a bit has also made Oliver shift to a better position when he's trying to make my torso explode.
I've also liked having a foot spa, but I think I've covered the items (and qualities) I've found to be absolutely necessary in pregnancy. It's wonderful, really. Embrace it.
Wow. I feel fully prepared for pregnancy now ;) Thank you for the excellent insight! xo
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